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Posts tagged with “self-compassion”

How I Broke My Stress Eating Habit When Nothing Else Worked

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“The pain seems so much more difficult than the cookies. But it’s not. The pain covered in cookies becomes pain covered in fat covered in more pain.” ~Brooke Castillo

Do you ever eat when you’re stressed, sad, tired, alone?

Bag of chips after a hard day?

Ordering the take-out when your partner’s away?

I did.

Seven years ago, my newborn baby cried every evening.

I’d feed her, change her, and blow raspberries on her neck. Still, she screamed—like a smoke alarm you couldn’t stop.

I tried singing to her, burping her, begging her…

I felt useless, desperate.

In my journalism …

Why I Felt Broken and Unworthy of Love and What Changed Everything

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“How people treat other people is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves.” ~Paulo Coelho

He used to tell me no one else would love me because I’m damaged goods.

And I believed him.

Because I received messages for most of my life that there was something wrong with me.

I wasn’t good enough. Too sensitive. Too weak. Too sickly. Too different.

I realize now those messages were passed on to me by concerned parents who saw in me parts of themselves they didn’t fully accept.

And those messages were from parents whose own parents had used criticism …

How I’ve Eased My Anxiety by Being More Present: 4 Practices to Try

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“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.” ~Oprah Winfrey

In 2012, during my community college years, I began to experience mild anxiety.

I assume it was the stress and fear that came with maintaining a good GPA in hope of transferring to a well-known university, alongside deciding what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Or perhaps it was because of the time I knew I’d wasted slacking in high school to fit in with what I was surrounded by and to …

How to Increase Your Sense of Control and Boost Your Resilience

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“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” ~Maya Angelou

When I look back, I am amazed at how differently I dealt with adversity the first few decades of my life.

Growing up in a stressful home primed me to experience life with caution. Whether it was being afraid of physical harm, loneliness, or failure, I’ve lived my life with an exaggerated fight-flight response to everything. Adversity …

Who Are You Protecting? Why Telling Your Story Is Powerful

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“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ~Maya Angelou

Throughout my childhood experiences I did what every child does and rejected parts of myself. It makes sense because kids depend on adults for survival, so I was in no position to reject my parents. But as an adult I feel it is now my job to reclaim those parts of myself.

While I had two parents that loved me and what I’d describe as a normal childhood, nonetheless I became hyper-attuned to others, over-sensitive to criticism, and a perfectionist, particularly under stress. It led to …

How I Get Through Hard Times Using Curiosity, Compassion, and Challenge

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“Sometimes the worst things that happen in our lives put us on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” ~Unknown

Until I was thirty-seven, I thought I’d led a pretty charmed life: I had a supportive family and good friends, I’d done well academically, always got the jobs I’d applied for, and met and married the perfect man for me.

In 2013, when I was thirty-five weeks pregnant with my second child, I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. My baby was induced at thirty-seven weeks, and my chemo started ten days later. In …

I Thought Meditation Would Fix My Anxiety – Here’s Why It Wasn’t Enough

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“Your mind, emotions, and body are instruments and the way you align and tune them determines how well you play life.” ~Harbhajan Singh Yogi

The earliest memory of my anxiety was at ten years old in fifth grade.

I remember it so vividly because in middle school the bus came at 6:22am exactly in the morning.

Each night I would look at my Garfield clock and think, “If I fall asleep now, I’ll get five hours of sleep…. If I fall asleep now, I’ll get four hours of sleep… If I fall asleep now, I’ll get three hours of sleep…”…

How I’ve Dealt with the Shame and Embarrassment of a Failed Career

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“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.” ~Brené Brown

The embarrassment you feel upon realizing you don’t actually have what it takes to make a success of yourself. The shame of knowing you spent years training to do one thing and then you bailed right at the finish line. The fear of what to tell people when they ask you what you’re up to.

Of course, you don’t tell anyone how you feel, as you’re too embarrassed to admit you even have these feelings, so you just bury …

When Life Gets Hard: 4 Lessons That Eased My Suffering

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“In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning.” ~Viktor Frankl

When life goes sideways, it can be hard to take one more breath, let alone find meaning.

Trust me. I know.

In the same year, I had breast cancer, chemo, radiation, and a divorce I didn’t want. There’s more to the story (there always is), but in essence, I lost everything—my health, my love, my home.

During all of this, I lost sight of myself, quit trusting myself. I was sure I was to blame for everything.

At the same time, within twenty-four …

The Vault in Our Hearts: How I’m Learning to Fill It with My Own Love

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“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be looking for someone else to fill the void inside you, but no one will ever be able to do it.” ~Lori Deschene

This year I have fallen in and out of love. Not once, not twice, but three times.

Firstly, I fell deeply into being held, being heard, and being supported. For the first time, in a long time, I understood what it meant to be loved.

Secondly, I flew quickly into a spontaneous soul, who lit up my world and reminded me who I was.

