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Posts tagged with “insecurity”

7 Reasons I Was Scared to Take up Space and How I Boosted My Confidence

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“You are allowed to take up space. Own who you are and what you want for yourself. Stop downplaying the things you care about, the hopes you have.” ~Bianca Sparacino

I deserve to take up more space. Plain and simple. By taking the space I deserve, I further build the confidence I need to live a rich life that resonates with who I truly am.

Over the past several years, I’ve had to navigate a new life after hard breakups, difficult career transitions, and moving back home. I’ve had to face the feeling that I’m not doing enough. …

What to Do When You Can’t Seem to Love Yourself

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“You’ll be amazed at what you attract when you start believing in what you deserve.” ~Unknown

“You just need to love yourself more.”

I’ve heard that advice so many times when I’ve felt rejected, inadequate, and not enough. And instead of that advice helping me, it has just made me feel even more rejected, inadequate, and not enough.

Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t angry at the person giving me the advice—I was angry with myself for not being able to love myself unconditionally.

It’s easier to feel love for yourself when things are going well. When …

Why We Feel Like a Fraud (and How to Stop)

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“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody and they’re going to find me out.’” ~ Maya Angelou

Any minute now they would find out.

I scanned the large conference room. The twenty-six project team members around the table discussed data analysis. Their voices were muffled by the thick fog of my anxiety.

My own throat tried to choke me, and my chest refused to expand. Sweat trickled down my side.

Breathe, just breathe. It’s going to be okay.

My eyes met my …

Perfectly Imperfect: How to Embrace Your Insecurities

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“Cut yourself some slack. You’re doing better than you think.” ~Unknown

Your stomach is tied up in knots.

Another crisis has arrived, and everyone is looking to you to have the answers, to be the leader. You can’t blame them either because you think you should have all the answers. But you just don’t.

Though you look calm on the outside, inside you’re a tangle of nerves and anxiety, terrified someone will expose you as the fraud you feel you are.

In the past, you’ve been able to pull a rabbit out of a hat to save the day, …

I Will No Longer Allow My Doubt to Convince Me I’m Not Good Enough

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“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.” ~Henry Ford

Self-doubt is a killer. It may start off quietly in the back of your mind when you’re a kid. You may not even notice its presence, but if you let it, it can keep growing bigger and bigger like a balloon that never pops.

“Did I make the right decision?”

“Should I have said that out loud?”

“Should I apply for that job?”

“Am I good enough?”

For most (including myself), it’s that last question that haunts you no matter what you’re trying to do.

Growing …

I Didn’t Know How to Let Love In… Until Now

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“You open your heart knowing there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.” ~Bob Marley

A few months ago I was visited by my mother in a dream; my deceased mother who took her own life thirty years ago.

In my dream, I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom thinking about my teenage daughter, who is around the same age I was when my mother died. I felt like my daughter was in distress, and I wanted to help her.

As …

How To Overcome Insecurity and Change Your Negative Relationship Patterns

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“Sometimes our thoughts are backed by so much insecurity that they create lies we believe.” ~Unknown

After nearly a year of being single and after going through my fifth breakup, I found myself involved with someone new.

It was the typical guy-meets-girl story you read about all over the Internet. We met for dinner and drinks and there was an immediate attraction. We laughed and talked and overall had a great night. By the second date, he stayed the night at my house and didn’t leave for four days.

This time I felt I was more prepared. I had studied …

3 Stages of a New Relationship and How to Handle the Changes

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“Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways.” ~Glennon Doyle Melton

When I was younger, I assumed that when I found the ideal person for me and was in my ideal relationship, it was going to be easy, and I was going to feel comfortable and safe all the time.

I would be floating on clouds, feeling blissful and light, and I’d love everything that person did all the time. That’s what being with ‘The One’ would feel like. I have come to learn, through countless emotional outbursts, anxious moments, doubt-filled thoughts, hard conversations, and extreme emotional …

How I Changed My Life by Remembering Who I Was Before the Pain

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“If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies.” ~Unknown

For a skinny, curly haired five-year-old girl, life was magical.

Buried in books and living in my imagination, I was constantly scribbling stories and dreaming of far away places. My inquisitive mind and persistent curiosity led me further than I ever thought possible. I was a little girl with big dreams, in a world where nothing seemed impossible, where life was bliss.

Then school started.

It wasn’t easy. In fact, at times it was horrifying. And not academically, no, I enjoyed it very much. But being different and not trying to …

Why Insecurity & Approval-Seeking Lead to Unhealthy Relationships

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“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.” ~Robert Holden

As a child I was carefree and enthusiastic. Aren’t most kids? At some point, though, life began to impact me and to affect how I felt about myself.

