Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

by Lori Deschene

“The journey is the reward.” ~Chinese Proverb

So much of our language about the things we enjoy in life revolves around getting ahead.

We wonder where our relationships are going. We plan to move forward in our careers. We talk about maintaining momentum with new projects.

None of these things are necessarily bad. We naturally crave growth to feel a sense of purpose and progress.

But sometimes we put so much energy into pushing and striving that we miss out on the joy of being where we are.

When we visualize ourselves taking a pause to fully absorb and appreciate our surroundings, it’s often after we’ve arrived. It’s when we’ve climbed the mountain and can finally stand proudly on its peak. It’s when we’ve made the commitment, secured the deal, or finished working on something we love.

From a purely mathematic standpoint, it’s clear we will have far fewer opportunities to enjoy arriving than we will have to enjoy the journey.

The question then becomes: Are we willing to relish in the many uncertain moments when we’re not sure yet where our efforts are leading?

I suspect it boils down to belief and intention.

If we believe we need to create massive change in order to experience joy, we will inevitably feel a sense of restlessness. This moment will feel like something we need to endure to get ahead—something painfully inadequate compared to where we’d rather be.

If we believe that every part of the process can be beautiful and joyful, we will feel a sense of calmness and peace. This moment will feel like something we need to savor while it lasts—something unique and worth celebrating, regardless of where it takes us.

We’re always going to want to spread our wings and fly. We crave freedom, adventure, and possibility, and we don’t want to feel stuck, bored, or limited.

Perhaps happiness is recognizing that we are never stuck. Even if we don’t recognize it, we are always growing and evolving, and the world we know is always changing.

There will never be another opportunity to seize the possibilities of this moment. We can limit ourselves by failing to recognize this, and in doing so, let life pass us by. Or we can realize the greatest adventure is always the one we’re in right now.

Photo by scion_cho

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Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Tiela Garnett

 “Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.”  ~Sri Chinmoy

We live in a world of judgment. We qualify everything in varying degrees of right and wrong, good and bad, pretty and ugly.

We are taught from earliest childhood to judge everything and everyone. We label our days consistently, using adjectives like “beautiful” or “horrible.” Even the weather is not immune!

The presence of judgment is pervasive in our lives, yet subtle enough in some cases to pass unnoticed. 

I have worked for years at ridding my life of all judgment, but it’s far easier said than done! Just when I begin to think I’ve eradicated all traces of the poison, it pops up again, wearing a new disguise.

One of the most valuable lessons of my life was witnessing the presence of judgment when I least expected it…

Many of us on a so-called “spiritual path” find ourselves sorely challenged when we observe the suffering of those around us. This was especially true for me when my mother was dying.

In the last days of my mother’s life, she was in severe, physical pain.  It’s hard for me to put into words the extent of my discomfort as I watched her, and the effect it had on my personal belief system.

For years, I had lived with the belief that “all is well,” that regardless of any appearance of disharmony, there is a destiny, a plan, order in this great universe of ours. As my mother lay dying, I could not reconcile the image of her suffering with that belief system.  Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Kirsten Tulsian

“Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.” ~H. Jackson Browne

When I close my eyes and ponder the dreams that I have, the hopes and wishes that I cradle in my heart, I wonder what has prevented me from reaching for and achieving them. Oh, I come up with a whole slew of excuses, sometimes disguised as “reasons.”

The seeker of my truth fires back with a rebuttal most of the time.

“It is better to attempt and fail than fail to make any attempt at all,” it says in response to my ego’s ramblings about how I won’t ever succeed.

“You make time for what is important to you,” my inner light says in response to my ego’s musings about how busy my life is, working a full-time job, while also parenting two active, small children.

Regardless of the excuse, it can always boil down to one thing.

Fear.

I lost my dad traumatically and unexpectedly in 2003. I spent the next eight years wading through the sadness and anger, searching for some deeper meaning, some explanation for how serendipitously and “coincidentally” it all unfolded.

