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When Self-Help Hurts: How My Obsession Kept Me Stuck

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“Quiet the voice telling you to do more and be more, and trust that in this moment, who you are, where you are at, and what you are doing is enough. You will get to where you need to be in your own time. Until then, breathe. Breathe and be patient with yourself and your process. You are doing the best you can to cope and survive amid your struggles, and that’s all you can ask of yourself. It’s enough. You are enough.” ~Daniell Koepke

I feel a bit like Frodo Baggins. I’m on this tireless, seemingly never-ending journey just …

How to Get Through Hard Times Without Hurting People We Love

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” ~Buddha

Just the other day, I had one of those moments with my husband, and not the kind of moment they write about in romance novels.

The world has been so different these last several months, and so many are feeling the effects of months of struggle, uncertainty, frustration, and limitations.

I consider myself to be someone who works to see the positive, finds the silver living in situations, and believes in the best of people, and that things can and will always get better. But lately, that has …

Perfectly Imperfect: How to Embrace Your Insecurities

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Cut yourself some slack. You’re doing better than you think.” ~Unknown

Your stomach is tied up in knots.

Another crisis has arrived, and everyone is looking to you to have the answers, to be the leader. You can’t blame them either because you think you should have all the answers. But you just don’t.

Though you look calm on the outside, inside you’re a tangle of nerves and anxiety, terrified someone will expose you as the fraud you feel you are.

In the past, you’ve been able to pull a rabbit out of a hat to save the day, …

What We Need to Grow and How It Can Happen in Just One Day

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“People grow when they are loved well. If you want to help others heal, love them without an agenda.” ~Mike McHargue

I learned some of my biggest life lessons in grade 5.

I was an average student leaning to below average in my early elementary years. I came home with a steady flow of B’s, C’s and the occasional E’s in second language subjects. I was told that I wasn’t applying myself and, as every report card I ever brought home clearly stated, I talked too much.

At least that was the narrative as I came to understand it.

I …

How to Tell If Your Relationship is Codependent (and What to Do About It)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.” ~ Esther Perel

Healthy relationships require a delicate balance of intimacy and autonomy, giving and receiving, self and other.

As we struggle to walk this delicate tightrope, we might feel less like graceful acrobats and more like pendulums swaying recklessly from side to side. As I reflect on my own romantic journey, I notice a trend: I got very close to past partners, losing myself in them entirely, and then emerged from the codependent haze terrified and self-abandoned.

“Never again!” I …

Master Peace Box: Meditation-Infused Art Classes, Delivered Monthly

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

Do you ever read about other people’s creative hobbies and think, “Man, that sounds like a lot of fun”? Do you ever look through creative Pinterest pages and think, “You know, I bet I could do that”?

There’s something about art that instantly evokes a feeling of joy and relaxation—or at least it does for me. Maybe it’s memories of carefree childhood afternoons spent creating Lego houses and playdough sculptures. Or maybe it’s the fantasy of being an artsy kind of person—eccentric, free-spirited, and driven by passion and awe.

Whatever your personal draw, there’s one thing we have in common, …

How to Foster Gratitude If You Have a History of Childhood Abuse

By in Blog, change & challenges, healthy habits

“The pressure to be grateful kept me away from the more painful and real feelings of grief, anger, and abandonment. Growing up, gratitude was one more brick on the pile that kept all of the secrets of abuse in place. It was just one more thing that made me feel like being who I am, as I am, isn’t enough.” ~Vicki Peterson

The pathway to gratitude for a person with developmental trauma is not always straightforward.

You try your best and even purchased a journal specifically to try the ritual for yourself, but all you can think of to be …

The Power of Compassion: How to Make Do in an Unfair World

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“A good head and good heart are always a formidable combination. But when you add to that a literate tongue or pen, then you have something very special.” ~Nelson Mandela

Ever thought, “Life is so unfair!”

Is it, really?

Has life given you circumstances that keep you in a deep, dark hole of disadvantages that seem impossible to clamber out of?

Has life decided that you need to live in abject poverty and watch everyone in your life suffer from being denied everything a human needs to be human?

Has life put you in a position where you wouldn’t dare …

How to Survive Hard Times: 5 Lessons from Volunteering in a Hospital

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.” ~Albert Einstein

Why do you want to do it? It was a question I was asked repeatedly by friends before I started my volunteering placement in a spinal injuries unit, the uncertainty in their eyes reflecting back their own fears around life-altering disability.

It was difficult to put into words what drew me to becoming a patient support volunteer. I was content in my job, had an active social life, hiked and swam every weekend, but still there was something missing. My own life felt sheltered, and I wanted to feel …

Dear Childhood Friends, Thank You and I Miss You

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Sweet is the memory of distant friends. Like the mellow rays of the departing sun, it falls tenderly, yet sadly, on the heart.” ~Washington Irving

Why is it that the older we seem to get the more and more we miss friendships from days long past?

You know the ones…

The friendships where you felt 100% happiness being in their presence.

Where you felt as if you could be your true self—goofy, silly, honest, and real.

Where you would get lost in conversations, imagination, and being fully present in the moment.

