Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Francis Tapon

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” ~Unknown

When someone asks, “Are you happy?” we tend to look around at our peers and see how they are living.

If we’re better off than our peers, it’s likely that we decide to be happy. Therefore, one of the tricks of being happy is to change the group we compare ourselves to.

Silicon Valley gossip columns enjoy pointing out that Oracle’s software titan Larry Ellison, whose $40 billion net worth makes him one of the top 10 richest people in America, is not the happiest guy around, mainly because he always compares himself to Bill Gates.

Meanwhile, on the Appalachian Trail, some backpackers feel smug because they got a spot in a shelter (which only has three walls and frequently has rodents nearby), whereas the latecomers have to set up their tent in the rain.

For some reason most backpackers covet the spots in the shelters, and prefer cramming next to snoring neighbors than setting up their tent.

I suppose if we put Larry Ellison on the Appalachian Trail, he might feel better about himself if we somehow made sure that he always got to stay in one of the shelters (and Bill Gates had to sleep outside under a shoddy tarp).

Let’s say you’re a thru-hiker (someone who spends months hiking an extremely long trail). Now imagine that someone visits your campsite and gives you and your four friends an envelope.

You open yours and it says that you get a free pizza at the next town. If you’re like most thru-hikers, you’d do a somersault with your backpack on!

Clearly, you would be ecstatic: Most thru-hikers value fresh food more than anything on the trail.

Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.” -Pema Chodron

We all have stories we tell ourselves about the events in our lives. Many of them are negative: My boyfriend left me because I’m not good enough. I didn’t get that job because people think I’m incompetent. My parents were too hard on me because they don’t really love me.

We often give far more meaning to events than they actually had, allowing them to control us and our actions.

Your stories can either leave you feeling helpless or empowered.

Martin Seligman, who coined the term “positive psychology” suggests that we can learn optimism and change those stories using the ABC model. When an adversity (A) happens, we can identify beliefs (B) and the undesirable consequences (C) they create.

So if your boyfriend left you and you believe it’s because you’re not good enough, that will likely leave you feeling down on yourself, and as a consequence, shut down to joy and people.

The alternative is to dispute that story to create a sense of possibility. Instead of believing that you’re not good enough, you can think, “This one relationship didn’t work out, and I can learn from this, but lots of people love me, just as I am, and many more will in the future if I keep putting myself out there.”

This story won’t completely take away the pain, but it will remind you that it’s temporary–and that you are not helpless.

We never are unless we choose to be.

Photo by kelp1966

Click here to comment

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jamie Hoang

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~Paul Boese

I have been heart-broken far longer than I think anyone should ever be.  When my relationship ended, like a rock star, I blazed through the “mourning period” and bypassed the “become a new person” phase, then promptly got completely lost.

I kept busy; went out with friends, watched movies, learned to cook, and invested in retail therapy. But I never actually let go. I felt it was impossible to move on. It’s been three years.

At my worst, I’d remember moments with vivid intensity. Real moments like the way my arm felt draped across his chest at night and imaginary ones of an alternate reality where we were still together. Truly believing that my happiness was intertwined in that relationship, I was certain that he would come back.

To pass the time I dated casually, but no one measured up; and I chased away the ones who did by placing them in the shadow of someone who could do no wrong.

I looked for fulfillment in other areas of my life. My love of the outdoors led me to a 42km (25 mile) hike along the Inca Trail, where I touched a piece of history at Machu Picchu.

And the traveling didn’t stop there. I ran around the world to: China, Cambodia, Thailand, Vietnam, England, France, Bonaire, and Jamaica; trading my savings account for experiences that I hoped would fill a void (the size of which I had severely underestimated). Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” ~Gandhi

It’s awfully difficult to be happy when you don’t love or respect yourself, and let’s face it: A big part of self love has to do with operating with integrity.

When you commit to making a positive change–like meditating or cutting back on work–but don’t follow through, you’re basically telling yourself that your commitments to yourself aren’t valuable enough to keep.

When you decide you believe in something strongly, like honesty, and then contradict it in your actions by lying, you’re telling yourself that your values and beliefs don’t really mean much to you.

