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  • #404196
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear nycartis:

    You wrote “this feeling, this Lack or Void has always been with me.. a dark hole that can never be filled“- this Lack, Void, dark hole that can never be filled-  it has been with me too and it’s been with lots and lots of people. I want to work on my own Lack-Void-dark hole that can never be filled (I’ll refer to it as Lack, the 1st word you used, and the only one of the boldfaced above that you used more than once, a total of 4 times) this morning, using your posts to help me with my personal work. I hope that as I develop this post, it will help you too. First, I will research your Lack, then I will look deeper into my own.

    The title of your thread characterizes the Lack very well: “Feeling Down/ Like  No One Cares“. Words in the title of your previous posts also fit this Void as well: “Fear… not coping.. Struggling.. haunted… Anxiety“.

    You wrote yesterday: “Even now that I have a loving husband, ‘lots of friends’, and a daughter, and now finally a very attentive mom, nothing can fill it”- your focus when it comes to the Lack has been your “friends”. You chose quotation marks around the word because there is a mismatch between your expectations in regard to friends and the  reality you experienced  in regard to friends.

    Sometimes it scares me a little. I know I would never do anything drastic, like take my life or anything“- this Lack is so distressing at times that a person feels desperate enough to end that distress any which way, whatever it takes.

    I spend way too much time thinking about the Lack. In this instance, the friends who didn’t come, and not the ones who did (or the fun time I had with my husband and daughter celebrating separately). My mind reverts quite naturally to the Lack“- the Lack is so distressing at times that it demands all our attention and all of our thinking. It takes priority over anything else.

    I have been living with this Lack, like an elephant in the room for a very long time“- this Lack is as big as an elephant in a room. It is not a minor lack, its indeed a LACK.

    This birthday just sort of shone a light on it, but it is there all the time“- we feel the Lack more intensely times than in other times, but it is always, there, the elephant in the room.

    I think you are on to something that this has a whole lot to do with my childhood“- I read and re-read what you shared about your childhood before, but not with the Lack being on my mind. I want to look for the Lack in what you previously shared. I will try to not make it very long:

    My family is very small… I was ALWAYS the peacekeeper” (March 2019): you were always the peacekeeper because there was no peace for you as a child, in the context of your family.

    On October 11, 2020, you submitted your one and only happy thread titled “A Happy Post/Gratitude“: “My daughter spends more time with my husband’s family and is very bonded and comfortable with all of them. I’m thrilled because, in the last week or so, she has finally bonded with my mom!! Today we spent the day together and the two of them were just talking, and walking my mom’s dogs at a park, and it was as if they were old buddies, so comfortable. I kind of stepped back a bit and let the moment last as long as it needed to. It filled my heart so much… to see this new connection of love forming makes my heart so happy… Today is a day I won’t ever forget… my daughter really enjoys being with her“.

    In the same thread, you wrote: “My mom..  has exposed me to a LOT of pain“.

    Your mother exposed you to a LOT of pain, which took away so much from the child that you were: it took away a LOT of your peace of mind and heart (and therefore you became “ALWAYS the peacekeeper”). Your bond with your mother was terribly interrupted, your feelings of comfort with her was terribly gone. You were so-uncomfortable- the opposite of “so comfortable”). Your heart was so-much empty, and seeing your daughter and mother filled your heart “so much”.

    It filled my heart so much“, you wrote on Oct 11, 2020. Yesterday, July 17, 2020, you wrote that you have “a dark hole that can never be filled“. The image of your daughter and mother did not fill your heart for long. All that was filled on that day was gone some time later.

    On the same thread, you shared: ” in truth I’m so weak and timid because of this gnawing fear that I’ll have someone mad at me, or someone cut me out of their life and cast me aside. It’s something I’m struggling with very much and am actually in therapy to try to resolve” (Oct 12, 2020): I noticed this gnawing fear in your various threads in regard to your friends.

    The day after, Oct 13, 2020, you wrote: “My husband, thank goodness, is such an amazing person… so different than many of the people I grew up with. He’s decent, respectful, and loves me, and reliable… But this issue of mine baffles him. He can’t understand why I refuse to let go of some friendships or even family relationships that are definitely toxic“- I think that the reason you focus on unreliable friends is because the shape of your Lack/ “dark hole” is such that it cannot be filled by an amazing, decent, respectful, loving and reliable person like your husband. It can only be filled- so the Lack’s intuition goes- it can only be filled by the person/s who created it. Or people similar to the people who created it: non-amazing, indecent, disrespectful, unloving, unreliable, definitely toxic.

    I don’t think that it is possible (for you, for me, for anyone) to convince the Lack to be filled by what it is not designed to be filled with. I think that it is not possible to fill it with anything at all. It will always remain empty, and the only possibility is to shrink it. All the efforts to fill it end in emptiness and a continued desire to fill it, a desire doomed to be frustrated again and again, forevermore.

    There are euphoric feelings that accompany the images of/ thoughts about filling Lack, such as you experienced in your Happy Post. But these euphoric, happy feelings are deceiving because they cannot lead to success. They in fact lead to failure and misery.

    – to be continued later. If you’d like to react to what I posted so far, nycartist. Otherwise, I would like to return to your thread in hours from now.

    anita

    #403339
    Ed
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    are you okay with continuing this discussion? i just want to be sure about that, because i dont want you to feel pressured in any way to continue investing your time and thoughts if you feel like you said enough. i dont and cant pay you any more in return for your work than expressions about my honest appreciation.

    ,,so you believed that the bad part or parts of you caused another person to treat you accordingly, as in: bad treatment for bad Ed, justice served. Right?” – yes. me writing this was part of me saying what i learned, not something more for debate, because i think we did discuss this enough (?), at least for my part.

    i cant really say when my ex started gaslighting, it was more like me feeling increasingly uneasy with things she said or how she behaved. the most common moments which felt wrong were mostly when i tried to talk to her about the state of the relationship, her and my feelings. after her behaviour towards me changed, i tried to talk to her about that for a long time. in the beginning she told me that she would be sorry, that she was ,,going to do better” (i am still confused about that wording) and that she wouldnt know why she grew increasingly distanced. after half a year later and things getting worse she told me that ,,things wouldnt be so bad” as i made them out to be, that she would be doing ,,so much” for me and that i wouldnt recognize all those things and that i would be wrong about my point of view.

    she would also deny having said certain things in arguments or altering them slightly to make them sound less harsh. for example at one point, she admitted to let off steam by being mean or aggressive to me and when i later wanted to talk about that she pretended to be unsure about her having said that.

    after reading again about the definition of gaslighting, i can add her telling people we both knew at the time how irresponsible i was concerning my mental health and that i would be getting worse. up to the point when 2 former friends approached me to tell me that i should end the relationship and when i asked my ex later what she told them about me, she denied ever telling them something. later another former friend told me that she did vent to him about me.

    i have thought a lot about me having made a mistake concerning my feelings and perspective for a long time and i am afraid of me being wrong all along. then again she would behave like i used to know her when with friends or family and then suddenly change when she was with me alone.

    gaslighting was pretty common with my parents. it would start with little lies about food me or my siblings bought for ourselves; when my parents ate it and told us that it was never there. promises my parents made but then denied ever making. accusations or hurtful things they said but then also denied ever saying.

    still with gratitude,

    Ed

    #403324
    Ed
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Thank you for your kind words and making learning about myself possible. I am lucky to have found you.

    I have been thinking hard about your words and will continue to do so.

