Dear Misunderstood Autistic

I am sorry you are in a scary and perplexing place.

I have to keep this short as my internet connection keeps breaking.

A sight called workaway matches up people with need of help with things like farming/ animals/labour etc they exchange food and accomadation in exchange for 20/25 hours a week. Also WOOFing working On Organic Farms may help you.

Roughly what are of the UK are you situated in?

Kind regards

Roberta

Dear Eric

In buddhism there is a set of teachings on right speech.  it includes is it timely? is it helpful?, will it be received & is it truthful,is it said kindly when your mind is free from afflictions etc so with that in mind  you could say something like . When I felt ready for a relationship I put out various feelers before I met you & I am so glad that they came to naught as I would not have met you and am having a fulfilling time with you & I hope that you are also happy with our relationship. This hopefully will make her feel appreciated & secure and if she has anything similar in her past she has the opportunity to bring it up & you can let go that bit of your past .

Dear Collie

I was sent to Sunday school until my early teens so like many I had a christian background, but struggled with aspects such as going to hell for eternity or that you could be mean & hurtful all your life and then do a deathbed conversion & end up in heaven for eternity plus you were told not to do things (10 commandments) but not how to overcome emotions & hormones etc.

In my early 30’s I took stock of my life & wrote a note about how I would like to live my life ie may I walk gently upon this earth. If I have a choice between doing something positive or negative may I choose the positive action etc. May I treat all people like family.  A couple of years later I came across a book on Buddhism at our local library and as I read it things started to fall into place and I thought now I know what I am ( aspire to be).  many years later my family realised that it wasn’t a fad with me. My mum said that when I was small I met some tibetan monks and I was fascinated by them so she was not surprised at my interest. My youngest son completed a sentence for me “Now you are 18 I can “….. “go to the monastery”. In 2009 I formally took refuge in the buddha, dharma & sangha.

I would say that buddhism pervades all aspects of my life, it is a frame work and support thru which I navigate the journey of this and hopefully all my future lives.

I find  & look for the dharma in other philosophies , religions and people.

I love Thich Nat Han’s Golden rules as they are so positive & thought provoking.

May I keep sentient beings safe

May I be mild of thought, speech & manner

May everything I need be given to me freely

May I have integrity in all my relationships

May I keep my judgement clear.

I would say here in the west it is much more easier to be buddhist now. Many people have said to me ” If I had to choose a religion then it would be buddhism” The only discrimination i have been subjected to is been by a couple of persons in the church of my childhood!

Where I live we do not have party politics but if I lived elsewhere I would vote for the Green Party as I feel the environment is much sidelined in favour of short term financial gains.

I think the pandemic gave many people the time to see a different way of living and the chance to rethink their priorities.

Mindfullness/ Meditation is now mainstream, but without teachings, study & then  contemplating them & along with conscious ethical conduct it has little longterm value  ( here I am talking about future lives as much as the present one).

i wish you all the best with your course

Roberta

Dear Andypandy499

If you can get hold of Walking Meditation by Nguyen Anh-Huong & Thich Nhat Hanh (which includes a CD of guided practices) and practice before you go to the city it may help you cope with the gamut of emotions that that visit may trigger.

Are you going there for work?  Can avoid going to places in the city that have a strong association with your ex? Be aware when you are feeling nostalgic as this often ends up in suffering.  Eckhart Tolle gives an excellent talk on YouTube about he calls the pain body which may also be helpful in preparing for your trip.

kind regards Roberta

Dear Maya

You have come so far in the last 5 years and this last hurdle to freedom will eventually be leapt. I know how tiring & frustrating it is waiting for something that is not in your control ( I was snarled up in the legal system for 7 years). Hang in there and relish what you have accomplished so far and maybe look for something that you can to do to give yourself a little happiness, this will give you both a sense of accomplishment & control.

Kind regards

Roberta

Dear JenGo

May I ask what aspects of buddhism are you drawn to?

Are there several different buddhist groups in your area, if so it might be valuable to  check them all out, to see which style and group dynamic suits you best.

I personally watch alot on YouTube my favourite is Srvasti Abbey there short BBC are excellent way to get to see how in my opinion how a good sangha works. My aspiration is to one day to be able to go there.

Wishing you all the best in your spiritual quest.

Dear Thosedays

I am guessing that your are in your 20’s/30’s.

I agree with Anita about offering to pay for your soon to be ex girlfriends counselling if she wants it.

Then take at least a year out to do some deep work on healing yourself. A fictional book called The Celestian Prophecies gave me insight on relationships and help set me on my path of buddhist enquiry into the human condition.  I have had quite a few relationships, but I can honestly say that I am still on good terms with all off them who are still living bar one.

Act with kindness, integrity compassion &and wisdom then  when you look back over your life in years to come you will have few regrets.

Dear Andypandy499

I am sorry that you have been ill and that you are suffering because you thought you were in a relationship with a decent human being. I will be brutally honest your illness has done you a massive favour  ( she could of strung you along for at least another 3 years)it has freed you from a person who it appears that from the beginning they were only out for what they could get and does not care who they use in the process. Looking to get answers from someone who has acted the way she did will only cause you more suffering.

May you find someone kind gentle & honest to share your life with.

Roberta