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Category “love & relationships”

The Introvert’s Brain: Why They Might “Think Too Much”

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“Only those who care about you can hear when you are quiet.” ~Unknown

I find it difficult to be understood. I seem to frequently create complexity out of something that is perhaps very simple and straightforward to others.

For example, going to a movie. For many people, it would be “choose a movie, choose a time, choose a cinema” and there you go.

For me, I check movie reviews, all possible timings, in all possible cinemas. For each timing and location, I will consider if the timing allows other things to be done before and after the movie, and whether …

Dealing with “Haters”: How to Rise Above the Negative

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“The final proof of greatness lies in being about to endure criticism without resentment.” ~Elbert Hubbard

A splash of tequila to the unsuspecting open eyes is a brutal way to learn that someone has a problem with you.

My brother’s girlfriend was drunk at the time, and laughing so hard at the sting of my agony that she had a bathroom accident. I hadn’t provoked her in any way. It was just one of those things that make you wonder.

Later I would come to find out how much she secretly detested my academic success.

I didn’t understand it at …

How to Leave a Toxic Relationship When You’re Still in Love

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“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” ~Marilyn Monroe

Why does it have to hurt so badly?

You’re so in love, but your relationship has become toxic. It simply can’t continue.

Night after sleepless night, you lie awake replaying the fights in your head.

You can’t understand why your partner won’t change or how they can simply ignore how you feel. You wonder if they ever truly loved you.

You’ve tried everything to save your relationship, but nothing’s worked. You know it’s time to end it, yet the thought of being alone petrifies you.

But …

How to Recover and Find Strength after Losing a Parent

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“When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways – either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits or by using the challenge to find our inner strength.” ~Dalai Lama

There was a period in life I called “the golden era.” Not in hindsight but at the actual time.

I named it such because I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

Everyone I loved was alive and well. I had a good job, a home, and a loving companion. All the things everyone longs for.

Little did I know, this “golden era” would end too …

Live Without Regrets: Lessons from a Near-Death Experience

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“Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don’t have to live forever, you just have to live.” ~Natalie Babbitt

My former life as a diamond dealer was not as glamorous as one would think. I wound up spending many months traversing barren lands and boarding rickety aircrafts. If you can imagine the life of Indiana Jones, it wasn’t all that different with the exception that no one was chasing me.

My travels customarily took me to the many diamond deposits laden throughout Africa. The majority of the “puddle jumper” planes I routinely flew on should’ve …

6 Ways to Make Dating Less Frustrating

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“You are strong when you know your weaknesses. You are beautiful when you appreciate your flaws. You are wise when you learn from your mistakes.” ~Unknown

Social discovery apps and online dating sites provide us with an incredible amount of dating options. It should be easier to find the right person. Ironically, having more options has led to increased impatience and high expectations among those of us searching for love.

We disregard potential friends and mates at the blink of an eye, often trading them in for the illusory search for the ideal person. I’m guilty of falling into …

What We All Really Need When We’re Struggling

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“There are two ways of spreading light: be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” ~Edith Wharton

I tucked my boarding pass safely into my coat pocket, donned my eyeglasses, and searched for the overhead signs that would lead me to the correct gate. Thanksgiving would be here soon and the Orlando airport was bursting at the seams with travelers.

I turned the corner and jerked to a stop. Hundreds of people stood before me, bunched together in a space the size of a ballroom. I’d have to maneuver my way through them, I thought, to get to the …

Why We Should Always Be Kind to Strangers

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“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of rewards, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” ~Princess Diana

Recently I was reminded of the importance of kindness, particularly kindness to strangers.

I was given the opportunity to film the wedding of a family friend. As a videographer, I’m always looking for ways to build my client base and enhance my professional experience, so naturally, I agreed.

Most of the guests at this wedding were friends of my parents, many of whom I hadn’t seen in years. Although I recognized a …

4 Things to Remember When Your Relationship Falls Apart

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“At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.” ~Unknown

I was filled with excitement and nerves as I stood waiting to meet him for the first time in Paddington station.

It was one of the wettest days I’d seen in London, and the rain dripped steadily from the peaked hood of my blue rain jacket. Zipped up to my chin and the hood pulled tight over my head, only my eyes peered out, searching for him amongst the crowds and falling rain.

Months later, he told me that …

Set Yourself Free: 5 Things You Gain When You Forgive

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“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” ~Catherine Ponder

Somewhere in the middle of my freshman year of college, my best friend from high school broke up with me. Out of nowhere, she just stopped talking to me. I tried relentlessly to reconnect, but she stopped responding and never gave me an answer why.

For years it was the most painful heartbreak I had going in my life. It’s still what I …

How to Respond to a Verbal Assault Without Losing Your Cool

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“Often those that criticize others reveal what he himself lacks.” ~Shannon L. Adler

 I answer the phone.

