Things You Can’t Change
How to Reap the Benefits of Post-Traumatic Growth
“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places.” ~Hemingway
We all know of post-traumatic stress (PTS) but how many of us know of post-traumatic growth (PTG), a very hopeful and attainable way of life beyond the loss, adversity, and trauma we’ve experienced? It’s a term that was coined in the 1990s and is becoming more popular now as positive psychology and the specific area of resiliency-building have gained momentum in our society.
What is post-traumatic growth? It’s positive change and growth that comes about as a result of an adversity or loss. It is channeling …
What I Now Know After Feeling Miserable and Worthless at Work
“You don’t need anyone’s affection or approval in order to be good enough. When someone rejects or abandons or judges you, it isn’t actually about you. It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs, and you don’t have to internalize that. Your worth isn’t contingent upon other people’s acceptance of you—it’s something inherent.” ~Danielle Koepke
Imagine you’re in your early thirties, in a job you enjoy at a company you love, and you just got promoted (without lobbying for it), so you’re living a great life.
All of a sudden, you’re bombarded with negative feedback from your manager. …
How to Love an Addict (Who Doesn’t Love Themselves)
I grew up in a family of high-functioning addicts. We looked like the perfect family, but as we all know, looks can be deceiving. No one was addicted to drugs, so that obviously meant that we had no problems. Cigarettes, alcohol, food, and work don’t count, right?
I have come to realize that what we are addicted to is nowhere near as important as the admission that we’re addicted to something. When we try to make ourselves feel better by telling ourselves that gambling or porn or beer is nowhere near as bad as crack or heroin, we are …
Healing from the Trauma of Narcissistic Abuse
“Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.” ~Unknown
When I first experienced narcissistic abuse as an adult, it was a at a time when the term “narcissistic abuse” was not so heard of or understood.
I had met a handsome, intelligent, charismatic, and charming man, and as is typical in abusive relationships, had been completely overwhelmed by the intensity and ‘love’-overload of the early stages.
Before I could catch my breath, though, the nitpicking started, and so did the heated arguments, the jealousy, the cutting contact, and disappearing for …
6 Things to Remember When You Think You Don’t Matter
In a world with billions of people, in a culture that promotes being special and making a big mark, it’s easy to feel like you don’t matter.
Maybe you’ve felt it all your life—like you have no purpose, no value, and nothing to contribute to anyone around you.
Maybe you feel it off and on, when you’re struggling to find love or direction and think you need to somehow prove your worth.
Or maybe you know that your life has value, but every now and then, when your head hits your pillow, you wonder if in the end, it …
How to Reduce Holiday Stress by Setting Strong Boundaries
I love the holidays. I eagerly anticipate the first snowfall, adore the scent of pine, and watch It’s A Wonderful Life every year without fail.
That said, even the merriest among us know that the holidays can be emotionally, physically, and psychologically taxing. In addition to buying gifts, negotiating travel plans, and shuttling from gathering to gathering, many of us spend extended time with our families—and every family, no matter how loving, has its fair share of challenges.
When these difficult family dynamics combine with holiday-season stress, we may find ourselves at a crossroads. Do we burn out, freak …
How to Break Unstable Relationship Patterns
“Being willing to accept responsibility for the situation you’re in is the first step to a more fulfilling love life.” ~Renée Suzanne
Remember the haunting ballad “Foolish Games” by Jewel?
Jewel wrote the song when she was sixteen. She kept a serious journal, and said in an interview that a verse in the song was “about a relationship that I was dramatically involved in on paper.”
That pretty much sums up my first relationship, which was a dramatic pseudo-relationship in many ways. I was sixteen going on seventeen, hopelessly romantic yet shrewdly skeptical of love at the same time. …
My Pain Was a Gift and a Catalyst for Growth
“Sometimes pain is the teacher we require, a hidden gift of healing and hope.” ~Janet Jackson
I was becoming more and more confused as to what my feelings were toward my husband. Longing for that personal adult male connection, I started to feel trapped in my marriage. However, I still had a very strong sense of our family unit and my commitment to it.
I wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardize the family, even if it meant sacrificing my personal happiness. I made a conscious decision that my life was enough. It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough.…
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