These small choices create a nagging sense of internal conflict–a feeling that you’re not who you say you are, and you aren’t sure why you’re not.

I’ve been there many times before. I’ve said that balance is important to me then overloaded my schedule. I’ve committed to being compassionate, and then I’ve judged someone harshly. The end result is always the same: I feel unhappy, and then I recognize the distance between who I want to be and who I’m being.

Today if you feel unhappy and struggle identifying the cause, ask yourself: Am I being the person I say I am–and if not, what changes can I make to align what I think, say, and do?

Photo by Zen me

Click here to comment

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Mandy Burstein

“Letting go isn’t the end of the world; it’s the beginning of a new life.” ~Unknown

As we welcomed the Spring Equinox on March 20^th, with it came a sense of lightness in the air—in our bodies with healthier food options, in our minds as we flirt with the idea of summer on the horizon, and in our spirits as we are able to enjoy later sunsets with loved ones.

Spring also welcomes change and renewal, creating an opportunity to cleanse ourselves of hibernating winter habits and find inspiration in nature as wildflowers bloom all around us.

What better time to introduce (or reintroduce!) yourself to the ancient practice of yoga. Let’s face it: Yoga has stood the test of time, enduring over 5000 years, consistently providing a physical, mental, and spiritual outlet for its practitioners.

Now more than ever, yoga seems the perfect escape from our increasingly complex, technology-driven, distracted modern lives.

Finding peace and contentment in the present moment is one of the most challenging things to do, and yoga provides the tools we need to find that much-desired stillness.

As a yoga instructor, my proudest moment is not when a student who once struggled with Chaturanga perfects a forearm handstand. Well, that is a pretty sweet moment! But, by far, it is watching new students unwrap their first yoga mat. Typically of the drug store, super slippery variety, but still exciting nonetheless!

This moment resonates with me because I know, in that moment, that yoga will be a part of their world (whether in a big or small way) for the rest of their lives.

You see, yoga is a lot like chocolate. If you live your whole life never tasting chocolate, you can lead a perfectly content existence, as there is nothing to miss. But, once you have had that first taste, there really is no turning back.

Sure, you might stray from your cravings as you dabble into non-chocolate permitting diets. But the pleasure induced by that familiar taste always lingers somewhere in the back of your mind, until you finally find your way back home, onto your mat.

In honor of that joy we all receive from unwrapping our very first yoga mat, I compiled a list of five rather simplistic (and fun!) ways to integrate yoga into your life this spring. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Ariella Baston

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” ~Pema Chodron

If there’s one thing that has led me the greatest amount of re-invention, it’s anxiety. By anxiety I don’t mean worry or concern. Anxiety is a different animal that grabs a hold of you and halts you in your tracks.

We tend to reject its milder forms and are really terrified by its intense moments, like with panic attacks. It’s difficult to see when we’re fighting with anxiety that it can have any benefit, but it does.

Anxiety comes with some great treasures hidden inside, and they can be yours if you know how to get to them. First, you have to stop fighting and listen to the anxiety for clues.

Getting the Message

The greatest truth about anxiety is that it is a message. Anxiety is not the real issue. It’s the voice of something else lying beneath that’s calling out to you.

Most people who experience anxiety try to go after the symptoms more than its cause and try to fight it off as if it were the only thing to deal with.

That’s not how to go about it if you ever want to know how it happened, why it’s there, and how you can gain long-term freedom from it. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” ~ Pema Chodron

Nine out of ten times when I feel paralyzed, it’s because I doubt myself.

Sometimes I doubt my knowledge—whether I truly know enough to move forward. Sometimes I doubt the choices I’ve already made, as if I can somehow find a sense of control in rehashing what I’ve done and deciding how to do it better in the future.

Other times I doubt my instincts. I think I know what’s right for me, but my mind decides to split and take sides, creating a nagging sense of internal conflict over what I actually want to do.

I’ve mostly dealt with this as it pertains to my dreams, and it’s partially because I’m terrified of doing the wrong thing and somehow ruining everything I’ve been working toward. I don’t want to say the wrong thing, or make the wrong decision and then have to take responsibility for the outcome of my choice.

It feels easier not to choose at all.

