Posts tagged with “emotions”
7 False Beliefs That Will Keep You Trapped in Your Head Forever
“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.” ~Anthony de Mello
When people come to me suffering from anxiety, fear, anger, self-judgment etc., there are five things they invariably believe to be true.
Let’s take anxiety as an example. Most (if not all) people with anxiety believe that:
1. It’s bad or wrong to feel anxious.
2. It shouldn’t be there.
3. There’s something wrong with me (for being anxious).
4. My mind should be peaceful.
5. I …
When We Avoid Emotions We Don’t Like, Our Lives Get Smaller and Smaller
“Being cut off from our own natural self-compassion is one of the greatest impairments we can suffer.” ~Gabor Mate
Most of us avoid experiences not necessarily because we don’t like them or want them, but because we don’t want to feel how we will feel when we go through that experience.
Our lives become altered by the emotions we don’t want to feel because we don’t want to move toward the thing that could bring strong emotions like fear, shame, sadness, or disappointment.
We don’t want to go to that party because we’ll probably feel awkward and embarrassed.
We …
If You Stuff Your Emotions Down: You Gotta Feel It to Heal It
“Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Even though you want to run. Even when it’s heavy and difficult. Even though you’re not quite sure of the way through. Healing happens by feeling.” ~Dr. Rebecca Ray
I’ve spent much of my life resisting my true feelings.
Anger made me feel wrong. Sadness made me feel weak. Neediness made me feel “girly.” Love made me feel scared.
I became an expert at hiding when I was feeling any of the above.
Some people numb their feelings with alcohol, drugs, shopping, or sex. I numb with control. …
Healing from Abandonment Trauma: 3 Things I Learned from Being Cheated On
“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” ~Rumi
I want to share an experience I went through that hurt like hell, but that helped me so much in the long run.
The experience was being “cheated on,” though the woman wasn’t my girlfriend. Nevertheless, I was very attached and it felt awful.
So, let me start with the backstory.
I met Diana through mutual friends in late 2021. I thought she was cute, and a little anxious, which I seem to gravitate toward. That’s just my savior complex coming out, which is another story for …
3 Things That Turned My Suffering into Blissful Peace
“To experience peace does not mean that your life is always blissful. It means that you are capable of tapping into a blissful state of mind amidst the normal chaos of a hectic life.” ~Jill Bolte Taylor
I’d just spent over six years trapped in my own worst nightmare. Then in a split second, my whole reality shifted to an experience of exquisite peace and bliss. Walking through the streets of my home city, I seemed to be radiating unconditional love out and into everything around me.
I didn’t know it then, but I’d just tasted the ultimate state of …
How I Kept Going When I Wanted to End My Life
“When you’ve reached rock bottom, there’s only one way to go, and that’s up!” ~Buster Moon, from the movie Sing
When I first heard this saying, as I was watching the movie Sing on my way to another continent, a small light bulb lit up inside me. As I sat with this sentence, I came to the conclusion that I couldn’t agree more.
After hitting my own rock bottom a couple of years ago, I know that once you get there, there is no place you can go that is lower. It’s the final breaking point.
And if there is …
Emotionally Imbalanced? How Qigong Can Help You Heal Your Mind and Body
“In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it.” ~Mitch Albom
The marble tile felt cold and hard against the side of my body as I lay sobbing and shaking on the floor. Some part of my mind nudged me to get to the couch, but I couldn’t. What did it matter?
Tears kept flowing as my moans of “Why? Why? Why?” echoed through the room. Despite the discomfort, I curled into a tighter fetal position on the floor, continuing to sob and whimper. Every once …
How to Release the Fear That Holds You Back and Keeps You Small
“The purpose of fear is to raise your awareness, not to stop your progress.” ~Steve Maraboli
I used to hate my fear because it scared me. It terrified me that when fear arose, it often felt like it was driving me at full speed toward the edge of a cliff.
And if I were driven off a cliff, I would lose all control, all function, perhaps I would collapse, perhaps I would shatter into a million pieces. I was never totally clear on the details of what would happen if I let the fear get out of control. That’s …
4 Anxiety-Calming Techniques I Wish I Used When I Freaked Out on a Plane
“When thinking about life, remember this: No amount of guilt can solve the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future.” ~Unknown
I was buckled in on a small, twenty-person airplane, and we were heading toward the runway, when I looked out the window and saw the airplane wheel was wobbling.
I gathered my courage, unbuckled my seatbelt, and approached the flight attendant, who told me to sit back down.
“I think there’s something wrong with the wheel,” I said.
He looked out the window and said, “It’s fine.” But then he radioed the pilot, who turned the …
How to Deal With Low Moods: A 4-Step Plan to Help You Feel Better
“And some days life is just hard. And some days are just rough. And some days you just gotta cry before you move forward. And all of that is okay.” ~Unknown
I have always struggled with low moods. I guess that considering that I spent close to twenty years of my life inactive and depressed, this could be seen as progress. But that still didn’t feel good enough.
