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The Major Aha Moment That Helped Me Stop Fixating on Fixing Myself

By in Blog, change & challenges

“The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.” ~Maya Angelou

My newest friend ended our three-month-long friendship on a July day when I’d just returned from a dreadful summer vacation. Her Dear Jane email read, “It’s not you, it’s me.” The lever had been pulled, I was dumped, and I thought, “Ha!” I’d spent the last three months trying to help her fix her problems. I knew she had more problems than me.

But then an anxious, obsessive thought loop began. What did it really mean? How could it not be about me?

This wasn’t the first …

Mindful Forgiveness: 4 Steps to Unlock the Healing Power of Your Mind

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ~Steve Maraboli

The key to healing is learning to let go of negative thoughts and feelings. Mindfulness will allow you to be aware of your thoughts and feelings; forgiveness will help in letting them go.

Simple as it is in theory, putting it into practice may be harder.

Mindfulness, being aware of your thoughts and feelings in the present moment, is not that difficult. But the trick is to do it amidst …

5 Surefire Signs You Grew Up with an Emotionally Immature Parent

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“There’s no such thing as a ‘bad kid’—just angry, hurt, tired, scared, confused, impulsive ones expressing their feelings and needs the only way they know how. We owe it to every single one of them to always remember that.” ~Dr. Jessica Stephens 

All children look up to their parents from the moment they enter this world. They have this beautiful, pure, unconditional love pouring out of them. Parents are on a pedestal. They are the ones who know what’s best! They are the grownups showing us how to do life!

We don’t think for one moment that they could be …

How I Reframed Letting Go So I Could Move on from My Painful Past

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

We are truly free when we let go of the thought that the past could or should have been any different than it was. This is so hard.

The challenge is born from our desperate need to validate our feelings and experiences. It often feels like we are invalidating ourselves if we let go of the thought that the past should have been different. We have been through hell, experienced things most people don’t know about, and it initially feels so devastating to think of just letting it go like it never happened. Where is the justice in that?

I …

7 Books for Your Holiday Gift List (and Enter Win a Free MacBook Air)

By in Blog, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

Hi friends! I imagine many of you, like me, are still finishing up your holiday shopping, and what better present to give someone than the gift of insight, peace, joy, and healing? The seven books below are some of my recent favorites, and I’m sure they’d be a wonderful addition to your loved ones’ libraries—or your own!

All for Love: The Transformative Power of Holding Space by Matt Kahn

It makes my heart so happy to see that Matt Kahn’s All for Love is a #1 bestseller because I truly believe the world would be a better place if we …

The Agony of Anxious Attachment and How to Attract Better Relationships

By in Blog, love & relationships

“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be looking for someone else to fill the void inside you, but no one will ever be able to do it.” ~Lori Deschene

There are four attachment styles including anxious, avoidant, anxious/avoidant, and secure.

Attachment theory teaches us that the way in which we attach ourselves to our romantic partner mimics the relationship we had with our primary caregivers growing up.

So, if you were like me and had parents who were not physically or emotionally present, you grew up feeling a void within yourself and always worrying if you were lovable. Because …

When People Are Mean and Refuse to Admit It or Apologize

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.” ~Robert Brault

I’ve always tried to distance myself from people who are rude, overly aggressive, and mean. But sometimes we become tied to people who might not have our best interests at heart.

One summer I became involved with a coworker who was at a bad spot in his life. I thought I could help him through this tough time, but just like a swimmer drowning in a pool, he grabbed on and ended up drowning me when I reached out and tried to save him.

After …

If You Really Want to Change the World: 4 Ways to Be Kind

By in Blog, love & relationships

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou

I’ve now reached the age in my life when every so often, I get an email or text informing me that someone I know has died. Some of the people who have passed away have been former supervisors or teachers from high school. Others have been the parents of friends or elderly members of my church.

At one time, the news that someone had died was shocking to me. Now it’s nearly a …

How I’ve Redefined Success Since ‘Failing’ by Traditional Standards

By in Blog, change & challenges, meaning & passion

“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.” ~Christopher Reeve

When I was a child, I wanted to save the world. My mom found me crying in my bedroom one day. She asked what was wrong, and I said, “I haven’t done anything yet!” I couldn’t wait to grow up so I could try to make a difference.

At fourteen, I joined a youth group that supported adults with disabilities. We hosted dances and ran a buddy program. I helped with projects at state institutions and left saddened by the conditions for the residents. I planned to work at a state …

Why Trauma Doesn’t Always Make Us Stronger (and What Does)

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Literally every person is messed up, so pick your favorite train wreck and roll with it.” ~Hannah Marbach

You’ve probably heard this before: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” A beautiful saying, based on what Nietzsche wrote in one of his books (Twilight of the Idols). It always makes me feel like life can’t go anywhere but up. Forward and up.

According to Nietzsche, suffering can be taken as an opportunity to build strength. No matter the pain, sickness, or trauma you experience, you will come out stronger for it—as long as you take the …

What Most People Get Wrong About Singles and 6 Messages You Might Need

By in Blog, love & relationships

“In a world that treats a forty-one-year-old single woman like a teenager who didn’t get asked to prom, I think it’s extremely important to recognize the unique wisdom of a solitary life—a wisdom that develops slowly over many years, that is fundamentally different from that of, say, the person who was between boyfriends for a year when she was twenty-six.” ~Sara Eckel

I was twenty-three and had just told a woman I was casually dating that I’d never been in a long-term committed relationship.

