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What a Month of Daily Panic Attacks Taught Me About Anxiety

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn

It happened in the middle of an intimate moment, about a month before my wedding.

One minute I was enjoying a kiss from my fiancé and the next thing I knew, I was clutching my face and writhing in agony.

At first, there was a loud thud in my chest, as if my heart had skipped a beat.

Then out of nowhere I started getting this strange sensation—like the kind of feeling you’d get on an elevator that’s going down too fast. The feeling was so …

How to Step Out of the Drama Triangle and Find Real Peace

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Keep your attention focused entirely on what is truly your own concern, and be clear that what belongs to others is their business and none of yours.” ~Epictetus

Are you addicted to drama? I was, but I didn’t know it. I thought I was just responding to life, to what was happening. I really didn’t think I had a choice! The drama triangle is so pervasive, and can be so subtle, that it just seems normal. But it’s not, and there’s a much saner way to live, I found.

Dr. Stephen Karpman first described the drama triangle in the …

The People Who Hurt Us Are Vehicles for Our Growth

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“You only see in others what you have in yourself.” ~Annette Noontil

I now recognize, after observing painful patterns repeat many times, how things that trigger me are just lessons I need to learn that are often delivered through other people. The more painful the experience, the more I can see (in retrospect) I learned from it.

Every now and then, when I find myself getting sucked into thoughts about the rightness or wrongness of a situation and how much pain it’s causing me, I take a step backward. I can see that people are just the mechanism to my …

You Can Have a Tender Heart and Still Be Fierce

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I am learning to live between effort and surrender.” ~Danielle Orner

For too long, I felt myself pulled between two shores of my identity. On one side was my yoga teacher, meditator, healer identity—my tender side. On the other side was my activist, change-maker role—my fierce side.

I always felt like I was too tender for some and too fierce for others. It made me feel like I didn’t fit in anywhere.

Definitely the soft-hearted “woo” person in my activist circles. And I was definitely the …

The Life-Changing Benefits of Two-Minute Meditations

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Smile, breathe, and go slowly.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I felt everything, from my lower back pain flaring up to tightness in my jaw where I clinch and carry my stress. With my eyes still closed, I rolled my shoulders and repositioned the pillow under my butt. Five minutes had passed, and I had no idea how I would ever make it to forty.

I opened my left eye to see if anyone around me was fidgeting as well and saw rows of people sitting in perfect, cross-legged lotus position with straight necks and relaxed jaws next to me.

Our teacher, …

Living with Depression and Anxiety: How to Lessen the Pain

By in Blog, change & challenges, healthy habits, mindfulness & peace

“I am bent, but not broken. I am scarred, but not disfigured. I am sad, but not hopeless. I am tired, but not powerless. I am angry, but not bitter. I am depressed, but not giving up.” ~Unknown

Depression and anxiety. Two words we hear often, but unless we have actually lived with them, we cannot come close to understanding the tremendous impact they can have on one’s quality of life.

Depression and anxiety can make people feel as if they are worthless and better off dead. What a horrible plague. But it is 100% possible to tame these two …

Why I’m Done Fishing for ‘Likes’ on Social Media

By in Blog

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” ~Ernest Hemingway

Recently I was invited to listen to a recorded presentation about humility, and it literally rocked my world.

As I listened intently, the words “complete and whole” popped into my head. And then came the light bulb moment: “Yes!” I thought. “When one feels whole and complete, they’re more humble.”

As the presenter talked about the “look at me” culture of selfies and social media I felt my toes begin to curl and my stomach tighten.

“Oh …

Maybe I Don’t Need to Make a Big Change in the World

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

As a teen, I was passionately idealistic about justice, love, and compassion. Reading the words of Martin Luther King, Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and other icons of justice inspired a desire to make a big change in the world.

Older people would attempt to temper my enthusiasm with a dose of jaded reality, saying things like, “That’s just the way the world is,” and “You can’t change people.”

I vowed to never be like that. I didn’t want to give into the status quo and turn …

6 Ways Meditation Improves Your Life

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our hearts, we still cling to anything—anger, anxiety, or possessions—we cannot be free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Back in 2001, I was a freshman in college, and my saving grace from anxiety was a yoga class. More specifically, it was the most glorious of poses we call savasana that kept me sane.

For those unfamiliar, savasana—or corpse pose—is a pose of surrender and noticing thoughts and sensations without judgment, much like meditation. (It’s the pose that looks like everyone is just lying around napping.)

Back then, …

When You Feel Tired of Hoping and Trying, Remember…

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“What happens when people open their hearts? They get better.” ~Haruki Murakami

What do you do when just can’t do it anymore? When the pain is too much? The discouragement is too much? The hoping and trying are too much?

It’s not that you haven’t tried. You’ve been brave. You’ve been persistent. You’ve been soldiering on through hurt that other people don’t understand.

It’s that you’re feeling broken from the trying.

That’s how I felt when my husband died of stomach cancer. There were two healing realizations that changed not only the path that I was on, but …

When You Start Thinking That You’re Not Good Enough…

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“You are strong when you know your weaknesses. You are beautiful when you appreciate your flaws. You are wise when you learn from your mistakes.” ~Unknown

The most annoying thing for me is to hear someone tell me, “Just stop it!” whenever I am frustrated or discouraged and looking for answers and solutions.

