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Posts tagged with “death”

Why I Didn’t Kill Myself and Why You Shouldn’t Either

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“That’s the thing about suicide. Try as you might to remember how a person lived his life, you always end up thinking about how he ended it.” ~Anderson Cooper

I know what it’s like to want to die. I know the feeling of hopelessness. I know the sense of loneliness. I know the soul crushing despair and longing to fade into nothingness.

If you are reading this, then you know what I’m talking about. I’m not sure what brought you to …

5 Ways I’ve Lived Life More Fully Since My Cancer Scare

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“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” ~Albert Einstein

A few months ago, I had my first mammogram. I have two first cousins who died of breast cancer very young, as well as an aunt that recently passed away from the disease, so I started my mammograms a bit earlier than most.

This mammogram was quite routine, except that a few days later they asked me to come back for another one, as well as an ultrasound. This second visit was …

10 Lessons My Mother’s Death Taught Me About Healing and Happiness

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“Grief, when it comes, is nothing like we expect it to be.” ~Joan Didion

This spring marked ten years since I lost my mother. One ordinary Thursday, she didn’t show up to work, and my family spent a blur of days frantically hanging missing person fliers, driving all over New England, and hoping against reason for a happy outcome.

My mother was prone to frequent mood swings, but she also talked to my two older brothers and me multiple times a day, and going off the grid was completely out of character. How does someone just vanish? And why?…

We Have a Right to Grieve Losses Big and Small

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“Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.” ~Robert Gary Lee

It felt like I was being crushed by the weight of the world.

“Impossible,” I thought.

It’s impossible that people actually suffer this kind of pain and survive to tell the tale.

When I thought about it, my stomach contracted as if I’d taken a blow to the gut. I’d gasp for breath and try to find some air through the tears and in between sobs.

So this is what grief felt like.

Now I understood why denial is the first stage of grief. How could you endure this kind …

6 Empowering Lessons Death Taught Me About Life

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“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss in life is what dies inside us while we live” ~Norman Cousins

I am not dead and I am not dying, so you may wonder why I write that death has taught me what I need to know about life.

I lost my mother when I was fifteen. Being a teenager, thoughts of anyone close to me dying had not entered my head. My mother had a brief illness and passed away unexpectedly at age forty-seven.

I remember that my schoolmates came to see me, and I kept thinking …

How to Move from Grief to Relief After Losing a Loved One

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“When a person is born we rejoice, and when they’re married we jubilate, but when they die we try to pretend nothing has happened.” ~Margaret Mead

It was five years ago this month that my father passed away from cancer. About four months before his death, his oncologist gave him a bleak diagnosis, telling him to get his affairs in order because he could die at any time.

Our entire family was dumbstruck. Here was a man who appeared to be strong and generally healthy.

He was a youthful sixty-eight years old. Just months into his retirement after a long …

How I Think My Friend Who Died Would Want Me to Live

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“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” ~Norman Cousins

Have you ever been there?

When someone you love suddenly disappears. When life, within a few seconds, turns upside down. When your biggest problems suddenly seem like nothing but drops in the ocean.

I know I have.

It was December 15, 2013. That was the day when everything changed, when her life came to an end, and many other lives were changed forever.

When they first told me she was gone, I couldn’t fully grasp reality. For a …

Gifts from a Terrible Disease: A Message for Anyone Who’s Slowly Losing a Loved One

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“Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity. Don’t fight them. Just find a new way to stand.” ~Oprah Winfrey

Alzheimer’s crept into our lives about five years ago. It’s like a vine growing alongside a house, slowly taking over the space that was once free. But in this case, the vine is slowly creeping over my mum’s brain.

There are so many horrific statistics attached to this disease: Worldwide, nearly forty-four million people currently have Alzheimer’s or a related dementia; one in nine Americans over sixty-five has Alzheimer’s disease; unless a cure is …

How to Help a Friend Through Grief

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“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” ~Vicki Harrison

I’m no stranger to grief. When I was twenty-three I lost my mum, and then eight years later I lost my second daughter, Grace, when she was only one day old.

Soon after Grace died, my husband and I saw a grief counselor. He said something about other people’s reactions to grief that turned out to be one of the truest statements anyone has ever made to me.…

There’s No Expiration Date on Grief (So Don’t Rush Your Pain)

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“They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite.” ~Cassandra Clare

I lost my father to a heart attack when I was sixteen. I went to school on the morning of April 14, 2008 having a dad and went home that night not having one. I soon found myself dealing with an unfamiliar cocktail of emotions, pain so overwhelming that I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Every time I thought I was pulling myself together, I’d notice his belt buckle sitting on the dresser, or a pair of his socks on the floor, …

How to Recover and Find Strength after Losing a Parent

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“When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways – either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits or by using the challenge to find our inner strength.” ~Dalai Lama

There was a period in life I called “the golden era.” Not in hindsight but at the actual time.

