Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Alanna Levenson

“Have respect for yourself, and patience and compassion.  With these, you can handle anything.” ~Jack Kornfield

I hadn’t taken a yoga class in a while, and in the midst of my busy schedule I finally gave myself permission to go. Needless to say it had been a few months since I found myself in a downward dog position.

Something was different about my participation in two classes I recently took. I wish I could say I was able to go deeper into the poses, but it was actually challenging because my flexibility is not where it used to be.

What struck me were the many great metaphors that these two women, Michelle and Debbie, were sharing in their yoga instruction.

I confess, I’m a metaphor junky and look for them everywhere. I can probably blame my dad for that since he spoke to me in metaphors while growing up.

What I noticed and appreciated about my instructors was that they were both very passionate about the practice of yoga. They were cognizant in educating us about position names and consistently reminded us to breathe.

I also loved that there were so many other rich messages to be heard, metaphorically of course, being that I was paying attention to them.

There were some gentle reminders that could be related to many different areas of life—career, relationships, wealth and finances, material purchases, and health. As I share them with you, I‘m curious as to how you would relate to them in your own unique way. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Dina Weldin

“Never apologize for showing feelings. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

Each day, month, or year I want to be something different when I grow up. At some point I want to open up a smoothie truck with a best friend, I want to teach yoga to cancer patients, and I want to travel to Australia and become a bartender just to support myself.

But more so than what I want (or think I want) to be, I know what I am. I am a wife, a sister, a friend, an Egyptian, a listener, a weirdo, a poet, a marketer, a dog mom, and a wannabe yogi.

But most of all? I am emotional.

I am so emotional at times that my husband comes home to an inconsolable wife sitting alone on the couch crying. And what has set me off into this uncontrollable fit, you may ask? Some kid in a commercial misses his dad who is on a business trip, and (thanks to Skype services) he gets his bedtime story from 3,000 miles away. Sad? Yes, I know.

Sad, but common. I have emotional friends. I also have completely apathetic friends. I love them. They are completely real with me when I get out of hand and help bring me back to earth.

Something I just can’t help but get emotional over is death.

It’s funny because I don’t have a problem with my own death. I could talk about that for days—how it’s going to happen, when I think it will happen, anything, until my husband tells me he doesn’t want to hear about it anymore and leaves the room.

My grandparents along with many members of my family live in Egypt. I went to Egypt every other summer since I was born. I looked forward to seeing my cousins, the beaches, my aunts—everyone, but specifically my grandfather. I am my grandfather’s favorite grandchild (his words, not mine). Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Tiela Garnett

 “Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.”  ~Sri Chinmoy

We live in a world of judgment. We qualify everything in varying degrees of right and wrong, good and bad, pretty and ugly.

We are taught from earliest childhood to judge everything and everyone. We label our days consistently, using adjectives like “beautiful” or “horrible.” Even the weather is not immune!

The presence of judgment is pervasive in our lives, yet subtle enough in some cases to pass unnoticed. 

I have worked for years at ridding my life of all judgment, but it’s far easier said than done! Just when I begin to think I’ve eradicated all traces of the poison, it pops up again, wearing a new disguise.

One of the most valuable lessons of my life was witnessing the presence of judgment when I least expected it…

Many of us on a so-called “spiritual path” find ourselves sorely challenged when we observe the suffering of those around us. This was especially true for me when my mother was dying.

In the last days of my mother’s life, she was in severe, physical pain.  It’s hard for me to put into words the extent of my discomfort as I watched her, and the effect it had on my personal belief system.

For years, I had lived with the belief that “all is well,” that regardless of any appearance of disharmony, there is a destiny, a plan, order in this great universe of ours. As my mother lay dying, I could not reconcile the image of her suffering with that belief system.  Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Marilyn Briant

“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” ~Unknown

Like many people, I lived my life for a lot of years failing to understand inner peace is a choice. I am not sure what I thought. Perhaps I didn’t believe anyone could feel a lasting peace inside. I did know that my own feelings of peace were always transitory.