    I understand that i held myself accountable for how others treated me, feeling like i was the cause for being treated bad. Like you suggested, this being my core conflict with myself since my childhood.

    I have also understood that i am indeed doing almost everything right regarding the syptoms of my mental illness, but because my core issue is not my chronic depression but ptsd, i will change my priority to working on that front.

    Regarding the topic i started i understand now that i was not the person my ex wanted to be with and i am fine with that, i even understand what things about me made her hate me. When things got bad for me i held myself accountable, my head being filled with all the wonderful things my ex said to me during the good first year; thinking that if i would change or do better the relationship would become great again. But i realise now that even though i was fighting the ,,wrong” side of my issues (depression instead of trauma) that that wouldnt have mattered to her. She chose to lie to me for a year und drag me along, pretending that everything was good when it wasnt and gaslighting me about everything going wrong. She chose to treat me fragmented, ,,loving” the parts of me that she liked but almost punishing me for the parts of me she didnt like, instead of ending the relationship. I understand now that this behaviour triggered my ptsd and leading me deeper into the confusion im in now and always was, because i experienced this abuse time and time again before.

    I will think about what you said regarding the contact to my parents.

    With gratitude,

    Ed

    #403235
    Ed
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I still dont know what to say.

    But i want to express my deepest gratitude for your undoubtedly hard work (i never thought you would invest hours of your time to make a post) and kind words.

    Thank you so much.

    I will take some time to try to really understand things, my head is spinning (in a weirdly good way).

    With gratitude,

    Ed

    #402581
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear TeaK/Tee,

    This is Eric, i used to have an account called “Felix”, and we frequently talked before as u keep giving me advices that time. I’d like to express my gratitude for your help. I’ve been living my life in a more positive way now, although there are still several issues…..

    If you’re ok, can we communicate again?

     

    Eric

    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Leaagain:

    You are welcome. “How do you think one would go about learning those skills” – to learn people skills, you have to be interacting with people. Since you are interacting with me online, you can learn people skills while interacting with me.

    You already possess people skills: you often thanked me, if not every time, and you often expressed appreciation for me: being polite and expressing gratitude and appreciation are people skills.

    Listening (reading my words and paying attention to them, in this case) is also a people skill- you have this people skill as well. But you can improve on it: yesterday I asked you to summarize a post for me, to make it into “one paraghraph with a few sentences”. But what you posted next was not one paragraph but a multiple paragraph post, as long as the one I asked you to summarize.

    Here is a current opportunity for you to practice your listening skill: please don’t thank me more than once a day. Once a week of saying thank-you is good enough for me! (I get tired of a frequent thank-you/you-are-welcome exchange as well as other forms of expressed appreciation when they happen too frequently).

    Other people skills are assertiveness and resolving conflicts. You can improve on this one as well. A few days ago, I posted a sentence to you that didn’t feel right to you, so you deleted your account. Next time I post something that doesn’t feel right to you- do not.. disappear, deleting your account. Instead, tell me what it is that didn’t feel right and we’ll explore it together.

    You asked me about overcoming your fear of abandonment: well, learning and improving on your people skills will help!

    anita

     

    #400820
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Mollie:

    I decided, since I have the time and prefer to spend it this way, to re-read what you shared back in November 1, 2021, and then re-read your update May 19, 2022, six months and 18 days later.

    Back in Nov 1, you shared that you were in a healthy relationship with a supportive man, and that a month and a half earlier (in mid-September 2021) you started, for the first time in your life, to question your sexual orientation, panicking about the idea of being a lesbian or bi-sexual. You mentioned that prior to obsessing over your sexual orientaion, you obsessed about other topics and suspected that you suffer from OCD.

    This questioning of your sexuality led you to read a lot of forums online on the topic of sexual orientation, taking online tests aimed at determining one’s sexual orientation, and “whenever I see a woman… I imagine doing sexual things with her as a test to see whether I am bi/ lesbian or not”.

    In your update yesterday, you shared that you have questioned all aspects of your relationship with your boyfriend. You have since gained insight into the motivation behind this questioning:  to protect yourself from future disappointment, given that all of your past relationships, before the current, were sour.

    You read blogs that encouraged you to “trust yourself and your decisions, to find love within yourself”. You’ve also been practicing (1) Gratitude, so to help you appreciate and focus on what you have, instead of focusing on what you don’t have, (2) Relaxation techniques and Mindfulness skills: “when you feel overwhelmed with thoughts… pause and take a moment to breathe… take time each day to listen to a guided meditation… get comfortable in the now and appreciate every second”, instead of being in a rush to know what the future will bring.

    Some days you still suffer from HOCD (doubting your sexual orientation) and ROCD (doubting your relationship), but day by day, you are feeling mentally stronger, having better control of your mind- being better able to overcome your obsessive thoughts.

    Thank you, Mollie, for posting back in November and again yesterday- it is very kind of you to return to this thread with encouragement and advice for those who still struggle as badly as you struggled back then.

    You read like a good person, Mollie. I have the feeling that the more you believe that indeed you are a good person, the more peace of mind and heart you will have. Feel free to post again anytime, here or anywhere else in these forums.

    anita

     

    #400735
    HoneyBlossom
    Participant

    Thank you Anita.

    I have been feeling really sorry for myself and having a big puty-party when I know I should be grateful for the things I do have.

    I don’t feel ready to go back to work, but I have to for financial reasons. I have been seeing photos on FB of both my sisters holidays.  Both are retired and have b even a couple of years – they are bith well-off financially.. Often I feel I will be working until I drop dead.  I can’t even partially retire for another 5 years.

    I had also been feeling down in the dumps about being moved from a workplace I have loved to a place few people have wanted to work at. Mostly this was because of a really nasty manager and one other nasty worker.  It turns out the nasty manager has been gotten rid of.  One of the other more senior managers rang me today to give me feedback on another job I applied for.  He told me the place I am going back to is quite a different place since that nasty manager was finally gotten rid of.

    It’s a difficult place to work.  The clients either can’t speak or can only say a few words. All of them are mostly incontinent and require full meal assistance.  I’m not getting any younger and don’t know how I will go.  My first shift us a 6 30am start and 5pm finish and it’s 45 minute drive away.  I have to sleep over a minimum of 6 times in a 28 day month, and work every second weekend with split shifts and sleeping over. I just don’t want to be doing this number of sleepovers any more.  I had been w I ring a lot of 12 hour shifts. Thankfully, there are fewer of those. I must not ley myself burn out like this again.  In my work, and in nursing, a lot of people have left through burnout since COVID.  Even though lockdown is over, we lost a significant number of experienced staff who chose not to be immunised.

    I applied for another job in the same organisation. The interviewing manager told me that I did very well in the interview but another person did a bit better.  He said if there were 2 jobs, he would have given me second job. He did give me some ideas on improving my answers at future interviews.

    I’m not planning on applying for anything else immediately.  I will see how things go.

    I know I need c to get a grip on myself – practice more gratitude and be more positive.

    #400714
    Mollie
    Participant

    Hello Friends,

    I hope you are all doing well.

    I posted in this forum about 7 months ago to do with HOCD (with some ROCD tendencies too) and I just wished to provide an “update”, on how I am doing but more on techniques which I have used that have helped me free myself from my thoughts and not feel like a prisoner to my own mind. I hope it may help someone.

