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One Experience, Two Stories: Interpretation Is Everything

By in Blog, change & challenges, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.” -Pema Chodron

I was walking down the street the other day looking for a new client’s office and I was having a little trouble finding it. I really didn’t know that end of town very well, so I was concentrating more on the numbers on the buildings than where I was going.

As I turned the corner, hopeful I was headed in the right direction, I heard a loud clattering sound and looked up. Out of the corner of my …

Tiny Wisdom: How to Say You’re Sorry

By in Failure, Forgiveness, Quotes

“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” -Kimberly Howard

Yesterday I wrote about realizing that we don’t need to justify our feelings–but there is another side to that coin: we need to realize that having difficult feelings does not justify poor choices.

This is something I have often struggled with. Though I have made massive improvements through the years, when I feel overwhelmed by fear, grief, stress, or anything else that hurts, my instinct is often to numb it or do something with it.

Most times I consciously ignore that instinct and simply sit in the messiness of my …

Tiny Wisdom: Stop Justifying Your Feelings

By in Confidence, Quotes

“What other people think of me is none of my business.” -Wayne Dyer

You’re visibly anxious before a performance evaluation, but you don’t want your coworker to think you’re neurotic—so you tell her about everything that’s riding on this promotion.

You feel subdued at a party, but you don’t want your new girlfriend to think you’re antisocial—so you tell her you have a lot on your mind.

You feel frazzled after a stressful day at work, but you don’t want your friend to think you’re a negative person—so you tell him it’s highly unlike you to let things get to …

What Annoying Situations Teach Us about Ourselves

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.” ~Carl Jung

He was shorter than me with a mustache, and he was positioning himself in front of me, but just off to the side of the line. He was traveling with a young teen, probably his son. I knew that when the line moved, he would take one assertive step and insert himself and his kid into the line ahead of me.

I sneaked a look at his boarding pass and it read B53. I was holding A51. It was my first time being …

Tiny Wisdom: Doing What You Actually Enjoy

By in Happiness, Quotes, Strength

“Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.” -Goethe

This weekend, I attended the Wanderlust Yoga & Music Festival where I gave a presentation on Saturday afternoon. That evening, my friend and I went to the Girl Talk concert. In case you’re not familiar, Girl Talk is a musician specializing in mash-ups.

Within five minutes of getting there, we folded ourselves into a crowded, rave-like environment, complete with frantic dancing, pushing, and claustrophobia-inducing chaos. Surrounded by smoke and free-spirited joy, I felt a deep sense of inner conflict.

I wanted to want to be there–to be the kind of …

Tiny Wisdom: Judging by First Impressions

By in Kindness, Perspective, Quotes

“When you judge another, you do not define them. You define yourself.” -Wayne Dyer

The other day, I reached out to someone I admire, and felt disappointed by the experience. I perceived her response to be somewhat curt and even condescending, which surprised me. Based on my earnest enthusiasm and admiration—and what I thought I knew about her—I expected more.

For a minute I thought, “She’s not who I thought she was at all.”

While this was clearly a lesson in releasing expectations, it also got me thinking about (what I call) the judgment/assumption principle: when we judge someone based …

How to Sustain Happiness

By in Blog, happiness & fun

“If you let go a little, you will have a little happiness. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of happiness. And if you let go completely, you will be completely happy.”  ~Ajahn Chah

After accomplishing three lists of tasks from three different buckets—professional, personal, and entrepreneurial—I felt accomplished and content.

And then I felt bored. And then a little irritated. So, I decided to explore and check in with myself:

I practice gratitude throughout my day. I acknowledge the abundance in my life. I am surrounded by genuine love and relationships.

I have every reason …

Tiny Wisdom: When Good Times Come to an End

By in Happiness, Quotes, Sorrow

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” -Dr. Seuss

The other night, I saw Jersey Boys, the play that chronicles Frankie Valli’s rise to fame with the band The Four Seasons. I wasn’t previously familiar with the group’s story, so I was even more enthralled by the journey that led them to international success–particularly because they had so many catchy songs that I’ve known and loved for years.

In the second act, there’s a scene when the other members all decide they want out, despite the years they struggled to reach that level of success. It’s a …

How to Deal with a Break Up

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“No feeling is final.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke

I met him the last semester of college and was instantly attracted to him.  I was definitely attracted to him physically, but it was the way he sat in class with such quiet confidence and mystery that made me long to know him.

I practically drooled all over my desk whenever he spoke, but couldn’t even bring myself to say, “Hello.”  One night out, I saw him standing by the bar. I told my friend that I had a crush on him and she promptly gave me two choices: Go speak to him …

4 Simple Mantras to Help You Stay Positive and Happy

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.” ~Swedish Proverb

Mantra, according to the dictionary:

Any sacred word or syllable used as an object of concentration and embodying some aspect of spiritual power.

Mantra, according to Sirena:

Things I say to myself to help me deal.

There are times we all go through that just straight up suck.

During these times, it can be hard to think about anything other than what’s going on. We can become so consumed in our own misery that we often overshadow any glimmer of hope.…

Tiny Wisdom: How We Pit People Against Us

By in Attitude, Compassion, Kindness, Peace, Quotes

“When you live on a round planet, there’s no choosing sides.” -Wayne Dyer

I’ve read a lot of articles about achieving your dreams and creating the life you want. There is a common message that always creates a disconnect in me: Many otherwise empowering articles lose me when the authors suggest we should “tune out our haters.”