Then in 2011, I made an amazing discovery that was ultimately life changing. The catalyst for this shift in my being was a referral from a friend to read a book about life after death.

Suddenly, I realized that my soul, my intuition, my gut—it had something to say about how I should purposefully fulfill my path in this lifetime.

I spent quite a bit of time trying to differentiate between these disparate voices and messages I was receiving. Is it my head or my gut?

The ego is fear-driven. It relishes in success, achievement, and status. It directs you to analyze the route that leads to all of these things.  Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

IMPORTANT NOTE: This post contains two poll questions and a giveaway for an autographed copy of the Tiny Buddha book. If you’re reading this in your inbox, you may want to click through to participate on the site.

This is the 7th post in a 10-part series. If you’ve been following this series since I launched it, much of this post will be redundant for you. Scroll to the bottom to read today’s two questions!

If you didn’t read the other posts, allow me to explain:

Throughout May, I am going to publish ten blog posts, each with two poll questions. I plan to gather all the responses and include some of these insights in my next book

Each time you respond to these questions, you’re entering for a new chance to win an autographed copy of my first book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.

I plan to give away one book for each of ten posts. I will mail them all at the same time, at the end of May.

By responding to these questions within the comments, you are consenting to have your response published in my next book.

WHAT’S THIS NEW BOOK ALL ABOUT?

In short, this is going to be a book about what it means to win in life.

I feel compelled to explore this topic because I spent the majority of my early life thinking I needed to achieve massive, visible success in order to be significant.

For years, I felt convinced I would be happy if I only got the right job, or could afford the right apartment, or if I could somehow garner admiration and validation. Life was a constant battle to be better and arrive somewhere else.

It was one huge race with no clear finish line; and despite my best intentions at obtaining happiness, I felt miserable and dissatisfied.

In my next book, I plan to break this all down for anyone who can relate to this quandary. I’ve by no means arrived at a place of permanent satisfaction, but I’ve been living in these questions for the past several years.

And I’ve made significant progress in defining success for myself.

That’s the crux of this book: It will be a guide for living life purposefully and joyfully, on our own terms, in a world that often promotes a one-size-fits-all version of success. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Have you ever exacerbated difficult feelings by responding to them with resistance?

Although I made peace with my recent burglary shortly after it happened, I started feeling down and anxious at the end of last week. In retrospect, I think there was a connection between that and the painkillers my doctor prescribed when my surgical site started hurting again.

But I suspect I was also feeling the residual effects of everything that’s happened over these past two months. At the time, I didn’t fully understand my feelings. I just knew I wanted them to pass, especially since I was due to get my boyfriend at the airport.

I felt guilty for greeting him under a dark cloud of sadness, frustrated for not feeling as upbeat as I had earlier in the week, and confused because none of it made sense to me.

There were tears, and self-analysis, and self-judgment, until Saturday morning.

I planned to work at a coffee shop I love to create a more positive state of mind. But when I got there, I couldn’t find a parking spot—despite driving around for 20 minutes.

After that, I drove to the activity center in my apartment community where I knew I’d see some friendly faces, only to find my computer wouldn’t connect to the internet. While I repeatedly tried different approaches to fix the issue, I found myself feeling frustrated.

I screamed internally, “Come on! I just want to get online!”

Then I stopped, took a deep breath, and asked myself, “Is it possible I’m not getting what I want, but I’m getting what I need?”

I’d been trying to analyze, overpower, and outrun my feelings when what I really needed to do was stop—stop trying to understand and fix them, and instead accept and surrender to them.

That might sound like a defeatist choice, since surrendering implies giving it. But I’ve found it’s a lot like those Chinese finger traps: you can’t get out by fighting. The only way to get un-stuck is to relax and release.

It generally works the same with feelings. When we fight them, we give them more power.

