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Posts tagged with “self love”

We Are Enough and We Don’t Need to Be Perfect

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“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” ~Maya Angelou

Every day on TV, the media tells us how we should be and how we should look.

In mainstream society we are taught to identify with our physical body and our possessions.

We are led to believe that if we look a certain way, we will be happier, loved more, and accepted by others. I used to believe this. I bought into it hook, line, and sinker.

I came across a photo of myself taken about twelve years ago, and I looked radiant. The sun lit …

How to Get Started with Meditation

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“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” ~Simone Weil

It’s so easy in our busy, results-driven world to lose track of ourselves in a drive to address the needs of others. What with your work performance demands, evening dinner preparation, the Facebook post from a friend that requires your response before the sender gets upset… Wow, I’m feeling overwhelmed just writing about it!

The world demands our constant attention, and we willingly give it. But what about attention to ourselves?

Underneath every hood is an engine, behind any piece of artwork is the artist, and beneath your ability …

We Have to Love Ourselves Enough to Say No Sometimes

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“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

I’m a people pleaser. I know so many of us are. We want to see everyone around us happy and do our best to make this happen. This can mean anything from being kind, to offering favors, to lending a helping hand, or simply just being there, being supportive.

But, it can also mean not knowing how to say no, apologizing incessantly, spending money when we’d rather not, reaching beyond our emotional means, and stretching ourselves so thin we barely have any energy …

What People Get Wrong About Self-Love and Happiness

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“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” ~Lucille Ball

A few weeks ago I was at a party, and the discussion at one point turned to fitness.

I ventured the opinion that lifting weights was a vital activity for anyone who wants to take care of their health, to which a badly overweight man I didn’t know angrily replied, “Hell no! Lifting weights is just for shallow, insecure bros who can’t feel good about themselves unless they look buff.”

He added, “I don’t work out, …

If You Want to Be Happy, Do This First

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“When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself.” ~Paulo Coelho

Someone once asked me if I was happy.

The question confused me because it didn’t really seem like something I had a choice in.

I had two parents and wonderful siblings who loved me deeply. I was smart, a good friend, and had opportunities many people throughout the world didn’t have. I never worried about being hungry or safe. What else was there?

Unfortunately, growing up semi-privileged doesn’t prevent us from developing fears and insecurities.

Though there was laughter …

When People Judge: Why It’s Not Really About You

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“Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment. And you can see forever.” ~Nancy Lopez

You and I, we judge others. And they judge us. We all do it. Sometimes we judge with positive or non-harming intentions.

Unfortunately, our judgment often comes from a negative place, with darker intent.

Why Do We Judge?

Though we judge for many reasons, we often do it when:

  • We don’t know a person well (yet)
  • We cannot identify with
…

Why Losing Weight Might Not Make You Happy (and What Will)

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“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits—anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.” ~Kim McMillen 

Sometimes people ask us questions that change our lives, questions that require us to dig down deep and think about what’s really important. Questions that push the envelope and show us that maybe the direction we’re going in isn’t the one we want.

My cousin, unknowingly, asked me one of those questions over ten years ago:

“Well, this is what you always wanted. …

4 Tips to Start Loving and Stop Criticizing Yourself

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“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ~Louise L. Hay

I used to give myself quite a hard time. I felt like I wasn’t measuring up or doing enough or achieving as much as my peers.

I decided to make a note of the way I was speaking to myself and treating myself. What I found surprised me.

I noticed that I’d berate myself for days if something didn’t go exactly to plan, convinced that there was something wrong with me and that was why I had messed …

You Have Value (and You Can Be Happy) Regardless of Your Relationship Status

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“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

Relationships give us the opportunity to learn about ourselves though identifying with another. I’ll be the first one to admit that some of my relationships didn’t end on ideal terms. I’ve managed to stay in touch with a few partners over the years, but for the most part, they’ve fallen to the wayside.

Here’s how most of them played out: The initial phase was intoxicating, I was completely enamored with the other person, and likewise, they made me feel like the object of their …

3 Things Kids Do That Can Lead to Self-Love & Happiness

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“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.” ~Jean Shinoda Bolen

As we grow older, a lot of us fall out of love with ourselves, and as a result, have a hard time figuring out what we value and what lights us up.

Self-love is crucial to creating a life that aligns with our desires because it serves as our inner compass, empowering and enabling us to steer our life in a direction that makes us happy. Otherwise, we end up turning …

How to Boost Your Self-Esteem When You’re Insecure

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“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

When it comes to self-esteem, I’ve had a bumpy ride. Throughout my school life I was severely bullied and, consequently, I grew up intensely insecure and self-critical.

