Posts tagged with “friend”
5 Big Lessons I Learned After Losing a Legacy Friend
“You can’t force anyone to value, respect, understand, or support you, but you can choose to spend your time around people who do.” ~Lori Deschene
There’s a term in IT called “legacy systems.” These are computer systems that are ancient and abysmally outdated yet are kept around because organizations have centered some of their operations around them.
The exercise to replace a legacy system is challenging and possibly even painful because of the interwoven network of dependencies placed on these systems—but it’s not impossible.
The benefits of replacing a legacy system with one that is aligned with the current operational …
The Friend I Couldn’t Fix: A Story of Love, Loss and Letting Go
TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of domestic violence and may be triggering to some.
“You can’t heal the people you love. You can’t make choices for them. You can’t rescue them.” ~Unknown
Every story starts at the beginning. But how far back should I go? Birth?
I was born at Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital in Camden, New Jersey, in May of 1972…just after three in the morning.
No, wait. That’s not morning. It’s still dark outside.
Forgive me. That’s an inside joke.
You see, just a few years ago a friend of thirty years came to …
The Only Way to Form Meaningful Relationships with People Who Get You
“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.” ~Jim Morrison
When I left my full-time position at an ad agency and ventured out on my own, I had a clear goal in mind—to connect with likeminded people who align with my highest good. As far as how I was going to do that, I had little clue.
My life was full of relationships built from forced, sometimes toxic circumstances where we found each other out of need or convenience. I am grateful for each of those people because they were there when I needed them most, …
Why We Close Ourselves Off to Friendships and How to Open Up
“If you accept a limiting belief, then it will become a truth for you.” ~Louise Hay
Picking the flimsy gold lock on my groovy denim-covered childhood diary, I’m instantly transported back to my ten-year-old life.
Each page duly describes what I what I ate for dinner that day as well as what my two best friends and I got up to. It was 1976 and we were obsessed with Charlie’s Angels, cruising around “undercover” on our bikes, solving fresh crimes around the neighborhood.
Every couple of weeks I’d report the latest drama amongst the three of us. Either my …
What to Do When Someone You Love Is Sick and Struggling
“Love is not what you say. Love is what you do.” ~Unknown
As a graduate student in public health, I spent my days talking about illness and death. Normal lunchtime conversations among students covered topics like: how to define a case of multiple sclerosis, the most effective strategy to stop HIV transmission among injection drug users, and the probability you’d be alive in five years after a breast cancer diagnosis.
None of this talk about illness remotely prepared me for the experience of illness. I was blissfully naive when I started dating a man named Evan with a cough …
One Simple Way to Be a Good Friend (A Lesson from My Childhood Dog)
“To be rich in friends is to be poor in nothing.” ~Lilian Whiting
For eleven years of my life, I was graced by the presence of an extraordinary dog. Her name was Jenny, and she was a black lab and springer mix with a hyper personality and an almost absurd passion for the joy of being alive.
She was a gift to our family from a close family friend, and she was by far the most life-changing gift we ever received.
While there are many stories I could share about her, there is one story in particular that stands …
What Not to Say to Someone Who’s Going Through a Breakup or Divorce
“Good friends help you to find important things when you have lost them…your smile, your hope and your courage.” ~Doe Zantamata
Divorce or the end of a long-term relationship is one of hardest, if the not the hardest, trial you might be faced with in life. Unfortunately, unless you’ve experienced it firsthand, it’s very hard to believe this statement.
For most of my fifteen-year relationship, I didn’t believe it. Sure, I commiserated with friends who were suffering through breakups, but I did so with a superiority complex, a judgment about how they got themselves into that situation through relationship neglect.…
3 Ways to Build Stronger, Deeper Friendships
“No friendship is an accident.” –O. Henry, Heart of the West
Recently I was telling a friend how grateful I was that she had initiated a get-together.
“No one ever reaches out to me,” I complained. “I feel like I am the one driving all of my relationships.”
“Well,” she responded, “don’t think too highly of me. I almost never reach out…to anyone.”
I mulled this over on my way home that evening. I have often felt like the driving force behind many of my relationships. But I have also felt on many occasions that I’m just as bad at …
How to Help a Friend Through Grief
“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” ~Vicki Harrison
I’m no stranger to grief. When I was twenty-three I lost my mum, and then eight years later I lost my second daughter, Grace, when she was only one day old.
Soon after Grace died, my husband and I saw a grief counselor. He said something about other people’s reactions to grief that turned out to be one of the truest statements anyone has ever made to me.…
How to Mend a Broken Friendship (Even if You’re Not on Speaking Terms)
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” ~Mother Teresa
I kept thinking about how many years had passed by. Did I really waste four years by not contacting my best friend?
You see, I had a falling out with my close cousin. Growing up together since childhood, we became best friends—more like brothers through the years.
That was until we had a huge disagreement. We didn’t speak for what seemed like forever.
Admittedly, I was the one to blame. Though at that time, I didn’t see it that way.
When someone means a lot to …
How to Tell When Someone Needs a Friend
“Don’t wait for people to be friendly. Show them how.” ~Unknown
When I was in high school I was shy, to say the least. I guess a more accurate description would be to say that I was insecure. Painfully insecure.
Looking back, I don’t know why I cared so much. But I did. I was too insecure to ever say hi to anyone in any of my classes, or to try to sit with anyone new at lunch.
There were even some days when I went through the entire school day without speaking a word. I felt utterly alone …
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