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Posts tagged with “break-up”

Nothing You Do Will Be Enough If the Relationship Isn’t Right

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“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than hurt yourself trying to put them back together.” ~Unknown

A couple of months ago my dear friend and I were chatting over coffee.

The subject turned into past relationships and the reasons why they didn’t work. My friend shared a story about her ex-fiancé—one of those “this clearly isn’t going to work, but I sure will try my hardest since I don’t give up” ones. Yeah, that kind.

It’s the kind of story that, telling it now, with hindsight and time on our sides, seems absurd. It’s the …

The Key to Letting Go of Your Ex: Love Them More

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“The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present.” ~Barbara De Angelis

My first love broke my heart into microscopic little pieces. I honestly didn’t think I’d survive. Losing him was like losing a limb. I couldn’t function.

Yet, by the time that he and I had parted ways, our connection was already severed, bleeding, broken—hanging on by threads we both imagined were there.

When we met, we were idealistic, open-hearted, trusting teenagers. Three years later, we were both addicts, self-harming in our own ways, and both in …

3 Ways to Know When a Relationship Isn’t Right for You

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“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” ~Lao Tzu

I was going out with a wonderful man. He was generous and caring and had a great sense of humor. He treated me well and attended to my every need.

But something just wasn’t right. I battled with myself for over a month.

Every time a fear surfaced about how quickly things were moving, I smoothed it over with a shrug or a hug or a reminder of how lucky I was to have found someone with whom to share my life.

My logical mind told me that he …

How to Let Go of Resentment and Forgive Your Ex

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“I used to be afraid of the pain letting go of the past would cause, until I realized how much pain holding on has caused.” ~Steve Maraboli

Getting over the pain of a bad relationship is never easy.

Even when I finally felt more in control of my feelings, the pain from my past would still spill over into my present.

I would constantly compare my new partner to my ex who had torn my heart apart. Even though I had moved on from that relationship, I was too afraid to fully trust my new partner for …

Healing a Broken Heart: It Will Get Better

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“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert

I thought I went through my last breakup a few years ago. I thought I had paid my dues, cried my share of tears, and dealt with some deep wounds. I thought I was done. I was happy and in love, and talking about moving in with my boyfriend.

One day we took a little vacation. We laughed and explored the desert excitedly talking about our dreams. Three days later I found myself sobbing on the floor of my tub, …

The Beauty of Being Single: 6 Benefits of Solitude

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“I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Shock. Rage. Sorrow. Excitement. Terror. These are just a handful of the emotions one experiences in the aftermath of a separation or divorce. Emotional rollercoaster? It’s more like being hit with the speed and velocity of a bullet train.

I should know. After twenty-five years of marriage to a kind and accomplished man, I found myself alone.

Our decision to divorce was neither acrimonious nor cruel; neither sudden nor impulsive. Rather, our decision to file for divorce was an incremental process.

We had more disappointment than …

Why Strong, Brave People Aren’t Afraid to Quit

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“Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

Throughout my life I’ve quit many things.

I quit a reasonably ‘sexy’ job title and steady paycheck.

I quit a six-year relationship with an essentially giving and loving person.

I quit being a yoga teacher after investing heavily in getting qualified.

I’ve quit many courses halfway through like calligraphy (of all things), ‘life design map’ courses, and online courses for all sorts of random things.

I quit therapy once, before they told me we were ‘done.’

I’ve quit several crappy part-time jobs when I first started …

4 Things to Remember When Your Relationship Falls Apart

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“At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.” ~Unknown

I was filled with excitement and nerves as I stood waiting to meet him for the first time in Paddington station.

It was one of the wettest days I’d seen in London, and the rain dripped steadily from the peaked hood of my blue rain jacket. Zipped up to my chin and the hood pulled tight over my head, only my eyes peered out, searching for him amongst the crowds and falling rain.

Months later, he told me that …

Grieving a Loss That Feels Like a Death

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“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” ~Vicki Harrison

Most grief books are written to help you mourn the death of a loved one and learn how to deal with their absence in this world.

Death is probably the most challenging thing a human can face. It breaks us down. It brings us to our knees. Some people are so significant in our lives that the mere thought of living without them feels incredibly overwhelming and incapacitating.…

4 Positive Lessons from the Betrayal of Infedelity

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“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” ~C.S. Lewis

My eyes leapt open sometime after 2am and, after feeling the empty space next to me, I knew.

The cell phone I laid on the pillow beside my head was silent, my previous text messages left unanswered. Panic swelled in my throat as I frantically dialed his number, calls separated by no more than thirty seconds.

