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How Our Beliefs and Expectations Hold Us Back and How to Let Them Go

By in Blog, change & challenges

 

“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” ~James Allen

Just because you’ve believed something is true, even if you’ve believed it for a long period of time, that doesn’t mean that it is actually true or that it has to be true for the future.

For a long time I believed that my body was broken. I believed that I could never be super lean and ripped even though I really wanted to be. I also believed I had irreversible digestive issues that seemed to be getting worse and worse.…

3 Simple Ways to Turn Failure into Success

By in Blog, change & challenges, work fulfillment

“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” ~Anais Nin

I’ve always been an optimist, looking for the good in situations, even when they seem like the bleakest thing that could happen to me or the people around me.

But failure is a difficult one to turn on its ear.

You know when you don’t reach your goal. You know when you don’t get what you wanted.

Now I know the Rolling …

Book Giveaway and Interview: Rewire Your Brain for Love

By in Blog, Giveaway, love & relationships

Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

The winners:

An old friend once told me that women frequently say all the men they’ve dated have been jerks; and men frequently say all the women they’ve dated have been crazy.

You could chalk this up to gender differences, men being from Mars, women being from Venus and all that. But maybe there’s more to it. Maybe it’s actually our biology that influences how we act and interact—and why we often …

Tiny Wisdom: Who Do You Love?

By in Love, Quotes

“Once you have learned to love, you will have learned to live.” -Unknown

My high school vocal teacher said that “love” is the most beautiful word in the English language, so I should let it roll off my tongue like honey to make it thick, sweet and poignant.

So I did. I sang it deeply, slowly, and soulfully, though I never spoke the word. I came from a family that didn’t really express emotion, so I filed it away with all the things I wanted to say but didn’t.

When I started dating, I couldn’t wait to profess my love, …

Loving Ourselves and Each Other, Imperfections and All

By in Blog, love & relationships

love makes the world go round

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” ~Sam Keen

I heard this story the other day about the collection of homes called Favelas surrounding Rio De Janeiro.

If you aren’t familiar with them, they are a large collection of small run-down homes built on the side of the hills surrounding the city. They scatter and protrude across the landscape like paper litter in the tall grass along the highway.

The conditions can be poor, and unsanitary, often with raw sewage running down the side of the hill where …

Tiny Wisdom: Make Your Moments Count

By in Possibilities, Quotes

“The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” –Michael Altshuler

I am writing this from a plane with plans to publish it later. I decided less than 3 days ago to make the 3,000-mile trip home.

At first, my mother questioned if it was necessary—after all, my grandmother will be okay, despite her recent hospitalization. My brother said it was awesome and sort of surreal to learn I’d be visiting in just a few days—not in a matter of months, as is usually the case.

This is a big part of why I’m coming back …

When Will You Find a Moment for Yourself?

By in Blog, healthy habits, mindfulness & peace

“Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.” ~Etty Hillesum

For the second time in a week, the gas light comes on in my car. I’m busy, as usual, and so I push it a little farther, run just a few more errands. But I know that I do need to stop and refill before too long, or I will be left on the side of the road. I’ve been stranded before, and have learned my lesson.

Most of us know that when our cars try to tell us they …

Tiny Wisdom: Take a Deep Breath and Remember

By in Knowledge, Quotes

“Wisdom is the right use of knowledge.” -Charles H. Spurgeon

Someone recently asked me in an interview why I choose to revisit ancient wisdom in my writing. I responded that there is very little new wisdom; there are just new ways of understanding and applying what we already know.

That’s not always so easy to do. We have an amazing ability to drown out our inner guidance with worries, stresses, fears, and judgments.

If you find yourself doing that today, take a deep breath and remember:

It’s okay to be down sometimes. Once we accept and understand how we feel, …

9 Guidelines to Get Through Challenging Times

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” ~Charles Swindoll

I’ve recently dealt with numerous challenges that range from the ridiculous to the life-threatening. I’ve had friends telling me they “can’t bear to hear any more” about illness, financial loss, and an array of physical and emotional accidents that have broken parts of me, but not all.

Every aspect of my life is changing: career, relationships, health, and beliefs. I have to make the most of every situation and so I’ve created my own set of rules to keep me focused and to remind …

Tiny Wisdom: Be Curious, Be Amazed

By in Mindfulness, Possibilities, Quotes

“Curiosity is one of the great secrets of happiness.” -Bryant H. McGill

The other day, as I walking to the activities center in my apartment community to write, I saw a team of men cutting down dead tree branches using truck-mounted lifts. They were tossing them into a wood chipper which shred each one in a matter of seconds.

I’m sure this is a common practice, but it was the first time I’d ever seen this, so I decided to sit on the sidewalk and watch, even though I was on a tight schedule.

I felt mesmerized by this mass-pruning, …

3 Ways to Forgive and Create Peace

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Remembering a wrong is like carrying a burden on the mind.” ~Buddha

It was a beautiful spring morning when I was terminated from my job. Before it happened, there were rumors, but I refused to believe that something like that could actually happen to me. I felt betrayed by the manner in which the termination occurred.

