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How to Mindfully Calm Your Anger and Stop Doing Things You Regret

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“Neurologists claim that every time you resist acting on your anger, you’re actually rewiring your brain to be calmer and more loving.” ~Unknown

One of the most impactful ways that mindfulness has changed my life is how I’m able to work with my feelings of anger.

Anyone who has met me in recent years would never know how anger used to run my life. I often wish that people who are just now meeting me could realize the transformation I’ve gone through from my past. If people could see how mindfulness has changed me from an angry, irritable person who …

7 Amazing Things That Happen When You Start Loving Yourself More

By in Blog, love & relationships

“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits—anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving,” ~Kim McMillen

I started learning about self-love a long time ago.

In fact, I started learning about self-love so long ago that when, fifteen years later, a shaman in Peru I told me that self-love was the answer to all my questions, I got really pissed off!

I had struggled with depression as a teenager. For about two years, I lived a very sad life. …

I Spent Years Looking for Happiness in the Wrong Places

By in Blog, happiness & fun

“Never put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket.” ~Unknown

About ten years ago I made the mistake of re-reading my journal from high school. Wow, was I ever a miserable, slightly unstable person.

I dated the same (great) guy for three years, but looking back over my handwritten confessions, you would have thought I was dating Mussolini. I had endless complaints, wanted to control everything my boyfriend did, and every other word I wrote was a gripe. And this was about a guy I tried to get to notice me for months before he finally asked me …

Simple Truths About Toxic Mothers I Wish I Knew Growing Up

By in Blog

“Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, and don’t put up with people that are reckless with yours.” ~Mary Schmich

After Mom passed away two years ago, I returned home to take care of the remnants of her earthly life.

Clothes and shoes, books with her notes in the margins, old cookware and medication leftovers. Tableware, sewing utensils, knitting needles and thread. And at the very end, the most private part of Mom’s life, something I’d been avoiding for as long as I could: photographs, letters, diaries, and notes. These deeply personal belongings took me on an emotional roller coaster …

Why I’m in Therapy Again, and Not Ashamed to Share It

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Emotional pain cannot kill you, but running from it can. Allow. Embrace. Let yourself feel. Let yourself heal.” ~Vironika Tugaleva

Ah, therapy, my old friend. We meet again.

I thought I’d released you from my life. I thought I no longer needed you to maintain my sanity.

I was wrong.

Third time’s a charm, as they say.

The First Time I Went to Therapy

I was eighteen when I had my first encounter with therapy. My parents had just divorced under pretty devastating circumstances, and my first serious relationship had crumbled at my feet.

It was a double betrayal.

My …

A Guide to Peace for Anyone with a Crazy, Messed Up Mind

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“No thought has any power. You have power. And when you identify and believe in the thought, you give power to the thought.” ~Mooji

It was 2004. I was on day three of a six-month meditation retreat, and my restless and turbulent mind was driving me nuts.

The prospect of sitting on this wretched cushion for another five minutes (let alone six months) was freaking me out.

“What on earth have I let myself in for? This is a crazy idea. I want to go home.”

My restless monkey mind was more like King Kong on amphetamines.

“No, remember how …

How Letting Go of the Need to be Special Changed My Life

By in Blog, love & relationships, meaning & passion

“Our society has become a conspiracy against joy. It has put too much emphasis on the individuating part of our consciousness—individual reason—and too little emphasis on the bounding parts of our consciousness, the heart and soul.” ~David Brooks

When I was in elementary school, I avoided group projects like the plague. When given the choice to work alone or as part of a team, I always chose to work alone.

When I joined a new class, club, or sport, my parents inquired how I measured up against the rest.

“So what do you think, Hail?” Dad would ask me. “Are …

I Didn’t Know How to Let Love In… Until Now

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You open your heart knowing there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.” ~Bob Marley

A few months ago I was visited by my mother in a dream; my deceased mother who took her own life thirty years ago.

In my dream, I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom thinking about my teenage daughter, who is around the same age I was when my mother died. I felt like my daughter was in distress, and I wanted to help her.

As …

Everything Seems to Be Falling Apart… Because It Is

By in Blog, change & challenges, meaning & passion

“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is not on the branch, but in its own wings. Always believe in yourself.”  ~Unknown

If you’ve ever stopped and thought, “What the hell am I doing?” or “How did I end up here?” believe me when I tell you that you are one of many—including me.

Feeling lost is stressful enough, but what about when we disappoint ourselves more than anyone around us? What do we do when we have no sense of direction or purpose, and dwindling confidence in ourselves?

I …

How Empaths Can Stop Sacrificing Their Needs for Other People

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Sometimes you don’t realize you’re actually drowning when you’re trying to be everyone else’s anchor.” ~Unknown

Have you ever felt trapped?

No, actually, have you ever felt absolutely paralyzed? Like you’re fearful of making any choices at all? It feels like any step you take could end in utter catastrophe.

Five years ago, that was me.

