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Change Your Patterns and Stop Sabotaging Relationships

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment.” ~Unknown

My biggest relationship fear used to be getting dumped for another woman.

If it actually happened, it was going to be the ultimate proof of my worthlessness.

It wasn’t easy to live with that fear. When it came to conjuring up scenarios of loss and pain, I was like a rag doll in the hands of my imagination.

Even if my partner did not leave me or intend to cheat on me, the fear of being abandoned turned me into a person the man I was with no longer recognized.…

Stop Living on Autopilot: 5 Ways to Live an Amazing Life

By in Blog, happiness & fun, meaning & passion

“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.” ~ Stephen Covey

I used to be a zombie.

I don’t mean that I died and was brought back to life; I mean I used to live on autopilot. Diligently doing the right thing.

Following one opportunity to the next, onward and upward.

Until I found myself boxed into a cubicle, earning a six-figure income while my soul slowly died.

I didn’t even realize it. I just thought this was what people did.

Everyone around me was the same. They weren’t happy, but like …

Get Mindful in May and Pause for a Great Cause

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

When your mind is scattered, your head full of worries, and your heart full of fears and doubts, the world is a stressful, sometimes terrifying place.

When you take time to clear your mental space, suddenly everything feels easier. Without the heavy burden of anxiety and rumination, you’re free to simply be—and to see.

It’s like cleaning a dirty window; all of a sudden, the light comes in, light you didn’t even realize was there.

What provides this cleaning, clarifying magic? Meditation, and even just ten minutes a day.

My whole life transformed when I learned that I could free …

How Fear Melts Away When We Stop Resisting the Present

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Whatever the present moment contains, embrace it as if you had chosen it yourself.” ~Eckhart Tolle

The second hand on the clock ticked to 12 like a base runner returning home. It was 9:00AM on Monday morning.

Anxiety set in as I stared at the stack of papers on my desk. Budgets needed to be balanced, new clients needed to be obtained, and advertising campaigns needed to be launched for high-profile brands.

Everybody needed something. It was my first day as an Advertising Executive and I already knew I was in trouble.

In a few hours I was scheduled to …

Gaining Freedom from Our Obsession with Possessions

By in Blog, letting go

“How pointless life could be, what a foolish business of inventing things to love, just so you could dread losing them.” ~Barbara Kingsolver

Approximately one month after graduating from a privileged institution on the East Coast, I was standing knee deep in rainforest on the Big Island of Hawaii cutting weeds with a small kama.

Here I was, with a brand new Master’s degree in Education Policy, genuinely confused as to whether I was cutting the right plant because my entire life before that had been about sitting on the computer doing mind work.

Despite my lack of experience, the …

Saying Yes When We Mean No: How to Break the Habit

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” ~Josh Billings

Have you ever encountered a situation where you found yourself agreeing to do something that you had no interest in actually doing?

When we find ourselves saying yes when we mean no, we are essentially saying no to ourselves and giving our personal power away. The classic archetype of the People Pleaser.

So why do we do it?

I believe it is learned behavior. I have yet to see a toddler hold themselves back from the brink …

When People Judge: Why It’s Not Really About You

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment. And you can see forever.” ~Nancy Lopez

You and I, we judge others. And they judge us. We all do it. Sometimes we judge with positive or non-harming intentions.

Unfortunately, our judgment often comes from a negative place, with darker intent.

Why Do We Judge?

Though we judge for many reasons, we often do it when:

  • We don’t know a person well (yet)
  • We cannot identify with
…

When You’re Restless Because Every Day Feels the Same

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Years ago I found my self at a low point. It wasn’t a big, life-changing event that got me there; just a sudden realization that life sucked. Every day of that horrible summer, this question nagged at me: “Is this as good as it gets?”

My sons were very young then and always happy, a joy to be around. My marriage was healthy and my husband was doing great. The problem was …

7 Lessons to Learn If You Want to Thrive in Life

By in Blog, happiness & fun, love & relationships

“Embrace each challenge in your life as an opportunity for self-transformation.” ~Bernie S. Siegel

I’d been having mild pain for about a week—a consistent, dull ache in the center of my chest.

I’m thirty-nine years old with no personal history of heart disease, or of anything else for that matter. Worry hadn’t yet consumed me, but I was keeping an eye on the pain to see if it got better or worse.

Once a week I drive ninety Los Angeles miles round trip for work. I say “Los Angeles” miles because I should theoretically be able to make the journey …

How to Stop Believing You’re Not Good Enough

By in Blog, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha

Have you ever heard the phrase “your thoughts create your reality”? Have you ever wondered what this means?

Go back to your childhood and recall a time when you got into trouble. I am sure you have at least one of these memories. This doesn’t have to be a major event. It can just be a time where you were scolded for knocking over your drink.