But what I’m learning is that there is no such thing as “wrong.” The only wrong choice is not making one. That’s not to say we’ll always create the outcomes we visualize. But maybe that isn’t the point.

Maybe the point is to learn to be less afraid of leaping, knowing that the net may not always appear, but the fall will never be far enough to do any lasting damage.

This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately as I stretch outside my comfort zone with public speaking. As a former loner, I don’t deal well with crowds in general, let alone crowds staring at me while I talk vulnerably and passionately about something I love.

The space between the stage and the ground always feels like a massive distance, both in the ascent and the decline. I can’t say for certain I will ever feel fully confident in the spotlight. I may always feel at least some self-doubt, but I can choose not to doubt the choice to stretch and grow.

Doubts are just an inevitable part of life. The important thing is that we act in spite of them. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” -Honore de Balzac

When you think that you don’t know, know that somewhere inside you, you do. When you think you can’t go on, know that you absolutely can and will. When you aren’t sure that you can make a difference, know that you already do, and you will continue to if you just keep going.

It’s not about having all the answers. It’s about how boldly you’re willing to act, knowing full there’s a lot you don’t know.

Today if you doubt yourself, remember: You are far more powerful than you think. You just need to believe it.

Photo by Accidental Beauty Photography

Click here to comment

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Raeeka of Mindful Girl, Joyful Girl

“Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.” ~Unknown

For me, disappointment is one of life’s most uncomfortable feelings. It’s complex, containing a subset of other emotions like anger, hurt, sadness, and probably many others too subtle to identify.

Sometimes, those emotions by themselves are easier to deal with, but disappointment can leave me at a loose end.

I might not be sure whether I should feel angry, or just impatiently wish that I would hurry up and get over it. Disappointment can hover at the front of your mind and niggle at the back, bringing you a grey perspective on life, even if you’re trying to forget about it. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it.”  ~William Faulkner

Let’s face it: In a world where work is a requirement, a lot of us will end up spending at least some time doing things we wouldn’t choose to do. If we’re passionate and determined, we can create a world where we work is enjoyable, and maybe even create the conditions to work fewer hours.

But what’s important is what we do with the time we have on any given day.

You might not be able to travel internationally right now, but you can visit a museum on your off day. You might not feel like you have enough time to write a book, but you can start writing a blog at night.

When we choose to do, instead of lamenting what we can’t do, something miraculous happens: We start feeling more passionate and alive while planting seeds for positive change.

Time is the ultimate currency in life, and it slips away, every minute, every hour, and every day regardless of how we choose to spend it.

Today if you feel overwhelmed by all the things you have to do, ask yourself: How can I use the remaining time in a way that feels purposeful and joyful?

Photo by Eustaquio Santimano

Click here to comment

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jackie Vecchio

“I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Once upon a time my mind was filled with negative talk and self-doubt. Those thoughts were so loud I could not hear my authentic, true self shine through. On a deeper level, I knew she existed, but I didn’t how to get to a place in which I could connect to her.

I believed I would have to work at it, change myself, somehow be good enough so I can be free to be myself. I believed the key to happiness was figuring out how to “fix” everything that was wrong with me (and oh, was there a lot to fix).

If I fixed myself, then I could enjoy life and be that free woman I always envisioned myself to be. Little did I know the key to this freedom wasn’t fixing myself at all, but was realizing that the little voice coming up with all those things to fix was a big, fat liar!

The most profound and important realization I’ve ever had came from reading a little book called A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and was that I am not my thoughts, but the awareness behind them.

Wow. My true Self is the awareness behind my thoughts and she is always here! I have the power right now to choose from which place I act—what a magical concept! Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Shanti Sosienski

“If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind” –Buddha

Last week my 20-year-old friend, Dustin, called me out when I was talking negatively about someone to a group of people.

We were sitting around a dinner table at what should have been a really good planning meeting for an upcoming yoga workshop our group was holding.

While we were excited about the out-of-town teachers who were coming to share their incredible knowledge with us for a week, we were stuck on a topic that was both irrelevant and unproductive. That topic even had a name.

For the purpose of this piece I will call her “Jessica.” She practiced with us from time to time, an in spite of the fact that she wasn’t a regular, when she did come her practice brought drama and disruption to the harmony we were trying to create.