I was living in a small, run-down house in Peru, in a city that I didn’t want to be in, far away from family and friends, and I was in a relationship that wasn’t working.

At the time I worried that any decision I …

When People Want to Help but Just Make Things Worse

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

When I was fourteen years old, my family spent a week of vacation in the northwoods of Minnesota. We rode horses, sailed on the lake, sang songs around a campfire, and all the other things most teenagers tell their parents is lame. Even if they are having fun.

After this week of boring, according to me, my family loaded up into our van and began what should have been a five-hour drive home.

Except it wasn’t five hours.

Thirty minutes into the drive we were in a head-on car collision. Triaged and transported to different hospitals around the area, it …

Meaningful Connection: The Gift And Challenge Of Being An HSP In Love

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.” ~Guy Finley

I used to be married to a very kind man with similar values and goals in life. So why did we end up divorced?

In one word? Communication.

Like so many other highly sensitive people (HSPs) I thrived on meaningful, deep communication. I lived for it. I sought it out. And, when at ease, I was good at it.

Unless he wasn’t. Which was often. When he was shut down, couldn’t articulate what was going on for him, or had nothing to say …

How to Move Forward When You’re Out of Work and Feeling Lost

By in Blog, change & challenges, work fulfillment

“My attitude has always been, if you fall flat on your face, at least you’re moving forward. All you have to do is get back up and try again.” ~Richard Branson

Let’s face it, losing a job sucks! Over the last couple of months, I have been chatting with friends who have recently been affected by organizational changes resulting in being out of work involuntarily. This is a situation all too familiar to millions of people, frequently through no fault of their own. Often it’s a result of an economic downturn, restructuring, acquisitions, and cost savings.

A couple of years …

How I Found Hope and Inspiration After Years of Quiet Desperation

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” ~Henry David Thoreau

How many years do we live with a sense of quiet desperation, faking the connection we have with ourselves? Why do we deny ourselves authentic living and exchange our time for mindless living?

Over the years, life silently and slowly eroded my identity away. By the time my son was twelve years old, I’d completely lost touch with reality. I was always busy trying to be everyone’s hero and creating this perfect little world around me. While juggling the …

How I Started Enjoying My Alone Time Instead of Feeling Lonely

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“The only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going inside ourselves.” ~Bessel A. van der Kolk

Learning to be alone as an adult has been a struggle for me. It’s taken quite a while for me to adjust to spending periods of time by myself. It may sound strange to those who know me because I am most definitely an introvert and need my quiet time. However, my time alone was never quite as satisfying as I’d hoped it would be.

Often my solitude …

It’s a Myth That We Can Just “Get Over” Pain and Loss

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“There is some kind of a sweet innocence in being human—in not having to be just happy or just sad—in the nature of being able to be both broken and whole, at the same time.” ~C. JoyBell C.

“I just feel like it’s never ending… like I should be more over it by now,” my friend says, her eyes looking down at her mug of tea. She lost a loved one three years ago in tragic circumstances.

Her words make me sad, and there are layers to my sadness: I’m sad for her loss, her grief, for the difficulty she …

Collective Trauma Online Summit—A Transformative Free Event

By in Blog, change & challenges

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by everything that’s going on in the world and powerless to help? Even if you avoid the news—which to be honest, I generally do—you’ll still be bombarded with the latest conflicts and tragedies when you log on to social media. We may look to our smartphones for a little break from the chaos, but really, there’s no escape from it.

It’s not that we don’t care—that’s not why we often try to zone out and tune it all out. It’s just all so heavy and scary and disheartening, not to mention never-ending. Still, we can’t …

How to Re-wire Your Brain for Better Relationships

By in Blog, love & relationships

“For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke

I was eight years old when my father and I somehow ended up in a heated, verbal struggle. I don’t remember what we were fighting about, but I remember that he was yelling at me.

I already knew by then that my father didn’t deal well with anger. It wasn’t uncommon for him to explode into fits of rage. I don’t …

What Helped Me Reclaim the Creativity I Loved as a Kid

By in Blog, meaning & passion

“Absolute attention is an act of generosity.” ~Simone Weil

When I was a child, I used to write poems as presents for my parents on birthdays and holidays.

I’d sit quietly and think of what I wanted to say. Then I’d try to turn that into musical language. I’d write those words on the page, and then I’d draw a picture to go with it.

It didn’t occur to me to even ask whether my parents would like my poem or not; I just assumed they would.

Then I got older. I stopped giving my parents poems for presents. I …

The Negative Impact of Not Feeling Your Feelings

By in Blog, change & challenges

“If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.” ~Sidney Banks

I spent most of my life scared of my feelings. Having feelings and expressing them made me mentally ill—or so I was led to believe by a large number of mental health professionals. When I felt sad, they labeled me as depressed. When I showed any signs of anxiety, they gave me another list of mental health disorders I needed medication for. And if I was angry? Oh well, that was the absolute worst. That clearly proved …