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Category “letting go”

A Powerful Technique That Can Help Heal the Pain of Regret

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“We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.” ~Rick Warren

Regret—whether for things that you have done or things that you had no control over—can keep you frozen in the past, unable to move forward. Sadly, there are no magic wands that can turn back the hands of time and change what has happened, but despite this I believe we’re not entirely powerless to affect the past, after all.

I first began thinking of this subject when my daughter was young and having serious ongoing problems with fear. She wasn’t able to go …

When Negative Thoughts Keep You Down: How to Break the Addiction

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“We think we are our thinking, and we even take that thinking as utterly ‘true,’ which removes us at least two steps from reality itself.” ~Richard Rohr

Do you frequently obsess over worst-case scenarios? Do you struggle to think well of yourself or others? Are you frequently stressed, anxious, or depressed? You may be suffering from an addiction to your negative thoughts.

We all fall into patterns of negative thinking from time to time, often triggered by difficult circumstances or everyday stress. But when that pattern occurs over a long period of time, it can degrade our health …

5 Ways Journaling Can Help You Get Through the Hard Stuff

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“In the journal I do not just express myself more openly than I could to any person; I create myself. The journal is a vehicle for my sense of selfhood. It represents me as emotionally and spiritually independent. Therefore (alas) it does not simply record my actual, daily life but rather—in many cases—offers an alternative to it.” ~Susan Sontag

My first journal was born into existence when I was twelve. I remember carefully choosing my favorite comics, pictures from magazines, and the odd scribble I’d drawn. Tongue stuck out in concentration, gluing them strategically on an unused exercise book. …

How to Be There for Others Without Taking on Their Pain

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“Letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.” ~Melody Beattie

When our loved ones suffer, it’s hard not to get swept up in their pain. We want so desperately to fix them, to take away their hardship, and to see them flourishing.

As a control freak, I often find myself going into “fixer mode” when my partner is struggling with …

How to Get Out of Your Head and Stop Overthinking Everything

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“It’s not a matter of letting go, you would if you could. Instead of ‘Let it go,’ we should probably say ‘Let it be.'” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn

I always believed that a busy mind was a bad thing.

And for a large part of my life, it was.

Looking back, I don’t ever recall a time when I wasn’t caught up in my thoughts. There was always a “narrator” in my head. A constant commentary.

I tried meditating but would spend ten agonizing minutes trying desperately to push my thoughts away or make them stop, which we know is impossible. Not …

Letting Go of the Worry That Weighs Us Down

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“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” ~Eckhart Tolle

As a child, I remember my daily walks to elementary school. It was an uphill walk for the most part. Quite symbolic of later years, now that I think about it.

I would walk to school every morning with my backpack filled to the brim with things that weren’t even necessary for my day at school. I had extra clothes, toys, and books. It was so heavy that after a few months the straps would begin to break down due to the pressure.

Fast forward a few decades …

How to Stop Dwelling: A Simple Practice to Let Go of Anxious Thoughts

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“Change your thoughts and you change the world.” ~Norman Vincent Peale

We all encounter times in life when someone says or does something that offends us. After the fact, no matter how hard we try to let go of feelings of hurt or resentment, we might find it hard to move on.

I know, I’ve been there before myself, mostly when I wished I’d told people how I really felt in certain encounters, or when I doubted what I’d said or done and then replayed past events over again in my mind.

I am a reformed people pleaser, …

Leaping into the Unknown: Why We Don’t Always Need a Plan

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“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.” ~Mandy Hale

Wake up.

Wish I could go back to sleep.

Get up and ready for work. Tell myself that today I’ll leave earlier but then leave the same time as usual.

Walk to work. Pass all the same people I did yesterday. At the same time.

Arrive at work. Listen to the same people complaining about the same things. Complain about the same things myself.

Teach my classes. Tell people off for being late—the same people as yesterday and the …

What Helps Me When I’m Tempted to Compare Myself to Others

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“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” ~Zen Shen

Wow, you’re a bit of a loser compared to this guy, aren’t you, Will?

He’s winning at life—great job, great house, obviously making better money than you.

I sigh deeply and continue scrolling.

He takes care of himself, no Buddha belly, unlike you.

It’s true. I begin to feel like a useless lump. I keep scrolling.

No yellow and crooked teeth, either.

“His teeth are pretty straight,” I think to myself, staring at the guy’s mouth on the screen.

Damn right, they’re …

How My Drive to Succeed Led to Crippling Anxiety (And How I Got My Life Back)

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“The only way out is through.” ~Robert Frost

The suffocating pressure from being obsessively focused on achievement and improvement led to escalating stress and anxiety over the years, but I ignored my feelings and kept attacking my goals.

Over time it became darker and heavier. It became crippling. It forced me to put a stop to almost everything in my life.

I’m a type A personality driven by a need for accomplishment. When I was in elementary school, I did my homework immediately after getting home even though my mom begged me to take a break. In high school, I …

The Miscarriage: Why My Heart Feels Full In Spite of My Loss

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“Suddenly you’re ripped into being alive. And life is pain, and life is suffering, and life is horror, but my god you’re alive and it’s spectacular.” ~Joseph Campbell

They say all feelings have a beginning, a middle, and an end.