Without any substantiation, my company suggested that my ethics were compromised and I embezzled from the company funds. Soon thereafter I learned that the sole motive for the company was to replace me and my assistant with part-time employees to avoid paying full-time employee …

Tiny Wisdom: Take This Moment and Start Anew

By in Change, Confidence, Courage, Possibilities, Quotes, Strength

“Many fine things can be done in a day if you don’t always make that day tomorrow.” -Unknown

When I was younger, an adult I was staying with told me, “The diet starts tomorrow. Let’s eat everything we can before midnight.”

So we did. We ate grilled cheeses, leftover Chinese food, Twinkies, and anything else that called to us from her cabinets.

It was then or never, that was the message, and tomorrow would be different—which of course it wasn’t.

For years, I started each morning intending to make healthy choices, and then after failing to meet my perfectionist standards, …

9 Lessons on Loss, Forgiveness, and Healing

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships, meaning & passion

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~Paul Boese

I’m trying to meditate but I find myself overcome by sadness; I’m still grieving after all this time.

I’ve gone through phases of forgiveness recently that have shown me how to acknowledge the painful relationship I had with my mother, the anger and resentment we shared, and the loss of each other that we both went through the older we grew. Maybe it’s not as bad as that, but it feels like it.

My reflections have brought me closer to the woman who I never took …

Embrace Fear and Find Your Center: Riding With No Hands

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

My mom leaned in and gave me a goodnight kiss. The only light illuminating her face was coming from the hallway. I looked up at her, and in the confidence of the dark confessed, “I saw it.”

“It” was my birthday present, waiting patiently for me to wake up in the morning and claim it from its place in the garage. “It” was a turquoise blue Stingray bicycle with a white pleather banana seat and an extra tall sissy bar.

I’d seen it by chance, tucked back …

Giveaway and Interview: Journey to You by Steve Olsher

By in Blog, Giveaway

Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

Also, Steve’s team has informed me that you can download the digital version of Journey to You for free by subscribing for his newsletter! You can access that here.

The winners:

Have you ever felt like there’s one thing you were born to do, and you’re not doing it?

This isn’t actually something I’ve thought, because I don’t believe in fate.

For this reason, I felt a little reluctant when I …

Tiny Wisdom: The Tiny Wonders We Take for Granted

By in Gratitude, Happiness, Quotes

“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle, or you can live as if everything is a miracle.” –Albert Einstein

The other day I started writing in a gratitude journal again, right as I was overcoming a cold. After I wrote my boyfriend’s name, my family, and Tiny Buddha, I wrote “breathing through both nostrils.”

A few days prior, when my right side was all stuffed up, I wasn’t doing that so well.

It occurred to me then that when I’d kept a gratitude journal before, I never once expressed by appreciation for …

Change Your Attitude, Change Your Life

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” ~Gandhi

It was 1999 and my life stunk. I had failed miserably as a missionary for my church, I’d been sent to a mental hospital and diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and I was in the process of losing the woman I thought I was going to marry.

I was in bad shape, and didn’t have a clue as to how I could right the ship, so to speak.

Now, 13 years later, I have a great job that provides for me …

Tiny Wisdom: When Healthy Crutches Hold Us Back

By in Happiness, Quotes

“Happiness can only be found if you free yourself from all other distractions.” -Saul Bellow

I have had a long-standing love affair with bath tubs.

I stayed in numerous hostels while completing a semester in Europe; I stayed in hotels in nearly all of the 50 states while touring for work; and I lived in a dozen different apartments in Spokane, Washington, NYC, and the San Francisco Bay Area before moving to Los Angeles last year.

Through all of my travels, I had the world I dreamed of right outside my door, and yet I was often terrified of exploring …

Emotional Blind Spots: On Feeling Uncomfortable Feelings

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“Feelings or emotions are the universal language and are to be honored. They are the authentic expression of who you are at your deepest place.” ~Judith Wright

On March 12th of 2006 I faced an important decision: life or death? From my perspective, death seemed reasonable, logical, and easy. Life on the other hand was difficult and full of disappointment.

That was the day I realized I had no idea how to be happy or live with my true self. All I knew and felt in my soul was aloneness; an emotional black hole that consumed me.

Being Emotional

…

Tiny Wisdom: Our Mistakes May as Well Be Our Own

By in Confidence, Courage, Failure, Mistakes, Quotes, Responsibility

“Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else’s.”  -Billy Wilder

A few months ago, when I was creating my book marketing plan, an associate advised me to allocate resources to something that I felt certain was not a smart idea. He offered a detailed explanation for why I should do it, but I felt strongly that it wasn’t necessary.

I eventually did as he recommended because he was adamant that I should. Essentially, I decided his instincts were smarter than mine—even though this was new territory for both of us—and simply followed …