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Addicted to Helping: Why We Need to Stop Trying to Fix People

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals.” ~Pema Chodron

After college, I was hustling hard to get a work visa so that I could stay in the US.

But then my mom got caught up in a political scandal, and without much reflection on how much this would alter my life’s plans, I dropped my dream of staying in America, drove 1,000 miles, and flew another 500 to be by her side.

Would she have crumbled without me there? My mama is a tough chick, so I highly doubt it.

But …

Accept and Value Yourself: 11 Ways to Embrace Who You Are

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” ~Brené Brown

I can’t remember exactly what it was my friend was trying to convince me I could do, but I had an argument to counter every bit of encouragement. There was no shortage to the ways I believed I wasn’t good enough.

She was trying to help me see myself the way she saw me—as someone smart, capable, and full of potential. I wasn’t buying it.

I’d been pretending for so long to be a better person than I really believed myself to …

How to Stop Sweating the Small Stuff and Let Go of Your Grudges

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday. Holding a grudge and harboring anger/resentment is poison to the soul.” ~Steve Maraboli

You are tired of it, aren’t you?

You find yourself arguing again. You feel anger rising up in you.

You realize there’s no use in trying to explain your position and decide to stop the conversation.

But the topic still buzzes in your head…

This used to define my marriage.

The first few years of my marriage were constant arguing. After each argument my mind would run over and over the things he …

How Releasing Expectations Takes the Pressure Off Relationships

By in Blog, love & relationships

“When you learn to accept instead of expect, you’ll have fewer disappointments.” ~Unknown

A few months back, I was having drinks with a friend from university for the first time in a while. I sat across from her, smiling and laughing, almost in awe that we were here—here, not as in at this particular restaurant patio, but here, as in, in this moment that felt so free and so light, unbound by who we used to be.

During our first couple years of university, we were best friends, always hanging out, living together, supporting each other, swapping secrets, and creating …

The Fascinating Reason We Fear Rejection and the Key to Acceptance

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it.” ~Steven Pressfield

“We need to talk to you.”

I looked up from my book. The other thirteen girls in my class had assembled around me.

Part of me was annoyed that they interrupted Indiana Jones’s latest adventure. But another part couldn’t shake the feeling that I was facing the sixth grade execution squad. My heart began to beat faster, my shoulders tensed, and sickening fear spread through my body.

“We don’t like …

Imagination Coloring Page from Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal

By in Blog, happiness & fun

Hi everyone! This is my sixth week sharing coloring pages from the soon-to-be-released Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal (available for pre-order now). Previously, I shared:

How would you answer the question in the middle?

I appreciate that my imagination allows me to visualize possibilities for the future, envision what it was like for those who lived in the past, imagine how it feels to walk in someone else’s shoes, and create things that hopefully touch others as much as the process …

Why You Feel Anxious In Relationships and How To Stop

By in Blog, love & relationships

“I was feeling insecure you might not love me anymore.” ~John Lennon

After doing years and years of self-esteem work, I thought I was fairly well adjusted and secure. I thought I was fairly confident, self-assured, and not at all needy. But all that changed when I got into my recent relationship.

My subtle thought pattern of fear, distrust, projection, and unhappiness started creeping in. Again? Seriously? I thought I was past all that.

As it turns out my attachment disorder runs much deeper than I thought it did. What about yours? I mentioned attachment theory in one of my …

Unreasonable Boss? 8 Ways to Honor Yourself in a Toxic Workplace

By in Blog, work fulfillment

“Good bosses care about getting important things done. Exceptional bosses care about their people.” ~Jeff Haden

“I’ll need you to log your work down to the minute on this spreadsheet,” she said pointing to my computer where an elaborate timesheet was swallowing up my entire screen.

I looked up at her, confused—nope, more like utterly stunned. Was she for real? My body seemed to know before my mind that I’d just entered some sort of workplace twilight zone.

I had a sinking feeling in my gut, and it was sounding some sort of alarm deep in my chest, making my …

How to Calm Your Mind Without Sitting to Meditate

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Our way to practice is one step at a time, one breath at a time.” ~Shunryu Suzuki

Sitting meditation has always been challenging for me; practicing mindfulness, even harder.

As a self-confessed worrywart who has contended with constant ruminations, flashbacks, and nightmares for most of my life (more on this later), all prior attempts at being fully present and not thinking merely served as reminders of how little control I had over my mind. Then I took up hiking and stumbled upon a form of meditation that literally transformed my life.

Initially, just being out in nature on scenic trails …

Lost Everything? 8 Tips to Help You Get Back on Your Feet

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Tough times never last, but tough people do.” ~Robert H. Schuller

About two years ago, I was working in a professional career that I had been building for nearly twenty years.

I had been at my company for thirteen years, and had been generally commended and given positive reviews and regular bonuses and raises for most of that time.

