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Posts tagged with “anxious”

How My Drive to Succeed Led to Crippling Anxiety (And How I Got My Life Back)

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“The only way out is through.” ~Robert Frost

The suffocating pressure from being obsessively focused on achievement and improvement led to escalating stress and anxiety over the years, but I ignored my feelings and kept attacking my goals.

Over time it became darker and heavier. It became crippling. It forced me to put a stop to almost everything in my life.

I’m a type A personality driven by a need for accomplishment. When I was in elementary school, I did my homework immediately after getting home even though my mom begged me to take a break. In high school, I …

Why You Feel Anxious In Relationships and How To Stop

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“I was feeling insecure you might not love me anymore.” ~John Lennon

After doing years and years of self-esteem work, I thought I was fairly well adjusted and secure. I thought I was fairly confident, self-assured, and not at all needy. But all that changed when I got into my recent relationship.

My subtle thought pattern of fear, distrust, projection, and unhappiness started creeping in. Again? Seriously? I thought I was past all that.

As it turns out my attachment disorder runs much deeper than I thought it did. What about yours? I mentioned attachment theory in one of my …

How a Terrified, Socially Anxious Guy Became Relaxed and Confident

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“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ~Viktor Frankl

Life is hell… or so I thought for most of my thirty-four years.

My intense social anxiety, an over-the-top and uncontrollable fear of people and social situations, ruined much of my young life. I operated completely alone, living only inside my own head, without even realizing it.

Now, it’s rare that I’m too afraid to talk to anyone. And I face multiple difficult decisions, discussions, and even confrontations …

How to Breathe Your Way to Inner Calm

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“Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.” ~Etty Hillesum

Today I’d like to discuss something that I’ve found to be very important: our breathing.

“What do you mean our breathing? Don’t we do that all the time? Why do I need to read a blog post about it?”

Yes, we do this involuntarily, but did you know that there are different ways we breathe? Improper breathing can affect how we feel, mentally and physically, and, in reverse, how we feel can lead to improper breathing (if, for example, we’re …

5 Beliefs About Anxiety That Can Make You Even More Anxious

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“It’s okay to not be okay all the time.” ~Unknown

I never thought of myself as an anxious person.

But here I was again, staring at a computer screen in my office, so stressed I could barely type. I’d been throwing myself into work and I had crashed—hard.

And this wasn’t the first time.

Unfortunately, our mental image of who we think we are and who we actually are don’t always match up. But part of being human is that we learn to live with that, we embrace the struggle, and we grow.

Over the last five years I’ve had …

How to Stop Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop and Start Living Fully

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“Use your precious moments to live life fully every single second of every single day.” ~Marcia Wieder

I recently came back from an amazing vacation overseas with my family. All of our travel went smoothly, everyone stayed healthy, and there wasn’t any drama or conflict among family members. Other than one flight being delayed, it was perfect.

On the way home from the trip my heart and soul were soaring from the fun we had enjoyed, savoring the memories in my mind and feeling grateful. I noticed, though, that when I returned home my mind slowly started to shift. …

How Reframing Your Self-Critical Thoughts Can Help Ease Anxiety

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“Don’t let the sadness of your past and the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present.” ~Unknown

I know what it feels like to be scared.

I know what it feels like to question your sanity, your worth, your place in this world.

Sometimes, all I can do is repeat the words it’s okay over and over and over again in my head, until I kind of, somewhat, maybe start to believe it’s true.

Anxiety sucks. Depression does too. They’re not my favorites of the emotions we humans get to experience. But, truthfully, they have a purpose.…

Anxiety, Your New BFF: How It Can Help You If You Let It

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“Be grateful for whatever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.” ~Rumi

Anxiety—a frequent, uninvited visitor.

It hovers; it comes and goes. It underlines. It overpowers. It stops you in your tracks. It pursues you as you run away.

My anxiety’s appearance is often marked by a buzzing, electric-charge energy. I used to jokingly compare it to a predatory yellow jacket. They used to terrify me. Since I was stung too many times, this insect was definitely not on my list of BFFs.

Once I was driving my then seven-year-old daughter and her friend to …

4 Things I’d Say to My Anxiety-Filled Younger Self

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“I vow to let go of all worries and anxiety in order to be light and free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

As I sit here writing this, I’m just a couple of days away from my twenty-eighth birthday.

It’s been a whole decade since an introverted, shy version of me turned eighteen years old and entered into the realms of what many people consider to be “adult age.”

Back then, anxiety, specifically social anxiety, plagued me.