This seems to imply that there are people out there who want us to fail–who purposely act hateful with the intention of pulling us down.

I know the world is a lot simpler when we view things in black and white terms–good and …

Tiny Wisdom: Learning to Be Alone

By in Love, Quotes

“If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone.” -Maxwell Maltz

I’ve written a lot about letting other people in. As a recovering loner, this has been a huge issue in my life, but everything is about balance. As much as we need to nurture our relationships with other people, we need to nurture our relationships with ourselves.

It’s only when we’re fully comfortable being alone that we’re able to be comfortable with other people.

As a society, we tend to look at being alone as something sad and pitiable. Songs like “One is the Loneliest Number” and …

How to Set Healthy Boundaries: 3 Crucial First Steps

By in Blog, healthy habits, love & relationships

“You change for two reasons: Either you learn enough that you want to, or you’ve been hurt enough that you have to.” ~Unknown

I learned about boundary work when I was teaching in the NYC jails with male prisoners.

After driving onto a maximum security island of electric, clanging gates, I encountered metal detectors, hallways filled with yelling, chaotic inmates, and tension and anxiety in the air that was almost tangible.

I started my workday tensed up and ended it drained, exhausted, and overwhelmed.

In other areas of my life, the same thing was happening. In my personal relationships, I …

Tiny Wisdom: Knowing What You Stand For

By in Greatness, Quotes

“Aim above morality. Be not simply good, be good for something.” -Henry David Thoreau

An old friend of mine used to say she hated when people pushed their causes on her. She saw this as pestering and judgment–that she somehow wasn’t good enough because she ate meat, or didn’t help preserve endangered species, or didn’t send money to starving children in third-world countries.

She later told me that she felt disconnected from it all because she hadn’t found something that really moved her personally. Whenever someone told her about a fundraiser, she realized that she didn’t have an intrinsic motivation …

Being Kind When It’s Seen as a Weakness

By in Blog, meaning & passion, work fulfillment

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” ~Samuel Johnson

When I worked in the corporate world, I didn’t focus on a race to the top. I enjoyed the day-to-day work of running a product line, finding opportunities for new markets, and helping managers in other countries launch similar lines tailored to their markets.

My approach was to be ethical in all aspects of the work, to have concern for the people I was working with to achieve results, and to share the credit appropriately. This was not the latest …

Tiny Wisdom: Why We’re Not Honest with Friends

By in Love, Quotes

“An honest answer is the sign of true friendship.” -Proverb

Have you ever had a lengthy conversation with someone without acknowledging a single thing you were really thinking or feeling?

Maybe someone asked, “How are you?” And, instinctively, you said, “Fine.” Or someone asked, “What’s new?” And your knee-jerk response was, “Not much.” Or someone asked your opinion, and you glossed over what you really think to avoid making waves.

I suspect we do this because we don’t want to burden people with what’s really on our minds, open ourselves up to judgment, or somehow upset them.

The end result …

10 Ways to Love the People in Your Life

By in Blog, love & relationships

Friends hugging

“At the end of life, our questions are very simple: Did I live fully? Did I love well?” ~Jack Kornfield

We all grow up with some healthy stories about love and some unhealthy ones. I learned some beautiful, life-giving ideas about love, ideas like these:

  • Loving people means believing in their potential.
  • Love means treating people with kindness and gentleness.
  • Loving the people in your life means celebrating their successes and cheering them on.

But I also grew up with some stories about love that I came to see weren’t so helpful. Those ideas about love bred problems in my …

Tiny Wisdom: When You Don’t Feel Like Being Patient

By in Patience, Quotes

“Patience is passion tamed.” -Lyman Abbott

Running a site about wisdom can be an exercise in massive irony when you don’t feel like applying what you’ve learned. For me, this is most relevant when it comes to patience.

For the past three months, I’ve been planning a new feature for this site, and I’ve devoted a lot of my time, energy, and resources to creating it.

Since I am not a designer or coder, much of this has little to do with me. It’s simply a matter of paying people, communicating my vision, offering feedback as they work on it, …

5 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Aren’t Sure What You Want in Life

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably deal with.” ~Tony Robbins

There are times in life when we just don’t know what we want. These are the awkward in-between places where we feel uncertain and unsure, and perhaps even question our purpose.

There was a pivotal time in my life, after I got my Counseling Psychology Masters degree and had a private practice, when I knew I did not want to be a therapist.

I left counseling to help my husband start his fashion business, even though this was not …

Tiny Wisdom: When Things Feel out of Control

By in Attitude, Challenges, Meaning, Perspective, Quotes, Strength

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” -Charles Swindoll

“I can’t wait to leave LA. Seriously, we should consider moving within a year.”

I said this to my boyfriend as we were sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic a few streets away from our apartment, anticipating at least 10 more minutes of chaos. All around us, drivers were weaving in and out of lanes, honking at each other, and, in some cases, hurling swears at each other. Despite just meditating, I felt agitated.

Since we moved here just recently so my boyfriend can pursue film, …