Thirdly, I surrendered earth-shatteringly into …

The Most Important Questions to Ask Yourself If You Want to Be More Authentic

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“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” ~Brené Brown

Have you ever just wanted to relax, let go, and let yourself be?

Why is this so challenging for so many? Why don’t we just live naturally and allow our authenticity to be felt, expressed, and seen?

Well, when many of us were little, being authentic was not okay, so we focused on trying to do things the “right way” according to what others had to say, because our survival was at stake. The more we did …

Why Rest is the Ultimate Protective Gear in a Busy, Chaotic World

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“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.” ~Sydney J. Harris

No matter what airline you fly, there are safety instructions at the start of every flight that the flight crew goes over with everyone on the plane.

The important ones are also listed out on a card or brochure located in the seat back pocket in front of you. Besides letting you know where the exits are, there is always some version of the following statement: “In the event of a change in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will automatically drop from the ceiling. Put your …

How I Stopped Arguing with People in My Head and Cultivated Calm

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“Thoughts fuel emotions. If you don’t like what you’re feeling, step back and examine what you’re thinking. Pain is inevitable, but you’ll suffer a lot less if you disengage from your thoughts.” ~Lori Deschene

The warm droplets from the shower are bouncing off my skin. I could be relishing in the warmth. I could be exhilarated by the cleansing power of this precious water.

Instead, I am entranced by an argument.

I’m animated and tense. Gesticulating wildly and frowning.

In the shower.

There’s no one else there. I’m not shouting or even speaking out loud. This is all happening in …

How I Healed My Body and My Life by Embracing My Sensitivity

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“I used to dislike being sensitive. I thought it made me weak. But take away that single trait, and you take away the very essence of who I am.” ~Caitlin Japa

“You’re making people uncomfortable,” my mother would say. “Stop being so sensitive,” she would then quip.

I have always been sensitive for as long as I can remember. Now I understand there’s a name for it: highly sensitive person (HSP).

The scientific term is sensory processing sensitivity (SPS). As it turns out, 15-20% of the population has this trait.

As a highly sensitive person, my nervous system filters less …

The Grief We Can’t Run from and Why We Should Embrace It

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“I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.” ~J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

Grief creeps up on you when you least expect it. It reminds you of the person you have lost when you’re out for coffee with friends, watching people hug their loved ones goodbye at the airport, and when you’re at home thinking about people you should call to check-in on.

Even when you think that enough time has passed for you to be over it, grief pulls at your heartstrings. You think about all the ways that life …

Why Feeling Anxiety Was the Key to My Happiness

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“Lean into the discomfort of the work.” ~ Brené Brown

Anxiety was the core of my existence for decades.

When I look back at my life over that time, what comes to mind first is the constant tension in my chest, a knotted stomach, and a lump in my throat.

From the outside, my life looked great. I was college-educated, had a good job, was in a relationship; I lived in a nice place, had a decent car, and enough money to buy organic food and a gym membership.

But I was miserable.

Not only was I anxious all the …

How to Trust Yourself After the Trauma of Being Dismissed and Invalidated

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“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.” ~Steve Jobs

I was a sensitive child growing up, and I felt everything deeply. Unfortunately, my childhood home was dominated by chronic tension, fear, and anger—not an ideal environment for anyone, let alone a perceptive and empathic child.

My father was rather authoritative and controlling, and he disciplined us harshly. I was raised to obey without questioning and punished for mistakes or not falling in line.

Love was only assumed but never shared, and so I grew up feeling alone, unsupported, …

How I Stopped Resisting Change and Embraced the Road Ahead of Me

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“Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she became a butterfly.” ~Unknown

Change is constant, from small changes like trying a new hobby to big changes like making a drastic career move. Even though change is all around us, it can feel scary. While change could lead you to something great, there are a lot of unknowns with something new, and that can cause anxiety.

When I was younger, I used to embrace change. For example, each school year was a new and exciting experience.

But somewhere along the way, I started to resist change.

What Does Resisting

…

What Creates Anxiety and How We Can Heal and Ease Our Pain

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“Beneath every behavior there is a feeling. And beneath each feeling is a need. And when we meet that need, rather than focus on the behavior, we begin to deal with the cause, not the symptom.” ~Ashleigh Warner

Do you ever wonder what creates anxiety and why so many people are anxious?

Anxiety doesn’t just come from a thought we’re thinking, it comes from inside our body—from our internal patterning, where unresolved trauma, deep shame, and painful experiences are still “running.”

It often comes from false underlying beliefs that say, “Something’s wrong with me, I’m flawed, I’m bad, …

19 Techniques to Calm a Highly Sensitive Nervous System

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“You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.” ~Timber Hawkeye

The sun is setting, and the cold wind is gently blowing in my face. I’m sitting on a rock that’s about ten feet tall, overlooking the Peruvian city of Cuzco. I can hear dogs barking, groups of teenagers laughing, the low hum of traffic, and the music blaring from cars in the distance. As it goes dark, the lights of thousands of houses begin to flicker on like fireflies.

I should be enjoying this picturesque scene, but I’m not. …