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3 Lessons on Finding Love That I Learned When Looking for My Soulmate

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Your soulmate is not someone who completes you. No, a soulmate is someone who inspires you to complete yourself.” ~Bianca Sparacino

For years I was in what seemed like an endless search for my soulmate—someone who would understand me, love me unconditionally, and share my values and interests.

It felt like I needed someone in my life to feel happy, fulfilled, and whole.

I went on a handful of dates, but I got friend-zoned at times, rejected at others, and ended up with the wrong people the rest of the time.

What pained me the most was how I repeatedly …

How I Calm and Release Intense Emotions of Anger, Sadness, and Frustration

By in Blog, letting go

“You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared, or anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a ‘negative person.’ It makes you human.” ~Lori Deschene

In November, I was on an emotional roller coaster full of sudden, unexplainable fits of anger—hysterically crying for no reason, barely sleeping, feeling urges to physically kick, hit, and scream.

One of the main triggers was when my partner would go out without me.

He’d go out with his friends to play pool, and I would immediately shut down, shut him out, and turn inward.…

How to Heal through Metaphor: Tap into the Secret Language of Your Brain

By in Blog, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“As soon as I allow the Universe to replace my fear-based beliefs with new perceptions, I receive a miracle.” ~Gabby Bernstein

As I was packing up my mother’s nursing home room after her death, I found a little heart-shaped stone that had the word “serenity” on it. I took it back to California with me and I hold it frequently. It’s heavy, solid, and soothing, and it reminds me of her.

I love the weight of that little stone.

When we’re grieving, heavy things are comforting. It’s not surprising that when we want to release stress, many people go …

4 Types of Regret and How to Leverage Them for a More Fulfilling Life

By in Blog, letting go

“Regret is not dangerous or abnormal, a deviation from the steady path to happiness. It is healthy and universal, an integral part of being human. Regret is also valuable. It clarifies. It instructs. Done right, it needn’t drag us down; it can lift us up.” ~Daniel H. Pink

It happened when I reached midlife.

I’d experienced regret before, but this was different.

In my forties, I struggled with several deep-seated regrets all at the same time.

And I didn’t handle it well.

If only I hadn’t chosen to fall into unhealthy habits that were hard to break, like smoking cigarettes …

How Following Our Instincts Now Can Protect Us from Pain Down the Line

By in Blog, love & relationships

“There is a voice inside of you that whispers all day long, I feel this is right for me, I know that this is wrong. No teacher, preacher, parent, friend or wise man can decide what’s right for you. Just listen to the voice that speaks inside.” ~Shel Silverstein

Some time ago, a guy I knew suggested I go swimming with him and a friend of his. I accepted.

I didn’t know him well. Sometimes he would say hello and be warm, while other times he would ignore me. Since he was a longtime friend of a girl I knew, …

7 Comforting Thoughts That Helped Me Build Self-Confidence

By in Blog, happiness & fun, meaning & passion

“Today I want you to think about all that you are instead of all that you are not.” ~Unknown

I had done it again.

I had managed to talk myself out of doing something because I wasn’t completely certain I would be successful at it.

I was an expert at sidelining myself—keeping myself from going after the things I truly wanted. I knew, by heart, all the reasons I wasn’t good enough to achieve my goals in life. I had subconsciously decided that my own personal growth and success weren’t worth the risk of failure or rejection.

As a result, …

How Feeling Out of Control as a Kid Led Me to an Eating Disorder

By in Blog, change & challenges

In many cultures, food is an expression of love. Sometimes, as was the case for me growing up as a child of immigrants, food might be the only expression of love.

My parents were not very affectionate or communicative about love. My dad gives classic awkward-dad hugs, where he pats your back with self-conscious uncertainty from a good foot and a half away. My mom hit me so frequently and unexpectedly that my body learned to flinch anytime she got too close.

My childhood was punctuated by seasons of my mom’s depression. Ramen and Pizza Hut boxes marked how long …

How I Stopped Feeling Exhausted by Other People’s Needs and Feelings

By in Blog, love & relationships

“An empath is a person highly attuned to the feelings and emotions of those around them. Empaths feel what another person is feeling at a deep emotional level.” ~Leah Campbell

When I learned the word empath about ten years ago, it felt like the most amazing relief. I thought to myself, yes, that’s me! Finally, an explanation as to why people exhausted me so much. A reason why I had the ability to read people in an instant and was always in the throes of helping, listening, or supporting other people’s crises.

But now I no longer believe that definition.…

Leaving an Abusive Relationship: What I’ve Learned and How I’ve Moved On

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Sometimes things have to go wrong before they can go right. Sometimes we have to let the wrong people walk out before we allow the right people to walk in. Sometimes we have to feel weak in order to know what it’s like to feel strong. Sometimes you have to be broken to realize you’ll never be shattered.” ~Unknown

Leaving is the hardest part—that’s what they say, right? I don’t know if I agree. It takes courage to get out, but the healing process can be brutal.

It’s an ongoing process that seeps into every aspect of my daily life. …

How I Stopped Feeling Like an Outsider by Being Honest with Myself

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Bernard M. Baruch

As a young boy, maybe in fourth or fifth grade, I came to the realization that I was an outsider.

I didn’t like playing video games after school, I played basketball while the other boys played soccer, and most of all, I didn’t like the unpleasant and sometimes bullying tone that had formed amongst my good friends.

One good friend in particular—let’s call him Theo—I considered to be my best friend.