It might not always seem like it in the moment, when we’re wading in something uncomfortable and potentially overwhelming, but no feeling lasts forever. Everything fades if we’re willing to let it.

By mid-day Saturday, I felt a lot better. I suspect it was because I stopped feeding into the story of my sadness and instead chose to lean into it.

As ironic as it may seem, sometimes the best way to let go of something difficult is to first choose to embrace it.

Photo by ototadana

I’m still soliciting feedback for my next book! The most recent question is: Do you think we want to feel and be seen as special? Share your insights for possible publication here!

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Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Marilyn Briant

“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” ~Unknown

Like many people, I lived my life for a lot of years failing to understand inner peace is a choice. I am not sure what I thought. Perhaps I didn’t believe anyone could feel a lasting peace inside. I did know that my own feelings of peace were always transitory.

There were many ups and downs in my life, too many claims on my time and too many difficult situations to be dealt with. I think I actually believed inner peace could only be achieved by monks and saints, or anyone living a reclusive life who didn’t have to deal with everyday struggles.

I was stuck in a world of confusion, wondering how peace could be mine when there was always something, some drama going on in my own life or the lives of those I loved.

In fact, it seemed to me that the whole world was filled with stuff, negative stuff mostly, which I read about in the newspaper, saw on the television, or heard from someone I knew.

It was the kind of stuff that pulls at your emotions—the breaking news story of a missing woman being found murdered, the tragedy of a child being killed by a hit and run driver, the numbers of homeless people tripling, and a devastating Tsunami killing thousands and paralyzing a country.

Then there were the stories closer to home—my friend’s husband being diagnosed with cancer and dying three months later, my father suffering from dementia, my best friend’s marriage falling apart—all tearing at my heart and leaving me hurt and grieving.

In my own personal life too, my emotions dipped and peaked along with how much control I felt I had over my own happiness. I literally felt like a puppet on a string, and asked myself over and over again, “How can I feel a constant inner peace in my heart and life, when my emotions see-saw up and down according to what is happening in and around me?”

Looking back I know I believed that my emotions were important. After all wasn’t being emotional an essential part of being alive? Emotions made me feel real and allowed me to extend empathy to everyone else.

But in the deepest part of myself, I did not feel good most of the time. I longed to not be so emotional. I wanted to be released from all the conflict in my life—to not react to other people’s words and anger—to feel serenity in my heart.

It was an almost desperate need to alter or to stop the negative cycle of events which seemed to dominate my relationships and my life.

I believe it was that intention which kept on surfacing in my mind and in my heart that fueled my spiritual search and led me to discover a more peaceful way to live, despite the conflict in my life. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jeremy Britton

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.” ~Buddha

Your life is much like a radio.

If you’re in control of it, then you can actually tune in and make sense. Then you can set your dial on the talk-back radio show, listen to that, and learn some things, or you can set your dial onto music and have an enjoyable time.

If you feel that you are not in control, or you do not realize that you are in control, then you may just hear a lot of static and annoying sounds that might even drive you crazy.

The process of “Flick your Rich Switch Transformation” (FYRST) is about taking control of your life, taking control of all of the things that you merely think you are not actually in control of (but you are, or you can be).

Some people don’t think that they control their mood, their lives, their blood flow, their breathing, their heart rate, their body language—and that’s why they often get some outcomes that they’re not happy about.

Someone else can control all of those things by telling you some bad news or some exciting news; for example, “The winning lottery numbers are 4, 23, 16, 19 & 30.”

It is the subconscious process occurring in your own head that will make your blood flow to your face or to your feet; it is your own thought process that will make your heart pump slower or faster; your own thoughts that will make your body stand straighter with excitement or slump lower with dread.

Yes, dread. For some people, winning millions may represent an increase in responsibility, stress, and anxiety. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

This is the 6th post in a 10-part series. If you’ve been following this series since I launched it, much of this post will be redundant for you. Scroll to the bottom to read today’s two questions!

