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Category “love & relationships”

Find Yourself Before You Find Love

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“Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be.” ~Alan Watts

After a few years of living through the betrayal and anger of my divorce, my friends decided it was time for me to start dating again.

They took me out to the bars, dressed me up, bought me drinks, and showed all the men how cute I was.

I didn’t feel cute. I felt like a fraud.

The bar scene was not for me. I felt like a piece of meat wrapped in cellophane on the shelf waiting for a man to …

Looking for Security: We Can Be Our Own Safe Places

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“All the wonders you seek are within yourself.” ~Sir Thomas Browne

I have always been the independent type. I started buying my own clothes when I was 12 with money I made from babysitting gigs. I got my first “real” job the summer I was 16. I went to live with my mother’s cousins (whom I’d only met a few times) in Boston and worked in a bakery. That was a great summer. I got to explore Boston and learned how to ride the subway.

In college I spent my summers having grand adventures and saving up my money for …

Becoming More Authentic: Accept Yourself and Forget Approval

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“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E.E. Cummings

For most of my life, I was a chameleon. I stayed under the radar, hoping I’d blend in and not draw attention to myself. I was full of self-doubt, so I molded my personality and beliefs based on my company. I traded my authentic self for the security of being liked by my family and friends because of my fear of being judged.

By suppressing my opinions, I was perceived as easygoing, but at what cost? I disrespected myself by allowing others to influence major …

Why Empathy Can Sometimes Help More Than Advice

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“I have just three things to teach simplicity patience compassion these three are your greatest treasures.” ~Lao Tzu

I have two teenagers. Anyone with children knows these years can bring their challenges. One minute they behave like a four year old and the next they are as mature as an adult. These fluctuations can pose difficult times.

One day, after a particularly emotional and tough interaction with my son, I called my mother for advice. She had by all accounts raised three successful sons.

After a long and detailed discussion of what had happened, she said, “Oh honey, I’m so …

What Seems Obvious to You Could Help Someone Else

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“We are not what we know but what we are willing to learn.” ~Mary Catherine Bateson

Despite being a professional blogger, I am not particularly adept at technology.

I don’t have a data plan on my phone. I don’t have an iTunes account. I have no idea how people do that thing where they connect their computer to the TV. What is this witchery?!

But because of my age and my profession, people frequently assume that I’m a computer genius. They are sadly mistaken. One day, my significantly-more-tech-savvy BFF was looking over my shoulder as I checked email. She …

Imperfection Is Lovable and You Are Enough

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“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” ~Brene Brown

We are all perfectly imperfect just as we are.

Yes, it’s true. Sometimes hard to believe, but always the truth. Believe me.

I’ve always recognized that I am a perfectionist.

I was the little girl who wanted to know how to play the piano at my first lesson, how to roller blade the first time I tried, how to do the splits at my first gymnastics class.

I’ve always wanted to do it right the first time.

On the one hand, I appreciate …

Learning to Trust Again When You’ve Been Hurt in the Past

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“The only way to know if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” ~Ernest Hemingway

In a world where it seems as though all we hear about and see is how one person betrayed another, how do we allow ourselves to trust someone to get close at all, let alone trust them to be near the most fragile parts of us?

Over the course of the last year, I’ve been working as an intern-counselor at a residential high school with around seventy teenagers. Many of them have come from unbelievably challenging backgrounds where they have had to learn to …

8 Things to Do If You Want to Be at Peace with Yourself

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“He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the world.” ~Marcus Aurelius

How can I find peace of mind? It’s a question often asked, but rarely answered in a satisfying way.

Some say peace of mind lies in security. Some say it’s about de-cluttering and finding stillness and calm in life. Some say it’s about acceptance and letting go. I say it’s all about what you do.

Let me introduce myself. I’m an addict. An alcoholic since my teens, I lived most of my life on various edges.

At twenty-one, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, …

Love, Light, and Other Lessons That Crisis Reveals to Us

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“Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant.” ~Paul Coelho

There have been more shocking and devastating world events in recent memory than I can keep up with. Hurricane Sandy. Sandy Hook Shooting. Shooting at Portland Mall. Australian wildfires. Club Fire in Brazil. Hurricane Nemo. Earthquake in China. Bangladesh Factory Collapse. Boston Bombing. Texas Plant Explosion. Floods in Midwest. Tornadoes in Oklahoma.