Her response was this: “Wow, really? I mean, you’re attractive, so why haven’t you?”

Having spent …

A Gentle Reminder to Anyone Who’s Struggling This Holiday Season

By in Blog, change & challenges

“It’s okay to want to be alone. It’s okay to take time for yourself.” ~Kate Allan

It’s the holiday season, the most wonderful time of the year, they say, but it’s not for all of us. For those of us coping with the loss of a loved one, family estrangement, loneliness, financial difficulties, or health struggles, the holidays can be one of the hardest times of the year.

For some of us the holidays can feel as if we have been cast out in the cold. As if we are forced to look through a window of a happy, …

How I Knew It Was Emotional Abuse: The Subtle Signs I Almost Missed

By in Blog, love & relationships

“I hope you find love, but more importantly, I hope you’re strong enough to walk away from what love isn’t.” ~Tiffany Tomiko

A few weeks after breaking up from what I thought was a loving relationship that in reality was sliding into an emotionally abusive one, I had a dream.

In it, I was hiding from a group of dangerous people, but could see the footsteps of one of them coming toward me. Suddenly they saw me, and I pleaded to them, “Please, don’t kill me,” and they turned and left. When I emerged, I could see the victims all …

How I Got Sober and What I Now Know About the Impacts of Alcohol

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Sometimes deciding who you are is deciding who you’ll never be again.” ~Anonymous

May 13th, 2011. I finally surrendered to the fact that I had a drinking problem and desperately needed help. The comments from acquaintances, the concern from friends, the complaints from my flatmates, the intensity of my depression, the conversations with my therapist—they all culminated in the decision that I had to break the chains from my liquid abuser.

It was one of the hardest decisions of my life, one that entailed waving goodbye to the life that I had led before and diving into a …

4 Things I Needed to Accept to Let Go and Heal After Trauma

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

TRIGGER WARNING: This post references sexual abuse and may be triggered to some people.

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ~Steve Maraboli

My family immigrated to the U.S. from India when I was sixteen. Being Indian, my traditional family expected me to have an arranged marriage.

At twenty-two, as a graduate music student, I fell in love with an American man. When my family found out about our secret relationship, they took me back to India and …

The Best Way to Deal with Dissatisfaction (It’s Not What You Think)

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Trying to change ourselves does not work in the long run because we are resisting our own energy. Self-improvement can have temporary results, but lasting transformation occurs only when we honor ourselves as the source of wisdom and compassion.” ~Pema Chodron, The Places That Scare You

In my late thirties, I was a yoga teacher and an avid practitioner. I lived by myself in a small but beautiful studio apartment in Tel Aviv, Israel, right next to the beach.

Every morning I woke up in my large bed with a majestic white canopy and said a morning prayer. I …

Hard Times eBook Sale: Buy One, Give One (This Weekend Only!)

By in Blog

Most people find their way to Tiny Buddha for the same reason—they’re hurting and looking for relief.

Since you’re reading this post right now, I’m guessing that’s true for you too.

Maybe you’re dealing with loss, illness, a toxic relationship, or a major life change that’s been hard. Maybe you’re struggling with your mental health as you try to heal from a traumatic childhood or event. Or maybe the demands of everyday life have you feeling stressed, depressed, overwhelmed, and even a little hopeless.

Whatever you’re feeling, you’re not alone. Thousands of contributors have shared their stories over the years, …

I Cheated on Him with My Higher Self (and We’re Still Going Strong)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“It’s okay to let go of those who couldn’t love you. Those who didn’t know how to. Those who failed to even try. It’s okay to outgrow them, because that means you filled the empty space in you with self-love instead. You’re outgrowing them because you’re growing into you. And that’s more than okay, that’s something to celebrate.” ~Angelica Moone

“How could you do this to me? It’s obvious you’re with someone else.”

That was the third and final message I received from my partner of nearly three years, several weeks after we had finally decided to break up. I …

You Have Just Five Minutes Left to Live – What Are Your Deathbed Regrets?

By in Blog, change & challenges, meaning & passion

“Yesterday was heavy—put it down.” ~Unknown

Death is still taboo in many parts of the world, yet I must confess that I’ve become fascinated with the art of dying well.

I was thinking about the word “morbid” the other day, as I heard someone use it when berating her friend for his interest in better preparing for death. The word’s definition refers to “an unhealthy fixation on death and dying,” but who gets to define what’s healthy? And why are so many of us keen to avoid discussing the inevitable?

We talk about death from time to time on our …

11 Important Things I’ve Learned in 11 Years of Marriage

By in Blog, love & relationships

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” ~Dave Meurer 

My husband and I will soon be celebrating our eleventh anniversary. By no means do we have the perfect marriage or are we the perfect couple. Over our eleven years of marriage, I’ve recognized a few critical areas needed to build a solid and lasting union as a couple.

Here are eleven things I’ve learned in eleven years of marriage.

1. Communicate.

In the early days of my marriage, I was terrible at communicating my feelings …