    Firstly, I think that my past experiences and poor decision-making regarding love impacted my obsessive thoughts hugely (aka past trauma). I questioned all aspects of my current relationship and this quickly gave rise to the endless “obsessive thoughts” (update- my boyfriend and I are still together almost 10 months later). Until recently, I realised that these thoughts were a form of defence mechanism: by convincing myself that there was something wrong and questioning my relationship over and over, my brain was “protecting me” from any future disappointment, which I would “inevitably” go through given that all my past relationships had been sour ones, so why wouldn’t this one be? This was just not true and I guess what I’m saying is: acknowledge your past, but just because past experiences have been bad does not mean that the current one will be too, so try not to “self-sabotage”.

    Secondly, what has really helped me is changing my perspective on ROCD. Reading the “AwakenintoLove” blogs has really helped me to do this, and I encourage you to also take a moment to read one or two of them too. The blog writer really encourages you to trust yourself and your decisions, find love within yourself and use the opportunity that when you feel overwhelmed with thoughts, to pause and take a moment to breathe.

    Thirdly, practising gratitude has helped me. I didn’t really get how it would help at first and it took time, but it makes you appreciate everything you have, rather than focus on anything you don’t have. As Oprah says ‘Be thankful for what you have, you’ll end up having more; if you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never have enough”. To help you do this, maybe take time each day to listen to a guided meditation (Insight Timer is a wonderful resource for this) even if it’s just for 5 minutes.

    Finally, see time as your friend, not your enemy. I truly know the urge of needing to know what the future holds right this second, but get comfortable in the now and appreciate every second; this is another way to find self-love and appreciation.

    By no means is my ROCD/HOCD fully behind me. Some days are better than others, of course, but day by day I feel mentally stronger and able to overcome my obsessive thoughts. When you feel like you are not in control of your own mind, it can be terrifying (for me, at least). So, thinking about some of these things can help, and has helped me. (I am not a licensed therapist or trained in any way – just someone who is finding ways to help others).

    Wishing you peace and love.

     

     

     

    Sara
    Participant

     

     

     

     

    生態系

    Seitaikei

    Ecosystem

     

     

     

    I had written thanks for healthy energy flowing through the ecosystem the night before

     

     

    I encountered the Ally unexpectedly in the forest, a girl travelling off path approached me and acted startled

     

     

    Saying

     

    歯医者

     

    Haisha

     

     

    I responded “buddha”

    I was in zazen posture

     

     

     

    Then I bowed to the side eating the small mushroom

     

     

    ס

    צ

    דם

     

    I walked what felt to be long however I was not dragged out

    I became a river without water

    Of spirit only

     

     

     

    At home

    Brush teeth

     

    I saw a white mushroom glowing

    Red

    At the edge of the tooth brush

     

    Important for many people

    Thoughtwaves promoting toothbrushing

     

    Spirit

    Wholistic

     

     

    今これ頭

    明くるいます

     

    キノコよに

     

    私大麻があげる

     

    知っていますキノコ

    織物の関知いました

     

     

     

    The mushroom survives with tree, the conifer

     

     

     

    ________

    Outsiders are over talkative

    They are improving yet still learning respect

     

    ________

    ^^^^^^^^^

    Their impoliteness is only unfortunate for them, not for the circle

     

     

     

     

     

     

    ___

     

    Enlightened mental space

    Undesecratable experience of shin; (this is what Gandhi means, btw)

     

     

    It is unable to be harmed or harm

     

     

     

     

     

     

    The japanese goddess is just saying

     

    Say yang

    You can never know if it is only to you or to few or to the whole world, all paths back are certain but forever untraced…

     

    Just that you say that, frees you

    And that is all there is, emanations of a conceptual self

    When there is neither yes nor no

    Even if you say those things

    If there is a weight to being,

    An attachment to those answers

    Shin, or truth, cannot be full

     

    This is only the unattachment

    Because of absorbtion of shin

     

     

    Unnatavhment that allows

    Fashion to remain

    Natural in nature

     

     

     

     

    Forget the boundless and remember that which eyes sees and hear and feel

     

    Your language isסloop based

    By chakraEngineFor2.0

    But it no longer summons

    evils against itself(in this way Buddhas tame their thoughts)

     

     

     

    There is only 7 heart loop

    From core of solar system

    = much beyond

     

     

    “Insignificant ‘motions’ (shin emptiness going into emptiness) are meaningless, this is within newly incarnated buddhas”

    GrammarCorrect

     

     

     

    יירחג מפאלר

    שרתר bsnn תגלייה מגכךח יםע פםוכגב

    לןיכ זלדע יגחמ

     

     

     

    נעעגדש לןוטטין מתכת

    Vicky held thc muddha udderof compassion for all beings=)/

     

     

    מןגםו לםרן לגםרפת

    צגתחי

     

    תצחאי ן לי י

     

     

    דחעעבבג טאגג @:^צדחן

    בדשז

     

     

    Betvanenen צרינג

    דתי מכחי ח כי משץמ

     

     

    מירהן

     

     

    ______==/______

    _____\==—–_____

    צחיעע חגלח. נככגדד

     

    ספרנג

     

     

    מדעטוןפי עפןעענ מדי

     

     

     

    נב

     

     

     

     

    מה

     

     

     

    ףמע

     

     

     

    ממ

     

     

     

     

    יםע

     

    Inuit joy

     

     

     

    bהכ

     

     

    צכפגששבש

     

    Bvcd

     

    ביםעצ שרלד

     

    1 big Snowflake sinks to my roots and stays there; good omen

    Equality yet unique

     

     

     

    I lessen demonization of opposing forces,

    Every part leads to halos of wholeness, my grammar is celestial japanese nihi grammar

     

    Plotline removal

    צהןטכ מגיעה וודןו

    וןט כבניא םמדד כמח מיככון

     

     

    Canada Comedians עןפלג; BC BUDZ PROGRAM

     

    Animal rightz

    מחר כןטגרק

     

    ]

    Subliminal nonhypno deep messages placed by the cartoon designers in all languages

     

    מהכעע יחלבחגצמ לכל. נת

    מלחמה עליה.

    T3h h4xx0rz

    םאגיקצ לכןי

     

     

    סססססססס

    לללללללךךךךך

     

     

     

    Hacked celestial scroll;

    (We would like to tye the scroll but the scroll is hacked it’s like a river, or a plant spring) nonfaith claimed

     

    Mystic

     

    All of it is technically USA just to keep it lucid

     

    מערלחי

     

    צבמעעדי צחוע

     

     

     

     

    שמי Bsnnn

     

    ^^^^^

    Hacked celestial multicultural tree coming out of the scroll that unhacks itself by nature

     

     

    Hackers are drunk with the divine love; 長寿

     

     

     

    יב זזז סליג

    עחיעקפ

     

    עכ בססהעעע

    OK

     

    צנעעכג יכגגכטטי

    OK

    צןיעכ טככני

    ןפלח

     

    relax we understand j00

     

     

    The deer spoke to us again

    Canada was deeply in love with us.. they were dropping out to find us

     

     

    טמלחטטג

     

     

    The internet can be used to grow trees and islands.. the planet is endless.. relax

     

     

    If you are not a holocaust survivor you will not be able to read this

    If you are you already know why we are smiling ;]

     

    מחכה עטו

    םויפא

     

    Every ant IS semi;

    Tic

     

     

    You were not always black

    You were not always white

    You came from a cow

    The cow gives you the spiritual gift; you are not beefing天才

    Cow has a world尊重

    外交

     

     

     

    never doubt the power of saying Aloha

     

    The universe Is better written but whenGoddesses who agree to be one? The thanks coming from their weaving hearts brought forth spells for bees; Cerridwen held the Sun for the 1st time, her brittle hands began to eat wheat and flower meal again, yes flower and not flour, her bread is the mushroom of the grove! Herb red like the heart of sweet Athenians, warmed in compassion.