If you didn’t read the other posts, allow me to explain:

Throughout May, I am going to publish ten blog posts, each with two poll questions. I plan to gather all the responses and include some of these insights in my next book

Each time you respond to these questions, you’re entering for a new chance to win an autographed copy of my first book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.

I plan to give away one book for each of ten posts. I will mail them all at the same time, at the end of May.

By responding to these questions within the comments, you are consenting to have your response published in my next book.

WHAT’S THIS NEW BOOK ALL ABOUT?

In short, this is going to be a book about what it means to win in life.

I feel compelled to explore this topic because I spent the majority of my early life thinking I needed to achieve massive, visible success in order to be significant.

For years, I felt convinced I would be happy if I only got the right job, or could afford the right apartment, or if I could somehow garner admiration and validation. Life was a constant battle to be better and arrive somewhere else.

It was one huge race with no clear finish line; and despite my best intentions at obtaining happiness, I felt miserable and dissatisfied.

In my next book, I plan to break this all down for anyone who can relate to this quandary. I’ve by no means arrived at a place of permanent satisfaction, but I’ve been living in these questions for the past several years.

And I’ve made significant progress in defining success for myself.

That’s the crux of this book: It will be a guide for living life purposefully and joyfully, on our own terms, in a world that often promotes a one-size-fits-all version of success. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a post by Chad Davis

“Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.” ~Neale Donald Walsch

In a moment of despair—moments I find have been increasing this year—I turned to this site for a little comfort. After reading a couple articles, seeing that I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling, I still couldn’t help but remain terrified of the next part of my life.

Job searches were wearing me out. I was trying to figure out where I wanted to live. I desperately wanted that dream job. All of these things had instilled a fear inside of me that I once thought I’d be able to overcome.

And then a year passed and poof, magically, there was no more sense of confidence, but instead a sense of fear.

Then I saw this quote. And I wished that I’d come up with it.

It says a lot, I think, about the way certain words work in our brains without us even realizing it.

“False Evidence Appearing Real.”

 We all know that being afraid of the future is just as silly as being afraid of our own shadows, and yet we fear it all the same.

Why?

The answer is within the quote; it’s a false sense of reality.

We imagine what we don’t want to lose and instantly grow afraid of that loss. But we’re being bamboozled; we’re duping ourselves out of a secure sense of “now” and replacing it with an insecure sense of “what if.”

The only reality that exists is in each passing second, and yet with each passing second comes the agony of not knowing what will come next. It’s a struggle, and nothing more than that.

So what can we do to heal this repeating, self-inflicted wound? Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Linzi Wilson

“Count your joys instead of your woes. Count your friends instead of your foes.” ~Irish Proverb

I’ve always believed that happiness is a choice. I thought that I was the only one who could truly make me happy.

That was before my life disintegrated before my very own eyes.

My husband and I built a business together. For four years we poured blood, sweat, and tears into it. We lived and breathed it. Before we knew it, and a lot sooner than you would probably imagine, it had consumed us.

I felt like it had eaten me alive. I was no longer living my own life. Every ounce of energy was absorbed by work.

Then, very suddenly, four months ago, it all fell apart. Our business went bankrupt, and we were left with nothing. No jobs, no money, and a colossal amount of debt, fear, and sadness.

The days, weeks, and months that followed were a dark and difficult journey–a journey that made us look back and learn from our mistakes, take responsibility for our lives, and try to find something positive to look forward to.

Now I look back at that journey as a blessing. It’s still early days, and there can be low points in the day, but on the whole I have come to realize that every stumbling block is in fact a stepping stone.

This experience has made me delve deeper than ever before. I’ve found strength and courage that I didn’t know existed in me. But one of the greatest things to have come out of this whole situation has been my attitude to happiness.

When life throws something difficult at you, even the most optimistic person can struggle to find the positive. I’ve always been the one to find the silver lining, and focus on the good stuff, but somehow, this time, it wasn’t that easy.