There were many ups and downs in my life, too many claims on my time and too many difficult situations to be dealt with. I think I actually believed inner peace could only be achieved by monks and saints, or anyone living a reclusive life who didn’t have to deal with everyday struggles.

I was stuck in a world of confusion, wondering how peace could be mine when there was always something, some drama going on in my own life or the lives of those I loved.

In fact, it seemed to me that the whole world was filled with stuff, negative stuff mostly, which I read about in the newspaper, saw on the television, or heard from someone I knew.

It was the kind of stuff that pulls at your emotions—the breaking news story of a missing woman being found murdered, the tragedy of a child being killed by a hit and run driver, the numbers of homeless people tripling, and a devastating Tsunami killing thousands and paralyzing a country.

Then there were the stories closer to home—my friend’s husband being diagnosed with cancer and dying three months later, my father suffering from dementia, my best friend’s marriage falling apart—all tearing at my heart and leaving me hurt and grieving.

In my own personal life too, my emotions dipped and peaked along with how much control I felt I had over my own happiness. I literally felt like a puppet on a string, and asked myself over and over again, “How can I feel a constant inner peace in my heart and life, when my emotions see-saw up and down according to what is happening in and around me?”

Looking back I know I believed that my emotions were important. After all wasn’t being emotional an essential part of being alive? Emotions made me feel real and allowed me to extend empathy to everyone else.

But in the deepest part of myself, I did not feel good most of the time. I longed to not be so emotional. I wanted to be released from all the conflict in my life—to not react to other people’s words and anger—to feel serenity in my heart.

It was an almost desperate need to alter or to stop the negative cycle of events which seemed to dominate my relationships and my life.

I believe it was that intention which kept on surfacing in my mind and in my heart that fueled my spiritual search and led me to discover a more peaceful way to live, despite the conflict in my life. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jeremy Britton

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.” ~Buddha

Your life is much like a radio.

If you’re in control of it, then you can actually tune in and make sense. Then you can set your dial on the talk-back radio show, listen to that, and learn some things, or you can set your dial onto music and have an enjoyable time.

If you feel that you are not in control, or you do not realize that you are in control, then you may just hear a lot of static and annoying sounds that might even drive you crazy.

The process of “Flick your Rich Switch Transformation” (FYRST) is about taking control of your life, taking control of all of the things that you merely think you are not actually in control of (but you are, or you can be).

Some people don’t think that they control their mood, their lives, their blood flow, their breathing, their heart rate, their body language—and that’s why they often get some outcomes that they’re not happy about.

Someone else can control all of those things by telling you some bad news or some exciting news; for example, “The winning lottery numbers are 4, 23, 16, 19 & 30.”

It is the subconscious process occurring in your own head that will make your blood flow to your face or to your feet; it is your own thought process that will make your heart pump slower or faster; your own thoughts that will make your body stand straighter with excitement or slump lower with dread.

Yes, dread. For some people, winning millions may represent an increase in responsibility, stress, and anxiety. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Alexander Dunlop

“With ‘I’ eliminated, this is Nirvana, here and now.”  ~ Buddha

I remember when I started learning Spanish in college. I wanted to visit Spain. I had grand ideas about a romantic voyage. And yes, I had a foreign language credit to fill.

If you know the Spanish language at all, you know that the Spanish construction for pleasure is the reverse of our English language. In English, we say, “I like that.” But, in Spanish, we say “Me gusta” which translates as, “It pleases me.”

In other words, in English we are the actors, the subjects, who actively do the “liking.” But in Spanish, the thing is the actor and we are the recipients, the objects, of the pleasure that it provides. 

I remember how it sent my whole world into a tailspin. I literally walked around campus saying, “Do you realize that in Spanish the thing is the actor and I am merely the recipient of the action it makes?”

Here’s a simple example: I like the desk vs. the desk pleases me.

