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How to Keep Our Thoughts from Making Us Miserable

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” ~William Shakespeare

I thought I knew what happiness was. I experienced it, and did so for a while—that is, what I thought was happiness.

What I was calling happiness was merely an emotion. Emotions, feelings that arise in the body, come into existence when we have thoughts related to them.

When I have certain thoughts having to do with anger, then I will feel, actually physically feel, angry. When I have thoughts that are positive, then I will feel the feeling, or emotion, that we call happiness.

In …

Learning to Forgive Our Imperfect Parents for Their Mistakes

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of physical abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.” ~Oscar Wilde

I couldn’t tell you if Oscar Wilde’s quote is entirely accurate. You see, my biological parents abandoned me and left me with my grandparents at birth.

Growing up with grandma and grandpa was the best childhood I could have ever imagined, and I didn’t miss my biological parents at all. I guess in that sense they were my parents, and perhaps Oscar Wilde’s …

The Blessing of a Broken Heart: How Pain Can Lead to Healing

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Never fear shadows. They simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby.” ~Ruth E. Renkel

My last breakup was on April 16th, 2012.

I remember the date because on the evening of April 17th, as I sat with a blotchy red face and tears in my eyes, my dad told me I soon would remember that day and be glad I was no longer sad. “Men are like buses,” he said. “If one leaves you behind, rest assured another will come.”

I found his support very touching, but it did little to console me. If …

7 Steps to Move Through Sadness (and What We Can Learn from It)

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.” ~Buddha 

He had been ignoring the symptoms for months, possibly even a year. When my husband came home from the doctors, he told me his PSA score was high, and he needed to have a biopsy. That date came and went, and we were waiting for the pathology report.

The doctor assured us it was nothing.

The image of standing in the car dealership parking lot, talking with my son and son-in-law will be forever etched in my memory. When the phone rang, I saw that it …

We’re Not Against Each Other: Choosing Cooperation Over Competition

By in Blog, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“If you light a lamp for someone else, it will also brighten your path.” ~Buddha

It’s long been declared that the nature of life is based on survival of the fittest; that we all must constantly compete to survive.

And maybe, in some ways this is true.

But what if there were another truth, something that is even more powerful than competition?

What if cooperation is our true natural state?

Consider this: love is more powerful than hate.

Hope is more powerful than fear.

And if we believe in love and hope, then we believe in the power of unity. …

How to Tackle the Top 6 Fears That Keep Us Stuck

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Fear is inevitable, I have to accept that, but I cannot allow it to paralyze me.” ~Isabel Allende

When you think of a fearless person, you might imagine a real-life James Bond who performs death-defying stunts knowing he could die at any second.

But for most of us living “normal” lives, fear operates at a subconscious level and prevents us from being the best we can be.

For a long time, I struggled with these fears. I could not get myself to speak in front of people without experiencing extreme nervousness. When it came to talking to girls I liked, …

Let Go of Shoulds and Stress and Let Yourself Do Nothing

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“When you try to control everything, you enjoy nothing. Sometimes you just need to relax, breathe, let go and live in the moment.” ~Unknown

I am a recovering doing addict. My whole life I have been committed to getting things done. I do, do, do until I can’t do no more.

I have a very clear memory of myself in college, sitting at an evening lecture. I am not paying attention at all. I am writing a huge, long to-do list on the back of a blue folder.

Things keep popping into my mind, things that must get done right …

8 Things I Learned from a Phone-Free Month

By in Blog, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“Tell me what you pay attention to and I will tell you who you are.” ~Jose Ortega y Gasset

I used to live in San Francisco, a city celebrated for its carnivals, free music festivals, thriving bar culture, Mexican food markets, beautiful parks, fantastic literary events, thrift stores, and… (Can you tell I miss it?]

The effect of having all this culture available is that quite often, we spend more time around the doing of an event than the doing itself. I’ll elaborate.

I would spend x amount of time on my phone searching for cool events to go to. …

Why Forgiveness Is a Gift to Yourself and How to Release the Past

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future.” ~Paul Boese

On a snowy winter day in the dark month of January, I got hit by a car. My left leg was immediately amputated. A darkness started growing in my seventeen-year-old heart that day.

Harvey was the man driving the car that hit me.

Because of Harvey’s decisions, I didn’t have my leg. Because of Harvey, I walked in pain. Because of Harvey, I lost my confidence as an attractive woman.

At the trial two years later, Harvey and I weren’t allowed to talk to each other. …

3 Things You Can Do To Feel Happier, Right Now

By in Blog, happiness & fun

“The place to be happy is here. The time to be happy is now.” ~Robert G. Ingersoll

In The Four Noble Truths, the Dalai Lama wrote, “It is a fact—a natural fact of life—that each one of us has an innate desire to seek happiness and to overcome suffering.”

Regardless of religion or creed or upbringing, I think we can all agree on this most universal of statements. Underneath whatever personalities we project and whatever lives we lead lies a foundational truth that applies to all of us: We want to be happy; we don’t want to suffer.

