Search Results for "comparison" — 228 posts

Addicted to Helping: Why We Need to Stop Trying to Fix People

“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals.” ~Pema Chodron

After college, I was hustling hard to get a work visa so that I could stay in the US.

But then my mom got caught up in a political scandal, and without much reflection on how much this would alter my life’s plans, I dropped my dream of staying in America, drove 1,000 miles, and flew another 500 to be by her side.

Would she have crumbled without me there? My mama is a tough chick, so I highly doubt it.

But …

How a Terrified, Socially Anxious Guy Became Relaxed and Confident

by Dan Stelter

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ~Viktor Frankl

Life is hell… or so I thought for most of my thirty-four years.

My intense social anxiety, an over-the-top and uncontrollable fear of people and social situations, ruined much of my young life. I operated completely alone, living only inside my own head, without even realizing it.

Now, it’s rare that I’m too afraid to talk to anyone. And I face multiple difficult decisions, discussions, and even confrontations …

How to Boost Your Self-Worth: 7 Tips to Feel Better About Yourself

by Corinne Dobbas

“The more we see ourselves as a vibrant, successful, inspiring person who boldly declares and manifests her vision, the more we become just that.” ~Kristi Bowman

I was kind of a chunky kid growing up.

In my own little world of trolls and playwriting, I didn’t notice the chunk. I genuinely liked me. But when I entered the “real world” of opinions, people, and comparison, I began to realize or rather feel that perhaps my body wasn’t good enough.

This thought was like a seed that was then planted in my brain. And every time I thought about it, …

Break the Cycle: How to Stop Hurting Others When You Were Mistreated

by Vishnu

“What’s broken can be mended. What hurts can be healed. And no matter how dark it gets, the sun is going to rise again.” ~Unknown

I grew up with difficult and hurtful parents who spoke critically, with the intent to demean.

Each word of sarcasm, each thinly veiled joke or put-down undercut my self-esteem. Each knocked me down a rung in life and kept me from my potential.

Rampant comparisons to other Indian kids succeeding academically, attacks of my mediocre performance at school, and harsh language were my mother’s weapons of choice.

When someone attacks your self-esteem repeatedly, you …

3 Causes of Self-Doubt and How to Conquer It for Good

by Kavitha Chinnaiyan

“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.” ~Unknown

Self-doubt and I are old friends. We go way back, to early childhood.

Now, if you ask me, I will honestly tell you that I had quite an idyllic childhood in a loving home.

My parents raised us—my brother and me—to trust in our abilities and aim for the stars. They held me when I failed or fell flat on my face, which I did quite often, encouraging me to stand up and keep walking again. And yes, self-doubt still made its way into …

Healing from Childhood Abuse: Get Help and Take Your Life Back

by Paul Hellwig

TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“No one loses their innocence. It is either taken or given away willingly.” ~Tiffany Madison

Childhood innocence. When I think of it I always picture a baby lying on their back, playing with their feet. They are laughing, cooing, smiling, and lost in a sense of wonder. Full of joy, love, curiosity, and awe. When you look at them you can’t help but smile, and their joy and laughter are infectious. At this moment, they are perfect.

Now have all that taken …

6 Toxic Thoughts That Keep You Battling with Food

by Brenda Godinez

“Eating is not a crime. It’s not a moral issue. It’s normal. It’s enjoyable. It just is.” ~Carrie Arnold

Like many women, I was introduced to diet “tricks” and “hacks” at a young age. In my case, that was around twelve to thirteen years old.

I consumed magazines and movies that constantly reminded me about the importance of dieting, losing weight, and looking skinny.

As a self-conscious teenager, I began to compare myself to the women in music videos with flat bellies, the slim actresses in movies, and models in magazines with their perfect “beach bodies.”

This self-consciousness only grew …

Awaken Your Creative Side: Interview with Melissa Dinwiddie and Book Giveaway

by Lori Deschene

UPDATE: The winners for this giveaway are Alba and Nette Jordan.

Like most of us, I spent much of my childhood creating, making everything from finger paintings and friendship bracelets to leaf collages and Lego castles.

I also spent weeks rehearsing for community theater performances and hours writing poems and stories, with no thought of whether I could make money off any of it.

I created because it was fun and fulfilling, and that alone was enough.

Then, like many of us, I got caught up adulting and began spending far more time working and worrying than imagining and playing.…

The Key to Peace: Let Go of What “Should” Be and Accept What Is

by Jacqueline Ann

“Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.” ~Wayne Dyer

Many of my friends are getting married and engaged, and when I compare myself to them I feel that I’ve somehow fallen behind. I scroll through my social media accounts and feel that my life is not as exciting or meaningful as theirs.

This belief of inferiority moves me out of the present moment and into a turbulent stream of fear that I won’t live up to what I perceive others have lived up to, …

3 Steps to a Happier Life: Interview with Kristi Ling and Book Giveaway

by Lori Deschene

The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. They are:

Stuart Dods
Sheldon Dwyer

People often tell us we have to choose to be happy, but what they don’t always tell us is how.

How do we choose happiness when we’re dealing with life’s everyday struggles and devastating traumas and tragedies?

How can we choose happiness when we’re grappling with persistent negative thoughts and overwhelming emotions?