Now remember your parents’ reaction. Were they angry or frustrated? Did they …

Always Hungry? How to Feel Full in Every Aspect of Your Life

By in Blog, healthy habits

“The danger is not that the soul should doubt whether there is any bread, but that, by a lie, it should persuade itself that it is not hungry.” ~Simone Weil

For most of my life, I was hungry all the time. My belly only ever felt full for a few precious seconds while eating the last few bites on my plate.

One night after having dinner with friends, we stood outside the restaurant on the sidewalk, chatting and saying our goodbyes. I launched into an enthusiastic description of the next restaurant where we should eat, how fantastic their desserts were, …

Breaking Free from the Pain of Heartbreak

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” ~Unknown

Heartbreak. I have never felt anything as torturous.

It’s been just over a year since my first real heartbreak, and finally, after more pain and tears than I can describe, I have started to move on.

The loss of a love you believed to be true can leave you feeling shattered. No matter how independent you believed you were, and how many positive things everyone else believes about you, you may feel like the better half of everything you know has …

Choose to Be Kind When It’s Easier to Be Snarky

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Tart words make no friends; a spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.” ~Ben Franklin

While I was pregnant, a friend told me to prioritize, in this order: self, marriage, kids.

My priorities tend to be backward: kids above all else, maybe a date night once in a while, and self-care only when there’s an important meeting at work, so momma finally makes a point of grooming her eyebrows.

So far, I appreciate the wisdom to try and shift priorities whenever I can. I feel mildly successful at putting marriage first, and it seems to …

Embrace Who You Are (Not What People Expect You to Be)

By in Blog, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” ~Brené Brown

Now that the fog of what everyone else wanted for me has lifted, it seems so clear to me that we need to be who we truly are—not what society expects us to be. But it wasn’t always this way.

For decades, I bought into a model of success that belonged to someone else. I was studying for my MBA, but I didn’t want my friends to think I was weird, so I didn’t reveal that …

Making a Big Decision When You’re Not Sure Which Choice Is Right

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~Viktor Frankl

Over the last two and a half years, I have made some big changes in my life. And by big, I mean enormous.

First, I moved with my husband and our children from a home I loved for ten years. Shortly after, my husband and I ended a twenty-year relationship and marriage. With that separation, I made the decision to buy the house we had moved to, which on paper, I shouldn’t have been able to buy.

Apparently ending a long commitment and beginning …

The Secret to Replacing Agitation with Calmness

By in Blog, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“Calmness is the cradle of power.” ~Josiah Gilbert Holland

I was interested, recently, to find that our local supermarket had set up an area with ten self-service checkouts. For years I‘d accepted the normal method of bagging and paying for my stuff. No stress there. But they’d installed some new technology and I was keen to give it a try.

All new things bring with them hiccups or small difficulties of some kind. The self-service area was no exception.

Sure, I did receive the correct change. And, it was definitely the fun experience I looked forward to. However, a queuing …

Fairy Tale Endings Don’t Exist (but Real Love Can Be Better)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You cannot live with expectations because life has no obligation to fulfill your desires. You can live with an open heart, but you cannot live with expectations.” ~Osho

Will you marry me?

These four life-changing words have been haunting me for a while. Like many other girls in long-term relationships, I waited anxiously for the day I’d get to say yes. But does anyone really know what they’re saying yes to?

When you’re in your late twenties, it seems your entire network of friends and acquaintances pair up, some in a desperate frenzy to not end up alone. And not …

Why Losing Weight Might Not Make You Happy (and What Will)

By in Blog, healthy habits

“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits—anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.” ~Kim McMillen 

Sometimes people ask us questions that change our lives, questions that require us to dig down deep and think about what’s really important. Questions that push the envelope and show us that maybe the direction we’re going in isn’t the one we want.

My cousin, unknowingly, asked me one of those questions over ten years ago:

“Well, this is what you always wanted. …

The Most Common Cause for Overeating and How to Overcome It

By in Blog, healthy habits

“When we run from our feelings, they follow us. Everywhere.” ~Martha Beck, Ph.D

I’ve tried Paleo, The 4-Hour Body, even Body for Life.

I’ve tried intermittent fasting. (That was no fun.)

I’ve tried low-carb, carb-cycling, and carb-binging. (While I don’t think that’s a diet strategy, it was what I experienced.)

Sure, I lost weight temporarily, but I never felt like I “arrived.” I never felt…good.

Ironically, it took me gaining weight to learn the secret.

How Will I Know When I’ve “Arrived”?

Is there an image inside your head of what you “should” look like?

I …

5 Proven Ways to Create a Happy, Fulfilling Life

By in Blog, happiness & fun

“It is not in the pursuit of happiness that we find fulfillment, it is in the happiness of pursuit.” ~Denis Waitley

Happiness.

You want it. You seek it. You wonder about it.

You’re constantly reminded that you are living in one of the greatest times ever.

Violence is lower than ever before in human history.

The quality of life we experience in Western countries is higher than it’s ever been.

And you’re bombarded with advice, tips, and tricks on how to construct your diet for optimal physical health, with minimal time and effort.

However, you can’t help but wonder: …