I couldn’t get my head around it. It was like a Seinfeld episode, “Do you mean to tell me that the desk is the subject and I am the object?” It rocked my world.

Now, this is not to say, of course, that everyone who speaks Spanish natively exists in Nirvana simply because their verbal construction eliminates the “I” sometimes.

But, it does open a window for us to ask the question: What if we really did live as recipients of life instead of imagining ourselves to be the ones in charge of life?

What if we knew that life is the actor and we are the results of life’s actions?

Think about the times when you get most stressed. For me, it’s when I feel like it’s all up to me.  And if I don’t do it, then it’s not going to happen. That stresses me out.

It’s the same with the thinking that it’s up to us to make our lives happy and successful and abundant. If you look carefully, it’s the very striving to make our lives happy, successful and abundant that stresses us out! How ironic is that?

Ok, I know what you might be thinking: Shouldn’t we have goals, and shouldn’t we set steps in place for our growth and development? And, yes you’re right.

What I’m asking is simply this: Who is the actor? Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Sarah Fertig

“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong. Sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

I will never forget the moment my marriage ended.

My husband and I had fought the night before, about many of the same things we’d been fighting about for the entirety of our four-month marriage.

He was dissatisfied with our sex life and my lack of respect for him. I was struggling with bipolar disorder, changing medications, going back to school, and trying to please a man who seemed to find fault with everything I did.

During that fight, he choked me twice to prevent me from screaming and running away. I learned quickly that if I didn’t want to die, I would have to go limp, submit to his power, and hope he would release me from my position, pinned face down in our bed.

When I woke up the next morning, my spirit was broken. I felt as if I had a terminal disease. I knew with great certainty that I would die at the hands of my husband, I just didn’t know how long it would take.

When my husband woke later, he wasn’t satisfied with my newly submissive attitude. Another fight ensued, but this time, he used a different tactic. He insulted me, cutting me to the core with a comparison to a person who had caused me a great deal of pain and anguish.

As it turns out, my spirit had not been fully broken. The tiny scraps that remained rallied together to propel me out the door of our apartment. I ran screaming down the street like a mad woman, banging on a stranger’s door and calling a friend to activate an escape plan.

I collected my dog, moved back in with my mother, and got a lawyer. Our divorce took seven months, almost twice as long as our marriage lasted.  Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Paul Jun

“Smile, breathe, and go slowly.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

One morning I woke up and noticed a few, strange red bumps on my arms—bug bites, I thought.

Then, the next day, more bumps. Within one full week, my skin went from being clear and tan to being covered with red, scaly, teardrop spots all over my body, including my face.

My self-esteem and confidence were thrown out the window; my comfort zone reduced to about the size of a prisoner’s cell.

I went to the dermatologist, avoiding any possible eye contact or bright office lights, and made my way into the office. The doctor came in and I watched her eyes go straight to my arms and hands. By the look of it, she immediately knew what it was.

I’ve had Psoriasis before but nothing this excruciating. She explained to me that I had Guttate Psoriasis. In short: no magic pill to cure it. Creams alleviate it (although they never worked for me, ever). Light therapy helps, but the ultimate cure: meditation and believing that I would get better.

Just put yourself in my shoes for a second and imagine your skin completely shifted gears on you over the course of one week, and the only answer that you get from a professional with a foreign-sounding name, holding an iPad, is meditation and belief. Sounds like a load of crap, right?

But when you’re in the mercy of the unknown, and you literally feel like jumping out of your own skin, you will do anything to get better.

I’m not here to complain or give you a medical testimony on Psoriasis: I’m here to tell you how my skin alleviated tremendously in about two months by being mindful of my actions and thoughts, harnessing the effectiveness of words, and exercising the practice of meditation. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Kate Swoboda

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

By the end of 2011, I was trying my hardest not to see it: burnout.

