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Posts tagged with “Love”

How to Make Sense of the Anxiety That Comes with Being a Parent

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“You must first teach a child he is loved. Only then is he ready to learn everything else.” ~Amanda Morgan

If I had a nickel for every parent who asked me, “So, if we do (…insert a strategy they have been given…), can we know for sure that he won’t have to deal with (…insert list of problems here …) when he grows up?”

Sadly, there are no nickels for hearing the question, nor guarantees to offer anxious parent. In fact, parental anxiety exists largely because life has no guarantees.

Nevertheless, the question in itself is worth considering.

So let’s …

How I Found the Courage to Leave an Abusive Relationship

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“Do something today that your future self will thank you for.” ~Unknown

My whole life has been filled with toxic and abusive relationships, starting with extreme physical and emotional abuse from my parents, right up to the last relationship that I left in 2013. Abuse—physical, sexual, emotional, and verbal—is all I’ve ever known.

My entire life. I knew it wasn’t normal.

I desperately wanted to be loved, appreciated, and respected. I desperately wanted ‘normal,’ whatever that was. I longed for a fairy tale romance. I longed for happiness and peace. I just wasn’t convinced I would ever have that.

And …

Dear Estranged Adult: You Are Strong and Worthy of Love

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Dear estranged adult,

What I want you to remember is that it was never really about you, although it might have felt like it at the time and it might feel that way now.

When your parents told you over and over you weren’t good enough, that you would never amount to anything, they were just projecting their own feeling about themselves on to you because deep down, they do not feel they are good enough and don’t believe they have amounted to anything.

Maybe these feelings were passed down from their parents, or maybe your parents have regrets about …

Healing from Abuse and Reclaiming My Dreams

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post mentions sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“Along the way I stopped into a coffee shop. All around me normal, everyday city types were going about their normal, everyday affairs…In spite of which—or, rather, all the more because— here I was, sitting in this coffee shop, drinking my coffee, feeling a desperate loneliness. I alone was the outsider. I had no place here… Here I had no ties to anyone. Fact is, I’d come to reclaim myself.” ~Haruki Murakami

“You don’t have any goals.”

“I wondered why someone your age and …

How to Love Yourself and Break Your Relationship Patterns

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“And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth, ‘You owe me.’ Look what happens with a love like that. It lights up the sky.” ~Rumi

I grew up believing love was conditional. My grandmother, as much as I adored her, was extremely controlling, and unless I met her high standards of behavior and gave her a certain level of attention, she treated me with coldness.

Whenever she disapproved of my behavior, she would tell me, “I love you, but I don’t like you.” As if she had a switch she could turn on and …

How Illness Can Be Lonely and What to Do About It

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“I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.” ~ Hafiz of Shiraz

When we think of illness, we don’t usually equate it with loneliness; however, there seems to be a huge connection between the two conditions.

The fact is, when dealing with health challenges, we are most connected to our bodies: we are one with ourselves. Even when we have thoughtful and caring loved ones in our inner circles, these individuals can never truly understand what we’re experiencing on a physical, psychological, and spiritual level.

Illness is …

Why Long-Term Love Feels Boring and Why It’s Actually Not

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“It’s not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.” ~Tony Robbins

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

The sound of my fiancé’s alarm went off at 5:00 in the morning. I had fallen asleep around 2am after scrolling for hours on Instagram and Pinterest.

Frustrated, I rolled into my pillow as he leaned over to give me a kiss on the forehead.

I grimaced.

Why does he always have to kiss me every morning when I’m tired.

Resentment is an odd feeling.

“Here we go again,” I thought to myself, “another boring Monday …

You’re Not Selfish for Wanting…

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My Powerful Personal Code for a Limitless Life

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“There is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself.” ~Miyamoto Musashi

This post is about a code of life. There isn’t a single code, and everyone must choose their own truth. I’ve been searching for my truth in the face of many books and since I haven’t founnd it anywhere I decided to write it myself.

What is the Limitless Life?

When I was young, my father told me, “Son, all limits exist only in your head.”

These words stuck …

What We Need to Do Before Asking “Are You OK?”

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“Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” ~Brené Brown

R U OK Day is a crucial campaign to address mental health problems in our community. Even prior to the pandemic, isolation, loneliness, and disconnection from each other meant that the simple act of asking “Are you OK?” needed to be prompted.

