Posts by Lori Deschene

Tiny Wisdom: The Pain of Anticipating Pain

“If pleasures are greatest in anticipation, just remember that this is also true of troubles.” ~Elbert Hubbard

The other day I had to get some moles removed after a biopsy showed they were “severely atypical.” Since they were both on my back, I laid on my stomach while the doctor’s assistant numbed the areas with lidocaine.

He repeatedly asked me, “Are you okay?” And I repeatedly said, “Just fine!”

Since it didn’t really hurt that much, it surprised me when he said, “Wow. You’re strong!”

I do believe I’m strong, but I’ve always been squeamish around needles—going back to my …

Tiny Wisdom: When Time Feels Constricting

“An unhurried sense of time is in itself a form of wealth.” ~Bonnie Friedman

Have you ever felt controlled by time?

This has been a lifelong challenge for me. Sometimes it can be difficult for me to truly immerse myself in the present, because I can feel constricted by imaginary strings, tethered to an invisible clock.

Years back, I always snapped from ease to anxiety at the end of a yoga class, tiptoeing toward the door with an eye on my watch while others melted into bliss in their final relaxation pose.

While I now allow myself to take a …

Tiny Wisdom: The Things We Don’t Want to Do

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Every now and then, I get an email from someone telling me I should attend or speak at some conference that attracts lots of passionate bloggers or inspiring people interested in personal development.

A part of me always feels a little conflicted when I receive an invitation or suggestion regarding an event like this because I think I should want to go, but I …

Tiny Wisdom: Think Less, Feel More

“Get out of your head and get into your heart. Think less, feel more.” ~Osho

Have you ever felt attached to your thoughts—like you knew you were thinking yourself in circles, but a part of you wanted to keep getting dizzy?

Now that I’m healthy and energized, three months after my surgery, I’m developing a consistent yoga practice again, and I’m feeling better mentally and physically as a result of doing that.

But sometimes, when I get to the end of the day, particularly when I know I have a lot to do, I feel resistant to making that time …

Tiny Wisdom: Remembering the Good Things

“Joy in looking and comprehending is nature’s most beautiful gift.” ~Albert Einstein

As I was walking to my apartment just now, I heard the voice of a child who was walking in the same direction with an adult across the street.

With his enthusiastic, high-pitched voice he asked, “Remember we went on a plane? And it was really, really high in the sky?”

Then just a few seconds later he asked, “Remember we saw a baseball game?”

And then a few seconds after that, “Remember we had spaghetti?”

A part of me wanted to keep walking parallel from them, even …

Tiny Wisdom: Caring About What Others Think (and Do)

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Growing up I often heard the phrase “You shouldn’t care so much.”

Derivatives of this idea included: So what if they’re talking about you. Who cares what they think? He’s a jerk; why do you care about him? You’re your own person; why do you care about what she’s doing?

I associated the word “care” with stress, because in all these instances, caring meant feeling bad.

It meant being overly worried about someone’s opinion of me, or feeling for someone who didn’t feel for me, or thinking someone …

Tiny Wisdom: Loving the Process of a Passion

“Never underestimate the power of passion.” ~Eve Sawyer

Last week, I began writing my second book. I originally intended to start a month ago, but life got in the way, as it often does.

In order to make my September deadline, I’ll need to maintain a high level of output and adhere to a fairly rigid schedule.

Four hours after starting my first day of writing, I felt I’d produced very little, and I wasn’t thrilled with what I’d written, so I started worrying about that.

What if I keep rewriting but still don’t feel satisfied with the result? What …

Tiny Wisdom: Help People Help Themselves

“Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.” ~Cicero

Since I write about overcoming adversity, I receive a lot of emails and blog comments from readers seeking advice.

When I first started this site, I promised myself I’d never tell readers not to email seeking feedback. I’d seen this type of disclaimer on other blogs, and I decided I wanted to do things differently.

I wanted to be approachable and helpful—to offer guidance as best I could, as time allowed. After all, that’s why I do this—not to talk at people, but to make friends and be a friend.

Earlier …

Tiny Wisdom: Being Both Strong and Hurt

“Pain is not a sign of weakness, but bearing it alone is a choice to grow weak.” ~from my book, Tiny Buddha

A while back, my friends and I dealt with a challenging situation that profoundly affected all of us, including one friend who struggles with intense anxiety.

While I’m usually a proponent of giving specifics, I’d rather not call her out publicly, so suffice it to say it was a hard time, and everyone felt the weight of it.

Unexpectedly, this friend emerged as a source of support and comfort for everyone else.

In the face of tremendous adversity, …

Tiny Wisdom: Stop Fighting and Be Easy

“If you surrender completely to the moments as they pass, you live more richly those moments.” ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

There was a time when I was full of angst, and desperate to unleash it.

Since I felt misunderstood in some of my relationships, I’d fight battles I knew I wouldn’t win and then only consider letting go after a mini emotional break down.

I needed to tire myself out in order to surrender. I needed to fully defuse my distress to give myself some peace. Though I wouldn’t have admitted it, I was addicted to that drama. It was only …

Tiny Wisdom: Actions Speak Louder Than Words

“Actions speak louder than words, but not nearly as often.” ~Mark Twain

A while back I wrote a blog post about giving people the benefit the doubt and suggested, as I often do, that people rarely intend to be hurtful.

Someone wrote in the comments that I’ve obviously never encountered a sociopath.

This got me thinking about the many times I’ve heard women refer to men they’ve dated as sociopaths and narcissists. It occurred to me that many of those men likely treated them horribly but may not have had mental disorders.

There are sociopaths out there, but more often …

Tiny Wisdom: Treat People How They Want to Be Treated

“If we are to live together in peace, we must come to know each other better.” ~Lyndon Johnson

A while back, I told a friend that I try to follow the old adage “Treat people how you wanted to be treated.” He responded that he tries to treat people how they want to be treated. This really got me thinking.

I’ve always tried to gauge people’s needs by relating to them—by seeing myself in them, and giving them what I would want if I were in their shoes.

It never occurred to me consider how I differ from them, and …

Tiny Wisdom: Rebuilding Trust After Being Hurt

“When mistrust comes in, love goes out.” ~Irish saying

An old friend of mine felt betrayed by her boyfriend, but chose not to leave him. Instead, she made him pay for it over and over again.

Through subtle digs and less subtle slights, she repeatedly expressed that she felt contempt for him. But instead of forgiving or walking away, she stayed behind a wall of resentment.

Soon he started responding in kind, until their relationship became a container for mutual silent bitterness. It was two people sharing a suffocating space, overwhelmed by the weight of everything they didn’t say.

I …

Tiny Wisdom: What We Pay Attention To

“Tell me to what you pay attention and I will tell you who you are.” ~Jose Ortega y Gassett

Have you ever suddenly stopped yourself after realizing you’d been dwelling on something insignificant for way too long?

Maybe it was something that didn’t go right in your day, or something mildly offensive that someone said. Whatever it was, it was something you knew wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things, and yet you felt a need to mentally rehash it over and over in your head.

I’ve done this many times before. Though I know it’s draining …