I’d been going full steam ahead since I turned my part-time business into a full-time vocational mission, back in 2009. When people remarked that I was doing a lot, I would wave away their comments and say facetiously, “Well, you know—I’m a Sagittarius with three planets in Virgo.”

Part of the reason I didn’t want to really look at what was going on was that 2011 had been a banner year. After years of hard work, I was (finally!) starting to see the benefits that come with it: increased traffic, more clients, and more requests to collaborate on projects with people I admired.

But the burnout was obvious: not looking forward to Mondays, not wanting to check email, feeling perpetually tired and overwhelmed, and sometimes, resentful.

I really wanted to be away from the computer, away from email, and definitely not getting distracted with social media. This thought was always followed by an immediate fear: “I can’t do that! I’ll lose everything I’ve worked for!”

But as Chodron says, fear is what happens when we move closer to the truth.

My truth was that I wanted a complete digital break. So finally, from December 15^th 2011 through January 15^th 2012, I took one.

Since so many people have asked me “how” I could possibly run a business and take thirty days away from being online, I’ll share what I learned. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jennifer Bailey

“Sometimes questions are more important than answers.”  ~Nancy Willard

My twenties and thirties were an endless quest for “The Answer.” As if there were only one.

The one answer that would change everything. Make everything right. Make me happy.

What Didn’t Work

I searched high and low for answers. I’d read the latest book, hoping it held the key. I’d watch to see what others said and did, assuming they had the answers.

My M.O. was simple:  read, observe, imitate, emulate.

I was always searching outside myself. 

Always thinking finding the “right” answer would hold the key to happiness and contentment.

I’d think, “This is it!” 

“This” being a new career, new city, new relationship, new wardrobe, or new hobby.

Inevitably, though, the proverbial bloom on the rose faded and whatever “this” had been became the latest thing that wasn’t.

The problem was, I never did land on the right “answer.”  All my searching and seeking deceived and misled me.  Or more honestly:  I deceived and mislead myself with all my searching and seeking.

I couldn’t understand why I kept getting the answer wrong. I was smart and resourceful. I was making an effort.

Why didn’t I seem to want what I thought I wanted? Why did my “answers” for happiness keep turning out to be wrong?

Shifting Focus

It was only years later I shifted my attention to a different part of the equation, and started to focus less on the answers and more on the questions.

And that has made all the difference.

It finally dawned on me: My answers were someone’s right answers, just not mine.

How did I come to this breakthrough? Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Monna McDiarmid

“Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” ~ Gandhi

What if we lived the way we travel?

It’s been my experience that we let go of many things when we travel. I’d like to propose that those things—the things we loosen our grip on while travelling—are things that don’t need to be held quite so firmly.

1. Notice. Slow down. Reflect.

San Miguel de Allende is one of my favorite places on earth. I’ve visited nine or ten times. If asked to describe heaven, I’d say that it was a long weekend in San Miguel.

After a gorgeous night’s sleep in Room number eight, I’d start to see things differently. I’d become absorbed by the way the golden light fell across our bed. I’d notice the specks of dust in the light shaft, like tiny astronauts travelling between the earth and the sun.

In the town, I’d observe the dogs walking on the shaded side of the street and follow their example. Everything in my path seemed beautiful and noteworthy: the way that rain drops hit the cobblestone streets, the crayola-colors of folk art in store windows, and the markets that smelled like cheese and chicken feet.

We sit at a cafe, content to drink limonada, and people-watch for hours.

We rarely do this at home because we believe there are very important things that must be accomplished, and that we can’t waste time at cafes. Vacations help us understand that we’re not quite as essential to our workplace as we thought. They’re getting by just fine without us.

Noticing leads to slowing down which allows us to reflect. We spend time observing the shape of things. Life exhales and rolls out ahead of us. We dream. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Petrea Hansen-Adamidis

“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” ~Honore de Balzac

A while back I began to feel out of sorts with my writing. It happened after coming down from the high of creating almost nonstop with my inner muse. I noticed that I began to feel down, like the feeling one gets after being at the amusement park when the excitement is over.

