fbpx
Menu

Category “change & challenges”

Why I Had to Stop Judging Myself to Start Healing from Childhood Trauma

By

“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” ~Brené Brown

A few years ago, when I began recovering from childhood trauma, the first thing I learned was that I needed to master the skill of self-awareness.

However, becoming aware came with some pretty hard truths about who I was, what I did, and how I acted because of what had happened to me.

Although I eventually found the courage to face some challenging experiences from my past, I wasn’t ready to forgive and accept myself.

When …

The 5 Happiness Zappers and What Helps Me Cope with Them

By

“Emotion in itself is not unhappiness. Only emotion plus an unhappy story is unhappiness.” ~Eckhart Tolle

When my mother told me, “Honey, you don’t understand; you can’t,” initially I felt like she was being condescending.

It was Mother’s Day and, unbeknownst to me, the last time I’d see her before her final hospital visit.

We’d spent that Saturday updating her computer, watching waves at the beach, and picking up seashells, then eating dinner at a popular local restaurant frequented by travelers, including famous musicians on tour buses because of its location off of the interstate.

By early evening, we were …

Children’s Movies are Obsessed with Death, but Don’t Show Healthy Grief

By

“Grief is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” ~Jamie Anderson

I knew my son was watching me. We were inhaling fistfuls of popcorn while Frozen 2 played on the screen above. (Spoiler alert…)

Anna has just realized her sister, Elsa, is dead, frozen solid at the bottom of a river. Anna must carry on life without her.

My son …

5 Life Lessons from a Brain Tumor That Could Have Killed Me

By

“Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I am learning to live between effort and surrender.” ~Danielle Orner

I was slumped against a wall at Oxford Circus Station early one Sunday evening when an irritated male voice suddenly barked, “MOVE!”

Moments beforehand, I had lost my vision.

Without conscious thought, I muttered, “RUDE!” and staggered off without clearly seeing where I was going.

It was only months later, on retracing my steps at Oxford Circus, that I realized I’d been blocking his view of some street art.

I’d allowed a guy to bully me …

Surrendering Isn’t Giving Up: Why We Need to Accept What’s Happened

By

“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” ~Nathaniel Branden

I remember the last time I saw him before my world crumbled. I held up my hand with the ASL sign for “I love you” through the window to him, as he mouthed the words back and got in his car to leave for work. I found out an hour later that he—my fiancé—had begun cheating on me a month before he had proposed.

He never fought for me. Even during the course of our relationship, when he would run away due to his own insecurities, …

After the Assault: What I Now Know About Repressed Trauma

By

TRIGGER WARNING: This article details an account of sexual assault and may be triggering to some people.

The small park down the street from my childhood home: friends and I spent many evenings there as teenagers. We’d watch movies on each other’s MP3 players and eat from a bag of microwave popcorn while owls hooted from the trees above.

Twigs lightly poked against our backs. Fallen leaves graced skin. Crickets hummed in the darkness. The stars shone bright through the branches of the redwoods.

Eight years later at a park in Montevideo, Uruguay, darkness again surrounded me. Leaves and twigs …

You Can Be the Cycle Breaker: 9 Ways to Heal After Childhood Trauma

By

“It’s up to us to break generational curses. When they say, ‘It runs in the family,’ you tell them, ‘This is where it runs out.’” ~Unknown

I never even knew what I experienced was trauma. It was my normal. I was born into a world where I had to walk on eggshells, always on high alert for danger.

I held my breath and always did my best to be good and to not cause an eruption of my dad’s temper. He literally controlled my every move through fear. I agreed to anything just to feel safe and to please him.…

A Simple Guide for Introverts: How to Embrace Your Personality

By

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The world has a preference for the extroverted among us. In school we learn public speaking, and we are expected to raise our hand and participate in discussions. We act as if what we hear and see from a person can tell us everything there is to know about them. But what about the unspoken, that magical light that lives within us?

Here’s what I’ve learned about being an introvert that has helped me embrace, value, and honor …

How Changing My Words Changed My Life for the Better

By

“Our words create our world.” ~Rich Litvin

I remember when I was about seven years old, shouting spitefully at my mum, ‘’I wish you were dead, I hate you!” Her jaw dropped in disbelief, and I knew my words had hurt her, which made my young heart heavy.

I remember being fourteen years old asking my first crush, “H-h-hey, do you fancy going to the cinema with me this weekend? To my surprise, she said yes, which taught me there’s never any harm in asking for what you want.

Later this year, I’ll be standing proudly next to my beautiful …

How I Kept Going When I Wanted to End My Life

By

“When you’ve reached rock bottom, there’s only one way to go, and that’s up!” ~Buster Moon, from the movie Sing

When I first heard this saying, as I was watching the movie Sing on my way to another continent, a small light bulb lit up inside me. As I sat with this sentence, I came to the conclusion that I couldn’t agree more.

After hitting my own rock bottom a couple of years ago, I know that once you get there, there is no place you can go that is lower. It’s the final breaking point.

And if there is …

My Deepest, Darkest Secret: Why I Never Felt Good Enough

By

“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” ~Brené Brown

Lunge, turn, reverse, jump, land and rebound, push, pull, cut, run, double turn, fling, pause…

Not good enough! Smooth the transitions, make it cleaner, find more ease!

