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How to Let Go of the Need for Approval to Start Thriving

By in Blog, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, being nothing” ~Aristotle

The need for approval kills freedom.

Trust me, I know, because I spent my entire life seeking approval until I realized it was a waste of time and didn’t work anyway. The desire to get people to like me motivated the majority of my choices and actions in early life.

Queen of social chameleons, I mastered the art of telling people what they wanted to hear and being someone they would find impressive—all the while worrying incessantly about what others thought of me, fearing criticism, …

Tiny Wisdom: On Playing

By in Happiness, Quotes

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” -George Bernard Shaw

Playfulness becomes difficult when we get bogged in worries. Worrying sucks the joy out of everything. I know, because I’ve been there many times before.

You start a new project focused on your passions, and shortly after starting, you stress about where it’s going. Or you set aside some time to do something you enjoy, and before you know it you’re fixating on everything you have to complete on your to-do list.

We don’t stop playing because we no longer enjoy it. …

The (Real) Secret to Staying Young

By in Blog, healthy habits

“When you’re finished changing, you’re finished.” ~Benjamin Franklin

You know them well.

They pop out of every magazine you open and every billboard you drive by: skinny sixteen year-old models with blemish- and wrinkle-free skin staring blankly back at you. Like they own the place or something.

If you don’t have their complexion and shape you probably wince the same way I do when you see them splattered on that advertising campaign. Youth is where it’s at in the twenty first century.  We’re told it’s desirable and that we should want it—and inevitably, many of us do.

On any given …

Tiny Wisdom: On Discovering the Best in People

By in Love, Perspective, Quotes

“When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.” -William Arthur Ward

I read somewhere once that we tend to judge ourselves by our intentions and other people by their actions. In other words, we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, whereas we’re more apt to assume other people mean to be cruel, inconsiderate, or hurtful when they make poor choices.

I suspect this is a survival strategy: We need to believe that we are good people in order to live with ourselves, and we want to quickly assess which other …

Creative Types: How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

By in Blog, meaning & passion, work fulfillment

“Just as much as we see in others, we have in ourselves.” ~William Hazlitt

Most days I am a dedicated writer and artist, focused and working away with my oh-so-happy hands.

Most days I feel inspired to share adventures and insights from living in Paris for over two years while going to graduate school. Or referencing the intense spiritual work and personal growth I’ve experienced in recent years. Or describing how I quit the unfulfilling rat-race to focus on my passion and my life dreams.

Most days I have confidence and pride in my personal creations and feel pretty darn …

Tiny Wisdom: On Dropping Excuses

By in Challenges, Possibilities, Quotes, Strength

“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.” -Charles R. Swindoll

Joshua Denney, who designed this site and does a ton behind the scenes, found this video and posted it on Facebook yesterday with the heading, “No excuses.”

What could you accomplish if you stopped making excuses and started focusing on making a difference?

Take a Chance: Seize That Opportunity in 4 Steps

By in Blog, meaning & passion, work fulfillment

“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.” ~Unknown

Have you ever paused at a podium, feeling your hands shake as you speak to the senators before you? Have you ever laced your skates, shuddering as you heard your name announced as the next skater to compete? Have you ever found out about an amazing opportunity (say, a chance to post on Tiny Buddha), only to realize that you’re terrified to try?

I’ve been in all these risky scenarios, so I know how intimidating they can be. By definition, risk-taking doesn’t guarantee …

Tiny Wisdom: On Everyday Teachers

By in Attitude, Gratitude, Knowledge, Quotes

“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” -Pema Chodron

Many people go through their days collecting moments that annoyed them. How another driver turns without signaling. How your coffee barista moves at a glacial pace—so slow she has to ask twice what you ordered. The way a coworker talks loudly on her cell phone, even though you practically share the same cubicle.

Things like this happen all the time. We live, work, and play on top of each other—people we know, don’t know, want to know, and don’t …

10 Ways to Create a Strong, Intimate Relationship

By in Blog, love & relationships

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” -~Sam Keen

Before I married my wonderful husband, I dated a lot of men. For most of my 20s (and even my early 30s) I had a perfect fairy-ideal of what romantic love was, probably because I was an actress and loved drama back then.

It took years for me to realize a relationship is not a romance movie.

At some point in our lives, we may believe that love should be like the kind of romance we see portrayed in …

Tiny Wisdom: On Connecting

By in Kindness, Quotes

“Don’t wait for people to be friendly. Show them how.” -Unknown

From what I can tell, my next door neighbor doesn’t make eye contact with anyone. For a while I thought she was just avoiding me, but I’ve observed that she’s like this with all of our neighbors. By keeping her eyes fixed on her feet, she never has to exchange pleasantries or smiles, let alone get into full-fledged conversations.