Creating and finishing my projects had been a wild ride. It was exciting and intense at times. But once done, an insidious feeling began to over take me.

My thoughts began to wander to “the dark side” questioning my abilities.

What if I can’t create something new? What if people don’t like what I have done?

Like after any expenditure of energy, there is always a lull. Lulls have been known to drain ones creative energy if you let them. I know from experience that if I let myself I can easily slip into a creative stupor.

When in that lull or in that space between creativity, it may seem like nothing is happening. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. We need that break.   

When in this state I feel sensitive and quick to take things personally. I could just do nothing and give in to the disappointment when things have not gone as I have expected. Alternatively, I could use this as motivation, a starting point for another creative endeavor.

But self-doubt has a way of getting under your skin. For me I begin to feel an uprising of the “you’re not good enough” gremlins inside me when this happens.

I remember when this happened after something I submitted online was not accepted.  It felt like a rejection. “Forget it then!” belted out a voice inside with the force of a 2 year-old having a tantrum when she doesn’t get her way.  Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jessica Dally

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” ~Melody Beattie

I’ve never had a problem with forgiveness.

In high school my mother and I would argue endlessly. Her lectures and my rebellion both had no end. While it was true that my mother had her faults, my independence caused me to be less than willing to follow her direction.

At one point we were arguing, as we usually did, which meant hours of crying and lecturing. As I pointed out to her yet another of her faults she said something that I have never forgotten:

“At least I didn’t tell you that you were worthless.”

She was right. That’s what her mother had drilled into her head again and again, making sure she understood that she had little value to the world. A lesson that I suspect she still believes or at least struggles with.

At some point in her life, perhaps while she was pregnant with me, or maybe before, she determined that this was one legacy she would not pass on. She would never tell me that I had no value, and indeed she never did.

While it may seem like nothing, to struggle against your upbringing, to stop a cycle of emotional abuse, is a phenomenal act of strength.

I didn’t know what I hadn’t received.

Up until that point I hadn’t even thought about the fact that this horrible thing hadn’t happened to me. I only thought about the things I didn’t like—the treatment that was dysfunctional. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Sam Russell

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

I have just eaten enough pizza to satisfy three people and I’m feeling awful for having done it. Awful because my stomach can only hold so much, awful because I know I’m going to pay for eating it (dairy and I have a difficult relationship), and awful because I know I shouldn’t have done it.

This is what my internal monologue looks like:

Me: I feel so sick.
Inner Me: You shouldn’t have eaten so much then!

Me: I know but I really fancied it and I hate wasting food.
Inner Me: You always do this, you know that?

Me: I thought I could do it differently this time.
Inner Me: What, you mean not gorge? We spoke about this, Sam. We spoke about how the last time really was the last time.

Me: I know… I kind of caved though.
Inner Me: You lack discipline; you need to be stricter with yourself.

I could go on for ages, but you get the idea.

Everyone has that voice inside of them that might berate them for less than wise choices: that unnecessary new sweater (to join all your others); the new phone (even though the one you have now works perfectly); staying up late to finish work (that could have been done earlier in the day if only you hadn’t spent the afternoon catching up with your favorite TV series).

A lot of people let this voice get the better of them. They let it get out of control to the point where, instead of being a good moral compass, it becomes a guilt-tripper of tyrannical proportions. It harms instead of helps. But why do we let this happen? Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

Note: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha to receive free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

The winners:

• Katy
• Ashley
• Dan
• Annie
• BMiller

If you read this site regularly, odds are you’re familiar with mindfulness, and you may even meditate regularly.

It’s a simple practice that can dramatically improve our physical, mental, and emotional well-being, since it helps ground us in the present moment, and frees us from the burden of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

Whether you’re new to mindfulness or not, you’ll likely find some helpful tools in The Mindful Manifesto: How Doing Less and Noticing More Can Help Us Thrive in a Stressed Out World. Straight-forward and comprehensive, the book offers detailed instructions to retrain our minds—and be kind to ourselves in the process.