When she didn’t show up for a class, no one seemed to mind all that much or try to get her back in the fold.

Yet somehow on this night when we had so much coming up in less than two weeks, there was Jessica invading our conversation. I can’t remember who first brought her up, but I have to admit, I think I was the one belly-aching the most about her and what she may or may not have done.

Finally Dustin quietly piped up. “Can I say something?” he asked the group.

All eyes turned to Dustin with shock because he so rarely spoke and was never, ever, ever confrontational. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” -Marianne Williamson

Sometimes I look at people who appear to be confident, successful, and happy and imagine that they always feel that way–that they never feel insecure or afraid, and they always operate from a place of trusting love.

Then I remember that every person who has a pulse deals with human emotions. What confident, successful, happy people have going for them is that they feel fears but they make decisions from a place underneath them.

They push through discomfort, fully aware that it’s impermanent, and in the process learn, grow, and expand. They realize that whatever happened in the past is over, and what happens is the future is dependent on their willingness to act now.

Some days I let my fear control me, feeling sure I know what bad thing is coming and determined to prevent it. On other days I remember that I am shaping the future, and I can create it in love or fear, but not both. Which do you choose today?

Photo by jennratonmort

Click here to comment

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Angela Gunn

“The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life.” ~Eckhart Tolle

For a very long time fear has controlled me. It has paralyzed me, kept me living in desperate situations, and stopped me from living the life of my dreams.

It has only been with age and the practice of mindfulness these last few years that I have come to recognize the fear within me, having finally begun the process of facing it.

By facing fear I don’t mean that I’ve started base-jumping, purposely trapped myself in elevators, or allowed tarantulas to climb all over my body.

I mean that I’ve sat in meditation, watched the fears arise, and rather than react to them or allow them to become part of the stories that make up my life, I’ve observed them in my mind from a distance.

I’ve felt how they’ve manifested in my body, and I’ve moved into that physical discomfort in order to pay attention to fear in a way I’ve never allowed myself to do before.

When I think about the compulsive and addictive activities that have kept me stuck in a place of fear in the past, they all come from stories that play through my head everyday. For example: Click Here to Read More…

Here’s a quick video reminder about the first Tiny Buddha YouTube video. I’d love it if you would be involved!

What: Send in a quick video of something that makes you smile! I plan to edit them all together for one crowd-sourced feel-good video.

Where: TinyBuddhaVideos(AT)gmail.com

When: The deadline is Friday, April 1, 2011

Why: If Tiny Buddha has made you smile, this is a chance to pay that joy forward to others who may see the video. (Read 4 other reasons here!)

What else: If you’d like your URL to show in the credits at the end, please include this in your email.

Happy Monday!

Update: You can also feel free to send a YouTube link to a video you already made. I look forward to seeing your video!

by Lori Deschene

“An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” -Gandhi

When I was younger, I thought of winning in terms of revenge. I thought that if I felt hurt by bullies, they won. Or if I sat around feeling sad about an ex-boyfriend, he won. On the flip side, if I grew up to be successful, that would be the best revenge against anyone who hurt me.

In being happy, confident, and successful, I would have won.

What a sad way to think–that it’s all one giant score card of them against us. That we’re in a competition to come out on top, and anyone who wronged us, intentionally or not, needs to lose for it to be OK.

It may feel good to imagine there’s a consequence for treating you thoughtlessly. But in the end, what we really want isn’t for other people to suffer or have less than us. We want to make peace with the past so that we can know success and happiness that has nothing to do with our stories.

We want to feel free from the burden of keeping score, knowing that we don’t have to prove we didn’t deserve whatever happened.

We can make that choice on any day. On any day we can take yesterday’s pain out of today’s commitment to joy. Today I make that choice. Do you?

Photo by h.koppdelaney

Click here to comment

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Peter Fernando

I love the word loser. I enjoy playing with it, feeling into it, and feeling my own gut reaction to the idea of allowing myself to be one. Some of the time.

Our culture is obsessed with winning.

At school we learn that we have to compete to get what we want. Many of us grow up internalizing this idea and subtly infusing it into our relationships, friendships, career, and even spiritual path.