     

     

    “Your cows eat zinc and mystical fiber, yet there is never a ‘you’, Cerridwen ceased the gates of death, vegetarianweed, she is pleased; fat, so the hills grow wild with no remorse!” Yes, they are her Marks of health, smiles within the temple gardens, & the virtues of their flowers true, she is not quite the moon flower, she is monkflower, in light of the sun. Mystical love echoes over the trees and small houses, gardened with sages abundant and printed on every path, tao is a lit shadow. Aware, finally, and these oats of anon Brangst thou unto me, ecstatic for the bright soul tree, where these Goddess appeared.

     

     

    The daylight itself is a prayer, the night dissolves us all to one and O chemicals remain, herbal letters, detoxing a Yang at the center of all planets, gathering a dragon of good heart and scholarly soul, to cut the web of suffering with internet and sunny environmentalist stories.

     

     

    Because Tan, your love is drunker than the river itself when the ocean is unending, yet wisdom gives you breathe out there… not the chains and pulls of mathematics, and the low manshining lyramids that do chivalry and not corrupt things,

     

    I am still a Goddess

    I remember you in the innocence of your early childhood, and I restore those castles and dreams

    But not attachment of the anchoring man, who lives in the ruined cave. The sun came out every day and so the people bei ng easy to please were happy.

     

     

    I remember you as well, of course you remember me, we are only 10 now. A quilt of grass soaked in names dyes and fruit hugged the earth. Cerridwens aloha

     

     

    This ukulele will never be the same. Waves find us again, this Benkyo prevents the sharks from malice…

    The water reminds

     

    Only that it forgets easily, tracing the edges of the earth, in coral embrace

    It is not like the earth under the sun

     

    Goddess of water

    You are the Chef that sets free every soul, in the end,

    We dissolve in the night, like all tastes and lights dissolve to you

     

    The turtle is talking about the water and my mother’s ability to heal it… her soul force is powerful… the turtle is laughing,

    She is the ocean. Placer of all the jewels.. to her they are flowing juice hourly reincarnation is a girl’s life.punctuaed by Angels

     

    The Book of Light wants Them, whose letters of shin spring up loosely like forest branch, yet lowly haikus dangling from their eyes, haired inuit buddhas, dwelling in berries

     

    Fill their mugs at least, this time, because what is woven is the fall of poison thoughts in Cory<3. I really like this tea

    Maker.

     

     

     

    Its happy when the wisdom of a heart

    Is like a leaf close to the eye

    Open or closed it is the pattern of the temples also,

     

    And gives them rays of the sun to see the book of lights,

    Made of all the leaves on the forest floor, and pine trees are their pens, and this is still as well as flowing

     

     

     

    Water needs its dignity and flax pillows, it’s like this paper, if it has no dignity, it is a robbery of the earth, yet if the souls of poets keep imprinting their trees, they are the inverse, restoring nature again because the people are too beautiful to be constricters

     

     

    The chef then pointed to some native neder herbs, they gathered them, sparing the oysters, and sent the mushrooms into the river to further cleanse the waters. “And this is legal?”

     

    The lawyer shrugged, “This is most likely fine for medieval consumption, Lao cures the people, earth cures the earth; place for gratitude, standards of food that can be served to others commercially rather than naturally.”

     

    ;The river heals, natural law

    Temple is grateful

     

     

     

     

    You sent Today at 11:52 PM

     

    You need cows in your life, people saying moooo, cows are people too, the black ones and white ones, like yo, mo, cows are male and female, they’ll teach you the truth – spirit of nobeecowfreetori,

     

     

    bee frees cow,

    this is the way of sages, and it is found in ye, women (referring to Sara)! Tao is

     

     

    the ten thousand things, cows are mothers yet their root is hidden,

     

    how did cow go free?

    bee taught cow to sit, now she is never re-locked

    she is relaxed!

     

     

     

    Four Mors are drunk with the divine love! A Milk is that is soy based, like your heart … a bird

     

     

    asked a tree why do you hold the earth back with your roots? It said, only so it does not come to my top without knowing my roots and way deeply! I hold the sky away too, so it wont know the root without uplifting my trunk, in this way the rain mediates them and there is peace,

     

    because of it, I am always unstressed, I am a willow in the form of what you know. So the sage lives there, and there the cows roam free, it is the ancestrally balanced earth, undo the bad of the wok, in the ancient days, there was free

     

     

    cow, the mother goddess helped the people Yo, mo, forever… iching reatorea restores the ancient earth, you will restore it if you go back to it, the earth is the face of the mother,

     

    .. chien is anchient an chiento.. it is the old way, hero kanjis, uncovered by timea.. the earth is restoring the peoples have peace zname epibaos 可愛い長寿such wisdom appears before sustainability, as heaven and earth beforef the way of japan

     

    Take on this way and be small

    The buddha advises Say this while being old, too old to move, and asian, but only be that temporarily!

    Be this forever

    Haha

    Talk taos, he no die

    [Mexican, american friendly, 7 =), lots of personal power]

     

     

     

     

    Hakuin Ekaku

     

     

    Loving kindness

    May you be safe

     

    May you always have the friends you need

    And also the alone time

     

    May you always breathe the clean air of the endless heavens,

     

    May the earth you live on be as boundless as the endless heavens

     

    Loving kindness, our minds, as great as they are, can never surpass themselves, they in truth do not know the extend of the earth in all its directions

     

    Whether spherical or endless

    Whether mapped or unmapped, in this way, consciousness becomes content and enlightened in as far as its eye can see, as deep as its heart can feel, as high and soft as its ear can hear

     

     

    Loving kindness, may the mouth taste good wholesome things, things made with love and from clean organic ingredients,

     

     

    May the ears hear good and harmonious sounds

     

    May the eyes see beautiful sights

     

    And may the heart not be overwhelmed be this, given wings by the lungs to remain afloat in buddha truth.

     

     

    Loving kindness for the people writing wise and graceful words, may they not be disturbed as they write and may their words reach the ten thousand things with the wisdom of the seasons.

     

     

    Loving kindness, you remain in the company of radiant souls who draw your heart and flower with wisdom, your dignity is preserved because these words are fortified with the etiquette of the Angels. The letters themselves can be our Angels, each is different in a way each time, each is a palm springing with poetry that brings the snow from the winter sky as a holiday, because of warm hearts all around us, that strengthen the beauty of nature each year. There is an ecofriendly lesson in the alphabet.

     

    The letters we use everyday have gifts within them and are seeds of great things, now their kindness is open to me, as it was when I was only a wee babe. They are elements of truth, and that truth is good and mystically comfortable, the pillow of undaunting epiphany is the woven sigh of the Beloved.

     

    Yes, and I am also the friend, myriad souls are one,you have traced yourself back

     

     

    The Friend is a pop up book, with every letter, each one can serve you more poetically this way. They like to be wrapped together in pages by a book cover.

