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A Change That Leads to Unconditional Self-Confidence

By in Blog, change & challenges, healthy habits

“Kindness in words creates confidence.” ~Lao Tzu

Does your life feel like an endless experience of struggle and stress? That while you have moments of reprieve, they are transient and short lived?

It may be that the problem lies with your confidence—in your belief in your ability to bring about successful outcomes when you experience challenges.

For many of us, our attitudes toward ourselves continually undermine our confidence.

That was my experience for most of my life. My confidence was dependent on how I felt I was doing.

If I did well, I felt good. If I struggled, …

Why Happiness and Purpose Cannot Be Found In A Bucket List

By in Blog, happiness & fun, meaning & passion

“There is no need to reach high for the stars. They are already within you. Just reach deep into yourself!” ~Unknown

Bucket lists. One hundred things to do before you die. Twenty-five-before-twenty-five. Thirty-before-thirty. New Year’s resolutions.

You name a goal-setting list, I’ve written it.

In fact, I can remember writing a list of yearly goals in my journal as young as nine years old. (I can even remember what some of them were, but that’s a secret between me and my younger self, bless her heart.)

Universal wisdom teaches that one of the keys to a beautiful life is to …

How to Take Care of Yourself When You Feel Like Shutting Down

By in Blog, healthy habits, mindfulness & peace

“Displace the pain. Put it in a camera, in a story, in a poem, in a song, in a lover, in a canvas.” ~Unknown

As an aspiring mental health counselor, I’m a huge advocate for self-care. I think it’s extremely important to educate people about the benefits of taking the time to nourish our souls and to give ourselves some TLC.

I have several go-to ways I like to take care of myself, from practicing yoga to immersing myself in nature to writing to taking the time to mindfully apply my favorite lotion.

I find myself engaging in these …

Take Off the Mask: 6 Tips to Be More Authentic

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Being who you are is another way of accepting yourself.” ~Unknown

Years ago I struggled to be authentic. I was a consultant who worked with senior people in big organizations. As a black female fresh out of graduate school, I was frequently the youngest, the only woman, and the only minority in the room.

Because I was so different from those around me, at least on the surface, I was concerned about how other might perceive me. So I put a lot of effort into portraying myself in ways that I thought would increase the odds of others accepting …

The Power of Apologizing: Why Saying “Sorry” Is So Important

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Sincere apologies are for those that make them, not for those to whom they are made.” ~Greg LeMond

When I was growing up, every time I took my sister’s toy or called my brother names, my mother would grab me by the wrist and demanded that I offer an apology. What’s more, if the apology didn’t sound meaningful enough to her, I had to repeat it until my tone was genuine. An apology was the basic reaction to any mistake.

Now that I’m older, I see apologizing as more than just a household rule. My younger self didn’t understand the …

How to Make Ordinary Relationships Extraordinary

By in Blog, love & relationships

“In the end, who among us does not choose to be a little less right to be a little less lonely.” ~Robert Braul

I’ve been married to my wife for almost ten years, most of them involving struggle and drama.

I had two failed marriages before that.

This qualifies me to give relationship advice because, well, let’s just say I’ve made every mistake someone could possibly make while attempting to be in a relationship, so I’ve definitely figured out how not to do it.

Blunders, confusion, and oversights, not to mention abject failures, have bludgeoned me into a few realizations—the …

Why People Who Bring Enough to Share Are Happier

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Joy comes not through possession or ownership but through a wise and loving heart.” ~Buddha

We all have these random little personal philosophies or rules that we live by. Oftentimes, these rules are hidden beneath the surface, not in a form that we are aware of or is easily expressible.

But I do have one particular “random little personal philosophy” that I live by (and am aware of!) and would like to explore further. It is my philosophy of tipping.

This philosophy of tipping was thought up specifically with reference to tipping, say, in restaurants, but can easily …

20 Tiny Changes That Can Completely Overhaul Your Life

By in Blog, change & challenges

“It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.” ~Proverb

Ever felt down in the dumps, absolutely sure that you wanted to transform your life but no idea where to start?

About three years back I stood at that intersection.

I’d spent years earning one advanced degree after another, until I landed myself a job that paid well but the stress level was so high that I had little room for anything else.

I’d married a wonderful guy whom I’d fallen crazily in love with, but …

Connecting with Your Peaceful Self to Overcome Fears and Worries

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.” ~Unknown

It was an ordinary school morning in a busy European city. I seem to recall it was spring, as my memories store the feeling of awakening after a long winter.

I was seventeen and getting ready to go to school. Following my standard morning routine, which included eating my meticulously assembled breakfast, I walked to the tram station.

The city I lived in at the time was situated in a beautiful valley, and the tram ride offered a trip to the hub of the city. My high school was downtown in the historical part …

How to Listen to Your Body (and Become Happy Again)

By in Blog, happiness & fun, healthy habits

“Keeping your body healthy is an expression of gratitude to the whole cosmos—the trees, the clouds, everything.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

It’s embarrassing, isn’t it?

You don’t want to make a fuss about tiny health annoyances.

