AJs Art Journal: Play
Are You Stressed, Rushed, and Aggravated?
“Meaning is not what you start with but what you end up with.” ~Peter Elbow
As a boy, I had a romantic notion about having a job where I traveled for business. It sounded so important and stylish. I liked the idea of dashing through airports to my next big meeting.
I thought it meant that mine would be a wider world. And so it was.
Be Careful What You Wish For
As often happens, what you think about comes into being. I found myself on my very first “business trip.” I was going to the exotic location of Moline, …
The Power of Poise: How to Stop Losing Your Cool
“Poise is an unseen power, and this unseen power is always ready to come to the aid of the outer action.” ~Sri Chinmoy
Poise is the seeker’s goal because poise is our highest state of consciousness. Poised, we are in a state of balance, composure, and equanimity, all of our powers at our disposal.
When I am able to achieve poise, I am present, connected, grateful, creative, and light-hearted. Poised, my love flows.
Like most of us, I have been poised much of the time, especially when life was easy, absent any major challenge. But I have also lost …
Happiness is Not a Destination: How to Enjoy the Journey
“Happiness is a direction, not a place.” ~Sydney J Harris
Being happy is for most of us one of the key aims in life. But where we often go wrong is in figuring out which path to take to achieve that happiness.
My own path has been a somewhat unconventional one. In my last year at college, most of my peers were busy applying for full-time jobs with large companies, but I knew that wasn’t what I wanted to do.
I wanted to see the world, which (long before gap years became so common) was met with disapproval by many. …
The Rabbit Hole of Stuff: Why We Can’t Buy Our Way to Happiness
“Happiness can only be found if you free yourself from all other distractions.” ~Saul Bellow
When I was twenty I bought my first serious piece of furniture.
It was a sofa covered in a nubby sort of fabric, a creamy shade of white with tan and light brown threads woven through that made the modern style seem warm and welcoming.
It was beautiful. And on the day my sofa arrived, I celebrated. I celebrated not only a beautiful addition to my little apartment but also a step into adulthood.
After all, I bought it on credit, and I was thrilled …
Dealing with Dark Days: Help for When You Don’t Feel Your Best
“The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.” ~Theodore I. Rubin
I live in a rainy city. For most of the winter it’s endless grey, weeks in which you’re lucky to get a glimpse of the sun at all.
It might be drizzling, it might be pouring, or it might be merely fog. It is certainly wet.
For me and a lot of the people who live here, it’s almost a deal breaker. When I first arrived, I spent a lot of time complaining that it was …
How Anger Leads to Anxiety and What to Do About It
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” ~Buddha
I have a confession: I’m mildly obsessed with anger.
Not the negative feelings, the volatile outbursts, or the fly-off-the-handle reactions, but rather how humans express anger.
I’ve largely made my living by dealing with various states of anger. More on that in a bit…
Years ago I was shopping at a bookstore with my friend Alex. We were first time parents with toddlers at home.
The idea was to find resources on …
Why It’s Not Selfish to Ask Someone You Love for Help
“Learn to appreciate what you have before time makes you appreciate what you had.” ~Unknown
I’m a woman in midlife who thought she was set after a long successful career and the promise of financial security. I supported my own way through most of my life, fending for myself and then my two children, even during a 15-year marriage that ended badly and another that never really began.
For a number of reasons my plans for an early and secure retirement ended a few years ago. The long story is for another time; the short story is health, burnout, spiritual …
Discovering the Elusive Truth and Falling in Love with Yourself
“Pleasure can be supported by an illusion, but happiness rests upon truth.” ~Sebastien-Roch Nicolas De Chamfort
In today’s world, we are bombarded day by day and moment by moment with images and messages of who we should be, what we should be doing, and exactly how we should be doing it.
The promises of happiness and fulfillment in those mirages of ultimate perfection are all too often shallow and elusive, constantly evading us and leading us time and time again to nothing more than dead ends and empty hopes.
With a natural craving for transcendence and supremacy, we grab our …
Wabi Sabi: Find Peace by Embracing Flaws and Releasing Judgment
“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ~Dalai Lama
Several years ago, a colleague and I were invited to give a presentation on mindfulness at our State Mental Health Conference. I was a novice and flattered to be asked.
Singing bowls, which are metal and look like a mortar and pestle, are useful tools in mindfulness practice. The bowl is placed on a cushion and, when struck, makes a beautiful sound like a bell.
The tone and pitch are determined by the size of the bowl and thickness of the metal. They’re …
5 Tips to Stop Making Comparisons and Feeling Bad About Yourself
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~Steve Furtick
I remember one day when I was around six years old, my older brother came home from school with one of those star-shaped highlighters that had a different color on each point. I laid my eyes on it and in that moment I wanted nothing more than I wanted that highlighter.
It didn’t matter that as a six year old, I had less use for it than paper shoes in rainy weather; I just simply had to have it.
Being the …
Landfill Harmonic: Beautiful Music Made with Trash and Passion
Most of us know we should open our eyes and appreciate what’s around us, but sometimes it may seem like there’s nothing of value there. That’s when we need to open our eyes further and ask ourselves, “How can I use this to make something beautiful?”
3 Lessons to Help You Find Peace When Fighting a Hard Battle
“He who has health has hope, and he who has hope has everything.” ~Proverb
August 3, 2001. I still remember it like it was yesterday. It was around six o’clock in the evening when she sat us down. Luther Vandross was singing in the background on the radio: “And it’s so amazing and amazing, I can stay forever and forever. Here in love and no, leave you never.”
Quite ironic when you think about the news I would soon receive.
I had just finished summer school and my sister had just returned from an internship on the East Coast. My …
Facing Life’s Big Challenges and Coming out on Top
“Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant.” ~Paul Coelho
I will never forget that day.
It is still as clear in my mind as if it were yesterday.
My son was just a little over three. He was going to a mainstream kindergarten and, well, his teacher had very gently suggested we seek a professional’s help.
You see, he didn’t understand what the teachers were saying to him. He was restless and fidgety. He also bounced form activity to activity.
This was our first ever visit to a speech pathologist, and she …
Forgiving the Unforgivable and Ending Your Own Suffering
“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” ~Malachy McCourtro
I was completely unprepared for the emotional hailstorm that bombarded me when, back in 2001, I learned that my wife had been having an affair with my best friend of twenty-plus years.
My normal, predictable life (which I absolutely loved, by the way) had been virtually shattered overnight. Not only did it culminate in a very bitter war (see: divorce), it also marked the onset of a toxic poison that had begun to work its way into my veins: resentment.
It began with …
How My Anger Led Me to Forgiveness and Peace
“Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.” ~Alice Duer Miller
As an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a relative, I had become accustomed to keeping secrets. Silence, I was taught, was a good thing. It protected people that I loved.
So for over a decade, I carried the dark and overbearing weight of my past in secrecy and in silence, believing I was the only one in the world who’d ever experienced such abuse—until I learned from a college workshop that one in four women and one in five men fall …
Do You Take Up as Much Space as You Deserve?
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~Maya Angelou
As a child, I got bombarded with the message that I was too much. Everywhere I turned, people said I was too loud, too smart, too heavy, too talkative, too impulsive, too intense, too happy, too forward, too silly.
My too-eager little self took those opinions as commandments, so I tried to fit the image of what others said I should be.
I made myself smaller. It never worked. Our authentic selves force their way to the …
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