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Why I No Longer Believe There’s Something Wrong with Me

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“Our thoughts create our beliefs, meaning if you think about yourself a certain way for a long enough period of time you will ultimately believe it.” ~Anonymous

You’re ugly. You’re stupid. You’re a loser.

Imagine thinking this way about yourself every day. No exaggeration. That was me.

When a girl didn’t want to go on a second date with me, I told myself I was ugly. When I didn’t know what someone was talking about, I told myself I was stupid. When my Instagram post only received two likes, I told myself I was loser.

I spoon-fed myself toxic …

No Matter What Life Takes Away, You Still Have Everything You Need

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness?” ~Jean-Jacques Rousseau

On February 21, 2009, I received a phone call that would alter the course of my life. It was my sister, and I could barely make out what she was saying. My mom was in the hospital and had received a diagnosis of terminal pancreatic cancer.

My body absorbed the news before my brain did. Since I had lost my ability to reason, from someplace beyond me I found a way to keep functioning. I asked my sister to put my mom on the phone.

What could I …

Drop the Mask: The Freedom of Living an Authentic Life

By in Blog, change & challenges

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~e.e Cummings

Here is an unsettling idea: Most of us are not who we think we are. We are not the people we bring to work, we are not the people we show to our parents and children, and sometimes we are not the people we show our friends.

Most of us go through our entire lives wearing a series of masks.

We have different masks for different purposes and occasions. The “perfect” mask of someone who’s always strong, positive, and together; the professional mask for today’s …

8 Tips So You Don’t Lose Yourself In Your Next Relationship

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Never lose yourself in a relationship. Love your partner fiercely, but always follow your unique dreams and desires. Be true to yourself.” ~Unknown

All my previous relationships drained me.

Not only because I was with the wrong men and kept trying to make things work where there was no way, but also because I was a queen of justifying, accommodating, and compromising.

I accommodated men because I wanted to be liked and avoid rejection.

I justified their lousy behavior because I wanted to be in a relationship and not be alone.

I compromised on my values and romantic ideals just …

My Ordinary Checklist for a Highly Successful Life

By in Blog, meaning & passion

“In this world, an ordinary life has become synonymous with a meaningless life.” ~Brené Brown 

As I see it, there are two types of people out there.

There are those who read goal attainment books and feel inspired, and me.

The former will read the anecdotes about all those underdogs who beat the odds and managed to achieve wealth and prestige beyond their wildest dreams, and will say to themselves, “Wow! That could be me!” They’ll feel enlightened, invigorated, and revved up to make a change.

And then there’s me.

While I may initially pick up such a …

Embracing Impermanence: Lessons from Living with a Chronic Illness

By in Blog, change & challenges, healthy habits

“Nothing is permanent in this world, not even our troubles.” ~Charlie Chaplin

At thirteen, I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome. At first, I patiently waited for my doctor to give me medicine. When he didn’t, I patiently waited (for several years) for someone to find the cure.

As the years went on I wasn’t getting any better. Though I went to more doctors than I could count, none had any new advice for me, and the medical community wasn’t any closer to figuring out how to heal this illness.

Life was unpredictable. I didn’t know what I’d be able …

Why Creativity Is the Path to Mindfulness, Happiness, and Peace

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“Mindful and creative, a child who has neither a past, nor examples to follow, nor value judgments, simply lives, speaks and plays in freedom.” ~Arnaud Desjardins

No human being lives without experiencing the duality of life.

Good and bad. Love and hate. Life and death. Acceptance and rejection. Success and failure. Joy and jealousy. Compassion and judgment.

So why do we spend so much time trying to pretend that it’s bad to experience all of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly?

Even our weather men and women tell us it’s a going to be a bad day because …

Maybe This Is What Happiness Is

By in Blog, happiness & fun

With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as tackled the thing
That couldn’t be done and he did it.

—Edgar Guest

I’ve always believed in the adage “actions speak louder than words.” I’ve never been one to seek guidance from commercial catch phrases, trending tweets, or song lyrics. But Guest’s poem did make me smile. Whether it was the playfulness of the verse or just the simplicity of the message, it spoke volumes to me.

Easy, right? Well, maybe for Edgar, but not so much …

Life Is Better When We Focus on What We Appreciate, Not What’s Lacking

By in Blog, happiness & fun

“Wisdom is merely the movement from fighting life to embracing it.” ~Rasheed Ogunlaru

Recently a friend told me a story about taking her seven-year-old to the circus. It was a wonderful mother-daughter outing. Just the two of them, no pesky brothers or dad tagging along and getting in the way.

They had the best time. They watched acrobats and clowns and all manner of brand new delights, gasping at one another gleefully at every new feat. They bathed in each other’s company without interruption, laughing and having fun. Literally all the things.

After this magical afternoon, as the two of …

It’s Okay to ‘Fail’ on Your Way to Finding What You Want to Do

By in Blog, meaning & passion, work fulfillment

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” ~George Bernard Shaw

I would say it’s a safe assumption that most people aren’t quite sure what they’re doing.

What do I mean? I mean that most individuals—whether they look polished and presentable or haphazardly have their life thrown together—are generally playing a game called “life.” And they’re trying the best they can.