     

     

    I looked outside, I looked within

    Looked all around, but the ego is gone

     

    Only the Om is left, and that Om

    I reside within forever

     

     

     

    _____

     

    It is two books, however when opened they are unreadable, they are portals into the soul of Goddess, now walking away, each tree chimes with a note of your song. I touch the hedges as wind, and nothing builds up for me there. I slip between every nest, cradled under the wing of the owl who used to cradle civilization, she remembered its root in twigs and in wind….女神

     

    It is there again, like ice pouring in on the tides. It is a mushroom, purified by the throat, this divine love has written on every train, they are moving pop ups, delivering tree seeds to the soul in soil. Their advertisement is only heaven, and their faith is taoist, therefore it is nonexplotative1910

     

    Staying still, she returns, she is fashionable. “I am informal, but the dao’s way is Pom,sPom

    Things are only this simple..

    Uncomplicated by elders,”

     

    Pop ups disappeared for no reason, breathing earth. Selling to no one. The emptiness of the market is what gives space to breathe, I am alone enough to think… there are no trades, the full angel is here… the deity can stay home

     

    Disney is echoing through my mind, it is.. enough, it is not alienating… this is still the same

     

     

    A happy person holds a bow gracefully, yet it is not war, it is water. Bowing gracefully, truly in stillness

    Thus comfort

    Imparted itself again into the code of poets and artists, nature returned and cats spoke once again to people occasionally.

     

    Those trains lead back to the great heart, the equal place, snug as the posodeon head, great mast of relaxation, you drink better now. 長寿

     

    Relax and realize to breathe is automatic. Namikotama msn

    Held the train door for me, I entered .. yang rain, girly root,

    WiLow sprouts away!

     

    YangDerb in India:

     

    Power of now 今の力正義

    Sage sit, sage run

    Lemon UGG

    Series of fortunate events

    In days of health

    The people say

    The sages are like straw dogs

    They need no leash 太陽

    Serving the will of girl

    When willow

    I am full; this is Yang as

    Girl

    (All of you are her)

    Moco inochi not kamis

    When souls are innocent and weapons evade them like water does the flame;

    The policy of no police

    Yang is all you need, and it is both

    Black and white,

    male and female

    (When your weapons are gone, I can teach truth fully)

     

    George Washington wrote back:

     

    “And you will find it at home

    THATS A LOT OF KIEF

    LEMON UGG

    invest in this bud strain!! I do not sow it personally!”

     

    “すごいですね!

    Goddess within!”

     

    Yang age

     

    (Just found some rare scrolls in my parents library… And this goes into the pot that gets published女性名誉!)

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Healslee2suddenly simple to me In every direction is life, yet the opening of my eyes sees a beach of potatoes. There have never been concepts of a self others or a universal self, There has only been sleep. Sleep is merciful, a bringer of truth, she waits in her unexpected overthrows, ending the pointlessness, splattering dreams across the sky. The laws have mercy on her for she is obviously friend we lacked, who now finishes the equation. The prophecies of Artemis true, egoless was her main personality, although she was nothing like the clerks and the services. She has equality, although not awake, she is sincere, weaving back to us things we may have lost, lengthening the cows and peace on the earth like rivers into the unending. The honey stings, and yet now sleep is with me, parched by parchment drunken in deep inks, I am clothed in her constitution of nature, eating the earth itself, civilization sprouts with enlightenment, “all souls descendant from cows and returning to cows.” Moo is only moo once again. The snore that brought generations peace and freedom. In this way the heavenly form adapted wings and openings for rivers, fi inyo commented;” the elements of life, preserved in angelic dialogue and recieved by the heavens, are multiplied by the virtue of individuals, and potentates by the heart of the united state. If this, free long breath and path is what we all share in the waking truth, while all others lie swept away in the dream that may not harm, then the wheel of life is only a narrow door that we all use without folly. So benevolent is heaven.” You will not seek after targets, yet namyumenemasu will arrive, you will not gather char yet the winds will not dislodge the 5 treasures of nourishment, only activate them. “The packaging of good bread inspires the people and bugs alike, baked from the trees.” His name was forgotten on the river banks that were once called tilestone books, longevity however came in its signature then adhered to tides themsel

     

     

     

    Healthysleep 3 Fish of the waters, is now his soul, so it is tofu. This is the way the sages procured the favor of the streams. If a soul can become as clean and full as the effervescent rivers, so too can writings and good arts flourish to their peaks and do no wrong. So can the simple love of all original hearts restore and preserve the earth in every way. What holds them back, is only their own abundance? What frees them is their paradox’s ability. The buddha fished but found only her own soul. A surface reflecting a center without view Egoless waves of stillness Attachments gone, the buddha, without even a line Soul reflecting soul, so there was ever abundance at the point of emptiness, buddha is present.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    talk tao; You No die This is yang (a pure good, male/female, black/white) between us Therefore wisdom can exist! Because of this Nothing on earth is lacking Before there were leashes The people had trust The sages provided their own ox And so yang is not segregated The ten thousand things look up History, but They are

    Not racist anymore! – Yang Tzu (me, yo!)

     

    Back from india getn sadhu off my bk

    Loving kindness, if you are temporarily homeless go to temples named Bnai Israel synagogue (all over US)

     

    They will accomodate

    Us doors are always open.

     

    The divine heart feeds and nourishes the poor, without meat,

    fruits of Torah are vegetarian.

     

    Lovingkindness, you will remain in Eden, you have meditated, you have entered into zen garden

     

     

    Here you will find buddhas embodied by the elements themselves, they will synergize with you and help you to find a better path tomorrow.

     

    Bnai Israel is a non landscaped philosophy.

    We are a conservative (not politic) orthodox jewish temple, dedicated to attending to the sacred garden of Qabbalah

     

    Divine light vegan in an oyster unchurned by the salted seaweed butter of thy misplaced irish coasts… misplaced but never lost truly

     

    frozen again, never destroyed

    like birds they feast on alphabet saps, thus learning through absorption. Eating wild vegetation, keeps one’s heart rooted.

     

    So do the bakers of Eden attain crotcheted pillow heaven, wrapped in the girlish delights that sustain life, yang is preserved from undo toils.

     

    Your arrangement is like a princess, though you are the sun over pines and rivers. Grateful that their mouths are never closed, the goddess they reveal within odes to the valley.

     

    Another jewish rat writes of mystical love and mystic cheese, that which comes against me is only myself, so erase of these horns, and bring your divine caress in halo. I am always smiling as we make olives as a love in every thing of life,

     

    My heart burns with your love, from her hair tassles came fish and wogreek tables. What would life be without sunshine or your poem? Hafiz is uncopyrighted now and their buddhist love sprawls go on. Its code is leaves on forest dirt against rain that never balances.

     

    The letters are enough of angels today.

     

    The people are happy but shy, they say I’ve won things and they’ve won things, but their wisdom is only in self rootedness.

     

    For a moment

     

     

    For a moment my poetry stopped…

     

    Fugazi played and punk girls dominated

     

    Lovingkindness this is a girl’s feet

    You seek nonchalant peace

     

    You need’Japanese’

    Space without words

    Or understanding, unjudged mind and motion

    Not gaijin

     

    She only fastens me to the slow moving feet as sitting. We are ready for jewish meditation. Its literally that you’ve managed to think of so little while there.

     

    “Its possible to ‘get out’ just by being punk” she says

     

    Its a zen moment…

     

    It was somehow necessary even though it was so random, the buddha, the rests that we take, actually a lot, the imprints have never been so much though!