At the time, however, I’d never even heard of anxiety, let alone considered that I may be suffering with this thing that could be …

5 Easy, Natural Ways to Reduce Stress

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“It’s all about finding the calm in the chaos.” ~Donna Karan

Like my grandfather, I have always been a weather geek. I check the weather news daily and, for as long as I can remember, thunderstorms, warm/cold fronts, and clouds have fascinated me.

Close friends of mine will be the first to tell you that I have the bad habit of stopping someone mid-sentence to point out cirrus clouds, or a storm on the horizon.

But it’s more than just a nerdy interest. Looking at thunderstorms and clouds has always had a calming effect on me.

A few years ago …

Whatever You’re Feeling, It Will Eventually Pass

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The Power of Doing Nothing When You’re Frustrated or Anxious

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“This ‘doing nothing’ is not a cold, passive resignation, but is a luminous, sacred activity, infused with presence and a wild sort of compassion. It is a radical act of kindness and love.” ~Matt Licata

I am storming home after work.

The important men in my life are driving me bonkers—they’ve been self-important, disrespectful, condescending jerks.

My dad doesn’t see the value in the work I do, and my partner blew off our date to take an important phone call. My younger brother leapt off of the phone with me, which he’s been doing every time I’ve called in the …

You Don’t Have to Be Positive All the Time

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Coping with Anxiety When People Aren’t There for You

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“People aren’t always going to be there for you. That’s why you need to learn to handle things on your own.” ~Unknown

Anxiety is a box around your mind. It’s the cage in which your deepest worries start to pace, then walk, and gain momentum until they’re out of control.

Once these worries and scenarios take off and hit the walls of this box, they’re trapped, and tension starts building.

It can be an exhausting cycle of stress that you might think you have to face alone if you want to avoid opening yourself up to pity or rejection.

You …

How to Deal with Depression and Anxiety: 10 Lessons from a Lake

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“Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.” ~Viktor Frankl

Low moods can roll in like a numbing wave, washing out the pleasure from life.

If you’ve experienced this, you’re not alone. Surveys have shown that the vast majority of people in the US eventually experience some depressive symptoms, and many are anxious. I’ve been there before.

Early in my medical career, I made some research findings that contradicted the then-current views. My boss was not an expert in that area, so he simply …

When Something Has to Change: How to Push Yourself to Take Action

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“The truth you believe in and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.” ~Pema Chodron

At some point, there comes a defining moment when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you just can’t keep living the way you’ve been living.

You know that something has got to give and realize that you only have two options—either change or stay the same.

The idea of having to choose either one of those options feels absolutely unbearable, so you find yourself trapped between the two, in this awful purgatory of indecision.

That’s exactly where I was trapped: …

4 Tips for Managing Stress from a Combat Veteran

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“Buddha was asked, ‘What have you gained from meditation?’ He replied, ‘Nothing.’ ‘However,’ Buddha said, ‘let me tell you what I lost: anger, anxiety, depression, insecurity, fear of old age, and death.’”

“I never get stressed.”

I used to say and think this all the time when I saw someone freaking out about an upcoming test, a bad grade, relationship problems, or a boss or coworker.

I had a false sense of being “carefree” because I wouldn’t get stressed over the trivial things that most people did.

I was a “battle hardened” soldier recently back from a deployment in Afghanistan. …

A Simple Trick to Feel Less Anxious and More Confident

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“Nothing in the affairs of men is worthy of great anxiety.” ~Plato

A few weeks ago, I was standing in front of a mirror in the women’s bathroom at work.

I could feel the cold sweat down my spine and was angry for not being able to gain a better control of myself. I attempted everything in the book—took deep breaths, closed my eyes, tried to calm down, counted slowly to fifty.

No change.

My anxiety was still running high, my pulse was rushing, and I looked as a frightened little bird trapped in a cage. The occasion? An …

How Accepting Anxiety Can Lead to Peace

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“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

My unwillingness to accept my anxiety disorder (there, I said it, I have a disorder) results in panic.

It results in waking up at night, heart racing, body tingling and trembling.

It results in driving down the road in a thunderstorm thinking I am having a heart attack—but I just keep driving and talking to my beloved on the phone because “if I can just keep driving away from it, it will be okay.”…

A Reason to Feel Less Anxious During Times of Transition

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“How ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be.” ~Elizabeth Lesser

This past May I graduated from college, where I majored in Environmental Science. I chose this subject for one simple reason: I love learning how the world works.

There are always strong connections to be made between humans and other species. Every time I hear a unique, astonishing fact about other animals, I feel more connected to the world around us rather than more separate.

My latest …