In other words, we’re all capable and have all experienced the highs and lows of what life has to offer. Unfortunately, that’s just part of the human experience. To try to ride the highs while avoiding the …

We Can’t Do Everything, But We Can Do More Than We Think

By in Blog, change & challenges, meaning & passion

“There are plenty of obstacles in your path. Don’t allow yourself to become one of them.” ~Ralph Marston

I was sitting in a self-improvement course listening to the facilitator’s instructions. “I want you to come up with a Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal,” she announced. “This needs to be a stretch, something where you really put skin in the game. You have seven weeks to reach this goal.”

The rest of her instructions trailed off as I thought about which area of my life I wanted to improve. I overheard a few of my classmates talking to each other about …

Freeing Yourself from Problems and Habits by Seeing That You’re Already Free

By in Blog, healthy habits, letting go

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything—anger, anxiety, or possessions—we cannot be free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Imagine there is a river running through you.

Your entire experience of life flows through you, down that river. Everything you think, feel, and do passes through, powered by the current of the river.

Your emotions, your opinions, your sense of identity … your habits, diagnoses, and choices … they aren’t still or solid, sitting somewhere. They are brought to life, felt, and then they drift away. They …

The Most Compassionate Words and How They Heal

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” ~Dalai Lama.

It wasn’t until my mother died that I was able to feel her love and have that mother-daughter relationship that I’d been craving all my life. It was not until she died that I was able to learn, and truly feel, compassion—for her and for me.

I’ve always known that compassion for others is a nice thing. We all know that. But it wasn’t until I truly felt it that I was able to create a deep sense of healing.

My mum and I always had …

How I Transformed My Anxiety and What to Do If You Feel Emotionally Stuck

By in Blog, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“There is still vitality under the snow, even though to the casual eye it seems to be dead.” ~Agnes Sligh Turnbull

For as long as I can recall, I have always been a fretful and anxious person. Mine was a low-key anxiety that’s always colored the background of my life, a constant companion of ambiguous dread and imminent doom (just around the corner!)

The annoying part was that I never quite knew why the anxiety hung around. There weren’t any real situations in my life that evoked this constant, nagging fear.

I have tried various techniques to manage my anxiety. …

Take Back Your Power: Let Go of Blame and Focus on the Lesson

By in Blog, love & relationships

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” ~Robert Anthony

Blame is seductive because it makes us right and them wrong. For a moment, it feels good to say, “It was their fault,” but in the long run holding on to blame only hurts us and does absolutely nothing to help our evolution. In fact, it keeps us stuck.

But, I get it. When we feel wronged, upset, and angry, that person is the only one to blame.

I understand that some things are so egregious and so unforgivable that it seems impossible to not default …

The Wounds of Rejection Heal With Self-Love and Self-Awareness

By in Blog, love & relationships

“There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesn’t matter anymore.” ~Laurie Halse Anderson

It began in elementary school. I was a chubby immigrant with a thick accent and hand-me-down clothes. I so badly wanted the other kids to like me, and I had no idea why everything I said and did seemed to push them away.

My jokes and comments would trigger awkward silences or ridicule—especially in groups. Those moments were traumatizing, but they were also confusing. How could I …

Think You Should Be Happy? It’s Okay to Feel Bad

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb.” ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

From an early age, most of us get the message that we should be happy—from well-meaning parents, teachers, and even perfect strangers. “Smile!” we are told. “Why the long face?” we are asked. It’s no wonder we grow up with the idea that feeling anything less than sunny 24/7 is somehow wrong.

We’re ashamed to admit, even to ourselves, that sometimes we feel down. It seems …

A Different Kind of More: The Beauty of Living with Less Stuff

By in Blog, letting go

She was all that mattered. I was deeper in debt, legal fees, and uncertainty than ever before, but I held on tight to my vow to give her more.

I would give her everything. I’d work harder, make more, buy her more, take her to see more, do more, and prove to her that everything would be okay. I had no idea that this new goal would be just as damaging, and just as hard on my heart.

My desire to give my daughter more wasn’t wrong, just misguided. While I could never have articulated it then, I did want …

How I Stopped Feeling Trapped in a Life I Didn’t Want

By in Blog, happiness & fun, meaning & passion

“Stop thinking in terms of limitations and start thinking in terms of possibilities.” ~Terry Josephson

When I was in my early twenties I was lucky enough to spend about a year living just a few blocks from the beach in Virginia Beach, Virginia, but you know what I remember most distinctly from that time? Sitting at a red light on the way to work one day thinking: I feel trapped.

To put it simply, I felt stuck in a life I didn’t want.

I had a college degree I wasn’t using. I had a job that I dreaded. I had …

7 Self-Love Practices That Helped Me Heal from a Devastating Divorce

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Unlike self-criticism, which asks if you’re good enough, self-compassion asks what’s good for you?” ~Kristin Neff

My husband and family were my world. Although I’d found joy in my passion of writing, my heart revolved around my marriage. I thought we were happy. Then one day, he dropped the bomb: “I don’t love you anymore.”

Two weeks later, I found out he’d fallen in love with another woman who lived across the world. He didn’t want me anymore.

Sure, I’d known for a while something was wrong—that knowing deep in your gut that you can’t put your finger on, …