Mindfulness teacher Ed Haliwell, who co-authored The Mindful Manifesto with Dr. Jonty Heaversedge, took some time to answer a few questions about the book; and he generously offered to give away 5 copies to Tiny Buddha readers.

The Giveaway

To enter to win 1 of 5 free copies of The Mindful Manifesto:

• Leave a comment below.
• Tweet: RT @tinybuddha Book GIVEAWAY & Interview: The Mindful Manifesto http://bit.ly/H7vMTw

If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can still enter by completing the first step. You can enter until midnight PST on Friday, April 6^th.

The Interview

1. Tell us a little about yourself. How did you come to teach mindfulness?

I came to mindfulness practice when I was experiencing a lot of stress, depression and anxiety. I kept searching for ways to change how I was feeling, and several people suggested learning to meditate. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Mike Bundrant

“Use what language you will, you can never say anything but what you are.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Imagine using a new language that prevents you from blaming others, being reactive, manipulating, fearing anything in the outside world, needing social approval, being offended by others, and being controlled or controlling others.

Imagine that these problems were simply eliminated from your life because your new language makes them impossible. Welcome to Perceptual Language.

Refined by Jake and Hannah Eagle of Green Psychology, Perceptual Language represents a major development in psychology, perhaps the greatest breakthrough since the days of Freud.

When you learn Perceptual Language, you engage your tongue and your brain toward a new level of enlightenment. Here is a brief overview of how it works.

Principle #1: There is no out there out there.

Perceptual Language honors the principle that we don’t respond to “the world out there.” We respond to our perception of the world. Perception is formed by beliefs, cultural norms, religious affiliation, genetic factors, life experience, sense of right and wrong, and so much more.

All of these factors combine to filter the information that passes through our senses, allowing us to figure out what things mean. In other words, we don’t ever directly experience anything outside of ourselves. We only experience ourselves.

When I listen to my wife talk, I am actually hearing my perception of her words, gestures and so forth. I am making meaning out of what she communicates based on that. This may or not match the meaning she intends to convey.

If I am offended by her, it is important to understand that I am actually offended by what I did with her words based on how I made meaning out of them. In essence, I am offended by her-in-me. Not by her, the real person. I can never experience her, the real person, directly.

In essence, I am offended by this person that I have made a part of me by the way I perceive her. In the end, I am offended by none other than myself. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jeanine Nicole

“Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home.” ~Matsuo Basho

Once, one of my friends shared a line of wisdom that summed up the dance of wholeness and aspiration I often find myself absorbed in:

“Everything is quite all right; our worth secure and true. Everything’s not quite all right; we’ve worthy work to do…”

Part of the longing and neediness I tend to feel comes from a rift between who or where I am, and where I believe I should be to be “successful.”

My life has been colored by this dichotomy: the strange see-sawing dance between achievement and room to grow.

I’ve struggled endlessly with the concept of my “potential” and the frustrating feeling that potential will always add itself on to the top of any ceiling I break through, creating only more upward space in which to aim, aspire, and yearn.

And yet, any spiritual practice will allow us to see that we are whole, complete, and perfect just as we are in the very moment.

For me, yoga has been a bridge between these two places—where I am and where I want to be.

It encourages me to be grounded, to deepen, to see and experience my wholeness, to accept myself for all my facets—just as I am. It allows me to be a work in progress, allows my life to be a journey, and my emotions a process.

I have utilized yoga and meditation as a tool of self-love, one that then immediately opens into compassion for others, and an expansive sense of self. I live my day with more love, more serenity, and more grace, when I actively dedicate time and energy to tapping into a calmer sense of being. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Katy Cowan

“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” ~Unknown

Lifestyle. Opportunities. Wealth. Just think how far we’ve come in the past 100 years—especially when you look at what we have today compared with our great grandmothers’ generation.

