@Jay2023  I read your posts, and it seems to me I feel really similar on some points. I also don’t remember when was the last times I completley got over someone unless I meet someone else that got me interested.
Even before relationships, I had crushes, until I met my nex crus. I’m not sure if this is normal? However there are people who feel like this, we are not the only ones.

Actually, now, being single 10 monts, which is the most since I’ve been 23, I’m starting to get over my ex. Not completley, though. And I am chatting with someone else, so maybe that’s contributing. However, if I saw a pic of my ex with someone else, it would affect me, I know that.

I guess there are people who always think that they can find someone better in relationships, and people like me, who are afraid they won’t find anyone better.. until they do. And I had low self confidence through my 20s. I don’t anymore, but now I project another problem – I know I am handsome enough and smart, and there are definitely guys who would like me, but I feel like there’s noboy here. And there was not many people I’ve meet in those last months. It’s like I always find a problem in my mind. First, I thought I was not handsome enough, now there are no guys my age who I like that are single.

Also, I understand when you say ” I just feel like nothing is moving along for me at the moment and I know I have to be patient as these things take time”. I have that feeling still. I was sad for months, I cried almost every day. I don’t know. But I don’t have that “joie de vivre”. I’m kind of bored. Yes, I have friends and nice time with them, but them weekends or vacarions come, and friends go on trips with their partners, and I’m sitting at home. So iI tell my friends I have to be patient and better times will come. Summer is coming and I love summer, but I don’t know who will I even be able to go to beach with. I’m not mad mat my friends, not at all, I think they have right to do what makes them happy, and I would do similar probably, in their position. At least maybe before I experienced this myself, bein last one single during the pandemic. Now, I think I know it’s so hard, so if one of my friends broke up, I would go out with her sometims probably, because now I know how hard it is.

I know people will tell me I shoudl be happy whether in relationship or not.. But I guess my biggest fear is being alone. And I’ve been already alone a lot, even in my previous relationships. Yes, we are all going to get alone eventually, when we get old, even if we have families. But I don’t want to spend big part of my life alone. The thought of going to work and coming in a empty home in my 40s scares me.

Dear @Sammy, no need to apologize. You did not get it wrong at all, that was the reason I use tinder, but I guess I don’t call it dating myself until I meet this person directly, not just online. We did talk about that, and I guess we will probably meet eventually, so we’ll see how it goes. I just don’t want to have much hopes or projections, since we haven’t really meet.

Thank you for sharing your experience how to let go. I guess I’ve read all this, here and on other places. I kind od think this is how I should feel but I don’t, not yet. I guess I can’t let it go yet. I hope I will be there yet.

Actually, my ex just called me today, and as his family has some problems, he asked me on advice, since it has to do with my profession and I could help. So I told him everything I could to help. We heard a few times after our breakup. There was snow here recently and traffic jams so he asked if I am ok… He is not a bad person, we are just at different stages in our life and he is too young, and I want some other things.

I also agree with Danny you could let your bf help you, I think he would be glad to do it.

@Dannydan, hahaha, yes it does seem like I was hitting a bit. I just thought he is a good catch and I wanted him to know that. I wanted him to know there are girls similar age who want connection, partnership and family, the things he mentioned he wants. I guess when I know that there are guys who want that, it makes me feel better, so I wanted to make him feel better too. 🙂
I hope everything will go well with the wedding plans, fingers crossed.

@

Hello guys

I’ve been missing, but I was reading you all the time.

I admit I left, because I actually felt ashamed. NBC just started posting then and I felt like I couldn’t read her posts and help her, I was feeling too bad myself, so I thought better post nothing.

@Sammy, I really admire you, you were here when you needed help, but you are now such a great support to others. I an very glad for you and your new boyfriend. 😀 And @Dannydan also helped other a lot with his advices.