And then the yelling starts. The woman on the other end lets fly a barrage of abuse.

She’s angry and upset and she’s taking it out on me. Because I haven’t sent her a text message for two days.

She wants to know why I haven’t responded and what is wrong with me. She wants to know how I can be so mean.

I don’t understand. I thought I was giving her space during a difficult time. I was also dealing with events …

The Power of “No”: Better Boundaries Lead to a Better Life

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“’No’ is a complete sentence.” ~Anne Lamott

When I went to counseling for the first time, my therapist told me I needed better boundaries. I had no idea what he was talking about, and although the book he lent me on the subject helped a little, I still didn’t really get it.

I tried here and there to integrate the few concepts I’d picked up from the book into my life, but mostly I stayed away from anything that could be considered boundary setting, as I still couldn’t quite figure out what it meant.

A decade after my first introduction …

You Don’t Need a Guru; Life is Your Greatest Teacher

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“Forget what hurt you, but never forget what taught you.” ~Unknown

I read a tribute Elizabeth Gilbert wrote for Richard from Texas who features in her book Eat, Pray, Love. It got me thinking that our teachers in life can take many forms and not always an obvious ‘traditional’ teacher.

In Eat, Pray, Love Liz went looking for a guru in India but learned a whole host of lessons from Richard, who was probably there seeking out the same guru for his own answers.

We can go through life looking for gurus, trying to learn from the experts, and …

4 Ways to Change Your World by Being Kind

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“Respond kindly to someone who is unkind to you.” ~Lori Deschene (from Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges, January 15)

Growing up with an alcoholic father, I was often on the receiving end of his anger. As a child, I didn’t realize his behavior was a reflection of how he felt inside and wasn’t about me at all.

I thought he was angry because I wasn’t good enough or I had done something wrong. I felt like if I could just be perfect enough, maybe he would love me. I tried and tried, but trying to be perfect didn’t …

When Someone Cheats or Mistreats You, It’s About Them, Not You

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“Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. So thank the past for a better future.” ~Unknown

I used to think when someone cheated on me that I was flawed.

You see, I had a core belief that there was something wrong with me. I never felt enough. I’m not even sure I can fully articulate this feeling, but whatever it was, I just didn’t feel enough. Slim enough, pretty enough, clever enough, worthy enough, or just, well, anything enough.

I’ve now come to see that when someone mistreats you it has almost nothing to …

25 Powerful Acts of Love and Kindness

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The holiday season has the potential to bring out the best in us. Though the days get shorter and colder, somehow our hearts get bigger and warmer.

Maybe it’s the thoughtfulness handwritten on Christmas cards, maybe it’s the focus on giving over receiving, or maybe it’s the anticipation of celebration with people we love.

For many, it’s the reminder of what’s important in life—not what we do, what we earn, or what we buy, but how we treat each other, how we help each other, and how we use our gifts to make the world a better place.

Yes, the …

5 Unexpected Benefits of Being Friendly

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“A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble.” ~Charles H. Spurgeon

What are the benefits of being friendly? Some might argue that there aren’t many advantages to it. These people might even tell you that you should mind your own business instead of trying to please everyone.

But is friendliness really just an attempt to please others? Is it really a sign of insecurity or even weakness?

I believe friendliness is a sign of inner strength and …

What Are You Practicing—Self-Judgment or Self-Compassion?

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“You are what you practice most.” ~Richard Carlson

“What are you practicing?” she asked in a gentle, lilting voice.

The entire class was in triangle pose, and at that moment I was comparing my triangle to the young woman’s right next to mine, scolding myself for wobbling out of the pose and simultaneously harassing myself for not being “further along” in my career. (Because if you’re going to hate on yourself, my motto is GO BIG.)

“Are you practicing judgment or comparison?” she tenderly probed.

“WTF!” I thought. “Does this woman have a direct line to my brain?”

“Are you …

What to Do When Your Partner Disappoints or Frustrates You

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“Good relationships don’t just happen. They take time, patience, and two people who truly want to be together.” ~Unknown

We are wired to seek “the right one,” the ever-supportive partner, and the loving relationship.

If we get all three, it’s like winning the lottery of life. When we meet someone, we dream of him/her being our soul mate. When we are in a relationship, we hope they’ll love and support us unconditionally, and the relationship will be loving and everlasting.

That would be the ideal world, and, unfortunately, the ideal world isn’t the one we live in.

It took …

The Power of Literal Listening: Take the Stress Out of Communication

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“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” ~Ernest Hemingway

If I’m honest, I don’t think I listened to another person until I was in my thirties. I wasn’t really listening, not completely. It’s not that I’m super selfish or vain; I was just so busy doing the mental gymnastics that I thought I had to do to keep up in conversations that I missed what was actually being said to me.

I grew up in a family where it felt like nearly everything that was said had another, unspoken meaning. I remember feeling really confused as a child, …