Heart pounds, ragged breath, muscles burn…

You need more weight on the lunge and point your damn feet when you jump. Do it again.

Repeat. Lunge, turn, reverse, jump, land and rebound, push, pull, cut, run, double turn, fling, pause…

What is your problem? Why is it so sloppy? Clean it up! Do it again.…

A Simple Plan to Overcome Self-Doubt and Do What You Want to Do

By

“Don’t let others tell you what you can’t do. Don’t let the limitations of others limit your vision. If you can remove your self-doubt and believe in yourself, you can achieve what you never thought possible.” ~Roy T. Bennett

Ahh yes, self-doubt. Something that affects every single one of us at different times and at different magnitudes—even those that seem supremely confident.

Why do so many of us experience self-doubt, and how can we overcome it?

On a personal note, I can tell you my self-doubt comes any time I am trying something new. I’ve learned over the years …

[Free] Collective Trauma Summit: Creating a Global Healing Movement

By

The FREE Collective Trauma Summit 2022: Creating a Global Healing Movement is starting soon, and I’m excited to extend an invitation to you! This is a nine-day online event to explore emerging solutions for healing individual, ancestral, and collective trauma.

When you register, you’ll be able to see the powerful lineup of speakers including therapists, scientists, researchers, activists, poets, artists, visionaries, and more. You will also get access to special live events, musical performances, as well as movement practices to support your integration and healing.

Some of the topics that will be addressed during the Summit include:

  • Bringing aid and
…

How My Trauma Led Me to the Sex Industry and What’s Helping Me Heal

By

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ~Rumi

The hardest battle I’ve fought is an ongoing one. It’s an all-consuming shadow of dread that never leaves, only resting long enough for me to catch my breath.

I know what it feels like to be depressed. I know the feeling of pain and hopelessness so well it almost feels like home.

I remember being around eleven years old and thinking, wow, this all seems so meaningless. I had become awakened by my consciousness and overwhelmed by emptiness. I knew then that there was more to life than …

Toxic Positivity: 10 Things Not to Say When Someone Is Feeling Down

By

“When you can’t look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark.” ~Unknown

It’s hard and uncomfortable to sit with pain, our own or someone else’s.

We don’t like to see people hurting, especially people we love, because we instinctively want to make them feel better, and we feel powerless if we think we can’t.

We feel like we have to do something. We have to say something. We have to somehow pull them out of the darkness—and we often try to do this by dousing them with light.

We do this to ourselves as well, …

Addiction Is Messy, But These Things Help Me Stay Clean

By

“Staying sober really was the most important thing in my life now and had given me direction when I thought I had none.” ~Bradley Cooper

I remember that exact feeling of shame that washed over me when I was filling Yeti water bottles with 100 proof vodka instead of water. Then I chugged it, all while knowing it was the worst idea. Yet, I couldn’t stop.

Addiction is messy.

My social outings were with the wealthiest in the town, always with plenty of other alcoholics in my midst. I surrounded myself with people who drank like me because why on …

How I Stopped Carrying the Weight of the World and Started Enjoying Life

By

“These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.” ~Najwa Zebian

During a personal development course, one of my first assignments was to reach out to three friends and ask them to list my top three qualities. It was to help me see myself the way others saw me.

At the time, my confidence was low and I couldn’t truly see myself. I didn’t remember who I was or what I wanted. The assignment was a way to rebuild my self-esteem and see myself from a broader perspective.

As I vulnerably asked and then received the responses, …

How to Release the Fear That Holds You Back and Keeps You Small

By

“The purpose of fear is to raise your awareness, not to stop your progress.” ~Steve Maraboli

I used to hate my fear because it scared me. It terrified me that when fear arose, it often felt like it was driving me at full speed toward the edge of a cliff.

And if I were driven off a cliff, I would lose all control, all function, perhaps I would collapse, perhaps I would shatter into a million pieces. I was never totally clear on the details of what would happen if I let the fear get out of control. That’s …

Coping with the Grief of a Layoff: 5 Tips If You’re Looking for a Job

By

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” ~Seneca

We are in such a hard season of the economy, and the implications of people getting laid off are so real and unfortunately painful.

No matter how competent or qualified you are, the job search process is hard. And even when you know your layoff was due to reasons completely outside your control, it still hurts.

The fear, instability, and uncertainty about what your next job will be or when it will come to fruition are emotionally unsettling, and our collective toxic positivity conditioning isn’t always helpful.

Yes, it’s true …

“Old” Isn’t a Bad Word: The Beauty of Aging (Gracefully or Not)

By

“Mrs. Miniver suddenly understood why she was enjoying the forties so much better than she had enjoyed the thirties: it was the difference between August and October, between the heaviness of late summer and the sparkle of early autumn, between the ending of an old phase and the beginning of a fresh one.” ~Jan Struther, Mrs. Miniver

As an adolescent, I was always keen on looking and acting older than my age.

As the youngest amongst three, I always felt that my siblings held more power and their grown up lives seemed more glamorous to me. They would prance off …