For as long as I can remember, I was a chubby kid. I began using food as a means of coping, and my family didn’t seem to see it as an issue. Coming from an Italian family, food was correlated with love.

As I moved into my adolescent years, being chubby was no longer “cute,” and other …

How to Stop Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough

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“Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.” ~Brene Brown

I’ve always had a temper for as long as I can remember. It would show up at the most innocuous times—when playing a board game with my family, at the dinner table, or sometimes right in the middle of a shopping mall.

At the time I had no idea why I would get so frustrated, so red-in-the-face with pure rage and an intense feeling of absolute helplessness. Even more puzzling was the triggers to these episodes.

Usually it involved losing at something as …

Change Your Patterns and Stop Sabotaging Relationships

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“Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment.” ~Unknown

My biggest relationship fear used to be getting dumped for another woman.

If it actually happened, it was going to be the ultimate proof of my worthlessness.

It wasn’t easy to live with that fear. When it came to conjuring up scenarios of loss and pain, I was like a rag doll in the hands of my imagination.

Even if my partner did not leave me or intend to cheat on me, the fear of being abandoned turned me into a person the man I was with no longer recognized.…

Overcoming Approval Addiction: Stop Worrying About What People Think

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“What other people think of me is none of my business.” ~Wayne Dyer

Do you ever worry about what people think about you?

Have you ever felt rejected and gotten defensive if someone criticized something you did?

Are there times where you hold back on doing something you know would benefit yourself and even others because you’re scared about how some people may react?

If so, consider yourself normal. The desire for connection and to fit in is one of the six basic human needs, according to the research of Tony Robbins and Cloe Madanes. Psychologically, to be rejected …

What Do Strangers Think of You?

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We all hone in on our “imperfections.” Most of us are harsher toward ourselves than other people would ever be. But what if those imperfections are actually things others might find beautiful? And what if other people see us for so much more than just our skin and body type?

BuzzFeed asked people to look in a mirror and describe what they saw. What they didn’t know was that there were strangers on the other side of the mirror, giving their first impressions.

Release the Fear of Not Measuring Up and Share Your Light

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“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” ~Brené Brown

I believe that it is part of the human condition to want love and connection with others. For some of us this comes much more naturally and abundantly than it does for others.

The universal thing we all share is that at some point along our life journey, there will come a time when our self-worth is on the table for questioning.

I can clearly recall the first time my self-confidence was rocked. I was seven years old and full of energy, life, …

Stop Comparing: No One Can Do a Better Job of Being You

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“Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” ~Unknown

For fifteen years I gave up on art.

I’d been an “artistic” kid, always drawing and painting, but by first or second grade I was already comparing my work to that of other kids and judging it as inferior.

At thirteen I quit making art altogether. There were other kids who could draw so much more realistically than I could—kids to whom anything artistic just seemed to come naturally—and I jumped to the conclusion that their superior skills …

Building Confidence to Face a Fear Instead of Hiding from It

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“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” ~Eckhart Tolle

I was very shy growing up, especially in lower and middle school. I moved from the US to London when I was five. Although I don’t remember a lot of my experience in lower school in London, I do know that when I first started I refused to speak or read aloud.

I was in a completely new environment. I was confused and anxious, and it made me afraid of new situations.

As the year progressed I settled in pretty well. I made friends and would not have …

Anyone Can Change If They Take It One Step at a Time

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“Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be.” ~Alan Watts

I used to be an insecure girl obsessed with her weight, stepping on the scales about twenty times a day.

I used to be a bulimic teenager struggling with depression and a way too controlling father, whom I never told, “I love you, Dad.”

I used to be a lonely woman who always fell for the wrong men because she had not yet learned that she deserved better.

I used to be co-dependent, fighting for everyone but myself.

I used to …

4 Ways to Use Journaling to Calm Your Inner Critic

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“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

It’s a voice we’re all familiar with, and one that we all find challenging. Yes, the inner critic is the part of our internal dialogue that can make or break our day.

At its best, our inner critic helps us live in a way that’s true to our values, questioning decisions that we might regret later and keeping us on the straight and narrow. At it’s worst, however, an inner critic rampage can bring down our mood, self-esteem, and sense of self-worth.

Much of my own self-work has …

On Dealing with Fear: Stop Judging Yourself and Be

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“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

I’m arachnophobic. Last night, a large spider took up residence on the wall in my room. The shock of seeing its dark mass seated comfortably against the stark white of the paint made the blood drain from my head.

I have ways of dealing with my fears. Sometimes I ignore them and plunge in head-first without thinking; sometimes I avoid them altogether and run for the hills. When it comes to spiders though, I humanize the situation.

I gave Richie, as I named my new roommate, the …