She always seems withdrawn and lethargic, and this makes me feel sad for her. I’ve been in that place before–and if she’s feeling anything like I did then, I know …

Why Judging People Makes Us Unhappy

By in Blog, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” ~Henry David Thoreau

A friend of mine likes to joke that dying will be a relief because it will put an end to the “heavy burden of judging,” as she calls it. She envisions herself lying in a hospital bed and, moments before death, noticing the ceiling and thinking, “What a hideous green.”

Here’s a modest proposal: Vow that for the rest of the day, you won’t judge your friends and you won’t judge any strangers you happen to see. This would include a friend who’s a non-stop …

Tiny Wisdom: On Being Openly You

By in Confidence, Courage, Quotes

“What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly.” -Carl Rogers

When I was in high school, it was trendy to be “alternative.” It was a time of Green Day, grunge, and wallet chains, and everyone and their brother did their best to blend in by pledging nonconformity.

It was an ironic time for self-expression–we were unified by our mutual declaration of individuality, underscored by an unspoken need to belong.

Though it’s been a long time since I wore a thermal shirt with self-cut thumb holes, I still feel tempted on occasion to shapeshift to please …

7 Ways to Benefit from Not Getting What You Want

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ~Dalai Lama

A year ago, I hit rock bottom. Until that point, I had put all my energy into my dream of becoming a physician. Last year my life slammed into a brick wall, and my plans seemed to be torn into pieces.

After high school, I took every opportunity to immerse myself in the medical profession while maintaining my grades in college.

During the summer of my freshman year, I worked as an Emergency Medical Technician and practiced being a first responder during medical emergencies. …

Tiny Wisdom: On Forgiveness

By in Anger, Forgiveness, Quotes, Strength

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

Someone wronged you. Maybe they treated you thoughtlessly without your feelings or best interests in mind. Or maybe they hurt you with full awareness in a moment of anger orfrustration.

Your pride’s bruised, and your expectations destroyed. Why should you extend compassion to them when they didn’t offer you the same? Why should you reach out to them when you’re not the one who was wrong?

You could easily come up with a laundry list of excuses to stay righteous and unyielding. Unfortunately, no one benefits …

How to Open Yourself to Love When You Didn’t Grow Up with It

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

I was always someone who craved love and attention. This is not to say that I accepted love willingly—quite the opposite, in fact.

If someone decided to like or even love me they would have to pass through a path of obstacles, being pushed, pulled, and tested at every corner. Only then, upon arrival at the finish line, would they gain my acceptance.

As you can imagine, this eliminated a number of potential friends and partners, and I often found myself lonely and disappointed.…

Tiny Wisdom: On What We Envision

By in Possibilities, Quotes

“We are limited, not by our abilities, but by our vision.” -Unknown

Have you ever cut yourself off right in the middle of imagining a possibility? I did it to myself earlier today. As I wrote in my recent blog post about needing less money, I am happiest when I have enough, but don’t devote countless hours to the pursuit of abundance.

Today I was thinking about a world where I could take care of all of my needs through barter, when suddenly I stopped short and thought, “All is a little unrealistic.” I then started making a …

3 Mistakes That Hold You Back in Life & How to Avoid Them

By in Blog, meaning & passion

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” ~Marianne Williamson

I believe we are here to grow, to expand—to learn and experience and understand. Growth and discovery are the purpose of life.

I also believe we tend to get in our own way.

Our experiences, our cultures, and even our families can create fears and limitations that can hold us back, or hold us down. They don’t do this intentionally. It’s just that we’re all doing the best we can in this beautiful, messy, complicated world.

There are so many circumstances or experiences that …

Tiny Wisdom: On the Power of Dreams

By in Possibilities, Quotes

“The poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream.” -Harry Kemp

A while back, I found a research study that revealed a lot of trust fund babies end up struggling with depression. Since they don’t need to work to earn a living, many of them feel a sense of emptiness and purposelessness.

Even with all the money they could ever need, they often feel that their lives are lacking.

I’m sure most of us wouldn’t mind a little extra money to play with, but there is no wealth like the joy …

Tiny Wisdom: On Being Part of the Solution

By in Compassion, Love, Quotes

“Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping him up.” -Jesse Jackson

I’ve always believed that there is a fundamental difference between compassion and pity: Compassion stands beside someone; pity stands above.

Sometimes it’s tempting to stand in that place, and not just because we’re being judgmental or cruel. Oftentimes, it feels safer up there. You don’t need to understand that person, or what they’re dealing with.

You also don’t need to get too close. You can simply remove yourself without getting too invested or involved, knowing that you feel bad, but there’s nothing you can do.

Compassion suggests a …

Controlling Your Inner Control Freak: The Art of Inefficiency

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“Being right is highly overrated. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.” ~Unknown

I’ve always been a control freak. But I’ve learned to control it!

I was born with the ability to quickly envision the most efficient way through a task, activity, project, problem, puzzle, or challenge. This has made me useful to many people, especially in my workplaces.

But it can make people crazy, too. Especially when I’ve expected others to buy into the approach I knew would work best, fastest, most efficiently.

My partner sometimes reminds me, “It doesn’t always have to be about being efficient!”…

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