And so, day by day, I began to build myself a happiness army. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

The other day, while I was getting cash from an ATM, I smiled at an adorable toddler standing with her father at the machine next to me.

She had this huge grin on her face, and she actually waved at me from two feet away, so I couldn’t help but smile in return.

Just then, she pulled on her father’s leg and giggled the words, “Why does everyone like me?”

He responded, “Because you’re a beautiful little girl!”

It was a simple, heartwarming moment, because I could tell from her bashful yet proud expression that she internalized and believed this, as I wish all children could.

I wondered if strangers frequently smiled at her because of her cheery cherubic face, leading her to conclude that everyone likes her.

And I hoped she’d hold onto that simple conclusion forever, so she’d never doubt her inner light, and as a consequence, shine it often.

For many kids, confidence and joy come so easily. They have an innocence about them—a sense of possibility and wonder. They don’t dwell on what happened yesterday. They don’t obsess over what’s coming tomorrow and worry that they can’t handle it.

And they haven’t yet learned to question themselves, not like we do as adults.

I wonder what it would look like to recapture that self-belief and joy. Kids make it look so simple.

Maybe that’s the point. Maybe we could feel that same sense of self-assurance and presence if we stopped burying ourselves under the layers of everything that’s happened, and chose instead to simply be in the moment.

Maybe we could believe in ourselves more fully if we also looked for signs to confirm our worth and beauty; if we chose to recognize people smiling at us, believing in us, confiding in us, depending on us.

Maybe we just need to step in where our parents may or may not have left off, and remind us ourselves as often as possible that we are beautiful—and the best way to show it is to smile.

Photo by antwerpenR

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Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Alexander Dunlop

“With ‘I’ eliminated, this is Nirvana, here and now.”  ~ Buddha

I remember when I started learning Spanish in college. I wanted to visit Spain. I had grand ideas about a romantic voyage. And yes, I had a foreign language credit to fill.

If you know the Spanish language at all, you know that the Spanish construction for pleasure is the reverse of our English language. In English, we say, “I like that.” But, in Spanish, we say “Me gusta” which translates as, “It pleases me.”

In other words, in English we are the actors, the subjects, who actively do the “liking.” But in Spanish, the thing is the actor and we are the recipients, the objects, of the pleasure that it provides. 

I remember how it sent my whole world into a tailspin. I literally walked around campus saying, “Do you realize that in Spanish the thing is the actor and I am merely the recipient of the action it makes?”

Here’s a simple example: I like the desk vs. the desk pleases me.

I couldn’t get my head around it. It was like a Seinfeld episode, “Do you mean to tell me that the desk is the subject and I am the object?” It rocked my world.

Now, this is not to say, of course, that everyone who speaks Spanish natively exists in Nirvana simply because their verbal construction eliminates the “I” sometimes.

But, it does open a window for us to ask the question: What if we really did live as recipients of life instead of imagining ourselves to be the ones in charge of life?

What if we knew that life is the actor and we are the results of life’s actions?

Think about the times when you get most stressed. For me, it’s when I feel like it’s all up to me.  And if I don’t do it, then it’s not going to happen. That stresses me out.

It’s the same with the thinking that it’s up to us to make our lives happy and successful and abundant. If you look carefully, it’s the very striving to make our lives happy, successful and abundant that stresses us out! How ironic is that?

Ok, I know what you might be thinking: Shouldn’t we have goals, and shouldn’t we set steps in place for our growth and development? And, yes you’re right.

What I’m asking is simply this: Who is the actor? Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Shan Jeniah Burton

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche 

I was raised in a home where a very common phrase was, “There’s a right way and a wrong way.”

The right way was the way my parents wanted things done. There were a great many rules surrounding the right way for nearly everything, in an attempt to ensure that we got it right, and, when the rules weren’t enough to enforce the rightness of our behavior, there were punishments, harsh words, and sometimes very public humiliation.