@Jay, I read you story and I do understand you, as it happened to me too. I also felt rejection and heartbreak. But it does get better. Sadly, it takes time. It is now been 8 and half months since my break up. I am no longer depressed and sad all the time. I actually was, maybe.. until month ago, month and a half. I’m not perfect also. You mentioned you are 35 I think and want to have a woman, family and kids. I understand that too, I’m 33 and I want that too. Actually, a guy like you in your years and single without kids would be really interesting to me.  It will be better with time, I promise. I can’t say I’m  perfect now and happily satisfied all the time, since I still want a partner and family. But it’s not so hard as it was at the beginning.

These days… well I don’t cry very often, I’m not kind of depressed. Easter was a bit hard, I admit. It’s also a bit bland, with the epidemic, I admit. Sometimes I feel all the days are the same. And I know everyone stays at home too, but I also want someone to watch tv and cuddle with. And with all this epidemic, there are almost no chances to meet anyone new, and it’s hard and depressing. For both me and my other single friends, although there are few. That’s another problem, because coupled ones are not interested in going places where you can meet someone, they are mostly indifferend to that, and I understand that. But boy it is a bit hard to be one ot the last single ones in a big epidemic. I know I shouldn’t rush, but such circumstances are not easy.

And I know people will say I sohuldn’t compare,  but that’s not it. I don’t want to be coupled because my friends are, I want that because that is my wish, it’s what I always wanted.

I  meet with my friends often and I enjoy their company. I don’t think about my ex that often anymore. I have some really nice days. I started running and I also bought my first new car, it really was time for it. So actually I do feel much better.

I’ve been going to piano lessons with my friends, and loving that. Also, I tried Tinder a bit. Most of my single friends did, and I also found many aquaintances, so I guess this is really popular these days. And after a few matches, I found an interesting guy that I can talk with. However, at first I was unsure and now the pandemic is rising again, so we haven’t met, but it’s nice to find someome like that. It’s like we keep each other company during these times. Still, he is from a bit further town, and we can not be even sure if we would like each other when we meet, so I don’t have hopes at this time, but it’s a little bit interesting.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Rhaenys.

@Sammy

I’ll reply to somethings you wrote…

” I do wonder if I feel the need to cling to the love of his family because it vicariously or indirectly allows me to feel loved by him as he is their son.” – yes, that may be the case.

Holidays are hard. I felt that too. Did you spend them with your family and friends? I did, and they were still really hard.

I’ve never had boyfriends introduce me that much into their family. I missed my ex during holidays a lot. And I don’t understand that bonding and feeling of missing his family, but it may be just because of the reason you wrote.

“He did have an awakening of sorts after I contacted him for closure but in the end I knew based on the many years together it was empty promises and too late…. Maybe deep down I’m still holding onto something and hence by taking bold actions I feel it will speed up the process of fully healing rather than dealing with what I’m actually feeling?… I want to fully heal, that will allow me then to give my all to someone new.”

It seemed to me that you actually maybe had a chance to reconnect with your ex after your talk, and you realized it was empty promises, so you move forward. That is something that was always really hard to me, so I know how hard it is. And the way you don’t rush into something you. I admire that.

I know it’s hard, but you seem to really want to make progress, forget him and move on.. That takes a lot of ocurage. and giving yourself time…

However… “It’s what led me to overindulging in alcohol using it as a crutch and that spiral…I’m not too sure if that’s what may be happening again if I’m being honest, food for thought.”

These worried me.. Are you ok? Does living with your family help?

Me… I have ups and downs. Panic attacks stopped, I’m sleeping well, I have apetite, I don’t have anxiety attacs. But I feel hopeless. I think anxiety is here all the time, just not on surface. And a bit of depression.. maybe a good word would be deep sadness.

Holidays were so hard. I live with my family and I have friends, but I guess that’s not the live I wanted for my 30s and I don’t know if it will ever change. Living alone seems even worse.

Sometimes I ask myself what it’s all worth for.. Going to work, earning money, for what? With pandemic, being home all og the time, most of my friends in relationships going forward, so not really thinking anything will change even with pandemic stops, I’m a bit of hopeless. I know everything can change in a day, but my past experiences are bad, so…

My mom is a big support, and she says she has a feeling everything will go better for me this year, and she has a gut, instinct for this things, so that actually gives me hope (maybe it’s funny.. but it helps).

