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Search Results for "past relationship" — 1211 posts

Overcoming Shame When You Took a Risk and It Didn’t Work Out

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“Live, travel, adventure, bless, and don’t be sorry.” ~Jack Kerouac

There was no denying it. I had reached a dead-end. A year and a half spent living in a southern town that was simply too small for me; it was time to go. I needed a city, preferably a large one filled with numerous opportunities for a budding young writer.

Ironically, the very day it dawned on me that it was time to move to a metropolitan area, love summoned me. It shouted to me from thousands of miles away, beckoning me to change the course of my travels.

My …

The Dangers of Being Too Busy and How to Restore Your Health and Sanity

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“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.” ~Jim Rohn

Busy doesn’t adequately describe my life over the past few years. Let’s say it was a hurricane of a schedule, with extra storms and a tsunami thrown in. Looking back from my current safe vantage point, I’m not sure how I survived.

The Stress Of A Busy Schedule

In 2011 I was working full time for the civil service and working part time trying to start up my own business. Early in the year I had my son, who turned out to be a non-sleeper …

The Beauty of Uncertainty: Each Day is a Blank Canvas

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“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~Mark Twain

It occurred to me one day, while staring at my computer at work, that I have always been uncomfortable with the idea of having uncertainty in any area of my life.

I plan my schedule rigidly, including what social/extracurricular activities I’m going to do over the next week. I take very few risks, and when …

When Dreams Change: It’s Okay to Let Go and Move On

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“Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.” ~Daphne Rose Kingma

Growing up, we’re told to follow our heart and make our dreams come true. Granted, there are some naysayers who tell us we won’t ever be able to make it happen and maybe it would be better to think of an alternative. But the people who love us and want us to find happiness, they believe in us and encourage us to follow our dreams.

I have amazing parents, friends, and family who always believed in me, who always …

Finding Happiness: 11 Simple Ways to Get Your Smile Back

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“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” ~The Dalai Lama

A while back my sister arrived for a family get-together and remarked, “Your mad laughter is missing. What’s happening?”

My mind trailed back to my childhood and teenage years and showed me images of a girl who could laugh easily, loudly, and madly.

Somewhere along the line I had lost my ability to laugh—truly laugh, with wonder and without worry.

At first I brushed it off because I didn’t even notice myself changing. The change was gradual, imperceptible.

I had come to take life too …

Set Yourself Free: 5 Things You Gain When You Forgive

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“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” ~Catherine Ponder

Somewhere in the middle of my freshman year of college, my best friend from high school broke up with me. Out of nowhere, she just stopped talking to me. I tried relentlessly to reconnect, but she stopped responding and never gave me an answer why.

For years it was the most painful heartbreak I had going in my life. It’s still what I …

The Upside of Adversity: 6 Lessons from Thriving with Chronic Illness

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“If you’re not willing to learn, no one can help you. If you’re determined to learn, no one can stop you.” ~Unknown

I vividly remember the day that I realized something was seriously wrong inside my body.

It was a Friday night. I was out with some friends after work when I suddenly started slurring my speech.

I’d been drinking soda water all evening.

I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I remember trying to stem the rising feeling of panic, to convince myself that everything was okay.

As I stared at my reflection in the mirror, noticing a …

When Someone Cheats or Mistreats You, It’s About Them, Not You

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“Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. So thank the past for a better future.” ~Unknown

I used to think when someone cheated on me that I was flawed.

You see, I had a core belief that there was something wrong with me. I never felt enough. I’m not even sure I can fully articulate this feeling, but whatever it was, I just didn’t feel enough. Slim enough, pretty enough, clever enough, worthy enough, or just, well, anything enough.

I’ve now come to see that when someone mistreats you it has almost nothing to …

Letting Go of Attachment: From A to Zen

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“Most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities.” ~Dalai Lama

If there’s one thing we all have in common, it’s that we want to feel happy; and on the other side of that coin, we want to avoid hurting. Yet we consistently put ourselves in situations that set us up for pain.

We pin our happiness to people, circumstances, and things and hold onto them for dear life. We stress about the possibility of losing them when something seems amiss. Then we often get stuck in …

The Power of Literal Listening: Take the Stress Out of Communication

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“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” ~Ernest Hemingway

If I’m honest, I don’t think I listened to another person until I was in my thirties. I wasn’t really listening, not completely. It’s not that I’m super selfish or vain; I was just so busy doing the mental gymnastics that I thought I had to do to keep up in conversations that I missed what was actually being said to me.

I grew up in a family where it felt like nearly everything that was said had another, unspoken meaning. I remember feeling really confused as a child, …

How to Live a Fulfilling Life: 10 Powerful Lessons from Loss

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“Make ‘Let go of control’ your mantra today.” ~Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges #177

When the phone call came I was thousands of miles from home. My father was suddenly ill, admitted to the hospital. I was a medical doctor by then, and I felt a foreboding.

My mind went back to my childhood.