My great grandmother married very young, lived in the same place her whole life, and had 11 children. She never had a “career” and never got a chance to go on a vacation. Her life was hard, poor, and lacking in any real opportunity.

I wonder if she ever dreamed about moving to another city or transforming her life, or about seeing the world with just a backpack. I bet she did, but back then there weren’t as many opportunities as we have today.

Thanks to technology, the Internet, and an improved society, our lifestyles are completely transformed. We have choices. We can live pretty much anywhere we want. We can travel and see the world.

We can secure jobs on the other side of the planet. We can start our own businesses and serve clients thousands of miles away. It’s definitely an exciting time.

But when there is a wealth of opportunities, choices, and places where we could choose to live, you’d think we’d all be happy, right? Wrong.

You see, the problem with having choices is that we become restless. We can’t settle on what we already have or be satisfied with what we’ve got because we’ll always be wondering about the next big thing.

It’s called “the grass is always greener” syndrome. We think someone else is having a better time elsewhere. We make ourselves miserable by constantly thinking about the unknown in an endless quest to find happiness. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Ana Barcelos

“If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” ~Oprah Winfrey

I’ve often compared myself to others and imagined that they have a better life than I do.

The youngest of eight children, I grew up with a mother who often said, “So and so must really be happy! Look at them! They know how to live life.”

Becoming a widower at the age of forty with eight children to raise was not easy on her, which is why she constantly wished her life were different. And somehow, those thoughts and words stuck with me.

I’ve frequently felt that I’m not enough, despite being a professor and researcher, having published books, and having presented at conferences in Brazil and abroad.

No matter how much I’ve done and accomplished in my life, I usually catch myself looking at other people´s lives and thinking they´re better off (despite all the webinars, self-development books, self-improvement mp3s, and meditations I have done).

I compare myself to people who somehow “seem” to lead a more fun life. In the beginning of my career, I thought that other researchers were always “producing” more than I was.

This type of thinking also manifests in the suspicion that I could be living another life.

Let me explain: We sometimes get stuck, thinking the past, or our “lost opportunities,” as we like to label them, are better than the present.

Our thinking might sound like this:

“If I had done such and such, I would be living my dreams.”

“I could be living this adventurous life in another city doing something else.”

“I´d be so happy if only I had…”

This is where the problem lies.

Lost opportunities happen when we are nowhere instead of now here.

We are nowhere when we live in the present lamenting the past, dreaming of a future that may never come if we are not mindful about our present, about the now here.

No one can be happy if not in the present. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Julia Manuel

“Don’t think you’re on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path.” ~Unknown

Growing up in Appalachia, women always had grace, class, and sweet iced tea in the refrigerator for unexpected visitors. They smiled when called ma’am or darling and kept an immaculate home.

Many Appalachian women also abided by two rules: It’s impolite to say no, and (my mother’s favorite adage), be as nice as you possibly can and everyone will realize you’re the better person.

For me, this translated as always say yes and play nice. I thought this equated to being compassionate and sensitive.

You’re stranded on the side of the road four hours away during an ice storm? I’ll get you. You want to be intimate on the first date? I don’t want you to dislike me, so okay. You think I’m hateful, unworthy, and a crybaby? You’re probably right.

Yet, I played nice for so long that laughter turned to appeasement, confidence turned to harassment and verbal abuse, kindness turned to obligation. 

As I allowed others to treat me unkindly and without respect, somewhere living soulfully became nonexistent. I always thought that I kept everyone at arm’s length with a smile on my face because I didn’t want to be hurt.

In reality, I was so angry at myself for those specific moments of being run over that I willingly began playing the victim.

It became easier to sabotage myself and continue down that road than to work hard and become a strong, outspoken, and vivacious woman again, which wouldn’t unfold until years later when I spent the night in the middle of nowhere. Click Here to Read More…