When you’re anxious, and someone tells you, “Stop worrying, it will all be fine…” these words only add fuel to the fire and often make you angry. At least this is true for me.

It reminds me of a funny video I watched about a “unique” …

What If Everyone Were Conspiring to Help You?

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“The sage perspective accepts every outcome and circumstance as an opportunity.” ~Shirzad Chamine

No doubt you’re familiar with paranoia. In the modern world, it’s hard not to be. And as Joseph Heller wrote, just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean they’re not after you. But there is another way to look at the world. What if you could see every situation in your life as a positive conspiracy, aimed at aligning you with your highest good?

This might seem outlandish, but it’s not as crazy as it seems. If you imagined that the person annoying or challenging you was …

How to Stop Feeling Consumed by Your Fear of Being Alone

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go, love & relationships

“Pain makes you stronger. Fear makes you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser.” ~Unknown

You wake up and check your phone, expecting a “good morning” text, but there’s nothing there. Going through your day, everything feels quieter, and there’s a gaping hole inside of you that nothing seems to fill. No matter what you do, you can’t seem to shake that relentless ache for the one person who consumes your mind.

It’s an emptiness that makes you feel lost and scared.

There’s nothing quite like a breakup to spark fears of being alone. It’s like a wave of dread that hits …

Why I’m Grateful for Accidents, Pain, and Loss

By in Blog, change & challenges

“If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.” ~Unknown

I couldn’t feel my legs.

There wasn’t any pain, just this odd “sameness” of non-sensation.

My body was frozen as I turned my eyes downward to scan down my nineteen-year-old body. Below my knees, my legs were splayed out in a very peculiar way. I was halfway underneath my car, pinned down to the dirt and gravel of the road by the back right tire.

The tire had caught my long, curly hair and the puffy left sleeve of my new white peasant blouse, miraculously missing my face.…

Why Positive Thinking Drained Me (and How I’ve Found Peace)

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“Glimpses of love and joy or brief moments of deep peace are possible whenever a gap occurs in the stream of thought.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Eleven years ago I read a book that was life changing for me. It taught me something I never considered during the previous twenty-nine years—that I could change my thoughts.

The book was Loving What Is, by Byron Katie. It set me forth on a journey that included dozens of books that communicated the same thing: We think the same thoughts all day long, over and over, and many of them are negative, filled with …

The Truth About Body-Positive Activists on Social Media

By in Blog, healthy habits

“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” ~Pema Chodron

I’m on my phone, posting a photo of myself on Instagram. It’s a vulnerable shot—I’m holding my bare belly.

I type in the caption “Accepting my body isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.”

I mean this, but I also have voices in my head telling me to delete the picture because I’m gross, not good enough, and a phony.

I get half a dozen comments supporting me, mostly emoji hearts. One comment reads, “I wish I had your confidence.” I feel weird …

That Big Life Change Won’t Be Satisfying If…

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Nothing changes unless you do.” ~Unknown

In the fall of September 2017, after one of the longest summers of event planning I could have imagined, I quit my job.

As I proudly exited the workforce to pursue my creative talents as a writer, I looked confident and excited on the outside. Yet, in that moment and for the years to follow, I was terrified on the inside.

Even though I’d exited my cubicle walls, head held high, the boundaries, fear, and rules of the office environment followed me around daily for over two and a half years.

I was now …

How I Climbed Out of the Valley of Loss and Healed

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“In our lives, change is unavoidable, loss is unavoidable. In the adaptability and ease with which we experience change lies our happiness and freedom.” ~Buddha

The universe was conspiring against me, I was sure of it. By the time I was thirty-six, I had lost everything in life that I had set out to accomplish—my marriage, my pregnancies, my two dogs, and eventually my house. The perfect family model I was so desperate to create was completely lost.

Living alone and in fear of the future, I worried about what may or may not come, because everything I had tried …

Even in the Hospital, He Found Joy in the Now

By in Blog, change & challenges, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“Don’t let the sadness of your past and the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present.” ~Unknown

Back in the day when I was a stay-at-home mom, “mindfulness” wasn’t even a word in my vocabulary. The only mindfulness I was aware of was my own mind-fullness just trying to navigate a busy, full schedule with three children. It wasn’t until later in life that mindfulness was brought to my attention through the examples my oldest son Sean exhibited.

Sean was my mindfulness teacher. He showed me how to be in the sweet spot of the now. He …

How to Live a Life You Love (Even If Others Doubt You)

By in Blog, happiness & fun, meaning & passion

“Not all those who wander are lost.” ~J.R.R. Tolkien

I will always remember those words.

I had just decided to ditch my old life. Instead of pursuing a cushy career as a lawyer, I wanted to create a business as a freelance writer because it felt like a fulfilling thing to do.

“You’ll never make it work. You’ll regret your decision,” a loved one told me.

Those words pushed my buttons. I felt scared.

What if I would regret it?

Was I stupid, even delusional, for thinking there was an alternative to living a pre-planned life with a secure nine-to-five …