For years, we celebrated birthdays, …

How I Found Peace After Feeling Disregarded and Disrespected

By in Blog

“Self-care is also not arguing with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.” ~Ayishat A. Akanbi⠀

It was an early evening in late June of 2020. My housemate and I were eating sushi in our backyard while crickets tuned up for their nightly symphony around us.

To our right loomed a voluminous green tree, imposing in height but with a texture (furry and cuddly like a Sesame Street character) that made it seem friendly.

I could’ve really used a friendly creature right then.

Hours earlier we’d found out that our housemate—who’d contracted COVID while on vacation with a fourth housemate—would …

Stop Catastrophizing: How to Retrain Your Brain to Stress and Worry Less

By in Blog, letting go

“Don’t believe everything you think.” ~Unknown

A couple of years ago, I entered a depressive state as I sat through many long, eventless days while on partial disability due to a bilateral hand injury. I was working one to two hours a day max in my job, per doctor’s orders. The medical experts couldn’t say if or when I would feel better.

As I sat in pain on my sofa, day after day, running out of new TV series to occupy my time, I couldn’t help but catastrophize my future.

What’ll happen if I can’t use the computer again? My …

30 Reminders for Sensitive People Who Feel Drained, Ashamed, or Judged

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate.”~Anthon St. Maarten

There are some words that get painfully etched into our memories as if with a red-hot poker. For me, growing up, those words were “you’re too sensitive.”

I often caught this phrase in the fumbling hands of my shame after someone chucked it at me with callousness and superiority as a means to justify their cruelty.

They may have said something vicious or condescending in private, or …

5 Ways to Heal from a Highly Critical, Controlling Parent

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ~Louise Hay

When I was growing up, it felt like nothing was good enough for my dad. And all I longed for was his acceptance and love.

He had this temper that would blow up, and he’d blame me for how he felt. He would outright tell me his behavior was my fault. That if I’d behaved better, he wouldn’t have had an outburst.

When he told me I wasn’t enough or worthy, I believed him. I was constantly walking on eggshells …

How Toast Changed My Life and Helped Me Stop Bingeing

By in Blog, healthy habits

One day, toast changed my life.

It was many years ago, when I was working as a personal trainer and nutrition and wellness coach.

I spent my days helping people “get fit” and “eat healthy,” so of course I was always preaching about lifestyle changes, “healthy” eating, and “whole, clean, nutritious” food, while demonizing “processed” foods, as most others in those worlds do.

Toast, at the time, was a big no-no. Especially toast made with white bread.

That’s basically blasphemy in the “healthy eating” world, with two strikes against it. First, bread has carbs, which I learned, from Atkins in …

How to Live a ‘Good Life’ (Almost Every Single Day)

By in Blog, happiness & fun

“If your vision of your life centers on your highest values, you will be aligned with your dharma far above everyday existence. Whatever the values are—love, creativity, service, spiritual growth, beauty, or whatever you choose—dedicating yourself to the highest values unites purpose and inner growth as nothing else can.” ~Deepak Chopra

I wasted almost a decade of my life. Don’t make the same mistake as me.

On my fortieth birthday, I found myself lying in bed, fully awake at 5 a.m., with a tightness in my throat.

“A new decade,” I thought, without much excitement.

Staring at the ceiling, I …

Why I Quit Beast Mode and How I Traded Burnout for Peace and Balance

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Beast mode.” Sounds pretty badass, doesn’t it?

It’s like an adrenaline-fueled battle cry, a call to arms. It’s a way of life that’s all about giving every single thing you’ve got to every single thing you do.

For most of my life, I lived this mantra—and prided myself for living this way.

In fact, I had a sticker on my bathroom mirror with the words “beast mode” that I stared at all the time. It was my constant reminder to be all in, every single day, pushing harder, reaching further.

But here’s the reality check: Life isn’t supposed to be …

6 Things to Remember When You Feel Anxious in Your Relationships

By in Blog

“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” ~Kahlil Gibran

Relationships have always been anxiety-inducing for me, and I know it stems from my childhood.

As a kid I would often silently mouth words I’d just said, hearing them in my mind and evaluating whether I’d said something stupid or wrong. I was always afraid of saying something that might make someone upset.

Junior high was a particularly rough time in my life. I was insecure and had low self-esteem, and I was desperate for approval from other kids, which made me …

How Boundaries Help You Stay True to Yourself (And Two Practices to Try Today)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“The more you value yourself, the healthier your boundaries are.” ~Lorraine Nilon

I want to talk about the direct correlation between boundaries and self-love. Because when we truly love ourselves and have a healthy self-worth and self-concept, setting boundaries becomes a natural extension of that.

Without boundaries, we either become walled off and protect ourselves from others, which creates a sense of deep isolation and loneliness, or we become enmeshed with others. We often find ourselves living on their side of the street, working overtime to manage, fix, caretake, or be needed by them, all while neglecting ourselves and our …

How It Got Better: My LGBTQ+ Journey from Shame to Pride

By in Blog, love & relationships

2003 was when the “gay devil” (as I referred to him at the time) made his first appearance inside my unprepared thirteen-year-old mind. On a trip to Mexico that year, he sat perched on my shoulder while my family and I were out to lunch at an outdoor taqueria. The girl at the table next to us had tan skin and brown-blond hair, and wore sunglasses and a spaghetti-strap black tank top.

My “gay devil” noticed her and made sure I did too. As the words “She’s hot” crash-landed from his taunting lips into my unsuspecting mind, I flinched—then …