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Category “change & challenges”

5 Helpful Things to Do When You Think Life Sucks

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“It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.” ~Pema Chodron

You know that foreboding fear we all have—that something will go terribly wrong and life will never be the same again?

Mine is that something will happen to our daughter. She is our only child. We battled infertility for years before conceiving her. I keep telling myself that it’s just an irrational fear and that every parent probably has it to some extent, but it’s a constant companion that stealthily follows me around everywhere I go.

So, on …

A 10-Step Guide to Uncovering the Wisdom in Anxious Thoughts

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“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” ~Pema Chodron

Contained within your fears is genuine wisdom waiting to be discovered. Don’t underestimate this.

In order to tap into this wisdom, you must interview your fears, meeting them with curiosity and compassion. Allow them to speak their wisdom to you. Listen deeply; get into the details in order pin down exactly what they are trying to communicate. Honor whatever it is you find.

You see, these fears are like little children. They will kick and scream until you meet them with empathy. So do …

How to Get Life to Finally Start Going Your Way

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“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Have you ever had a big financial expense knock you down?

I had one of those situations hit me many years ago. I had just gone through a tough breakup, was experiencing regrets about my career choice, and was also struggling to get on my feet financially.

I was feeling beat down and decided to try to lift myself up by getting my finances in better shape. I …

Are Limiting Beliefs Holding You Back and Making You Feel Bad?

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“If you believe yourself to be limited in some way, whether or not it is true, it becomes true for you.” ~Brian Tracy

I have often wondered why the most formative years of one’s life, in early childhood, tend to be the hardest for us to recall.

Most of us cannot even begin to tap into those memories. Those scant memories that do bubble up to the surface are often fog-tinged and dreamlike. Images or sensations may appear, but the linear, day-to-day recollection evades us.

Perhaps Mother Nature does have a sense of humor, because, oddly enough, it is usually …

How to Be Sure External Factors Aren’t Affecting Your Decision

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“Don’t make a permanent decision for your temporary emotion.” ~Unknown

It was a beautiful day today. The sun shone brightly, kissing my face and warming my bones, the sky was as blue as a lover’s eyes, and there were those little fluffy clouds that seem like aimless but happy sheep floating gently in the sky.

And my heart sang.

I felt joy deep down in my soul.

I smiled at bus drivers and baristas alike.

Nothing could dent my good mood.

Currently mulling over medium-term plans (I started living as a digital nomad two years ago), I started to consider …

5 Practices to Help You Let Go and Embrace Change

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“Letting go isn’t the end of the world; it’s the beginning of a new life.” ~Unknown

The summer I turned twenty, I worked as a camp counselor at an educational camp with strict rules. As one of my responsibilities, I escorted groups of fifteen to twenty students, ranging in age from middle school to high school, to and from their classes and activities across a large urban campus.

I was in charge of a group of spoiled, rebellious sixteen and seventeen-year-olds who would rather be spending their summer anywhere but at an academic camp.

Because I was only a few …

How I’m Getting Past Internal Resistance So I Can Live a Life I Love

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“Your actions are your only true belongings.” ~Allan Lokos

This is not a piece about a person who has already finished her journey. I am not here to tell you that I’ve emerged from a dark place into a place of ease, or that I’ve discovered a profound new way of being that shields me from daily stresses.

I wish I could tell you those things. I love to read about successes like that.

Instead, I am in a messy stage of my journey, holding on to the glimmers of joy that I feel throughout each day, dreaming and journaling…

When You Want to Make a Change but Feel Confused and Scared

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“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have you ever had an inner knowing that it was time to make some life changes, but you felt too confused to make them?

I’ve certainly felt that way a time or two. After I graduated college years ago, I felt completely confused about what I was going to do with my life. I was asking myself questions like: How am I going to find meaning? What should I do for a career? How can I make my dreams a reality?

But what if you …

Pacing Yourself When You Want the Pain to Stop

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“The intensity of the pain depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment.” ~Eckhart Tolle

I was in pain.

My legs hurt, I felt nauseated, my heart thumped hard and fast, and I labored for every breath.

I was halfway up a steep, three-mile hill, and I was so exhausted I could barely keep my bike upright.

My mind tried desperately to solve this problem: “Should I stop? I should stop. No! I’ve done this hill in the past without stopping—what’s the problem this time? I hate this! Why is this so painful?”

I glanced over at my …

How I Broke Free from Depression When I Felt Suicidal

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“I’m stronger because of the hard times, wiser because of my mistakes, and happier because I have known sadness.” ~Unknown

I was diagnosed with clinical depression and prescribed anti-depressants when I was twenty-one years old. I refer to this point in my life as the “Dark Ages.”

Leading up to grad school, I’d suddenly become afflicted with incomprehensible despair.