What exactly do we need to do—or not do—to overcome our challenges and demons and experience more joy in our daily lives?

Tiny Buddha contributor Kristi Ling, a renowned happiness strategist and …

13 Things to Do Instead of Comparing Yourself to Others

by Maria Stenvinkel

“Personality begins where comparison leaves off. Be unique. Be memorable. Be confident. Be proud.” ~Shannon L. Alder

You know it already.

You know you shouldn’t compare yourself to others. Yet, that’s often easier said than done.

Job title, income, grades, house, and Facebook likes—the number of categories in which we can compare ourselves to others are infinite. So is the number of people we can compare ourselves to.

Comparison is generally the fast track to unhappiness. It’s a recipe for misery. All it does is keeping you focused on what you don’t like about yourself and your life.

Ever …

How to Feel Better When You’re Down (Without Forcing Yourself to Be Positive)

by Anna Puchalski

“Forget the failures. Keep the lessons.” ~Dalai Lama

The year had finally come. I’d officially entered the “adult” world after celebrating my thirtieth birthday.

I’d enjoyed being in my twenties. It was an incredible time for self-growth and healing after growing up in an unstable environment with a narcissistic, alcoholic father, and also a time of living life fully, having fun, and going on adventures.

I felt pretty happy…until I hit thirty.

I began examining my life not so positively anymore.

Health problems had become more frequent and scary, my career path was ominous, I had not settled into …

Why We Don’t Need to Worry About What’s Missing in Our Lives

by Siofra Ann Kenny

“Don’t compare your struggles to anyone else’s. Don’t get discouraged by the success of others. Make your own path and never give up.” ~Unknown

My recent breakup was the most painful experience of my life. More painful maybe than it should have been, as it came at a time when a lot of things weren’t going as I hoped they would.

The road to healing seemed so much steeper and longer when all of these things also needed to be ‘fixed.’

As I approached my thirtieth birthday, I found myself back living at home with my parents and at a …

How We Can Use Our Painful Emotions for Good

by Thomas Hahn

“The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy.” ~Meryl Streep

Growing up I spent a lot of time on the Internet browsing websites and looking at images. One image that stuck with me as a child showed an old man lying on a hospital bed, with tubes running into his mouth. In his hand, he held a “no smoking” sign.

As I stared at that image I began to think what it must be like to face the horrible consequences of failing health. I imagined the pain, the regret, and the desperation for …

How to Let Go of the Limiting Stories That Keep You Stuck and Unhappy

by Kathryn Eriksen

“It’s not what you look at that matters; it’s what you see.” ~Henry David Thoreau

We don’t see with our physical eyes, we see with our minds. I learned this lesson the hard way when I turned fifty-five. Suddenly, new wrinkles, deeper crow’s feet, dry eyes, and dryer skin seem to enjoy welcoming me each morning when I looked in my mirror.

I began to notice other people my age and I would automatically compare my appearance to theirs. Was she younger looking than me? Did she still appear under fifty (even when I knew she wasn’t)?

As you might …

5 Ways to Show Your Love to Others (and Yourself)

by Joel Almeida

“Love isn’t everything. It’s the only thing.” ~Steven Hayes

Things go wrong in life. Distress and confusion can take root, sometimes leading to harsh self-criticism, depression, or anxiety.

We sense that love heals, and it does.

I once visited an orphanage for abandoned infants, and every toddler who I carried clung tightly to me. I can still feel their little arms clasping me desperately.

We crave love as we crave oxygen.

But what is love?

Is it something you wait for?

What if love is more than a feeling?

What if your choices and actions can bring the spirit …

6 Lessons from a Cancer Survivor to Help You Get Through Anything

by Stephanie Noble-King

“Oh, my friend, it’s not what they take away from you that counts—it’s what you do with what you have left.” ~Hubert Humphrey

Last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer three weeks after my wedding, at twenty-seven years old. After months of grueling chemotherapy treatments, I am now recovering from surgery and can look back with tremendous appreciation at what my body has accomplished.

One question I get, after the gasps and looks of incredulity have faded, is how I got through it all.

Now, for a long time, my toughest challenges in life were those brought on by …

5 Reasons You Feel Alone (And How to Change That)

by Annah Elizabeth

“Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.” ~Arthur C. Clarke

“You are not alone” is a phrase we speak, hear, and read over and over again.

Testimony and statistics prove that others have lived our types of misfortune. Given that evidence, why is it that so many of us feel as if we are somehow different than all the others who have triumphed over tragedy or are climbing those proverbial mountains?

The seed was first planted ages ago when I was having a conversation with a loved one during …

Loving Yourself When You’re Too Fat, Too Skinny, Too Tall, or Too Short

by Saya

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Living in NYC, I have seen some crazy and outrageous things. So, I shouldn’t have been surprised to see an ad in the subway that read, “Overcome Your Bikini Fears. Breast Augmentation Made In NY: $3,900,” or another ad from the same plastic surgery office that showed a picture of a woman looking sad, holding a pair of small tangerines in front of her breasts, and the same woman looking happy holding grapefruits, with the same caption, “Breast Augmentation Made in NY: $3,900.”

Still, I …