I had just left a terrible and traumatic relationship, and due to two years of criticism, gaslighting, and conflict, was experiencing severe depression. I was on medication that made it hard for me to focus and which gave me anxiety …

Music Coloring Page from Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal

By in Blog, happiness & fun, healthy habits

Hi everyone! This is my fifth week sharing coloring pages from the soon-to-be-released Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal (available for pre-order now). Previously, I shared:

How would you answer the question in the middle?

It’s hard to narrow down my favorite music, as I imagine is true for most of us. But there are certain songs that are particularly meaningful to me because of the memories they evoke, including:

1. Wonderwall, by Oasis (which I played on repeat, with friends, for much of my sophomore …

Why Surrendering to Life is the Key to Positive Change

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“Surrender to what is. Say ‘yes’ to life and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.” ~Eckhart Tolle

“Surrender” in current colloquial language equals failure. According to the Oxford Dictionary, without an object, surrender means to “stop resisting to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority.” With an object, it gets even worse: “Give up or hand over (a person, right, or possession), typically on compulsion or demand.”

How then can surrender be the key to joy?

At age thirty, I was defeated by life. Down for the count. But, I did …

How to React Calmly in Stressful or Frustrating Situations

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Ships don’t sink because of the water around them; ships sink because of the water that gets in them. Don’t let what’s happening around you get inside you and weigh you down.” ~Unknown

Working in an office requires us to spend more time with our co-workers than anyone in our personal life. How those co-workers act can have a big impact on us. Noticing a co-worker’s interactions during a recent marketing job gave me insight into how I react in stressful or frustrating situations outside the office.

My cubicle sat next to a team of individuals who were required to …

How a Terrified, Socially Anxious Guy Became Relaxed and Confident

By in Blog, change & challenges, happiness & fun, letting go, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ~Viktor Frankl

Life is hell… or so I thought for most of my thirty-four years.

My intense social anxiety, an over-the-top and uncontrollable fear of people and social situations, ruined much of my young life. I operated completely alone, living only inside my own head, without even realizing it.

Now, it’s rare that I’m too afraid to talk to anyone. And I face multiple difficult decisions, discussions, and even confrontations …

How I Forgave What I Couldn’t Forget

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go, love & relationships

“Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that their behavior was ‘OK.’ What it does mean is that we’re ready to move on. To release the heavy weight. To shape our own life, on our terms, without any unnecessary burdens. Forgiveness is pure freedom—and forgiveness is a choice.” ~Dr. Suzanne Gelb

I remember the feeling of blood rushing through my veins, my head pounding, and my heart beating faster. Every time I remembered what happened, I either cried or felt a wave of depression. This guy was someone who’d hurt me in a way that I never thought would happen. His deeds …

7 Mind-Shifts to End Depressed Overeating

By in Blog, healthy habits

“Maybe the reason nothing seems to be ‘fixing you’ is because you’re not broken… You have a unique beauty and purpose; live accordingly.” ~Steve Maraboli

Have you ever seen a woman down a family-sized tin of chickpeas?

Or eat six pita pockets stuffed full of avocado, cheese, tomato, and onion?

Or a dozen greasy samosas?

I used to overeat when I was depressed. I’d eat till I was so stuffed, the only thing I could do was sleep.

(Like Valium, but with added fiber.)

I’d been doing it since I was a kid.

My family was vegetarian, so I …

How to Cope with the Fear of Aging

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ~Mark Twain

Time is the most precious asset we’ve got. It means life, and it’s never coming back.

In a world where everyone seems to be in a rush, it feels like time is flying. Not sure about you, but when I was a child, I felt like I had all the time in the world. Much later, as a grown-up woman, always busy to do more and achieve more, I had to sign up for time management courses so that I could cope with …

How to Move On When Your Ex Already Has

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Like a sandcastle, all is temporary. Build it, tend it, enjoy it. And when the time comes, let it go.” ~Jack Kornfield

I picked up the butter cookies and a small postcard-sized painting I had brought for her.

I took the third-floor hotel elevator down.

Closing my eyes, I took several deep breaths.

The elevator ride was less than five seconds, but our time spent apart was five years.

Five years after the divorce I had flown up to see her again.

I’m not sure what led to this meeting. We had emailed each other a couple times out of …

The Best Things in Life Are Free (and Healing)

By in Blog, healthy habits

“The six best doctors: sunshine, water, rest, air, exercise, and diet.” ~Wayne Fields

I’ve always believed the best things in life are free. Sunshine on your skin next to a body of water ranks up there as one of my favorite experiences. I love nothing more than to be in a pool in the summertime.

Though doctors have helped me with my depression, nature has provided me with my best doctors. When I’m in nature, I feel restored.

When I was a child, I used to like to go on adventures. I would venture off into my parents’ backyard …

The Power of Perspective: A Simple Way to Ease Anxiety

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.” ~Eckhart Tolle

One of the first ideas I learned in law school was “the reasonable third person,” a legal fiction created to help figure out if someone has acted unreasonably. There’s no clear-cut definition, so I spent a lot of energy arguing what a reasonable person would do. This hypothetical person haunted my law school exams, and later, my career.

But I realized the reasonable third person could teach me something beyond the courtroom. I could apply that …