I named it such because I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

Everyone I loved was alive and well. I had a good job, a home, and a loving companion. All the things everyone longs for.

Little did I know, this “golden era” would end too …

You Can Make a Difference: 7 Ways to Create a Powerful Legacy

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“Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don’t have to live forever; you just have to live.” ~Natalie Babbitt

Recently I was searching for information online about a friend of mine who I lost touch with about a decade ago.

Pam and I went to psychology graduate school together in the early nineties and stayed in touch for a few years after that. But in those pre-Facebook days it was easy to lose touch with people, and Pam and I eventually drifted apart.

Curious about what my friend was up to, I typed her name …

How to Live a Fulfilling Life: 10 Powerful Lessons from Loss

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“Make ‘Let go of control’ your mantra today.” ~Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges #177

When the phone call came I was thousands of miles from home. My father was suddenly ill, admitted to the hospital. I was a medical doctor by then, and I felt a foreboding.

My mind went back to my childhood.

Imagine being a little child in a dark room. Every small noise evokes images of vicious monsters lurking in the night. They draw nearer.

You cry out, “Daddy!” And cry out once more. Then your hero comes to the rescue.

Your father shuffles in …

Grieving a Loss That Feels Like a Death

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“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” ~Vicki Harrison

Most grief books are written to help you mourn the death of a loved one and learn how to deal with their absence in this world.

Death is probably the most challenging thing a human can face. It breaks us down. It brings us to our knees. Some people are so significant in our lives that the mere thought of living without them feels incredibly overwhelming and incapacitating.…

Life Goes on After Loss: Tiny Steps To Work Through Grief

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“I realized, it is not the time that heals, but what we do within that time that creates positive change.” ~Diane Dettman

Two weeks ago I found out that a friend passed away. He died eight days after my birthday at the age of twenty-six, and that fact has been hard to swallow, as I didn’t know that my time of celebration would also be a time of grief.

The details surrounding my friend’s death are unknown; all I know is that it happened suddenly, and it was a huge shock to me and other friends that knew him. …

Now Is the Time to Appreciate Each Other and Enjoy Life

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“If your forever was ending tomorrow, would this be how you’d want to have spent it? Listen, the truth is, nothing is guaranteed. You know that more than anybody. So don’t be afraid. Be alive.” ~Sarah Dessen

It was beginning to get dark. Lightning streaked across the cloudy sky above the ocean. The full force of the wind took the breath out of me as my eyes squinted from the heavy rainfall.

Waves rolled in to crash down in front of me, as if the ocean was screaming at me.

“Turn around, human. Go home!”

“Maybe I should,” I thought. …

10 Deathbed Regrets You Can Avoid by Making Changes Now

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“While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.” ~Leonardo Da Vinci

It’s terrifying, isn’t it?

There you are—days, hours, maybe minutes remain in your life. You lie there helpless, searching for the strength to say your last goodbyes.

You look back on your life. All the things you wish you’d done differently.

As you continue to reminisce an overwhelming emotion comes rushing in, an emotion many are familiar with.

Regret.

You set the standards high for yourself. But now that it’s all said and done, more was always said than …

Let Loss Remind You to Live

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“Pain can change you, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a bad change. Take that pain and turn it into wisdom.” ~Unknown

Experiencing a death of someone, no matter how close you were to them, is a shock to the system.

One moment you’re just drinking your morning cup of Joe and then suddenly, you’ve collided with the uncertainty of existence.

Daily, we do everything we can to numb ourselves from our own fragility, but sudden death reminds us all that impermanence is still there under the surface, throbbing.

The other day, I logged onto Facebook and received …

If It’s Hard to Say Goodbye, Your Life’s Been Truly Blessed

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“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” ~Unknown

On the evening of my high school graduation it hit me—the familiar faces and places I’d grown so accustomed to over the last twelve years would soon be changing.

The anxiety of that reality had started to creep into my psyche weeks ago, when I was being fitted for my cap and gown. Standing there looking in the mirror, I remember thinking to myself, “How did I get here?”

Somehow I had gone from a seven-year-old schoolboy to an eighteen-year-old teenager, and I …

Be Fully Present with Your Loved Ones While You Have the Chance

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“Before someone’s tomorrow has been taken away, cherish those you love, appreciate them today.” ~Michelle C. Ustaszeski

One day after being on a spiritual path for many years, I stood in my art studio, happy to be creating a new painting. Content in my life, I was married to a great guy and raising two young boys that brought me so much joy.

My life was perfect. Well, not exactly, but I definitely had moments of thinking it was, and this happened to be one of those moments.

I had come a long way. Gone were the …