I’ve spent most of my adult life learning to deal with the fallout of this type of ingrained thinking, once important for emotional survival and physical safety, but no longer useful.

I work, now, to examine the precepts I live by, and whether they are helping me toward my goal of living a peaceful and conscious life. But there can still be some pretty huge blind spots in my view of things—places where I, myself, still expect those around me to conform to my concept of what is right. 

Three years ago, when I began to practice the base principles of radical unschooling, I fell headlong into one of these traps. It caused a great deal of pain, and nearly cost me my oldest and dearest friend.

We altered the way in which we interacted with our children from an authoritarian style to a partnership model. And I decided I would be a missionary for every other family who showed a glimmer of dissension (as all families, even mine, do, sometimes).

I had found a piece that was missing from the puzzle of my own life, and I was awed by the rapid and wonderful changes I saw within my family once I placed it.

I hadn’t yet learned that zeal and epiphanies in our lives can also be pitfalls; that not everyone will benefit from what benefits us. I was certain my way was perfect and even necessary—for everyone. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

This is the 5th post in a 10-part series. If you’ve been following this series since I launched it last week, much of this post will be redundant for you. Scroll to the bottom to read today’s two questions!

If you didn’t read the other posts, allow me to explain:

Throughout May, I am going to publish ten blog posts, each with two poll questions. I plan to gather all the responses and include some of these insights in my next book

Each time you respond to these questions, you’re entering for a new chance to win an autographed copy of my first book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.

I plan to give away one book for each of ten posts. I will mail them all at the same time, at the end of May.

By responding to these questions within the comments, you are consenting to have your response published in my next book.

WHAT’S THIS NEW BOOK ALL ABOUT?

In short, this is going to be a book about what it means to win in life.

I feel compelled to explore this topic because I spent the majority of my early life thinking I needed to achieve massive, visible success in order to be significant.

For years, I felt convinced I would be happy if I only got the right job, or could afford the right apartment, or if I could somehow garner admiration and validation. Life was a constant battle to be better and arrive somewhere else.

It was one huge race with no clear finish line; and despite my best intentions at obtaining happiness, I felt miserable and dissatisfied.

In my next book, I plan to break this all down for anyone who can relate to this quandary. I’ve by no means arrived at a place of permanent satisfaction, but I’ve been living in these questions for the past several years.

And I’ve made significant progress in defining success for myself.

That’s the crux of this book: It will be a guide for living life purposefully and joyfully, on our own terms, in a world that often promotes a one-size-fits-all version of success. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“If you count all your assets, you always show a profit.” ~Robert Quillen

This weekend someone broke into my apartment and stole everything of significant monetary value that I owned.

They stole my jewelry box, with pieces I got from my boyfriend, his mother, and my sister, after she’d gone through a break-up and wanted to unload a vast collection from her past. They stole several purses in my closet, and confusing it for another, also took my makeup bag.

They took my laptop bag containing my new MacBook, my wallet, my passport, my glasses, and my boyfriend’s old iPhone, which I’ve been using to play games. They grabbed a stack of DVDs, though I can’t remember which.

Lastly, they took my hamper, after emptying it on my bedroom floor, to carry all their loot. Oddly but thankfully, they took nothing of my boyfriend’s.

That night, I’d been at a neighbor’s house with a few friends, peeling lemons to make limoncello. I was supposed to be in New Orleans with my boyfriend and others for Jazz Fest, but I’d backed out after my doctor told me it wasn’t wise, so soon after my surgery.

When I walked into my bedroom after arriving home, and saw the clothes on my floor, I wondered why I would have done that. I hadn’t yet noticed the other missing items, and I just assumed if something was awry, I’d done it and forgotten.

Then I started looking around, and realized someone had been in my home. My heart started racing, my face went flush, and the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I wondered if someone was still there, hiding, waiting, or watching.