If this is strong in us, there can be a pervading sense of alienation, disconnectedness, or even mistrust that we carry around.

In my early days as a Buddhist monk, I remember being almost shocked when I began to see that in the quietude of my mind, in this harmless, benevolent environment, I was secretly measuring myself and others according to how “spiritual” we were.

And I was trying to be the best. I was doing many things, some of them ridiculous in hindsight, to be seen as “better than.”

The flip-side of this was that I never felt good enough. Our fixation with winning is an attempt to cover up this feeling of being somehow deficient.

A couple of years ago, I met an old friend, who asked me what I was doing these days. I replied, somewhat mischievously, “Being a bit of loser.”

His expression was telling. He looked confused. Then he looked sad for me. Then he asked, “You’re joking right?” Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

As you may have noticed, there’s been a Tiny Buddha YouTube channel up for months now. There have been nearly 3,000 views on the page but, thus far, there aren’t any videos on there.

Today is the day that changes!

Since I launched this website in the fall of 2009, Tiny Buddha has been all about community.

Each week, I publish 4 blog posts from Tiny Buddha readers. I’ve published nearly a dozen posts that incorporated wisdom from members of the Tiny Buddha Facebook page. I even included tweets from Tiny Buddha Twitter followers in my upcoming book (available through Conari Press at the end of the year!)

It seems to me that the best way to launch the Tiny Buddha YouTube channel is to feature a video that includes all of you.

The Video Topic: What Makes You Smile?

The first Tiny Buddha video is going to about all about happiness–more specifically, the things that make you smile. Think about the things that bring you the most joy: your baby laughing, your dog rolling around in leaves, the sun setting at the beach.

Now go and get it on camera! It can be a short clip, and it doesn’t need to be professional quality (though, of course, the clearer, the better). You can be in the shot, or it can be just the thing you love. Whatever makes you happy!

The result will be a collection of short clips from Tiny Buddha readers from all over the world, all edited together into one feel-good video. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Mike Krass

“Your current safe boundaries were once unknown frontiers.” ~Unknown

It was a few months into my semester abroad during my sophomore year in college when I realized how special the experience had become.

On the way to class, I strolled past the Pantheon and snacked on homemade gelato.

Preparing dinner consisted of purchasing fresh-picked produce and a fresh-cooked baguette. As my homemade pasta sauce slowly came to a pleasant boil, my roommates and I would sip the finest Chianti 5 euros could buy while eating salami and formaggio (cheese) so delicious it makes your mouth water just thinking about it.

The five months I spent abroad in Europe molded me into the individual I have become today. I learned more about myself than I had in the previous 20 years of my life.

I learned to laugh at jokes in more than one language, cry when parting with the city I had grown to know and love, and develop lasting friendships that bring a smile to my face every time I see the person’s name on my caller ID.

My experience abroad taught me how to live a life free of second guessing and regret. Here’s how.

Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

They say that love is a verb, and that’s not only true for our friends and family. If we want to be strong, confident people who can benefit others and the world, we need to make time to love ourselves in action.

We need to do the things that we know nourish our hearts and spirits, whether it’s yoga, meditation, or walking on the beach. Even if we’re overwhelmed—especially if we’re overwhelmed—we need to prioritize taking care of minds and bodies.

We need to get out and engage with people, allowing ourselves to feel a sense of connection and inclusion. Even if we’re busy—especially if we’re busy—we need to prioritize genuine connection.

And we need to take time to be alone with ourselves, so we can learn to be strong, independent, and centered, regardless of who’s there for support. Even if lots of other people depend on us—especially if lots of other people depend on us—we need to prioritize being with ourselves.

We have so much potential to make a difference in the world—to share our passions, talents, and love. But we can only give to others if we’re able to first give to ourselves.

It doesn’t need to be anything huge. It can just be 15 minutes for deep breathing in the afternoon, or a few kind words internally before a big meeting or event.

What matters is that we recognize loving ourselves takes effort, and then we make that effort consistently, at least a little every day. Just like we’d be accountable in the relationships we value, we need and deserve to be accountable to ourselves.

Photo by Zigg-E

Click here to comment