We may go days, weeks without seeing each other in person, instead relying on sporadic whatsapp messages, emojis, or comments on each other’s social media posts. We may spend all our time at our work places, but not make time to see our friends and family.

So, …

How to Release Your Attachment When You Can’t Let Someone Go

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I’m gonna be honest here, I can honestly say that I’ve never had any cords of attachment to a person, place, or thing—that is, until recently. This cord crippled me and broke me down to a point where I questioned who I was and my own personal strength.

I think before I tell my story it’s important to know what exactly a cord of attachment is and how it can hurt you. A lot.

Afterward, I’ll tell you why cutting cords is not very effective and what you need to do instead.

What is a Cord of Attachment?

People come …

Strong and Vulnerable: How I Learned to Let People In

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“Vulnerability is hard. And it’s scary, and it feels dangerous. But it’s not as hard, scary, or dangerous as getting to the end of our lives and having to ask ourselves, ’What if I would have shown up?’” ~Brené Brown

January – 2012

I remember sitting in a small, dark room waiting for the surgeon to arrive.

My son had just had major surgery to treat a complex condition that had cost him his small bowel, and it had taken much longer than expected.

My stomach felt tense as the surgeon sat in the chair opposite us.

He looked at …

3 Ways My Anxiety Has Helped Me Love Better

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“Quiet people have the loudest minds.” ~Dr. Stephen Hawking

I have wonderful family and friends and have always hoped that I would pass along a helpful legacy. Lessons for them to remember, memories to smile about, and love to lean into during hard times. For years, though, it seemed like the biggest thing I was passing down to my exhausted wife, flustered and at times terrified kids, and friends was my struggles with anxiety.

As my anxiety grew and the panic attacks came, I grew apart from those I needed the most. Hard for a son and wife to connect …

Text Me When You Get Home

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Love Yourself Until You’re Restored

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Do You Remember When You Didn’t Worry About Your Weight?

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“We need to start focusing on what matters—on how we feel, and how we feel about ourselves.” ~Michelle Obama

Do you remember the little girl (or boy) in you? The kid who ran, jumped, danced, laughed anywhere and everywhere they felt like it—before someone told them to shush, that they were too big, too loud, too much.

The kid who didn’t even know what a scale was before someone told them their size was wrong.

The kid who just ate—before someone gave them a mile-long list of “bad” foods and made them scared of food and distrusting of themselves.

After …

What You Need to Do If You Feel Insecure in Relationships

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“The key is in learning how to live a healthy, satisfying, and serene life without being dependent on another person for happiness.” ~Robin Norwood

When it comes to relationships, people can call you “crazy” and “needy” all they want. I can only guess some people don’t know how crazy it feels when every cell in your body feels like the only way to breathe is to stop this person you desire from abandoning you right now.

You may not realize it as the emotions hijack your mind and body, but unconsciously, you only have one job in that moment—to …

How to Get Through Hard Times Without Hurting People We Love

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“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” ~Buddha

Just the other day, I had one of those moments with my husband, and not the kind of moment they write about in romance novels.

The world has been so different these last several months, and so many are feeling the effects of months of struggle, uncertainty, frustration, and limitations.

I consider myself to be someone who works to see the positive, finds the silver living in situations, and believes in the best of people, and that things can and will always get better. But lately, that has …

How to Tell If Your Relationship is Codependent (and What to Do About It)

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“Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.” ~ Esther Perel

Healthy relationships require a delicate balance of intimacy and autonomy, giving and receiving, self and other.

As we struggle to walk this delicate tightrope, we might feel less like graceful acrobats and more like pendulums swaying recklessly from side to side. As I reflect on my own romantic journey, I notice a trend: I got very close to past partners, losing myself in them entirely, and then emerged from the codependent haze terrified and self-abandoned.

“Never again!” I …

The Power of Compassion: How to Make Do in an Unfair World

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“A good head and good heart are always a formidable combination. But when you add to that a literate tongue or pen, then you have something very special.” ~Nelson Mandela

Ever thought, “Life is so unfair!”

Is it, really?

Has life given you circumstances that keep you in a deep, dark hole of disadvantages that seem impossible to clamber out of?

Has life decided that you need to live in abject poverty and watch everyone in your life suffer from being denied everything a human needs to be human?

Has life put you in a position where you wouldn’t dare …