Where you went on adventures, told them your …

7 Awesome Things That Happened When I Started Surfing at 55

By in Blog, happiness & fun, meaning & passion

“It’s never too late for a new beginning in your life.” ~Joyce Meyer

I sat on the beach, watching the sandpipers skittering back and forth, pecking at the water’s edge. A dead horseshoe crab washed back and forth in the surf.

Finished at fifty-five, I thought. I’m as useless as that poor crab.

Several years ago I was laid off after thirty-three years at a Fortune 500 company. “Workforce rebalancing” was the term they used, but for me it simply meant a month’s severance pay and colleagues solemnly shaking my hand. Hand over your badge… there’s the door, …

How to Create a Healthy and Lasting Romantic Relationship

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You cannot create a conscious relationship with someone who isn’t committed to doing their work. But you can create a better relationship with yourself, and sometimes that looks like releasing yourself from the idea that you can change another person or convince them to grow. Choose yourself.” ~Sheleana Aiyana

What are the ingredients that make a loving romantic relationship flow and sustain for many years? And what kind of love/relationship is best for long-term success?

These questions have been at the core of my pursuits personally and professionally for some years now, and let’s face it, these questions are at …

If You Think Contentment Will Make You Lazy and Unproductive

By in Blog

“To be content doesn’t mean you don’t desire more, it means you’re thankful for what you have and patient for what’s to come.” ~Tony Gaskins

There’s a thought I want to share with you that used to keep me up at night.

It’s a toxic idea that caused me stress and burnout and actually got in the way of my productivity and creativity (and more importantly, my happiness).

Nevertheless, I hung onto it, and eventually came to see that it wasn’t just me. It was actually prevalent in many developed societies.

The thought went something like this: If I accept …

How I Stopped Blaming My Ex for Our Painful Relationship

By in Blog, love & relationships

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” ~Lewis B. Smedes

When it came to my ex-girlfriend, I had difficulty letting go.

She was a girl I’d had a big crush on for a couple of years. Funnily enough, once my crush on her began to fade, she suddenly started taking a liking to me and made it known that she was into me through our mutual friends.

I had my doubts about our compatibility from the start. We hardly shared any common interests, and I found it hard to connect with …

How to Hear Your Intuition When Making a Big Decision

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Your brain can play tricks, your heart can be blind, but your gut is always right.” ~Rachel Wolchin

Have you ever wondered why it can feel so incredibly difficult to make a decision? The pros and cons lists, the endless stream of thoughts talking us into it and then against it, the anxiety about potential disappointment, doing it wrong, or regretting it can leave us paralyzed with self-doubt.

I can very much relate to this cycle. In the past, I had extreme difficulty making decisions. I would become completely obsessed with all aspects of the process, seeking to talk …

How to Rebuild Your Self-Worth After Your Breakup

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Self-love, self-respect, self-worth: There’s a reason they all start with ‘self.’ You can’t find them in anyone else.” ~Unknown

After my divorce, I felt like I was the most terrible person in the world.

I had zero self-worth, zero confidence, and zero belief in myself

If you’re going through a breakup or divorce now, your self-worth may suffer too. You might feel worthless. You might feel value-less. You might feel like a failure.

Think about it. The person who loved you, who wanted you, who fell in love with you is now rejecting you.

If you’ve been together for a …

Free Online Embodied Psychology Summit – Starts on the 22nd

By in Blog, change & challenges

Have you ever felt like you’ve rehashed your issues over and over, but you’re still far from healing? Maybe you’ve done talk therapy for years, and it’s helped to some degree, but it feels like you’ve been missing something you need to finally start feeling happy, free, and alive.

If this sounds familiar, I highly recommend the FREE ONLINE Embodied Psychology Summit, which starts in just a few days, on Wednesday the 22nd.

In this five-day event, you’ll hear from forty renowned teachers and therapists and learn to ignite the wisdom of your body to heal trauma, …

When You Feel Bad About Feeling Sad and Anxious

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“You don’t have to be brave all of the time. You are not damaged or defeated. Have patience. Give yourself permission to grieve, to cry, and to heal. Allow a bit of compassion, you’re doing the best you can. We all are.” ~Unknown

Growing up, I received the message that everything had to look a certain way. It was only okay to feel positive emotions, and any expression of unruly emotions was totally unacceptable.

It wasn’t that anyone directly said this to me. I wasn’t given a written set of rules to follow. I wasn’t given any speeches or trainings …

How to Love a Lying, Cheating Heart

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

Brett’s name flits onto my screen with an incoming email.

“Call you right back,” I say, hanging up on a friend.

Last time I talked to Brett, the Obama family lived in the White House. Last time I thought of him? Last year, as Melania took her third crack at presidential Christmas décor, and I failed to muster enough spirit to fetch our pre-lit tree from the garage.

Brett’s message came in through the contact form on my website. He invited me to meet for coffee; full respect if I decline.

Four years ago, it was me who reached out …

Deconstructing Shame: How to Break Free from Your Past

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use shame to change ourselves or others.” ~Brené Brown

“I don’t deserve to be happy.”

“I’ll never be good enough.”

“I’m not worthy of love.”

Sound familiar?

I hear phrases like this all the time in my work helping women walk through divorce. I heard it for years while I was working in women’s ministry. And it echoes back to me from my own experience. I’ve walked through a lot of broken stories from numerous aching souls.

These phrases all boil down to one core emotion: shame.…