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Search Results for "self esteem" — 525 posts

Freedom from Food – This Time for Good!

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“Nonresistance is the key to the greatest power in the universe.” ~Eckhart Tolle

I cannot say that I didn’t struggle in my life. But there’s one area in which I have overcome the challenges I was facing with hardly an effort: letting go of the eating disorder I was suffering from, getting rid of the extra weight I was carrying, and maintaining the results easily for twenty-eight years.

How Did I Do That?

In a minute I’ll tell you exactly how I did that and how you can do it too. But first let me take a moment to explain …

If You’re Insecure and Afraid of Rejection Like Me…

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“How brave the moon shines in her skin; outnumbered by the stars.” ~Angie Welland-Crosby

I have this reoccurring dream where I am about to teach a yoga class. I stand to teach, and no one is paying any attention to me. They are all distracted or in deep conversation with one another and have no interest in engaging in the class.

As I begin, one by one the students get up and leave. I am mortified and discouraged, though I continue to teach anyway.

I wake up from the dream with a sinking feeling in my stomach and heaviness in …

How to Set Healthy Boundaries and Protect Your Space and Energy

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“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

This unprecedented time has given us an opportunity to pause, reflect, and focus on the things that are truly important in our lives. As an unexpected benefit, the need for social distancing has provided many of us with much needed personal boundaries.

I grew up at time when children were seen and not heard, but we were never encouraged to have personal boundaries. We had no privacy, and there was a lack of understanding for the need for alone time. It reminds me …

How I Found the Courage to Leave an Abusive Relationship

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“Do something today that your future self will thank you for.” ~Unknown

My whole life has been filled with toxic and abusive relationships, starting with extreme physical and emotional abuse from my parents, right up to the last relationship that I left in 2013. Abuse—physical, sexual, emotional, and verbal—is all I’ve ever known.

My entire life. I knew it wasn’t normal.

I desperately wanted to be loved, appreciated, and respected. I desperately wanted ‘normal,’ whatever that was. I longed for a fairy tale romance. I longed for happiness and peace. I just wasn’t convinced I would ever have that.

And …

Instead of Fearing Change, Get Excited About Progress

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“Progress is impossible without change.” ~Walt Disney

I want you to look in the mirror and tell me what you see.

Do you look older? Does your skin have more wrinkles? Do you notice dark circles around your eyes or white hair on your head?

You are looking at massive changes from a decade ago. A lot of it you probably don’t like—changes due to your body growing older. Changes that you cannot resist.

Now look in the mirror again. Do you notice a more confident person? Someone who is self-assured, optimistic, and happy in life?

It happened to me …

What Helped Me the Most When I Thought My Life Was Over

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“What I’m looking for is not out there, it is in me.” ~Helen Keller

I used to think that life should be easy, and if it wasn’t easy, then I was doing it wrong.

I’m older and wiser now, and I’ve learned that if it is hard, that means I am probably doing something right.

I had a good childhood. I had a loving family, plenty of opportunity, and I excelled at whatever I put my mind to. But I was a high-anxiety kid, and a relentless perfectionist. As I grew older, that need to have everything flawless impeded my …

5 Ways to Be Your Own Best Friend in This Hard Season of Life

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“Talk to yourself like someone you love.” ~Brené Brown

It has been over six months of this strange way of living. A lot is hard, uncomfortable, and painful—inside my home and outside in the world.

I find myself tired, exhausted, and overwhelmed a lot. I have two young kids; my husband and I work full time, and my home can often feel like sheer chaos.

I have mediated fights that involve blood between two young humans, and sometimes I say means words that I can’t believe I could have said to a six-year-old child. I know I could simplify …

My Powerful Personal Code for a Limitless Life

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“There is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself.” ~Miyamoto Musashi

This post is about a code of life. There isn’t a single code, and everyone must choose their own truth. I’ve been searching for my truth in the face of many books and since I haven’t founnd it anywhere I decided to write it myself.

What is the Limitless Life?

When I was young, my father told me, “Son, all limits exist only in your head.”

These words stuck …

How to Let Go of Your Family’s Expectations and Be Who You Want to Be

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My parents often spoke about coming to America from Nigeria with one portmanteau.

I imagine that their suitcase was filled with their hopes, dreams, and expectations, and in many ways, I feel like I was metaphorically handed this suitcase of desires and things the day I was born. It would now be my load to carry and make sense of.

But when I opened that portmanteau, I realized that the clothes didn’t quite fit, and there were notebooks full of expectations I would never meet.

Although I had a reverence for this great object and the hands that had …

A Love Note to Introverts: 10 Superpowers That Make You Amazing

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“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your own heart. Who looks outside dreams, who looks inside, awakens.” ~Carl Jung

Dear Introvert,

We live in an extraverted world, one that is not always kind to introverts. You may be that introvert who was bullied because you were quiet, or who felt as though you never fit in. Maybe you used food, alcohol, or substances to numb the pain, which created its own set of problems.

First and foremost, know that you are perfect as you are.

