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Developing Self-Compassion When You Don’t Think You’re Enough

By in Blog, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.” ~Lao Tzu

I’m at war with enoughness.

My stomach isn’t flat enough; I’m not extroverted enough; I don’t have enough money in my wallet; I’m not creative enough; I’m not getting enough work done.

There are times when the Jaws of Life cannot free me from my expectations and negative self-talk. The battle with enoughness is a vicious cycle. 

Here’s an example: I’m both shy and introverted, so I’m afraid of being judged and I prefer quiet environments.

I was easily overlooked in school because I was reluctant …

The Greatest Lesson We Learn When Someone Is Unkind

By in Blog, love & relationships

“I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind.” ~Khalil Gibran

I recently travelled to Malaysia for a friend’s wedding where I spent four delicious days communing with wild monkeys and feasting on sticky rice. The people were kind and warm, the culture rich, the trip magical.

On my last day in Kuala Lumpur, I was headed out to buy souvenirs for family and friends when I stumbled across the most beautiful temple—filled with ornate gold and red statues, air thick with sweet-smelling smoke.

I wandered around, overcome with majesty, trying to breathe …

When You Compromise Yourself to Help Other People

By in Blog, love & relationships

“The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

When I entered into a relationship with my ex-boyfriend four years ago, I felt I had found a kindred spirit. We met at a meditation retreat where we both volunteered in the kitchen.

I found myself touched by the sincerity of his smile and the kindness and compassion he showed to everyone as Kitchen Manager.

He had lost his leg in childhood but was never bitter, self-conscious, or self-defeated. He amazed me with his ability to …

A Simple but Powerful Way to Kick the Worry Habit

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.” ~Swedish proverb

I’m a worrier by nature, and I come by it honestly.

My mother was afraid to cross bridges and ride in elevators, boats, and airplanes. Her mother died of cancer at the age of forty, and my mother spent many years—including those of my childhood—thinking every sniffle, fever, or headache might be the start of something fatal.

Although I didn’t realize it at the time, growing up with a steady dose of anxiety, like an invisible intravenous drip, had its effect on my developing mind.

I was an introverted, …

9 Insights on Dealing with Change, Challenges, and Pain

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” ~Alan Watts

This year has been one of unprecedented change for me. From January to March, I traveled to Mozambique, Africa to do volunteer work. I did not speak the language; I did not understand the culture. I was immersed in a completely strange world for two months.

In April, we put our house up for sale. The prospect of uprooting and moving is destabilizing, and one of life’s biggest stressors.

Then in May my marriage failed, and I …

Letting Go of Stubbornness: Appreciate Your Loved Ones While You Can

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“Before someone’s tomorrow has been taken away, cherish those you love, appreciate them today. “ ~Michelle C. Ustaszeski

My brother Greg and I were the closest of friends growing up, even if you weigh in the occasional tiff or disagreement we sometimes had.

We discovered our favorite toys together as kids, rode bikes side by side, and conquered video games as a two-man team. Even well into our teenage years, we were an inseparable pair, always looking out for one another.

The fact that our father died of a brain tumor when we were young had forged a deep understanding …

7 Ways to Form Deep, Meaningful Friendships

By in Blog, love & relationships

“To have a friend and be a friend is what makes life worthwhile.” ~Unknown

I am fascinated by friendships.

Not the acquaintances you see occasionally or the Facebook friends who wouldn’t recognize you on the street.

I’m talking about your real people. The people who know and love the deepest parts of you. Their soul sees yours.

They’re the kind of people you can talk to about how hard it’s been to meditate lately or what’s really going on in your marriage. They’re the kind of people you call for a ride when you get a flat tire and they’re …

Why Resistance Isn’t a Bad Thing and What to Do About It

By in Blog

“Worry looks around, fear looks back, faith looks up, guilt looks down, but I look forward.” ~Unknown

I moved houses a couple of weeks ago. It was the perfect opportunity to take a break, pause and reflect, and decide on the directions I wanted my small business to take.

And I did just that: I rested, took the time to think and get über clear about what I wanted to do next and how, revamped my offerings, made a super duper inspiring goal list and… decided that getting to know our neighbors’ cats was far more fascinating than, you know, …

4 Ways to Embrace Slow Change When You’re Feeling Impatient

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“Change is not a process for the impatient.” ~Barbara Reinhold

I love it when change happens quickly. Sometimes things just click, and everything shifts all at once.

When I met the man who’d become my husband, we were married only thirteen months later, and in those thirteen months we both transformed to our very cores.

The problem is that those thirteen months aren’t the entire story. They cut off the three years of intense personal work I did before I met him, all the while wishing to be in a healthy relationship.

Without those three years of work …

Evidence That You Are Well and Always Will Be

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“On a deeper level you are already complete. When you realize that, there is a playful, joyous energy behind what you do” ~Eckhart Tolle

I was recently speaking with a friend about what it feels like to connect with your underlying, always-there state of well-being. I attempted to describe the indescribable—the feeling underneath the mental chatter that is who you truly are.