At seventeen, for the first time (at least for the first time I could remember), I considered suicide. I felt as if life should’ve been more than what it was. I had a deep sense that I was supposed to …

How to Use Your Anger to Help Yourself

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“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.” ~Carl Jung

I’ve experienced many degrees of anger throughout my life.

There’s the fleeting and mild kind of anger that hit me when I realized I forgot to pack my toothbrush, or when a friend was tardy again for our morning hike.

Then, there’s the corroding and strong kind of anger that I felt when I discovered that my husband had been lying to me for months.

Half-truths about his after-work activities and the people he met during those activities led to an affair, and …

Working on Impatience and Appreciating Its Gifts

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“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” ~Marcel Proust  

It’s taken me a while, but I have finally learned to appreciate aspects of my own impatience.

For a long time I did not like this quality about myself. I am still working on becoming more patient, because impatience and I go way back.

I was impatient to get out of high school, so I fast tracked that whole experience.

I was impatient to get working, so I started working when I was fourteen.

I was impatient to finish university, so …

When Life Doesn’t Meet Our Hopes and Expectations

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“Anger always comes from frustrated expectations.” ~Elliott Larson

I was recently watching my younger son play in a golf tournament. We had extensively prepared for this tournament over a period of several days. His technique was finely tuned. The game plan for attacking the course was in place.

The first two holes went wonderfully.

We arrived at the third hole, a medium length par three with water to the left.

In the middle of his swing, a golf cart carrying bags of ice drove right in front of him at a distance of about fifteen feet. This broke his concentration …

You Can Change Your Life with Tiny Daily Improvements

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“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.” ~Karen Kaiser Clark

Of all the people who have passed through my life over the years, the one person I remember the most was this old, ornery man who seemed to have the personality of a mule. Stubborn to the core, with a straightforward approach to everything, Phil was a difficult man to like, yet I learned to love him.

Phil didn’t speak much, but when he did, it came from the heart. He grew up in the mid thirties, in a rough Detroit neighborhood, composed mainly of Irish immigrants. In Phil’s …

The First Thing You Need to Do to Change Your Life

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“Never forget: This very moment, we can change our lives. There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny.” ~Steven Pressfield

Altering your life in the smallest or grandest way is so simple, but it requires you to do something you likely are already doing all of the time.

If you’ve ever wanted to take up a discipline, begin a new business, stop an addiction, or start anything new, it’s the same for all.

Any life change requires one simple action: you to decide.

Over five years ago, I knew …

Try Not to Become Bitter: There Is More Good Than Bad

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“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.

A few years ago, when my younger son was about ten, the reality of the losses that go with living in this beautiful but flawed world suddenly hit him.

I’ll never forget the conversation. This was a child born two months before 9/11, and since we live in a New York suburb and my husband worked across the street from the Twin Towers, what was a loss for so many has been my son’s reality his whole life. Both of my sons are in the generation …

How to Find Yourself By Losing Yourself

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“Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.” ~Walter Anderson

Growing up in a small town in Western Canada, I was known as the kid who accomplished things.

I was the well-mannered and conscientious child who skipped grade two, was at the top of her class, played three musical instruments, took ballet lessons, French lessons, swimming lessons, and any other lesson in which I expressed an interest.

While this might sound like the calendar of an over-scheduled kid, it actually never felt that way. …

Managing Anxiety: 5 Steps to Open Your Mind and Calm Your Heart

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“Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take action. Take action and your feelings will change.” ~Barbara Baron

I’ve struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. From the time I was very young, I would worry about things—my life, my parents, my house, the state of the world.

I would experience a tightness in my chest and an overall sense of fear that only got worse the more I worried. The more I worried, the more afraid I became of the unseen factors that plagued me.

Anxiety is distress, caused by fear of danger or misfortune, …

When Positive Thinking Doesn’t Help

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“The best way out is always through.” ~Robert Frost

Earlier this year my partner, our son, and I all moved to Santa Barbara from Oregon. People move all the time, but for us it was a huge step.

My partner had a new exciting dream job, and we were eager to experience the sunshine of California. But our son was only six months old at the time, and we were leaving both our families and all of our friends. On top of that, I was leaving my successful private practice in Chinese Medicine to become a stay-at-home-mom.

I knew it …

You’re Not Bad; You’re Crying Out for Help

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“A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.” ~Steve Maraboli

My fourth grade teacher was named Mrs. King, and she was a no-nonsense, fairly stern presence who enforced the rules and kept us kids in line. I was a timid kid who wouldn’t have dared to break rules anyway, and I assumed that Mrs. King didn’t like any of us, especially not me.

The only time we left Mrs. King’s classroom was to have our hour a week of “Music,” which meant trouping off to a downstairs room that contained a piano and a slightly manic …