But you feel lethargic for no apparent reason. You get constipated, especially when you travel. You have difficulty sleeping.  And your hormones are all over the place.  You hold onto that niggly five or ten pounds like your life depends on it.

Sound familiar? I’ve been there too.

I was working at a dream job and living on the French Riveria. I was paid …

How to Stop Tying Your Worth to Things Outside Yourself

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you have already forgotten your value.” ~Unknown

There’s nothing like being one of the few black kids in your school to make you feel like the odd person out.

Well, that was my experience, anyway. I appreciate my parents’ desire to provide my brother and me with a safe neighborhood to live in and a good education, but growing up in a predominantly white area really affected me. I very rarely felt like I fit in among my peers.

That didn’t stop me from trying, though. I did …

Rethinking Resolutions: One Powerful Intention for the Year Ahead

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“When we are mindful, deeply in touch with the present moment, our understanding of what is going on deepens, and we begin to be filled with acceptance, joy, peace, and love.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

In January, what I desire most is to slow down.

My heart wants to use the New Year as a time to reflect on the year that has passed by—what felt right, what didn’t feel right, and areas of potential growth. And my mind wants to use the New Year as an opportunity to look ahead and discover the ways in which I can improve …

Finding a Job You Love: 5 Things You Need to Do

By in Blog, meaning & passion, work fulfillment

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” ~Confucius

I once worked for a big international consultancy firm (okay, it’s McKinsey, don’t tell anyone) and hated it.

Everyone told me how lucky I was to have that job. They went on and on about how prestigious it was, how I got to travel the world, work with executives on the big topics, and hang out with brilliant colleagues.

As much as all of that is true, I still hated the job. Not because of McKinsey, but because of me.

It might …

How to Motivate Yourself Instead of Criticizing Yourself

By in Blog, happiness & fun, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“I define depression as a comparison of your current reality to a fantasy about how you wish your life would be.” ~Dr. John Demartini

I always wanted to do things “right.” I was the little kid at the front of the room, raising her hand for every question. I was great at pushing myself to succeed and please.

My drive to be perfect was an asset through college and law school. I rocked high grades and landed a big firm job right out of school. But that same drive drove me right into a therapist’s office at twenty-five, where I …

Why Being Real Matters More Than Being the Best

By in Blog, love & relationships

“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.” ~May Sarton

Have you ever compared yourself to others on social media?

You’re not alone if you have. It’s human nature to compare, compete, and seek value in the opinions of others. To aspire to the heights others seem to have attained.

But how real are those people we compare ourselves to really being? The ones who seem to have it all together? Perfect family, ideal job, loving relationship?

I would venture to guess they’re not being very real at all.…

7 Things to Realize When You Think You Don’t Matter

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.” ~Hafiz of Shiraz

Have you ever felt like you didn’t matter?

Were you ever held back from pursuing something because the voice in your head said, “Why bother?”

You’re not alone.

I once felt that way too, but I discovered a way out of that dark time.

In my early twenties, fresh out of college, I had my first professional job interview. I had the blissful optimism and naiveté characteristic of most college grads seeing a world full of infinite …

Review and Giveaway: In the Garden of Happiness

By in Blog, happiness & fun

Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen:

Ken Golden

Sandy

Be inspired. Be strong. Be happy.

These words pop from the peaceful imagery on the back cover of Dodinsky’s In the Garden of Happiness, nicely summarizing the benefits of perusing this uplifting illustrated book.

If you’ve read his first book, In the Garden of Thoughts, you know what to expect from this bestselling author: whimsical imagery and powerful wisdom in a deceptively tiny package.

His work provides encouragement when you’re feeling hopeless or helpless; reassurance when you’re feeling insecure or insignificant; and comfort when you’re …

You Don’t Need Other People to Validate Your Feelings

By in Blog, love & relationships

“When you give another person the power to define you, then you also give them the power to control you.” ~Leslie Vernick

It’s coming up on the anniversary of when I left a relationship that was both my unhealthiest and my greatest catalyst for growth.

While I’m able to see that he was a spiritual assignment I needed in order to evolve, I can’t help but feel resentful. But what surprises me isn’t my anger at him; it’s my anger at myself. Let me explain.

Disastrous relationships are nothing new for me. My past is riddled with complicated, codependent, and …

How to Tell When Someone Needs a Friend

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Don’t wait for people to be friendly. Show them how.” ~Unknown

When I was in high school I was shy, to say the least. I guess a more accurate description would be to say that I was insecure. Painfully insecure.

Looking back, I don’t know why I cared so much. But I did. I was too insecure to ever say hi to anyone in any of my classes, or to try to sit with anyone new at lunch.

There were even some days when I went through the entire school day without speaking a word. I felt utterly alone …

4 Tips to Live a Balanced, Happy Life with Fewer Regrets

By in Blog, happiness & fun

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony.” ~Thomas Merton

Balance has become an ever-elusive thing these days. The onslaught of technological breakthroughs, aimed at making life easier, has given way to a societal expectation that we are available around the clock.

This has bled into our careers, where our employers have ever increasing expectations that we can do more in less time. We have 168 hours in our week to sleep, work, rest, be with our loved ones, and pursue personal interests.

Unfortunately, the majority of people in the world today …