So I ran downstairs and called my neighbor, who came right over with the others. Thankfully, they did everything for me. They called the police. They called my apartment community’s security. And they even wrote a checklist of things I needed to do, including canceling cards and setting up credit monitoring alerts. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Nikki Di Virgilio

“The light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion. The tunnel is.” ~Unknown

A dream: I am in a woman’s prison. The cells and halls are dark and dirty. The prison looks like a damp dungeon. Inside the cells are women dressed in rags along with their children.

I am not in a cell, but walking around, observing the faces of desperate, imprisoned women. I need to get out, and find myself in an empty corridor, long and wide.

At the end, I see a glimpse of light: freedom through the corridor. After a long walk, I arrive at the place of light, an oasis, an ocean retreat filled with sunshine, laughter, and happy people wearing white.

But before I enter the long tunnel, I see a girl crying, and I ask her why. She tells me she has a feeling something bad is going to happen to me.

This dream has become the metaphor of my life. The quote above resonates with my dream and the journey I have walked, but what has inspired me to write this post, is this: the tunnel is the illusion.

It would seem that since the “new age” movement, we have heard a lot about illusion—about what is real and what is not. What we should focus our minds on and what we should not.

How we have a choice that we need to make every day, perhaps every moment, between fear and love. Between prison and freedom. It makes us think we might have some power in a world that often does not make sense or brings us to places we would never want to be.

Here is another quote by Carl Jung.

“There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own Soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” 

It is not that I don’t agree that the tunnel is an illusion, but it concerns me that this word, illusion, gives us permission to not care about the tunnel—to not care about the process, which brings us from where we are to where we are going. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” ~Winston Churchill

As someone whose profession requires me to spend a great deal of time alone, I’m always trying to strike a balance between solitude and connection; so yesterday I decided to write from this courtyard outside the activity center in my apartment community.

I ended up sitting next to two men who I overheard discussing something that sounded personal.

I didn’t stay for long, at the risk of being intrusive, but I quickly realized one of the men was coaching the other to be more confident when meeting new people.

He told him to close his eyes and call to mind positive things that made him feel self-assured, happy, and peaceful. Then he asked him to open his eyes and introduce himself, while mentally reinforcing that he wants something for the other person, not from him.

This simple suggestion hit me as quite profound. It begged the question: What’s the difference between approaching someone as if there’s something you need to get and approaching someone as if there’s something you want to give?

If we want something from people, we come to them from a place of lack, unbalance, and maybe even neediness.

If we want something for people, we come to them from a place of wholeness, presence, and maybe even love.

And it’s not just about self-confidence or altruism. It’s also about taking responsibility for creating positive energy around us, which inevitably multiples.

When we give good thoughts, good vibes, and a smile, we generally get it back.

Though I had moved to sit further away from the men, I could still overhear their conversation—and I eventually realized one was actually coaching the other to be a successful salesman.

Turns out he would want something from the people he would meet.

Still, I was grateful this message came to me, because I found it inspiring, and I knew upon hearing it that I wanted to give it to you.

Inevitably we are going to want things from other people. Hopefully we’ll be able to be honest about that and simply ask for what we need.

But when we don’t, perhaps we can share a little light by approaching each other with the intention of giving something good.

We all have so much to give. We just need to consciously choose to access and share it.

Photo by ganesha.isis

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by Lori Deschene

This is the 4th post in a 10-part series. If you’ve been following this series since I launched it, much of this post will be redundant for you. Scroll to the bottom to read today’s two questions!

If you didn’t read the other posts, allow me to explain:

Throughout May, I am going to publish ten blog posts, each with two poll questions. I plan to gather all the responses and include some of these insights in my next book

Each time you respond to these questions, you’re entering for a new chance to win an autographed copy of my first book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.

I plan to give away one book for each of ten posts. I will mail them all at the same time, at the end of May.