I constantly measured my self-worth against the opinions of others, and when opinions weren’t forthcoming, I simply filled in the blanks by imagining the worst.

By my twenties I measured my self-worth in terms of my popularity, how successful I was compared to my friends, my appearance, and my love …

How to Stop Shaming and Start Loving Yourself

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“Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face.” ~Helen Keller

It’s discouraging, isn’t it?

Walking around every day feeling as if you’re never enough?

Comparing yourself to others and continually coming up short?

You feel as if you’re not smart enough, talented enough, organized enough, or disciplined enough. You’ve made mistakes, some small and some big but all of them embarrassing.

Fortunately, you and I are gloriously human and perfectly imperfect. We falter and fly, fall and triumph, cry, laugh, forget, remember, hurt, heal, dream, and love. Our one-of-a-kind uniqueness is amazing, really.…

How to Stop Tying Your Worth to Things Outside Yourself

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“If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you have already forgotten your value.” ~Unknown

There’s nothing like being one of the few black kids in your school to make you feel like the odd person out.

Well, that was my experience, anyway. I appreciate my parents’ desire to provide my brother and me with a safe neighborhood to live in and a good education, but growing up in a predominantly white area really affected me. I very rarely felt like I fit in among my peers.

That didn’t stop me from trying, though. I did …

The Key to Finding Your Ideal Partner in Life

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“The most perfect relationship is the one that supports you in fulfilling your destiny—the one that empowers you to be everything you are meant to be in this world and beyond.” ~Jan H. Stringer

As I was sitting up in my bed, reviewing my “Ideal partner wish list” from six years ago, I was a little appalled. I had no idea how much I had been influenced by Hollywood when it came to identifying what I wanted in an ideal partner. It was watermarked all over my wish list. It was hard to ignore.

There was an undertone of …

Unlearning the Self-Loathing That’s Passed Down by Generations

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“Embrace and love your body. It is the most amazing thing you will ever own.” ~Unknown

The first time I made myself throw up to feel skinny, I was five years old. My grandmother still loves to tell this story—she thinks it’s funny.

The story goes like this: I tell my grandmother my stomach feels sick. She rubs my belly. I tell her it still hurts. She asks me if I want to try the “potion.” I say, “Yes.”

The “potion,” as I realized in an unrelated context in my early twenties, was syrup of Ipecac—a strong vomit inducer. I …

From Loathing to Love: What Makes Us Feel Worthwhile

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“Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” ~Unknown 

My healing journey can be described through what I call the “self formula”:

Self-Doubt > Self-Loathing > Self-Destruction > Self-Awareness > Self-Love

Mine is the oldest story in the book. Adolescent angst. Mental deception. Physical revulsion. I feel fat. No, scratch that. I am fat. This girl in the mirror is ruining my life. Woe is me.

Groundbreaking drama, right? How original of me to “feel fat.” Surely, you’ve never heard that complaint before.

Except it wasn’t just a complaint. I …

Are You Frustrated in Your Search for True, Unconditional Love?

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“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi

Have you ever wondered if there is such a thing as true love, like in the good old movies of Casablanca or The Notebook? Maybe you’ve found your true love. Or perhaps you’re still searching.

When I was a teenager, I was mesmerized by this dream that someday there would be someone who would love me so unconditionally that he would literally die for me. After all, you see that all the time in …

The Most Important Thing to Ask Yourself After a Breakup

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“The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.” ~Ralph Blum

Divorce. Not an activity that I ever had on my to-do list and not something I contemplated when I got engaged in Paris. Who does?

We’ve all heard the statistics that one in three marriages ends in divorce. Yet this is something that happens to someone else and certainly not a possibility to focus on while skipping down the aisle.

People change or they don’t, as the case may be. Unless both parties are exceptional communicators, it can be challenging to stay on the …

Marrying Joy: You’re the One You’ve Been Waiting For

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“Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be.” ~Alan Watts

There had been other voices asking such questions as “How can this be happening?” and “When will this end?” that I understood: My partner was planning his honeymoon before our divorce was final.

After the divorce, a voice asked a question I didn’t understand, “Will you marry me?”

“Marry me” popped into my head at what seemed to me the least likely times: talking zip codes with my new mailman at my new home, passing strangers on the street, visiting old friends, …

Mind Over Melodrama: 5 Lessons on Self-Awareness and Healing

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“Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.” ~Julius Charles Hare

In a few months it will be the two and a half year anniversary of my mental breakdown.

I don’t really celebrate the date, partially because I don’t know it—it’s not the sort of thing that you remember to mark on your calendar—and partially because my entire life since then has been a celebration of what I began to learn that night.

I began to learn about myself.

It’s been a wild ride of healing, helplessness, forgetting, and remembering. Many times, I …