I wanted to feel more balanced, light, and happy, and I wanted to achieve it in natural ways without having to take any kind of medication since that hadn’t worked for …
How My Anger Helped Me Learn to Speak Up About My Needs
“If we are holding back from any part of our experience, if our heart shuts out any part of who we are and what we feel, we are fueling the fears and feelings of separation that sustain the trance of unworthiness.” ~Tara Brach
This morning I received a WhatsApp message, and I found myself immediately blown into a state of fury. On the surface the message didn’t seem inflammatory or dramatic; it was a simple request from another parent asking me to do something that wasn’t convenient for me. On the surface it didn’t seem like this message warranted such …
Why It’s Worth the Temporary Discomfort of Sitting with Intense Emotions
“Whatever you’re feeling, it will eventually pass.” ~Lori Deschene
Can you feel an intense emotion, like anger, without acting on it, reacting to it, or trying to get rid of it?
Can you feel such an intense emotion without needing to justify or explain it—or needing to find someone or something to blame it on?
After successfully dodging it for two years, I recently caught Covid-19. The physical symptoms were utter misery. But something much more interesting happened while I was unwell.
The whole experience brought some intense emotions to the surface. Namely seething anger about something that had …
Are You Pathologizing Normal Emotions? It’s Not Always a Mental Illness
“Don’t believe everything you think.” ~Unknown
Society is becoming more accepting of mental illness. That’s great, but there’s a downside that we need to talk about. Not everything is mental illness. We need to stop pathologizing every single thing that we feel.
What I mean by pathologizing everything is jumping to diagnosing yourself after every tough feeling you have. It’s great to be self-aware, but I think we are taking that a little too far and it’s causing more depression and anxiety.
Yes, I said we are taking self-awareness too far. I stand by that, but I’ll explain the …
Healing from Shame: How to Stop Feeling Like You’re Fundamentally Wrong
“If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three ingredients to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you put the same amount of shame in the petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can’t survive.” ~Brené Brown
There is a special type of shame that activates within me when I am around some family members. It’s the kind of shame where I am back in my childhood body, feeling utterly wicked for being such a disaster of a human. A terrible child that is worthless, stupid, and perhaps, if I am honest, more than a …
What Is Stress-Induced Illness? How Trauma Can Cause Physical Pain
“Wisdom is merely the movement from fighting life to embracing it.” ~Rasheed Ogunlaru
Three years ago, I fell into the blind spot of medicine: America’s unknown epidemic.
After numerous tests, scans, scopes, and too many doctors to count, modern medicine could not find anything seriously wrong with me. I also consented to have my gallbladder removed. My first and only surgery at age forty, an “experiment” of sorts.
Six months into the worst nightmare of my life, my spiraling health started to take a huge toll on me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I didn’t want to live anymore, but …
Mindfulness, Creativity, and Nature: A Healing Trifecta for Lasting Peace
“It is the marriage of the soul with nature that gives birth to imagination.” ~Henry David Thoreau
Before my accident, before we had kids, after we divorced, after my father died from Covid, before the pandemic…
We tend to divide our lives into the before and afters that define our world, whether personally or on a grand scale. These divisions offer context, providing a kind of roadmap that supports us in reflecting on the beauty and darkness, the decisions we made, and who we might be if certain things had never occurred.
I have always believed that the only reason …
To the Expectant Mom with a Million Questions and Worries
“Have a little faith in your ability to handle whatever’s coming down the road. Believe that you have the strength and resourcefulness required to tackle whatever challenges come your way. And know that you always have the capacity to make the best of anything. Even if you didn’t want it or ask for it, even if seems scary or hard or unfair, you can make something good of any loss or hardship. You can learn from it, grow from it, help others through it, and maybe even thrive because of it. The future is unknown, but you can know this …
5 Important Life Skills I Learned in Grief After My Husband Died
“Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Even though you want to run. Even when it’s heavy and difficult. Even though you’re not quite sure of the way through. Healing happens by feeling.” ~Dr. Rebecca Ray
When my husband died from terminal brain cancer in 2014, I learned all about deep grief. The kind of grief that plunges you into a valley of pain so vast it takes years to claw your way out. In the beginning, I didn’t want to deal with grief because the pain was too intense. So, I dodged grief …
How Boys Learn to Repress Their Feelings and How We Can Do Better as Men
“Shoutout to all the men going through a lot, with no one to turn to, because this world wrongly taught our males to mask their emotions and that strong means silent.” ~Alex Myles
He is close to tears. He is not physically hurt. No ankle has been twisted, no knee has been scraped, nobody needs their asthma inhaler.
The other boys are making fun of his size.
Most of the time he pretends it doesn’t bother him. But I’m the coach, and it’s pretty hard to miss.
I have watched him smile and try to shake it off. Sometimes he …
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