Hi Emma,
I also had a binge eating disorder when I went through college. I am sorry that you are struggling with this and good for you for seeking therapy. That helped me immensely. I understand that feeling that of being in a circle you can’t break where every solution to the problem is a problem – self acceptance means gaining weight which means more urge to binge. What helped me:
*Gratitude – strange as that sounds, it helped me to recognize that the eating disorder was a way for me to get through a difficult time. Sometimes, too, it means that you actually are the strong one in the family as it lets the family focus on you rather than more difficult issues they are unable or unwilling to address. I keep a journal by my bed now where I write 5 things I’m grateful for at the end of the day.
*Forgiveness for bingeing- realize that setbacks are part of the process. I considered it a check in to see if that’s really where I wanted to be. Everytime I realized it wasn’t where I wanted to be, my resolve to move forward strengthened. In an experiment by Peter Skillman, he found that multiple iterations almost always beat single minded focus around an idea. In “The Zigzag Principle” by Rich Christensen he found the road to success is never a straight line. In other words, we learn more and have greater success when we have “failure” as well as success.
*God doesn’t make junk! – This was from one of Marianne Williamson’s books. I don’t know if you believe in god or a higher power but when I heard this, it healed a part of me that thought I was a horrible, worthless person. I would recommend any of her books or CD’s.
*Explore ways to be self expressive (with compassion) – whether that’s making a vision board, writing, dancing, singing. I don’t know about you but sometimes this was hard for me because I wanted my creative expression to be perfect. In “The Up Side of Down: Why Failing is Key to Success” by Megan Mcardle she writes that there are two mindsets: Fixed Mindset where challenges are a dipstick to measure how high your ability is and a Growth Mindset where challenges are an opportunity to deepen your talents. I encourage you to embrace the Growth Mindset in your journey.

Do you realize how powerful you are? All that energy that is currently going towards this struggle means that you can do amazing things once you break free. You already have a tremendous amount of insight and a strong desire to move forward. It is possible to recover!

Lisa

Luna ~~~
Through your words I felt such a glorious warm feeling, much like the sun when it has remained hidden for a few days or a cozy wool blanket on a bitter cold evening. Cherish the wisdom and the strength you have growing within yourself and the desire to become the YOU, you once knew and loved. Relationships with a significant other seem to blossom for awhile, even go to extreme periods of estacy and then fizzle out for no real good reason, I know that empty feeling much too well. Allow your heart to sing within your chest like a songbird high above in the trees, love yourself and celebrate life to the fullest. Simple random acts of kindness are now the fuel for my soul, I do them recklessly without looking for any reward or an uttered word of gratitude. I share kindness for only two reasons: 1) There is never enough kindness in the world and 2) I enjoy the way it makes me feel deep inside, happy because I do it.

I totally admire how you have empowered yourself and broken free from the shackles of your past by moving forward. You chose to not become a roadside victim but a victorious young lady. You have discovered how the simple things that go unnoticed can bring joy to our hearts.

YOU have inspired me today and I appreciate your positive energy, it is contagious..

You are still a kid Yuvi. Enjoy life and don’t worry about what others are saying or doing. You just focus on your life, pls.

Forgiveness is a choice. If you are able to forgive people, you become free. If you hold on to resentment, you become a prisoner of your own emotions and logical mind. Life becomes a pain and full of miseries. If you can do one thing for yourself, start with a gratitude exercise each morning. Think of things, which are good in life and offer your gratitude. When we adopt an attitude of gratitude, everything becomes more beautiful with time.

But, hey no stress. Enjoy your youth. These days won’t come back.

J

Hi Chelsea,

I am sorry you’re feeling this way!! I agree with The Ruminant and Loopylou and I would also like to add a few more thoughts that may hopefully be of service as well. 🙂

There have been many times in my life where I felt stuck or things weren’t “moving fast enough,” which led to feeling lost and frustrated, but in hindsight, I have always come to realize that that period of “stuckness” ultimately served me in sone way or another.

Here are a few other ideas to help you suss out the value of where you are now which will hopefully ease and perhaps accelerate your path to living your dreams:

1.) Do you have any unresolved business or issues that need to be attended to before you move? This could even mean something like “a clearing of the air” conversation with a co-worker, or completing some volunteer work that you agreed to but haven’t gotten around to finishing.