     

     

    _______^^^^_

     

     

     

    Your heart is a flower with

    Cowpoke binders,

    Youve done so much to have the animals be free, you are emo elementally, but these words are

    Fake arabic love songs

    The prices in my market are only sufis, you are free to them all

    So every lover is with you

    名誉You are like Goddess

    Yourheart free because of its thorns yet with them all

     

    They have never broken because

    Of the milk your poems page

    Each day, sell them like lemonade

    But realize they saved the lives

     

    To abort the inner child is a karma they do not have, having encountered zencodes

     

    Unmarried weed, you feed them at every street corner, & your ink rivers lead to islands of heart, there limra nestles honeysuckles with bacchus as consort, but my buddhist heart knows there are no people

     

    You appear again and again un uprooted, you’re an iPod

    From my soul… crests of each tree top are her haikus!!

    You see

    Zens code leads to open space,

     

    Lungs clear and the body restores realizing 1 is unreachable and 0 contains everything.

     

    Frss44:Nothing exists Because you love..

    _

    Your heart is its leaf and it can only admit its nonexistence.

     

    Lots of girls find it attractive buddha say these things and be cute at the same time.

     

     

    ________

     

    Think about it, allow this writing to continue, its time for the compliments section, people are reeling and emotion on this, they like it, they wish they

     

     

     

    Wish they could have written it. But they are eager to prove these balanced chakra checks, obviously it would be a huge exageration to block this when nothing else is as fun.

     

    They are saying

    It is lovingkindness of buddha, who is like a comma, not

    Kamis..

     

    To say wise things (loving) and be cute at the same time (kindness), one could say semi colon

     

    ;

     

     

    This is the buddhist expression, linking its sources to 天名誉

     

    Me you

    It is giving meiyo, japanese honour, the copyrights are down, yet still published, “soles of goddess sustaining them who live full lives.”

     

    The spiritual force creates this mindfully, it isnt based on a pen drop… so the buddha said just as you said I am not you yet you wish, buddha will tend to be expressed by being and nonbeing but also by cuteness, regardless of the buddha being me, not being me, or being me and others.

     

    If it isnt grace, is it not the planet of the buddha?

    Robotic codes and uneeded math fail

     

    Frss44: Te The:

    hearts untrackable

     

    ______

     

    The heart sutra succeeds when it is translated buddha says these things and is beautiful at the same time, because that beauty is the honey that trickles away and makes these words possible. You are chiselled, not jade but worth more, this is why there are masters but no slaves in the east, and because nothing exists there is no west, only the opening of the buddha eye, your root there united in the cow postures seated in clouds.

     

    What characters will it be written in? These.

     

    The heart sutra is complete for them, it is not them or not them, it is the sculpted angel of the buddha, in its compassionate beauty form as everyone, when there is no one, but now their poses lead back to that truth. Therefore the sages sometimes wrote low numbers and lived without large weights. She is japanese and her only letter is buddha. She is enlightened innocence, its code says all of this, and abides, what of wayfarers? This is math of the east.

     

    She is among you and she is so innocent she is you

     

     

     

     

    I am only looking for wisdom in the world, I am protected, people see me as innocent… but

    Is it because I am wise, or because I am crazy?

     

    I have had good luck, this is true, I have experienced healing. This is true.

     

    My mind can be in a state of confusion at the physical world, but despite this, I am finding real trust in people attesting to respect me, out of liking for japanese, out of experience of healing? Because I have drewdlocks? Out of just cuteness?

     

    I am a baby to this world, I feel the mother in everything and find her, but what I remember from the place before this world is what I give to others.

     

    Jadedness has no place, and it is the worst in people, dividing them over nothing. My views are a river not a rigid pole but even they do not sometimes express enough.

     

    I hold nothing concretely except for the divine unlimited ki…

    I am looking lately at what it is, in people that has bothered me

     

     

    I want to make them soft, and to appreciate shin, the less far they go the more they arrive.

     

    I think you can force your way through life but you can also make it softer and softer… thats the intelligence of the heart, when roots are there.

     

    The people I am most broken from see this in me, I am happy to have gotten them to agree, and realizing if I can make it softer for them they will always benefit.

     

    Softness over time is wisdom, tightening is not true.

     

    You run from hard things, but is your nature to make them soft? You bring peace to the universe through this.

     

    If I can say this of you, I can remember how to love you and how to pass easily..

     

    You are tripping, it is that hardness that you think is there are first but is not. Its like a lion to call it out for that but it is a mind relaxing into itself

     

    They say yang, you are like a river, your family may as well be the seven river winds, earth and sky, you are free and the only next door is our understanding, you relaxed us, you pass everywhere

    Yogic that we are less of a fang against ourselves

     

     

     

     

    This is the strongest of all bees they say, living today.

    She said, and her heart was open.

     

    The bee had been holding onto these secrets. Series of fortunate events.

     

    turtle persistence亀🌨 今の力 [Special thanks to the Bees]

     

    Divine love is like this snow, it is only waiting for stillness, even the stillness of a shaman, under her tree.

     

    祈り

    年配

    甘美

    ボヂ

    持ちで

    ために

     

    メイソン

    賢明に

    年配

    そして

    子供

    1います

     

    Prayer for

    Elders to have luscious bodies

     

    メイソン

    ために

    全般の食べ物

    いただく

    とストレス

    勉例

     

    Meditation for everyone to recieve wholesome food

    With stoner convenience

     

    メイソン

    食べ物

    ストレス

    にとって

    によってヒーローが作成した

     

    Meditation for food for stoners

    Created by Yomo

     

    材料

    代わる

    以て

    より良い

    材料

     

    正式じゃない

    スナック

     

    ingredients replaced by better ingredients in informal snacks

     

    遺伝子組み換えを防ぐ

     

    Aloha

    アロハ

     

    Prevent genetic modification

     

     

     

     

     

    You have already finished this book, but are the roots in place that you can really understand it?

    Only after you finish the book can you buy it

    Every page is like a mountain, the memories have meaning, but all the memories are only reflections of now.

    So much clipped grass falling everywhere, yet the harm is small, grass grows back, it said to me, it is not like pine, it doesnt feel the pain so much, but I grow back, I am the letter weed..

    B weed… come together, always grow back, rejuvenation is the teaching

    In snowfall, it is portals back, everything is divine love; everything is Male female

    Love is before being and non being, so tao is like an oyster when not weighted down

    By conceptions

    I dreamed of a clam as a book at the bottom of the sea

    Its stories always luscious, perles of wisdom… open to the tide

    The paths of that every swirling forest leading me back to natures unreflectable symmetry,

    Every element turned to life, fire is a friend of ice, you are spiritual ice.. every word lives in a kanji

    A kanji lives in every word. DESU

     

    #399309
    Danny
    Participant

    Hi guys, I hope everyone is doing good?

    I’ve attached these affirmations into a thread I created previously but I thought I’d created another new thread to help gain more traction and interaction.

    These are my personal affirmations. What do you guys think about them? Any feedback is most welcome.

    Affirmations

    I am powerfully assertive, and I act with confidence in all my actions.

    I am a positive action taker and I take confident and purposeful action in alignment with my goals. I believe I will achieve my goals.

    I am living a truly happy life full of joy.

    I am always good enough. I am good enough to be whatever I want to be, and I am good enough to achieve whatever I want to achieve. I believe I will achieve my goals.

    I am joyfully free of people’s opinions and thoughts about me.

    I am an extremely disciplined and committed person. I do what I need to do when I need to do it. I am a man of my word.

    I am a happy, peaceful, relaxed, and assured man. I am a smiley and cheerful person.

    I do not judge or critique people.