By responding to these questions within the comments, you are consenting to have your response published in my next book.

WHAT’S THIS NEW BOOK ALL ABOUT?

In short, this is going to be a book about what it means to win in life.

I feel compelled to explore this topic because I spent the majority of my early life thinking I needed to achieve massive, visible success in order to be significant.

For years, I felt convinced I would be happy if I only got the right job, or could afford the right apartment, or if I could somehow garner admiration and validation. Life was a constant battle to be better and arrive somewhere else.

It was one huge race with no clear finish line; and despite my best intentions at obtaining happiness, I felt miserable and dissatisfied.

In my next book, I plan to break this all down for anyone who can relate to this quandary. I’ve by no means arrived at a place of permanent satisfaction, but I’ve been living in these questions for the past several years.

And I’ve made significant progress in defining success for myself.

That’s the crux of this book: It will be a guide for living life purposefully and joyfully, on our own terms, in a world that often promotes a one-size-fits-all version of success. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jaclyn Mullen

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” ~Albert Einstein

There I was in January, on the floor, physically and emotionally. From the outside, I probably looked like every one else attending yoga class off Robertson Blvd. that Sunday morning, but to me, on the inside, especially within my heart, I was in shambles.

And then, there was a moment I had not expected.

The waterworks came as I heard the teacher say, “Sometimes, you feel as though you are riding the bicycle backwards. You feel like you are backtracking and heading in the wrong direction, but really what’s happening is contraction and release. The universe is preparing you for something much greater and like a sling shot, it’s going to shoot you forward—you just have to move backwards for a little bit.”

I looked over at my roommate, eyes welled up with tears of disbelief and quickly thought to myself, “I’m an independent, successful woman and I get to control what direction my bike ride is going. So listen up universe, get me off this backwards bicycle, pronto!”

I felt a temporary sense of relief for 90 minutes or so. Then, upon my walk home, my heart was breaking again.

Why the sorrow? I spent the majority of 2011 really clarifying what I was looking to get out of life: success, giving back, a loving relationship, traveling the world. For the most part, I was successful in these pursuits.

I completed my 30^th Birthday Build for Habitat For Humanity in honor of 9/11. I had been able to cross bi-coastal living off my bucket list and returned back to the home base of LA. I had even started to pick up a few new clients and began exploring additional revenue streams. Sounds good, right?

What also happened is that I got used to getting everything I wanted and set out to achieve.

I got used to things working on this magic time frame—put it out there and it will happen exactly as you planned and wanted it to happen. I can hear you thinking, “Um, ok—so what’s the problem with that?” Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Sarah Fertig

“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong. Sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

I will never forget the moment my marriage ended.

My husband and I had fought the night before, about many of the same things we’d been fighting about for the entirety of our four-month marriage.

He was dissatisfied with our sex life and my lack of respect for him. I was struggling with bipolar disorder, changing medications, going back to school, and trying to please a man who seemed to find fault with everything I did.

During that fight, he choked me twice to prevent me from screaming and running away. I learned quickly that if I didn’t want to die, I would have to go limp, submit to his power, and hope he would release me from my position, pinned face down in our bed.

When I woke up the next morning, my spirit was broken. I felt as if I had a terminal disease. I knew with great certainty that I would die at the hands of my husband, I just didn’t know how long it would take.

When my husband woke later, he wasn’t satisfied with my newly submissive attitude. Another fight ensued, but this time, he used a different tactic. He insulted me, cutting me to the core with a comparison to a person who had caused me a great deal of pain and anguish.

As it turns out, my spirit had not been fully broken. The tiny scraps that remained rallied together to propel me out the door of our apartment. I ran screaming down the street like a mad woman, banging on a stranger’s door and calling a friend to activate an escape plan.

I collected my dog, moved back in with my mother, and got a lawyer. Our divorce took seven months, almost twice as long as our marriage lasted.  Click Here to Read More…