I Just Wanted to Tell You I Love You
Why I No Longer Need to Be the Best at Everything I Do
“I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have. ” ~Abraham Lincoln
As a child, my father always told me, “At everything you do, you have to be number one.” I tried. In some ways, I succeeded. I got high grades. Sometimes, the highest. Sometimes, I got awards.
I became an expert at figuring out other people’s expectations and meeting them. This got me approval, but it never made me happy. I wasn’t passionate about grades, awards, or …
How I Prioritize and Take Care of Myself Without Feeling Selfish
“I am worthy of the best things in life, and I now lovingly allow myself to accept it.” ~Louise Hay
Looking back on my life, I see that for a long time I struggled to take care of my own wants and needs and didn’t make them a priority. I used to find that very uncomfortable, and sometimes even selfish. I was a master of giving, but I faced serious obstacles to receiving.
By nature, I am a nurturer. I find tremendous joy and fulfillment in giving, so the old me used to offer plenty of time and energy to …
How a 10-Day Silent Retreat Helped Heal My Grieving Heart
“In a retreat situation, you are forced to come face to face with yourself, to see yourself in depth, to meet yourself.” ~Lama Zopa Rinpoche
When I was at university, doing a ten-day silent Vipassana meditation retreat was considered a hardcore rite of passage only the toughest among us attempted. Those who lasted the distance referred to it as a “mind-blowing” and “life-changing” experience.
“Think of how you feel after an orgasm,” a friend said when I considered finally doing a Vipassana meditation retreat to reconnect with myself after a decade in full time employment. “Imagine feeling for two months …
Sometimes the Safe Path is Not the Right Path
“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an artist. I loved to draw, especially, and even took art classes on the weekends when I could. For fun.
Obviously, being an artist isn’t a viable career (or so everyone in my life told me in subtle and not so subtle ways), so instead of going to college to delve deeper into drawing or painting or sculpture, I went the safe route: art teacher.
Well, after a few semesters I decided I didn’t want …
A Letter to My Exes: I’m Sorry You Never Knew Me
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” ~Brené Brown
To all of my ex-boyfriends, ex-lovers, and especially my ex-husband, I am so sorry.
I’m sorry because I never gave you the chance to really know me. I hid myself from you. I showed you the smallest version of myself because I didn’t trust you to meet me in my strength, my bigness, and my desire. Well, in truth it was …
What My Self-Judgment Was Trying to Tell Me
“Regret is a fair but tough teacher.” ~Brene Brown
A few weeks back, I found myself in the midst of a shame hangover and, like most people, when I’m in that unique internal cavern, self-judgments swoop into my consciousness like a colony of rabid bats in a four-foot tent.
I’ll paint the picture…
There are about two or three boys that have started visiting the houses on my block recently. They hold a rag and a windex bottle, come into every yard, knock on the door, and ask to wash the front doors (most of which are glass). Seems pretty …
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