    I have enormous gratitude for my amazing life. I know how lucky I am.

    I am an extremely positive person. I know that life happens for me and works out for the best.

    I am deeply in love with myself. I joyfully approve of myself. I am proud of myself. I value myself.

    I am a very powerful person, and I am capable of great achieving my goals and being who I want to be.

    I am a calm person and I calmly handle all of my life situations.

    I am living my life in the present moment – the here and now.

    I am a kind, warm and loving person.

    I have an abundance of mental and physical energy. I feel and look great. I am the healthiest I have ever been.

    I am loving life. I love and enjoy every day. I know I am blessed.

    I am worthy of my dream life and everything I desire.

    I am confident that I have the skills needed for any situation I may be in.

    I am the real me always. I love the real me. I am authentic.

    I am a wonderful person, and I will always love myself deeply.

    I am a beautiful person inside. I am a beautiful person outside. I am handsome, charming and a sexy man.

    I am friendly, fun, easy to get along with and good company. I make people feel good. I am a great friend and I attract great friends into my life.

    I am at peace with myself and my life. I know everything will be ok and work out as God intended.

    I am an amazing, loving and committed boyfriend.

    I am very intelligent and extremely quick learner.

    I am a wonderful unique person that God has put here for a reason.

    I enjoy my life everyday. I enjoy my journey.

    Danny
    Participant

    Hi all,

    Firstly let me thank you all for your feedback. It was much appreciated. I get that affirmations are not for everybody, but they work for me in the sense of grounding me and reminding me of who I am, and what I am capable of. So after much deliberation and deep work, I’ve devised a list of sentences / affirmations / statements that I will use twice daily (AM & PM). These affirmations are designed to free me from me current thoughts and actions whilst instilling new thoughts that will help me become the best me.

    Would anybody care to critique them? All feedback appreciated.

     

    I am powerfully assertive, and I act with confidence in all my actions.

    I am a positive action taker and I take confident and purposeful action in alignment with my goals. I believe I will achieve my goals.

    I am living a truly happy life full of joy.

    I am always good enough. I am good enough to be whatever I want to be, and I am good enough to achieve whatever I want to achieve. I believe I will achieve my goals.

    I am joyfully free of people’s opinions and thoughts about me.

    I am an extremely disciplined and committed person. I do what I need to do when I need to do it. I am a man of my word.

    I am a happy, peaceful, relaxed, and assured man. I am a smiley and cheerful person.

    I do not judge or critique people.

    I have enormous gratitude for my amazing life. I know how lucky I am.

    I am an extremely positive person. I know that life happens for me and works out for the best.

    I am deeply in love with myself. I joyfully approve of myself. I am proud of myself. I value myself.

    I am a very powerful person, and I am capable of great achieving my goals and being who I want to be.

    I am a calm person and I calmly handle all of my life situations.

    I am living my life in the present moment – the here and now.

    I am a kind, warm and loving person.

    I have an abundance of mental and physical energy. I feel and look great. I am the healthiest I have ever been.

    I am loving life. I love and enjoy every day. I know I am blessed.

    I am worthy of my dream life and everything I desire.

    I am confident that I have the skills needed for any situation I may be in.

    I am the real me always. I love the real me. I am authentic.

    I am a wonderful person, and I will always love myself deeply.

    I am a beautiful person inside. I am a beautiful person outside. I am handsome, charming and a sexy man.

    I am friendly, fun, easy to get along with and good company. I make people feel good. I am a great friend and I attract great friends into my life.

    I am at peace with myself and my life. I know everything will be ok and work out as God intended.

    I am an amazing, loving and committed boyfriend.

    I am very intelligent and extremely quick learner.

    I am a wonderful unique person that God has put here for a reason.

    I enjoy my life everyday. I enjoy my journey.

     

    Peace & Love

     

    #399050

    In reply to: I’m struck

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Ana

    I’m very sorry that you experienced child abuse with your parents. You didn’t deserve it, every child deserves loving parents and to be protected!

    From experience, I can tell you that trauma therapy could be of great benefit to you. Even though it feels this way at the moment, you are definitely not broken.

    It sounds like you experience a lot of anxiety as a result of your past. Do you do any self-care to lower your levels of anxiety?

    Humans can develop a negativity bias. Gratitude practice might seem simple, but in time it can develop a new outlook.

    Good luck with your aptitude test! I think your goal of getting a new apartment and a dog will bring you a lot of good experiences.

    #398744
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Lloyd!

    Sorry for the late reply, it’s been busy!

    What you shared makes a lot of sense to me. I’ve certainly had similar experiences with depression.

    I think you’re on the right path! I have faith that you will be able to overcome the challenges that you are currently facing in time.

    Considering the trauma that you have experienced the emotional pain you are in makes sense. It takes time to heal and recover from these experiences. It is okay to not feel okay.

    My perspective on happiness is that it’s like many ordinary moments you experience in your daily routine. Except emotions and thoughts have settled and are clear. Without this weighing you down there is a chance to experience happiness and appreciate beauty.

    Humans have a negativity bias, so it can be difficult to notice good moments when things are challenging. Gratitude practice can be helpful for drawing our attention to positive experiences throughout our day. Have you tried this before? If so, did you find it helpful?

    #396499
    iamone
    Participant

    There are two purposes to life: to live and to love. It’s when we start thinking we have to live up to some imagined competition that we get into trouble. If you are living a lie, you need to own up to it and speak your truth. You need to fully accept your life as it is, your feelings as they are, and commit to living an honest, humble life. You need to be grateful for everything, every day. If you feel your life is pointless or joyless, it is because you are blind to the reality of what you life is and what life is offering you. I think digging into your past can sort of be a waste of time. Here is a letter I read elsewhere, and he much more eloquently and patiently expresses what I just said.

     