The truth is that I’m still in the middle part, but I felt like it was time to share this story with you—not just for me, but for all women who have faced this and for all women who have made a plan and then surrendered as the plan changed.

Two months ago, I had a miscarriage.

The pregnancy …

When Too Much Stuff Gets in the Way of All the Good Stuff

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“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” ~Socrates

When Hans and I relocated from Chicago to Ann Arbor, we wanted to live in a house with a big yard so we could plant flowers and get a dog.

There were two backstories feeding these wants. I grew up on a farm and we always had a dog or two. And having lived in Chicago three-flats for a decade, I was ready for some green grass.

There were other things on our wish list, including enough space (to …

How to Stop Sweating the Small Stuff and Let Go of Your Grudges

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“Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday. Holding a grudge and harboring anger/resentment is poison to the soul.” ~Steve Maraboli

You are tired of it, aren’t you?

You find yourself arguing again. You feel anger rising up in you.

You realize there’s no use in trying to explain your position and decide to stop the conversation.

But the topic still buzzes in your head…

This used to define my marriage.

The first few years of my marriage were constant arguing. After each argument my mind would run over and over the things he …

Why Surrendering to Life is the Key to Positive Change

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“Surrender to what is. Say ‘yes’ to life and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.” ~Eckhart Tolle

“Surrender” in current colloquial language equals failure. According to the Oxford Dictionary, without an object, surrender means to “stop resisting to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority.” With an object, it gets even worse: “Give up or hand over (a person, right, or possession), typically on compulsion or demand.”

How then can surrender be the key to joy?

At age thirty, I was defeated by life. Down for the count. But, I did …

How a Terrified, Socially Anxious Guy Became Relaxed and Confident

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“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ~Viktor Frankl

Life is hell… or so I thought for most of my thirty-four years.

My intense social anxiety, an over-the-top and uncontrollable fear of people and social situations, ruined much of my young life. I operated completely alone, living only inside my own head, without even realizing it.

Now, it’s rare that I’m too afraid to talk to anyone. And I face multiple difficult decisions, discussions, and even confrontations …

How I Forgave What I Couldn’t Forget

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“Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that their behavior was ‘OK.’ What it does mean is that we’re ready to move on. To release the heavy weight. To shape our own life, on our terms, without any unnecessary burdens. Forgiveness is pure freedom—and forgiveness is a choice.” ~Dr. Suzanne Gelb

I remember the feeling of blood rushing through my veins, my head pounding, and my heart beating faster. Every time I remembered what happened, I either cried or felt a wave of depression. This guy was someone who’d hurt me in a way that I never thought would happen. His deeds …

Rethinking What Really Matters: The Four Most Important Things in Life

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“Life is short. Focus on what matters and let go of what doesn’t.” ~Unknown

Our most precious commodities are not our smartphones, 3D TVs, brand new cars, or even our big and impressive houses.

Our most precious commodities can’t be found at the bank. They can’t be ordered online. The truth is, they are on a very short list.

Amongst our most precious commodities are our purpose, time, health, and our relationships.

How I Came to This Conclusion

Several years ago I realized I was accumulating more in my life. More things that didn’t really matter to me or …

Slow Down, Simplify, Clear Your Mind, and You’ll Get Better Results

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“The real you, the inner you, is pure, very pure. It understands. It has patience. It will wait forever while your ego trots all over everywhere trying to figure life out.” ~Stuart Wilde

There’s a common myth I think we all fall prey to: If something is important, it has to be complicated.

Surely, if what we want is easy—be it a business venture or a happier life—then everyone would be going for it, wouldn’t they?

Well, yes, in a way. But I’ve found that while the road to success and happiness isn’t always smooth sailing, it’s usually us …

Take the Leap: Reinvent Yourself and Be Who You Want to Be

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“The only thing that punk rock should ever really mean is not sitting around and waiting for the lights to go green.” ~Frank Turner

I was exactly where I should have been on the afternoon I jumped. I was four years post-undergrad at an elite private college, halfway through a Masters Degree from the nation’s top Social Work program, about to begin an internship, and working three public service jobs simultaneously. My boyfriend had just moved into my apartment, and the feeling of being “settled” was just starting to sink in.

The remaining challenge of adulthood, it seemed, …

Three Unexpected, Life-Changing Lessons I Learned at a Silent Retreat

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“Every moment is a choice to begin again.” ~Unknown

By day three of the five-day silent retreat I found myself wondering, “Why did I do this again?”

The pain of sitting in lotus position for eight hours a day was testing my patience. I was frustrated that my mind would only be still for a few moments, before interrupting itself with commentary on the fact that my mind was still, and I wasn’t feeling any spiritual awakening—although not being a particularly “spiritual” person, this wasn’t entirely surprising

So why had I decided to go on a silent retreat in the …