Being introverted doesn’t make you weird, awkward, anti-social, or too sensitive. …

How Redundancy Can Be a Blessing in Disguise

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“If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done.” ~Thomas Jefferson

To most people, redundancy is a dreaded word.

It conjures up thoughts of hardship, of scarcity, and of struggling to make ends meet.

I have twice been made redundant, and at both times, it was difficult to accept.

Throughout the redundancy process, and for some time afterward, my emotions were all over the place, making it difficult for me to think straight.

But I’ve discovered that when we’re able to look back, we can sometimes see that redundancy might not …

5 Things I Let Go When I Was Tired of Playing the Victim

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“Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience; taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgment gives you the power to change them.” ~ Byron Katie

I will never forget the day a dear friend of mine told me I sounded like a victim. I can recall I was outraged with a guy who didn’t fulfill my needs and my expectations in love. In other words, he broke up with me, refusing to fill up my cup with the precious things I didn’t know how to give myself: appreciation, self-care, and self-respect.

“How …

The 11 Most Common Myths About Highly Sensitive People

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“I used to dislike being sensitive. I thought it made me weak. But take away that single trait, and you take away the very essence of who I am. You take away my conscience, my ability to empathize, my intuition, my creativity, my deep appreciation of the little things, my vivid inner life, my keen awareness of others pain and my passion for it all.” ~Caitlin Jap

Unsurprisingly, given my sensitivity, I struggled to fit in when I was growing up in the loud and vibrant 1970s, a decade not known for its subtlety.

I was unbearably sensitive and relentlessly …

Do You Remember When You Didn’t Worry About Your Weight?

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“We need to start focusing on what matters—on how we feel, and how we feel about ourselves.” ~Michelle Obama

Do you remember the little girl (or boy) in you? The kid who ran, jumped, danced, laughed anywhere and everywhere they felt like it—before someone told them to shush, that they were too big, too loud, too much.

The kid who didn’t even know what a scale was before someone told them their size was wrong.

The kid who just ate—before someone gave them a mile-long list of “bad” foods and made them scared of food and distrusting of themselves.

After …

What I Now Know About Rejection and How It’s Set Me Free

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“If someone does not want me, it is not the end of the world. But if I do not want me, the world is nothing but endings.” ~Nayyirah Waheed

Rejection means a lot of things to a lot of different people. To healthcare professionals, it may mean immunological incompatibility, a body not accepting a transplanted tissue or organ. To a couple that wants to adopt, a rejection letter can be discouraging and devastating news. To a writer, rejection can come in the form of submitting your precious work that you slaved over to a publisher and being told it didn’t …

How to Tell If Your Relationship is Codependent (and What to Do About It)

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“Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.” ~ Esther Perel

Healthy relationships require a delicate balance of intimacy and autonomy, giving and receiving, self and other.

As we struggle to walk this delicate tightrope, we might feel less like graceful acrobats and more like pendulums swaying recklessly from side to side. As I reflect on my own romantic journey, I notice a trend: I got very close to past partners, losing myself in them entirely, and then emerged from the codependent haze terrified and self-abandoned.

“Never again!” I …

If You Think Contentment Will Make You Lazy and Unproductive

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“To be content doesn’t mean you don’t desire more, it means you’re thankful for what you have and patient for what’s to come.” ~Tony Gaskins

There’s a thought I want to share with you that used to keep me up at night.

It’s a toxic idea that caused me stress and burnout and actually got in the way of my productivity and creativity (and more importantly, my happiness).

Nevertheless, I hung onto it, and eventually came to see that it wasn’t just me. It was actually prevalent in many developed societies.

The thought went something like this: If I accept …

Deconstructing Shame: How to Break Free from Your Past

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“We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use shame to change ourselves or others.” ~Brené Brown

“I don’t deserve to be happy.”

“I’ll never be good enough.”

“I’m not worthy of love.”

Sound familiar?

I hear phrases like this all the time in my work helping women walk through divorce. I heard it for years while I was working in women’s ministry. And it echoes back to me from my own experience. I’ve walked through a lot of broken stories from numerous aching souls.

These phrases all boil down to one core emotion: shame.…

How to Enjoy Social Media and Stop Comparing Your Life to Others

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“You never know what someone is going through. Be kind, always.” ~Unknown

A few months back I was at the park and passed a family taking what looked like holiday photos.

The mom’s hair was perfectly coifed, dad was nicely shaven and looking quite dapper, and four kids stood smiling between them—all wearing matching khaki and surprisingly clean white shirts.

I watched the khaki family out of the corner of my eye as I pushed a stroller along the gravel trail, thinking of what their holiday post might say as my baby yodeled her displeasure at facing the sun.

“Kayden …

What Helps Me When I Feel Down About My Chronic Illness

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“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.

A few months back, before the pandemic upended life for all of us, I went through one of those times when I could do nothing but sit at home and rest for my health’s sake.

I’d recently had another one of my surgeries; I was born with a genetic condition called vascular malformation, which grew and spread quite rapidly on my left cheek and into the mouth during my childhood. It’s the reason I’ve been paying visits to operation theaters for all …