Why It’s Hard to Be Happy
The Difference Between Setting Boundaries and Shutting People Out
“The most important distinction anyone can ever make in their life is between who they are as an individual and their connection with others.” ~Anne Linden
After growing up in a household with extremely loose emotional boundaries, I soon learned the importance of establishing my own personal boundaries as quickly and clearly as possible. And, in recent years, I have even managed to become more eloquent about when and how to set them.
I grew up in a home with my grandmother, mother, and older sister. Grandmother was an immigrant from Hungary who came to America right after WWI. Her …
Let It Be: Using Mindfulness to Overcome Anxiety and Depression
“Perhaps many things inside you have been transformed; perhaps somewhere, someplace deep inside your being, you have undergone important changes while you were sad.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke
When I was twelve years old, I figured out how to get out of things.
It was a rainy Saturday morning, and I was supposed to be getting ready for choir practice—an eight-hour rehearsal before a big concert. Eight hours! I began to obsess about how much time this was in my then-tiny life.
As though by my own will, a heavy sensation of dread and nausea arose. I wasn’t aware of it …
Forgiving and Letting Go When You Feel Resentful
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Ghandi
My childhood was in many ways a nice childhood. I feel like a complete twit to complain about it. I know other people have gone through so much worse. I’ve read really difficult childhood stories and my heart literally bleeds for these people.
Growing up I was shy, un-confident, and withdrawn. I treated school mostly like a prison sentence. I put my head down and tried to do my time without falling in with the wrong crowd.
My parents were, and are, good parents. They provided …
Life Happens Now, and Other Lessons from a 500-Mile Walk
“If you do nothing unexpected, nothing unexpected happens.” ~Fay Weldon
In September of 2012, I flew from Idaho to Spain and began a 500-mile pilgrimage walk on the Camino de Santiago. I arrived in St. Jean Pied-de-Port without any expectations and a blank canvas in my mind. I will treasure the imaginary painting that developed over the next thirty-five days until my last breath.
This trail has attracted at least 2,000,000 people over the past 1,300 years.
From prior experience, I know that being in an environment where everything is on the outer edge of comfort zones always results in …
5 Tips to Help You Stop Limiting Your Potential
“Have respect for yourself, and patience and compassion. With these, you can handle anything.” ~Jack Kornfield
I learned one of my biggest lessons in life when I ran into a high school bully many years ago. He was totally different from the last time I saw him. He was now passionate about life and adventure, and he looked very happy.
He had a thriving textile trading business and he was set to open a clothing store in less than a year.
After hearing his story, I couldn’t help but feel ashamed of myself.
I realized that in my resentment toward …
How To Keep Yourself Motivated When You’re Not Feeling It
“A diamond is just a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well.” ~Unknown
I’m great with short-term goals. In fact, I prefer them. Work my butt off for a few months to reach a goal? I’m down with that. I’ll give up a social life, down time, spending money, eating yummy food (read: sugar), drinking alcohol—whatever it takes, for the short-term. Long-term goals… ugh, not so much.
Despite this preference for pretty immediate gratification, I have followed through with many long-term goals in my life (school and various trainings, long-distance relationships, starting and re-starting businesses, to name a few).…
Danny and Annie: A Love Story
This video is three years old, but I just saw it and it moved me. I believe this is the greatest kind of love, the kind that makes the mundane magical and the banal beautiful. It’s the romance of everyday living with someone whose very presence makes the ordinary seem extraordinary.
From the YouTube description:
Danny Perasa and his wife, Annie, came to StoryCorps to recount their twenty-seven-year romance. As they remember their life together from their first date to Danny’s final days with terminal cancer, these remarkable Brooklynites personify the eloquence, grace, and poetry that can be found in …
Following Your Internal Compass and Making Your Own Decisions
“Believe nothing no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.” ~Buddha
Dad, who at the time was a fighter pilot in the United States Marine Corps, taught me how to navigate using a compass. The family was on a vacation in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. I was nine.
He got me up that morning before dawn. Mom made us a huge breakfast. I was so excited because I knew that day, I would climb my first mountain.
No, it wasn’t …
7 Tips for Pursuing Your Passion, Even If You Feel Behind
“Don’t worry about what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~Howard Thurman
From center stage I looked out into the crowd as the stage lights warmed my face and did their best to obscure my vision.
In the half-light of the seating area I spotted the faces of family, friends, many other members of the local jazz community, and other people who had come out to support me. Smiling. Clapping. Congratulating.
I didn’t feel happy. Not exactly. The situation was too surreal to …
Stop Comparing: No One Can Do a Better Job of Being You
“Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” ~Unknown
For fifteen years I gave up on art.
I’d been an “artistic” kid, always drawing and painting, but by first or second grade I was already comparing my work to that of other kids and judging it as inferior.
At thirteen I quit making art altogether. There were other kids who could draw so much more realistically than I could—kids to whom anything artistic just seemed to come naturally—and I jumped to the conclusion that their superior skills …
Building Confidence to Face a Fear Instead of Hiding from It
“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” ~Eckhart Tolle
I was very shy growing up, especially in lower and middle school. I moved from the US to London when I was five. Although I don’t remember a lot of my experience in lower school in London, I do know that when I first started I refused to speak or read aloud.
I was in a completely new environment. I was confused and anxious, and it made me afraid of new situations.
As the year progressed I settled in pretty well. I made friends and would not have …
Dealing with Pain or Abuse: You Can Let It Destroy You, Define You, Or Strengthen You
“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” ~Unknown
When I was twenty-four, leaving my ex was my “something bad.” It was about as bad as it could get.
After four years of dating, I was certain marriage was right around the corner. Our lives were completely intertwined. I knew he wasn’t a great guy for me, but that didn’t matter because I truly believed I was ready to take the next step.
One night changed everything.
I found his drugs, confirming …
Dealing with Loss: 3 Uplifting Truths About Death and Grief
“Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don’t have to live forever; you just have to live.” ~Natalie Babbitt
I stared at my reflection in the mirror as my face contorted into a painful grimace, tears streaming down my cheeks. My throat constricted to keep the sobbing at bay. My grandmother was dying, and this is how I coped with death: by falling apart.
I was lucky; this is the way death is “supposed” to go. Grammy was 96 and had lived out her old age in comfort.
While I knew I would miss …
How Our Attractions Can Help us Learn to Complete Ourselves
“Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.” ~H. Jackson Browne
The first time I was stung with the notion of a soul mate, I was twelve years old. I had accompanied my mother to the wedding of a family friend. The church was blissful, the bride beautiful, and the way the groom looked at her had me thinking that one day this would be me.
Almost instantly, I felt that I was already one half of the most beautiful love story, like a divine wave of love magically swept me into thinking that my soul mate, …
Stop The Heartbreak Cycle: 7 Dos and Don’ts For Handling a Breakup
“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” ~Unknown
I’ve learned to be thankful for my first heartbreak.
Of course, at the time of the crime I struggled to see anything positive in it. My mind could see the good, but my heart struggled against it.
It was literally as if someone stabbed my heart; there was a problem that caused my body to stop working properly. I couldn’t cry. I didn’t eat for a week. I didn’t sleep for two. And my …
The Power of Surrendering: Let Go of Control to Be Peaceful and Free
“The reality is that tomorrow is most certainly uncertain and no matter how many expectations we form, tomorrow will come, tomorrow will go, and it will be what it will be.” ~Lori Deschene
I have never known how to surrender to just about anything. Surrendering is giving up control, and this is something I have never been good at doing.
From an early age I coped with tension and negativity by trying to will things to be different. This caused me a great deal of anxiety because trying to will anything to go your way is not only exhausting, …
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.