When I used to work in film and commercial production, when a job was over, it was referred to as “wrapping out.” This is when the last details are taken care of and is just as vital as the previous phases, though it’s definitely the least exciting. So perhaps ask yourself if you are you really ready to “wrap out” of where you are now?

2.) Trusting that even though you are in a transitional period (and this is a powerful transitional period for many of us so you are NOT alone), that it is still valuable. Even though you’re not feeling juiced where you are, you are still on your path to where you need to go. Promise!

3.) The universe is always communicating with us, but it’s often subtle, so subtle in fact, that when we’re upset or distressed, we may not see or feel the communication… signs can be little things like seeing a Robin right outside your bedroom window (a symbol of not only spring, but new beginnings) or hearing a favorite song on the radio, or finding a coin or a pretty feather, or it can be a phone call from someone you were just thinking about… often these loving communiques are of a personal nature regarding what is meaningful to you i.e. did you stumble upon a favorite movie while channel surfing?

4.) Lastly, I have found that developing and practicing gratitude, even when it does not come easily (especially when it does not come easily), is incredibly transformative. Waking up and going to sleep while focusing on what we have to be grateful for (even little basic things, like, “the sun was out today” and “I am healthy,” etc). does wonders for my mood, confidence, and feelings of communion. I can’t recommend it enough.

I hope this is helpful! 🙂

Love,
Alix

Jessa,

It sounds to me like you’re caught up in your task list, racing against time to get everything done. Self care, in this way, becomes another task… “sheesh, so many tasks already, and now I have to self care, too?” No wonder you burn out! Where’s the peace? Where’s the space?

Consider taking a different approach to self care. Purposely set down the task list, in total, for the whole time you’re relaxing, letting go. “Yes, the task list is there, and I will get to that, but for now, for this present moment, I will let it all go and walk with unplanned steps.” Like a wide open field, just be with yourself in the empty space of the task list. Not “from 1-2 bath time, from 2-3 yoga, from 4-5 running”. Rather, “from 1-3, empty space, spontaneous, me time”. And when you get to that space, do something kind for yourself that you enjoy. Nice day? Maybe walk in a park. Rainy? Maybe hop in the tub and have a good cry. Let your heart open, listen to the inner voice that is beside the task master, the one that says “hmm, maybe I need…”

This let’s the happiness grow authentically, rather than “from 1-3 I will grow my happiness”. How exhausting that would be! And ineffective! Don’t place a task of self care on the list, put in a space to set down the list, be free. The happiness, recharging, comes more from the space than any specific self care action.

As far as the “when is my turn to be pampered by others”, consider that “not now, maybe later”. Much like in winter it is easier to accept there are no fresh fruit on our pear tree when we aren’t hungry, and rest contentedly waiting for the conditions to be right for the pears ripening and growing. The husband is away, for now, so the tender pampering from him will have to wait. As you make more space, it will be less like a hunger, and more like a kind remembering. “oh, its nice to be held like that, but for now the branches are bare, so I’ll just take care of my own needs.” This is actually an awesome lesson, because not only will it make you more resilient to stress, but it will keep your gratitude blossoming when the pears are ripe.

Namaste, sister, and thank you for choosing a path of helping others. What a heart on you!

With warmth,
Matt

TR,

Sometimes when we start waking up our body (especially parts that were suppressed by shame and avoidance and whatnot) we become unbalanced. A feeling of too much sexual energy means perhaps you’re a little bottom heavy. Consider simply accepting your feelings, and spend a little time exploring your gratitude for the beauty in and around you.

Said differently, sometimes we get a craving, an itch. To deaden the itch, we can spend time envisioning, contemplating and resting with death, decay, disease and so forth. Seeing internal organs, for instance, does some helpful things in stilling sensual craving. Much like smelling rotten chicken stops our strong desires to eat for comfort. However, when we are hungry, the body resurges with the need once the chicken is away. That’s when we know its time to find a nourishing meal.

With sex, its similar. Sometimes we get visions of beauty and wonder of the wand and challis meeting, grinding and so forth. However, we wish to stay away from junk food, or using the sexual energy in an unproductive way. So, instead of getting lost in it, getting sucked down into the root chakra, we can open up the crown and give the energy back, breathe it out back into the cosmos. Gratitude does this, helps move our body toward balance, toward humility and stability. Then, yes, we can accept that sex is a driving force for us, but rest patiently while we wait to connect with someone or ourselves in a way that keeps the balance, rather than building restlessness until satisfaction.