The peacefulness. The clarity. The stillness. I told her that in my experience, the most prominent feature was the deep knowing that all is well—that it always has been and always will be, no matter …

Finding the Courage to Let Go of the Familiar and Make a Change

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.” ~Raymond Lindquist

I’ve been processing my beliefs on courage since I turned 31.

When I was in my 20s and teens, my idea of courage was that you fight until the death, never give up, be the one to say the last word, and always, always prove your point. And yet, I spent most of those years feeling unseen and unheard by my family and friends.

I felt completely isolated and exhausted, yet I wasn’t expressing these feelings. (Not to say I hold regret; in my journey I had …

4 Questions to Help You Know When to Say No

By in Blog, love & relationships

“It is not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: what are we busy about?” ~Henry David Thoreau

A couple of years ago my friends and I went on a weekend retreat to honor our dear friend’s fortieth birthday. It was supposed to be a relaxing weekend filled with yoga and meditation at an ashram in the mountains.

But I had a serious problem with the retreat: I actually brought work with me! As an educator, it seems I am perpetually behind with my grading. And so I brought a whole stack of midterm exams with …

When Your Friend’s Happy News Fills You with Envy Instead of Joy

By in Blog, happiness & fun, letting go, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered.” ~Aeschylus

It’s crazy, isn’t it?

Your best friend enthusiastically shares some big news. You say all the right things and display the right emotions. But inside you’re burning up. Instead for feeling truly happy, you’re filled with uncontrollable envy.

It’s not that you’re a bad person. You really want to feel happy for your friend. You really want to get rid of these feeling of envy. But in the moment, you just can’t.

When the Green-Eyed Monster Took Me Over

A …

You Can Make a Difference: Just Open Your Eyes

By in Blog, meaning & passion

“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” ~William James

My mind wasn’t able to percieve the reality around me. It had been ten days since I’d woken up with a feeling of constant energy flowing through my whole body.

It was so intense that I didn’t want to let it go. But I wasn’t ready for it. It was way too much for my unprepared body and mind. I didn’t even know what it was back then.

Everything had happened so fast. I was on the way to Chicago with my friends after seeming to check …

How to Find Your Purpose When Your Life Is a Mess

By in Blog, meaning & passion, work fulfillment

“What is my purpose here and how may I serve…in the midst of all this confusion?” ~Wayne Dyer

Your life is a mess and you can’t do anything about it, right?

Wrong.

You may be closer to the answers than you think, even while right in the middle of the chaos that showed up.

You ask yourself, “What happened to the life I had where I knew my purpose?”

All you know is that a rug you didn’t know you were standing on was pulled out from underneath you, leaving you in a heap. You want a magic carpet to …

Yoga Dudes for Movember Photo Contest ($1000 Yoga Gear Prize!)

By in Blog, healthy habits, mindfulness & peace

I credit yoga with transforming and possibly saving my life, so I knew I wanted to get involved when I learned about Yoga Dudes for Movember.

In case you’re not familiar, “Movember” is a mustache growing charity event that takes place during—you guessed it—November.

Every year, men around the world grow handlebars and Fu Manchus to raise awareness for prostate cancer and other men’s health issues.

This year, Yoga Trail’s running a photo contest called “Yoga Dudes” to encourage men to grab a mat and reap the many physical and mental health benefits of a consistent practice.

You …

You are Enough: A Tiny Manual for Being Your True Self

By in Blog, happiness & fun, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be.” ~Alan Watts

When I was in third grade, I loved to hang upside down on the monkey bars on the playground of my all-girls school in Philadelphia.

I would lock my little pale knees over the gray steel rods and then carefully let my hands go to swing upside down, like a pendulum in a pleated skirt.

This meant I had to bravely trust that my normally feeble strength would be sufficient to suspend me.

It was always a victorious feeling when the backs …

The 3 Pieces of Recovery from Addiction or Depression

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” ~Brené Brown

When I started graduate school, it was safe to say that I was running away from things. I’d recently ended a nine-year relationship and I wasn’t planning on dealing with it.

Upon the birth of my nephew, my father, a long-term addict, had begun rekindling his relationships with his three daughters. I didn’t recognize, though I should have, that this needed dealing with too.

I began school so that I’d have something to pour my …

Learning to Enjoy the Process and Stop Worrying About the Outcome

By in Blog

“Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you” ~John De Paula

Remember the Tasmanian Devil?

That crazed Loony Tunes cartoon character spinning out of control, crashing into everything in his path? Arriving in a blur. Leaving chaos in its wake.

That was pretty much me and my approach to “living my passion.”

This is hard to write but here goes (deep breath)…

Not too long ago I was seriously trying to accomplish all of these things at the same time:

  • Play in a rock and roll band of middle aged men living in New
…

Why We Lie to Ourselves and How It Creates Tension

By in Blog, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“That I feed the hungry, forgive an insult, and love my enemy…. these are great virtues.
But what if I should discover that the poorest of the beggars and the most impudent of offenders are all within me, and that I stand in need of the alms of my own kindness; that I myself am the enemy who must be loved? What then?” ~Carl Jung

Mornings are delicious in the desert. In a summer climate that pushes above 100 degrees day after day, you learn to appreciate lingering cool gifts of pre-dawn hours.

I’m typically awake by 5am these days. …