So …

Why Self-Love Is The Key To Finding True Love

By in Blog, love & relationships

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” ~Sonya Friedman

The moon was shining brightly that balmy summer’s night in the park. He’d arranged a meeting to “sort things out.” Little did he know I’d finally built the courage to walk away. And that’s exactly what I did.

I was devastated but mostly relieved. Finally, I was free.

For the longest time I’d craved his love. I needed his approval. I wanted the happy ending so badly.

Why? I meant something when I was with him. I felt worthy and kind of secure.

But I wasn’t. I’d given …

How to Take Responsibility for Your Life Without Blaming Yourself

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“The place to improve the world is first in one’s own heart and head and hands.” ~Robert M. Pirsig

Many of us are exploring what it means to be responsible for ourselves, to be creating our own reality. These are concepts that in some situations are easy to grab ahold of; at other times, the meanings are far more elusive.

I’ve seen, in myself and in others, the tendency to beat ourselves up while we are learning what self-empowerment really means. I think this is a natural result of our cultural programming, and it’s understandable that we’d …

How to Hear Your Inner Wisdom When Making Tough Choices

By in Blog

“Everyone who wills can hear their inner voice. It is within everyone.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

Do you struggle with listening to your inner voice? Do you doubt yourself and every inner signal you get? You’re not alone.

A decade ago, I didn’t know that I could follow my heart. I’d never heard of the concept inner wisdom, or inner voice.

I started following my interests and doing what made me feel good, and this is the essence of doing what you love and listening to that subtle voice inside of you.

The problems start when we listen too much to outside …

16 Things to Let Go to Live a Truly Happy Life

By in Blog, letting go

“Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.” ~Jim Rohn

Sometimes I feel like I’ve spent the better part of my life chasing after happiness. It always seemed like happiness stayed just a tad bit out of my grasp—somewhere in the future that I could always see, but not quite touch.

For instance, when I was a kid, I believed I’d be happy if I got an admission into a good college. In college, I believed that I’d be happy if I got a good job. When I got a job, …

When You Still Don’t Know What You Want to Do with Your Life

By in Blog, meaning & passion, work fulfillment

“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” ~Unknown

Sitting at my kitchen table, I can’t help but ask myself over and over again how I got to be here. Just yesterday it seems I was sitting with my family for dinner, discussing my college plans and a future that seemed so far away from the comfortable and naïve life I always knew.

Now, I am graduating from college and embarking on the unknown journey that is “the real world” with what seems like no preparation whatsoever. Well, I wouldn’t …

Searching for Your Next Step: How to Deal When You’re “In Between”

By in Blog, meaning & passion, work fulfillment

“A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour.” ~Unknown

After finishing my master’s degree, I felt pretty directionless. I felt like I graduated with more questions than answers, and I really didn’t know what career I wanted, or where.

I figured I should take whatever opportunity came my way, so I accepted a low-paying teaching job in a foreign country, which didn’t work out for various reasons, and ended up leaving after only five months.

I came back to the U.S. the day before Christmas, feeling like a total and utter failure. I …

Life Lessons on What Really Matters from a Dying Man

By in Blog, love & relationships, meaning & passion

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

You know how you can remember exactly when you found out that Michael Jackson died? I think it’s called flashbulb memory. It’s when something traumatic happens and because of that, you remember everything else that was occurring at the time. I was on a bus in Santorini after watching an amazing sunset in Oia.

The day I found out my boyfriend was dying was just like that, but worse. I remember everything.

Let me digress.

We spent the week leading up to …

One Simple Thing Anyone Can Do to Have a Better Day

By in Blog, happiness & fun, love & relationships

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~Maya Angelou

Today as I walked down a trendy suburban street heading to an appointment, my phone rang. I was not having the best of days.

I was walking past chic cafes and designer shops displaying tempting wares. However, having been laid off for the second time in two years, with a mortgage to pay and months without an income, these trivial symbols of indulgence were almost too much to bear.

Over the past two years, I have felt …

How to Stop Feeling Inadequate and Embrace Your Imperfect Self

By in Blog, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~Anna Quindlen

As I sit in bed typing this, all cozied up with a hot cup of tea and my fuzz ball Maestro relaxing at my feet, I feel happy and at ease.

I scan the room and see a couple of stacks of laundry that need to be put away. I recall that my daughter’s toys are still strewn across the house because I didn’t feel much like stopping to pick them up prior to my retreat …

5 Ways to Find Your People (The Ones Who Really Get You)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” ~Unknown

For probably over thirty years—since I was old enough to know I needed them—I’ve been looking for my people.

You know the ones—the people who get you, somehow; who are on the same wavelength. Some might even say the people who share the same brand of quirky, crazy, or oddness that you do. The ones who understand why you do what you do, or if they don’t understand, they either ask or they just accept, and either way is …