For the cultivation of gratitude, consider how amazing it is to be in a body as complex, harmonious, and unified as it is. At the physical level, cells and particles circle throughout your body with consistency… heart beating, O2 exchange, digestions, homeostatic mechanisms… what a symphony! At the environmental scale, consider that if the laws of physics weren’t in an incredibly precise harmony, the universe would have collapsed, or burst apart right after creation. What a blessing! At the “life” scale, consider that your journey has been littered with teachers and students, friends, strangers and family… all stumbling and trying their best to find light, love, safety, happiness. You have been taught a million lessons, both through instruction and example. You have taught a million lessons, both through instruction and example. The Ruminant is not an island, alone, strong, resistant to a harsh environment. Rather, she is a blessing of a woman, giving and receiving energy all the time, dancing and singing her way. What a blessing!

This let’s that excess energy move up through the body, rather than pull all our attention downward toward the chest and groin. Said differently, when we have a thick gratitude, the thickness of our sexual energy doesn’t produce restlessness… just fertility. Tide comes in, tide goes out… and there is TR, smiling, breathing.

Namaste, may your ripples be gentle waves.

With warmth,
Matt

My purpose in life, is to create happiness within myself as also to other people, fulfilled my dreams and goals, improve myself each days by doing simple little things such as be kind to others. Spread love and receive love. I don’t know, i just wish the world have more people with ambitions and do actually have a heart to appreciate everything around them, and especially LOVE ANIMALS!
Many people takes life for granted because they grow up being conditioned that way… we were born to love, and we grow up to hate. It is sad…
The meaning of life to me is, to find love and peace within myself and others, to appreciate and have gratitude towards anything around me, to always question about life and never stop being curious, also feel for others… show your empathise, follow your passions and learn the art of letting go. Know yourself and love yourself, i don’t think anything can go wrong in life.

I am a deep thinker, a creative person that especially love drawing. One day, after drawing and i was in the zone of thinking, i realised that we are all artist at heart. In my interpretation, what i meant by ‘we are all artists at heart’ is…
Being an artist, it does not mean you can draw, paint or do any creative activites such as writing or what so ever. The way we sees life, how we perceive and observe life, how we live each day and how we have gratitude towards everything is also an art. I don’t know, if anyone have the same idea as me, but i see life as an art, and for you to live.. the way you walk, what you cook, how you treat others, your body shapes? you created arts, the art of living!
🙂 I think it’s beautiful to perceive things/life this way. Hope my thoughts contributes.

• This reply was modified 11 years, 1 month ago by Luna.

Hi Sufi

Thanks for your post. I would like to share my experience with you and hope it will provide a different perspective for you.

I must have read over 150 self-help books few years ago to start the journey that you wish to commence now and none actually helped in the long term. Everyone is providing their own personal experience in the books but we are not them. Everyone on this planet is one and unique. Our thoughts, personalities, DNA, coping skills etc do not coincide with anyone else on this planet. We are as unique as it gets. What might work for your mate may not work for someone else. This is the reason why giving or seeking advice is sought with so much caution as one can only provide their personal opinion but it may or may not be suitable for the concerned individual.

I do refer to some books on a regular basis such as those from Louise Hay, Susan Jeffers and Cheryl Davidson but it is purely to calm me down if I am being highly emotionally charged. The following have been the most helpful in terms of practicality : regular practice of meditation( heaps of good stuff on you tube); practicing gratitude and positive affirmations daily ; breathing exercises; good nutrition; 8 hour sleep ; and exercise. I am becoming more authentic “me” every day. Now, people do not threaten me as I am able to appreciate that hey, everyone is unique so there is no competition. There is no resentment and we are all doing our best to perform our role on the life stage. It is all good and there is enough for everyone on this planet. This transformation has made a huge change in the people that I attract nowadays. I am able to learn freely from every interaction and relationships do not feel heavy or draining anymore.

Does this make sense ?

Cheers,

J

The fact that we are taught that negative feelings are “bad”, and should thereby try try to avoid them by any means is not a healthy thing to be taught. The best thing you can do is learn that it is okay to have negative feelings, because everyone does at some point at another, and how to deal with them constructively and acting in a way to deal with them so that you can cope with them and prevent them from spreading. There are many ways to do this, as you recognize. Feeling gratitude for the good things in life is a good way to handle it. Thanks for sharing! It’s always inspiring to hear from others who may feel down, but rise above by being cognizant of the good things that they have going for them!