I had some hard times (sometines feeling lonely, also some fights and problems at home in my family – not me directly invovlved), so I contacted him and he also me a few times… I know it’s not maybe smart but I couldn’t help it. I still do miss him. I also know I want family in future, so it would be better for me to find someone who wants that too, as my ex is too young (me 33, him 25) and doesn’t want it yet.

So we were just talking about our lives, what we do… I think we still do care about each other a lot. I try not to except anthing from that, although I admit I kind of have a wish for him to choose me (like Danny did with B), but I also see it’s not realistic. So, I guess I’m not very proud of contact (I haven’t told anybody) but couldn’t help it either.

I have some good times with friends, but then I feel down when I come home again… I also play piano a lot, it’s something I started after break-up and at first used it as something that allows me to think and past time, but I think I also like it. I still feel like I need something outside to change, and every day is really similar, and not really inspiring.

So I admire Sammy when you say you want to heal.. I feel like I’m still in a way missing my ex, and I don’t know how can that past excpet is someone new comes.. I tend to stay in love in a guy until I meet another. I don’t know if’ that’s just me and my problem, and how to change that.

Happy new year to everyone.

@Danny I really hope proposal went good. Hoping to hear good news from you and thank you for your kind words.

@Shelbyville your story on this topic gave me hope. I really do feel like you did about some things, I understand what you wrote, as many of those things I feel too.  I Know you feel really stressful now, but the change both you and your life went in these 2 years is amazing. I realise you said you won’t post, but I just wanted to say I wish you the best.

@Tim gave me a great encouragement and I’ll be always thankful for that.

@Sammy and @Kkasxo, you both made a lot of progress and I admire you for that.

I stopped posting because, similar as Sammy said, I didn’t want to be reliant on someone’s support and I admit I also feel excluded sometimes a bit… But I was visiting this forums, and reading this and other topics too, And even though everyone can open their topic and get advice, it seemed good to me that there is a topic when people with a bit of similar problems can give support to each other. So I was a bit sad seeing this topic fall down.

If anyone here feels they are still on a journey, and if @Shelbyville doesn’t mind, I would like to hear from you and continue mutual support in this topic.

@Tim I’ve been reading this topic and I have to congratulate you, as you and your girlfriend are expecting! Wow that is such great news. I really wish you all the best and hapiness.  Your advices have been much helpful and you have helped me feel better, thank you.

@Danny Congrats! I really hope you will make B happy this time, and you will be happy to.

@Shelbyville  I read history of this topic, not much, but some. And I think in some aspects I understand your story, I recognize myself in some parts. So your news of being happy with your boyfriend really gives me hope.

@Kkasxo
Like I said to Shelby, I read some history of this topic not all… But I remember your posts about how you are ready to think about family and children, and you live with Mr A and he’s not ready…
I had a (previous, not the last) ex boyfriend for 7 years and he was never sure or ready for anyting. And when we broke up I was 30… I regret that the most. I think now I should break up at least 3 or 4 years earlier. I also recognize that at that time I was in a bigger city and I felt alone so I coulnd’t. And the break up happened when I returned home so that was the best time for me to handle it… But on the other side now I wonder how many chances I had and I blew up in that city because of waiting for him.
I think if you really ask yourself, if you are sure of this or not, you know the answer. I knew it to, always.. But blocked it because of my fear of being alone, of staying alone.. So you know it, but not from this position of fear. You are still young I think, in your twenties..
In thirties you feel that you have even less time and more coupled friends. So, you know how you feel. And if you’re not happy, don’t lose time like me.

I think I’m mostly over my breakup and ex.. Well not in a way that I don’t feel anything, but I recognize what I want – a serious relationship and a family. And he is too young and immature to give me that. And I want that more than him… I guess break up was just inevitable and it better happened sooner than later. But anxiety creeps up about not finding that what I want. And I don’t even think there is a problem with me, I’m just afraid because of pandemic and everything, like my coupled friends, there won’t be a chance to meet new people. Like, how could it happen?

@Shelbyville How did you met your boyfriend, you mentioned dating apps? I think I’m just not ready for them, and I won’t ever me.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 12 months ago by Rhaenys.