Checking phone logs and driving past houses at night had never been something I pictured myself doing. So, …

How to Hold a Broken Heart (So You Can Get Through It)

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“Sometimes this broken heart gives birth to anxiety and panic, sometimes to anger, resentment, and blame. But under the hardness of that armor there is the tenderness of genuine sadness …This continual ache of the heart is a blessing that when accepted fully can be shared with all.” ~Pema Chodron

I remember a few years ago when I was going through a bad break-up. It wasn’t the longest relationship of my life or even the deepest. But it had so much potential and it ended in the most cursory of ways.

Already a few drinks deep, I FaceTimed …

When We Hold onto Relationships That Hurt Us

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“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than hurt yourself trying to put it back together.” ~Unknown

Human beings are genetically programmed to desire love. Embraces are as important to us as food and water.

Perhaps that’s why when we find someone—the wrong someone—we’re often too blind to see it.

We feel it and yet we hide it away, write it off as an odd case of commitment phobia or just a hiccup in our new relationship, oblivious to the fact that were heading into a future of sleepless nights, constant worrying, and consistent phone checking.…

7 Reasons Your Breakup Is A Beautiful Thing

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“Watch for big problems. They disguise big opportunities.” ~Ritu Ghatourey

After many years of being the “dumper” in the relationship, I then spent many years being the “dumpee.”

Even after I had worked through all of that karma that I had instilled upon myself, when it came time for my last breakup, it was finally a mutual decision. Still, it left me feeling lost and incomplete.

I had never felt happier with any other man, and at the same time, I knew I deserved better. We both loved each other so much, but we found ourselves growing apart.…

Finding Strength and Moving On from Heartbreak

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“Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together.” ~Marilyn Monroe

Whether we’re processing disappointment or a tragedy, heartache can seem irrevocable, as if our entire existence has been nuked into bleak devastation.

While it can be hard to consider the possibility that these barren circumstances could be necessary, or fruitful, heartbreak can show us a great inner strength that exists in unsuspecting, subtle ways.

I was never the kind of person who was convinced that consuming, true love was real. (You know, the kind that Celine Dion sings about.) Yet, that is exactly where I found myself …

When You’ve Fallen for Someone Who Isn’t Right for You Right Now

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“You have to learn to get up from the table when love is not being served.” ~Nina Simone

I completely fell for someone.

It was one of those instantaneous connections, the kind that movies are made of. That’s how it was in my head, at least.

But it didn’t matter, as I was moving to another city, traveling, and exploring by this point. There was no way anything was going to happen, because there was no space in either of our lives for it.

Almost a year later, we found our way back to each other. It was fireworks. Long …

Ending the Cycle of Breaking Up and Getting Back Together

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“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Almost all of my romantic relationships have had some kind of long ending. At some point I’ve gained clarity on the relationship, I’ve acknowledged the truth that it’s not working out, and then I’ve ended it.

I would like to say that was the end of the story, that I moved on each time with peace and ease. But the reality is that I second-guessed myself and ended up excusing all of my partners’ faults to justify giving them another chance.

There have been …

Lost Love: How to Survive Heartbreak and Seize the Future

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“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ~Joseph Campbell

On top of the world at twenty-two.

That’s how I felt. I was twenty-two years old and in love for the first time. I couldn’t believe it.

I had come out of a lonely childhood and was beginning to find confidence as a young adult. I landed a secure job, bought my first car, and experienced a freedom I never felt before. Then this beautiful girl came along and took me to another level.

Little …

9 Ways to Release Your Limiting Beliefs So You Can Find Love Again

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“The less you open your heart to others, the more your heart suffers.” ~Deepak Chopra

The end of my marriage was a life-shattering event that rocked my world and made me question my existence.

My breakup led to a full existential, spiritual, and personal crisis.

After putting the pieces back together, I feel like I’m ready to love again.

It took me a long time to feel open to another relationship because I was stuck in the past, replaying the story of my former relationship over and over again in my mind.

I also held a set of disempowering and …

Broken Hearts Can Lead to Awakened Souls

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“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.” ~Cynthia Occelli

There are no two ways about it.

Heartbreak squeezes you as though you were an orange, crushes you as though it were a tractor, and cuts sharply as a razor blade.

Breaking up with my former wife was the most crushing event in my life. It made me see myself as a failure, hide in embarrassment, and cry myself to sleep for months.…

Breaking Free from the Pain of Heartbreak

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“Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” ~Unknown

Heartbreak. I have never felt anything as torturous.

It’s been just over a year since my first real heartbreak, and finally, after more pain and tears than I can describe, I have started to move on.

The loss of a love you believed to be true can leave you feeling shattered. No matter how independent you believed you were, and how many positive things everyone else believes about you, you may feel like the better half of everything you know has …