Imagine being a little child in a dark room. Every small noise evokes images of vicious monsters lurking in the night. They draw nearer.

You cry out, “Daddy!” And cry out once more. Then your hero comes to the rescue.

Your father shuffles in …

A Simple Practice to Appreciate Our Bodies, Flaws and All

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“Who does not thank for little does not thank for much.” ~Estonian Proverb

I remember the moment so well: I had been seeing a new guy for a few months and I was staying the night for the first time. Up until that point he hadn’t seen me without heavy makeup, as I was careful to always look completely put together while with him.

That night I had to make a decision.

I could fall asleep with my makeup still on, or I could remove it first. Did I feel comfortable enough to let him see me without foundation, eyeliner, …

Losing Your Job Doesn’t Have to Mean Losing Yourself

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“I believe one of the greatest achievements in life is the choice to be empowered, not paralyzed, by a disappointment.” ~Lori Deschene

I was recently fired from my dream job, and this was devastating to me.

Anyone who has ever lost their livelihood should be able to relate to this experience. Vulnerability, shock, confusion, and anger dominated my feelings in the aftermath of suddenly losing a job that I loved.

What happened? My company created a fantastic referral program, and I saw a business opportunity to take advantage of it.

I reached out to multiple senior members of …

5 Valid Reasons to Be a Quitter

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“You have to learn to get up from the table when love is no longer being served.” ~Nina Simone

In my short life, I have left many jobs or situations. Some might call this “quitting.” Why has quitting gotten a bad rap?

Spiritual teachers and wise people often advise letting go of situations that are no longer right for you. It doesn’t seem like we’ve gotten this message. I don’t think quitting is such a bad word.

I quit my job just recently. And I feel great. Other things that I have chosen to leave: multiple jobs, a few …

How to Stop Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough

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“Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.” ~Brene Brown

I’ve always had a temper for as long as I can remember. It would show up at the most innocuous times—when playing a board game with my family, at the dinner table, or sometimes right in the middle of a shopping mall.

At the time I had no idea why I would get so frustrated, so red-in-the-face with pure rage and an intense feeling of absolute helplessness. Even more puzzling was the triggers to these episodes.

Usually it involved losing at something as …

Crash Course: 3 Ways to Bounce Back When Things Go Wrong

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“Change the changeable. Accept the unchangeable. And remove yourself from the unacceptable.” ~Denis Waitley

A few months ago, I had a car accident. Not a fender bender in a strip mall parking lot or a spinout on a winter slickened road. I drove into the wall of an apartment building a few hundred feet from my home. At two o’clock in the afternoon.

It’s still impossible for me to explain what happened. I had just started to ease my car over a set of train tracks and was about to make a sharp left turn into my alley when the …

4 Mistakes That Are Built into Your Brain

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“Cognitive bias is the biggest self-imposed obstacle to progress, not only for oneself but in the end, for all mankind.” ~Unknown

On a beautiful Pittsburgh morning in 1995, McArthur Wheeler decided to rob a bank. Not just one bank, but two. McArthur had a secret plan, one that he thought would make him exceptionally successful. It involved something very sour, a lemon.

McArthur had just recently discovered the “invisible ink,” a substance commonly used in elementary science class. Lemon juice, when used as ink on paper and dried, only appears visible when heated. Unfortunately for McArthur, his ingenious plan involved …

4 Things to Remember When Life Feels Hopeless

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“However long the night, the dawn will break.” ~African Proverb

Were there times in your life where it felt anything that could go wrong went wrong? That was me five years ago.

In a span of nine months, my marriage to a partner of eight years broke down, I lost four family members to unexpected deaths, and I suddenly found myself hurtled from living the dream life to being jobless, penniless, and homeless.

To say life knocked the wind out of me would be an understatement.

Each time I picked myself up, another blow would send me sprawling toward a …

Overcoming Sugar Addiction: A Guide to Breaking the Sweets Cycle

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“It’s not until your eyes adjust to the dark that you can finally grasp—and if you let it—be astonished, by the light of your own being.” ~Andréa Balt

Sugar was my best friend, my confidant, and my (not so secret) love. She provided me comfort and companionship. I went to her when I was happy, sad, anxious, excited, celebratory, scared, and broken-hearted. Social gatherings were centered around my infatuation with her.

I loved the taste, the experience, the social aspect. I loved the visual experience, the artistry, the display case of the perfectly frosted cupcakes and dusting …

Drop the Mask: How to Slowly Lower Your Guard and Change Your Life

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“The less you open your heart to others, the more your heart suffers.” ~Deepak Chopra

The root of my inability to be open stems from my childhood. (I guess much of who we are comes from childhood, right?)

I remember around the time I was eight years old going to a party at my aunt’s house. Even though I don’t remember the details of the party, I do remember what happened after.

We got home that night and my dad asked me, ”Don’t you think you should be a little more reserved or have a little mystery to you?”

I …