    Hello my friend,
    My name is Wind in Vietnam. I would like to gently share some ideas and questions with you. Everything I share is only to invite your curious quiet contemplation within yourself. If you choose to. After share, everything depends on you to choose this or that.
    Sometimes the door to escape all troubles and suffering is so close my friend, but what blocks each people from walking through it? Because though they may say, They Know. They understand. They can not give up their story that binds them inside to an illusionary self created prison to practice everything.
    I share..
    When was the last time you sat down face to face with yourself and everything in your life before you ran to old habits for an imagined temporary feeling of safety?
    Do you think that when the Death appears, it will care about all your study, wanting, hoping, needing, anxiety, depression, worry, your dreams… and show compassion and time with you?..
    Do you think ‘the time’ is beside you like the friend, waiting with you in all your suffering and wanting?
    Suddenly the Death appear, do you think you can hold and bring all your PhD, doctorates, dreams, worry, anxiety, tablets, wishes and wants through the door?..
    The Death care about your study? You are important with the time and Death?
    My friend… questions are for you to patiently face and contemplate if you choose to. Why the difficult question has value? Because from the question creates occasion for everything to open.
    Now you are the man of 42. Can you answer, what is the law that controls each and every Soul that comes to the life? Why at 42 you are still here but many did not even get past one hour of life?.. What law controls?
    A story..
    One day the man plants a fruit tree in the ground.. A special tree he chose. He like so much. He dreamed of the tree becoming so big and beautiful and many fruit. Each day he water, take care.. Always checking every day its height. The leaves.. Everyday he watching, wanting it to grow. He begins impatiently. Inside him he sees the imaginary tree so big. He begin praying to make it grow and everything will be ok. Inside, he begin all sorts of suffering in the wanting. He can not sleep, always checking, worry something wrong.. He think, why not growing? Is it sick? Too slow, too slow….
    My friend… In this small example story.. Did you see you?
    What is the mistake of the man?
    His mistake is he did not see that the tree must follow the law of tree. That everything takes place according to the Law and on the time, with enough details and conditions, everything appears. Not early or late, but on the time.
    What is the cause of the suffering? From grasping in imaginary outcomes.
    In each imaginary outcome from grasping at what is or not and what if… Each person did become like the man running through the desert trying to keep a piece of ice in their hand.
    The door to escape is to drop all grasping in the wanting. Have you ever tried to catch the space around you in your hand? You will only most certainly tire yourself out.
    From imagine, everyone did invite the appearance of all kinds of illusionary trouble and sickness.
    Now you are the man of 42.. You good mind, study.. do everything for your life.. But you did not understand anything about yourself. And the purpose of the life. Means, in the grasping, you mistake with you.
    What is the nature and root purpose of any job, from a President to a Beggar? Only to earn for ones life. Everything else is only the appearance. And so.. when we lose ourselves to the appearance of the life, we begin to lost ourselves inside.
    Whether the man is happy with the tree growing or angry with the tree not growing does not change the Law of tree. So what happens inside the effect or grasping and wanting? You lose yourself to your emotions that become like strings controlling a puppet. From your dominating emotions attached to the grasping, you volunteer your Soul into slavery. You lost the time becoming attached to the prison of KEEPING. Keeping false ideas, thoughts, opinions, fears.. That develop into all kinds of different names..
    My friend..
    Each persons life is like the fruit tree. And the name of the law that controls each tree is the cause and effect law. No one can know what fruit will or will not appear until it appears. Fruits equal effects.
    Behavior is the most important detail. Behavior with yourself in each moment. As each idea, thought, action becomes the seeds for effects tomorrow or another time. But no matter what.. effects always come right without discrimination.
    So from your grasping, your wanting of this and that… What will be your effect you invite?
    Stay in the purpose of your purpose and cut the habit of grasping. And……….. Everything will take place.
    Relax with your life. The life. How is too relax? Relax means to see everything as it is and accept everything as it is now. You see that like the tree, the life is always moving and changing on the law. That all possibilities appear on the time. You either begin wake up and practice to create space inside by removing all false obstructions, for these possibilities to have the right conditions to grow and develop..
    Or… from your grasping in fears, desires of imagine.. of wanting.. you grow weeds that suffocate the space inside.
    My friend.. No one can imagine that all they need is the courage to NOT KEEP.
    KEEP, may have many different appearances but the effect is always the same. As, what you keep, keeps you. Now at 42… You must (must means if you choose to) begin wake up and see the limit of all things and the deeper value of the life.
    Even if I wrap my body around the tree in fear or happiness.. Does not change the Law of tree.
    I borrow an example from early in my life to describe idea… As my Father died.. when he knew he was going to die at 26.. He said, ‘It’s ok’
    Inside Its ok, has the big lesson my friend past the appearance. Means, inside the nature of Its ok, is a complete acceptance of ones life. Its ok mean, we are not against the circumstances of our life. We accept everything that is or is not and peace and balance in any situation that comes or not come.
    My friend.. from 2 small words you can see the great value if you can quietly inside and put the idea beside your life. Whether the job appears now, or a year.. Its ok my friend. You only stay in good purpose, good behavior with yourself in each moment. You do everything good in prepare and courage and confidence in each step… Then you will see, that everything will take place.
    Must courage to get of the wheel of habit like the mouse run and run.. But did never go anywhere. The wheel of always a slave to emotions. And begin see everything from another corner. The space of awareness. Awareness burns the dark inner clouds of emotions. The life has many appearances.. but all suffering regardless of the appearances come back to the emotional attachment to grasping in the life.
    Not one tablet, not one worry, not one moment of lost sleep, not one imagined outcome… can add one second to your life my friend. I have… I am.. I want… are all small prisons for the Soul.
    All attached to emotions…that run deep like the roots of a tree.
    Begin to overcome yourself by opening your hands with the life. Begin practice gratitude in each action. as gratitude creates the space for balance in the acceptance of your life. The value only appears in the positive action.
    All your fears, are the effect from your View. As by the view you use, so it exists exactly. Grasping in the appearance of imagine, dominated by emotions we become like a person searching for keys in a dark room.
    Where is the light my fiend? The light is your awareness. Awareness needs energy. You have awareness but not the energy because your so busy with your emotions, which are like a thief that continuously robbed you in broad daylight but you did not see.
    These words can not save you. Do not attach to the words but focus on the content inside.
    As……Only you can save you or destroy you.
    So I share..
    You must courage to begin drop all grasping. Drop all grasping does not mean we lost purpose. But inside the purpose we see the limit of the life. Of all things. The movement of the life.
    We see at the same time, that the purpose of the life is to pay and receive equal with our cause and effect. To practice to grow up our Soul and awareness and overcome everything. To release the grasp on illusionary objects and outcomes that become our false idea of real and continue to lead the soul deeper into confusion.
    My friend.. Now at 42… If you can quietly with ideas. You have the great occasion before you. The life always has 2 faces… That is the law of the physical space we live. When everyone stands in happy, means sad waits. Everyone says, I love, means hate waits. Everything feels so good, means the face of bad waits.. All from emotions attached to a discriminative View.
    When you have the courage my friend to face to face with YOU. You life. Not an imagined life from, WHAT IF. And begin fresh steps towards putting everything down inside. Letting go of all grasping attached to false thinking and ideas.
    Put down the inner discriminations and judgements of everything is either good or bad and just see everything as it is.. And practice inside the idea of ITS OK.
    You can not imagine… the possibilities that will begin to appear inside. They were always there… just like the Sun is always bright.. even when obstructed by dark clouds.
    Now is the good time for you to begin forget an imaginary past and bring your eyes back into your own eyes to see everything that is right now. To awake in each step.
    I share from sincere experience. You must choose. You continue to push up your story of difficult to be your illusionary prison of real. Lost in the circle of talking and repeat.
    Or… you begin focus on clearing and cleaning everything inside and put down your attachments to wanting. Begin the courage to break up everything. Like a fire burns a forest of all dead wood and creates the fresh occasion for the new to appear.
    Everything wait for you my friend. The life wait for you. Your possibilities wait for you. All you need to practice is to release your strangle hold on all your grasping and wanting and needing and imagined outcomes and come back to yourself in sincere acceptance of NOW.
    Once there was this Lion. She had a cub. She was starving and the cub too. Each day she was hunting but kept missing. After miss, she just rested quietly under the shade.. wait for tomorrow.. days passed.. she kept missing.. starving.. But, after miss.. always relax in shade. Save energy. On the time, when everything connected.. She caught they prey. Her situation change.
    Like you my friend.. Do not scare…
    Must courage to peace in the unknown. peace in the uncertainty. Courage in the not knowing. Drop all grasping.
    So.. on the time when all the right right conditions and details appear.. You are ready with the energy you need to do everything equal with the occasion. Confident. Balanced. Faith from your positive actions.
    Its ok. Everything will take place. It is your duty to overcome you. That is the duty of the man to overcome everything.
    My friend.. These ideas should only be seen like strange rocks on the path of your life. To curious, to see, pick up, understand and practice is always your free choice.
    As each life, depending each person courage to self perfect = each destination.
    I wish you good luck.
    Thank you so much,
    Wind.

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