So much loss. Devastation. Pain. Piled one on top of the other with little time to regain our footing in between.

I can hear that fearful place inside me questioning, …

The Dangers of Staying Quiet: Learning to Ask For Help

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“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” ~Elbert Hubbard

My right leg lay twisted, broken and disconnected. As I regained awareness, I could hear a primal scream.

It took a while to register that it was coming from me.

At the time, I was supposedly living my dream, but in truth I was drowning in my loneliness. So I had stood almost directly behind a horse I knew was prone to kicking and pulled her tail.

She wasn’t malicious; if she was, I would be dead now, as I had …

9 Ways You May Unwittingly Deprive Yourself of Love and Fulfillment

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“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi

Do you want to let go and live life fully?

If you feel that you are missing out on fulfillment and happiness, but cannot put your finger on why, perhaps there is something deeper going on.

Believe it or not, anyone can develop an unconscious habit of self-deprivation. Usually this habit begins in childhood.

Here’s how mine developed.

When I was younger, if anyone approached and tried to attend to my needs, I’d make …

4 Steps to Let Go of Blame in Your Relationship

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“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” ~Dr. Robert Anthony

After living alone for five years, I moved in with my girlfriend just eight months ago. I knew that I would have to make some adjustments, but I had no idea what they might be.

I expected most of the changes to be around the dynamics of our relationship and spending too much time together. I didn’t foresee any personal growth coming out of it.

But that’s exactly what happened. I grew, and I evolved.

What Sparks a Fight

For both me and my girlfriend, cleaning …

You Don’t Have to Be Lonely: Proactively Choose to Connect with People

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“Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest as it happens.” ~ Epictetus

Do you know that feeling when you are completely alone?

I don’t mean in a calm, solitary, I-choose-to-be-on-my-own kinda way.

It’s the alone that inflates with silence that makes your ears ring. It’s the ache in the pit of your gut that boils the insecurities and needless feelings of rejection. It’s the push of desperate pain that wells in your eyes and stains your cheeks.

You know, that kind of alone?

I never intended to feel this way. When I …

Who to Fall in Love with First: 6 Ways to Love Yourself

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“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi

Most of us are so busy waiting for someone to love us that we’ve forgotten about the one person we need to love first—ourselves.

Ironically, it was when my ten-year marriage fizzled that I began the innermost process of self-discovery about love.

While discouraged and saddened at the crumbling of our relationship, I began to explore love more. How had it fizzled? Why had we stopped loving each other, and what had happened to …

Transform Your Confidence by Learning to Approach New People

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“As long as you make an identity for yourself out of pain, you cannot be free of it.” ~Eckhart Tolle

I remember it like it was yesterday—sitting in the corner of a bar in Holland at a social gathering, feeling alienated because I didn’t know the people I had to mingle with. After all, they were friends of my girlfriend at the time.

My worries had consumed me and I didn’t know where to begin. I wondered: Should I pluck up the courage to strike up a conversation, or should I withdraw?

I realized from this experience that I lacked …

You Have the Power to Change Someone’s Day for the Better

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“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It’s a feeling of dread. Maybe you’ve experienced it before.

You’re driving down the highway and suddenly something goes wrong. You’re stepping on the gas pedal but nothing is happening.

All the little lights on the dashboard come on and you notice one particular gauge you’ve been meaning to address sooner.

The needle is just past the E. You’re out of gas. 

It’s a helpless feeling. Desperation flashes through your mind as the wheels begin …

8 Simple Tips to Bring More Love into the World

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“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” ~Brené Brown

Have you heard the story of the ugly duckling?

Well, there never was an ugly duckling; he was actually a swan whose real beauty had not been recognized by him or by others.

All of us may or may not be ugly ducklings, but we are totally worthy of being loved, accepted, and cherished just as we are.

Ultimately we are all trying to do the best we can with our current knowledge, awareness, and understanding. But we lose our way, and the …

Create Purpose and Happiness by Being Useful to People

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“What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful.” ~the Dalai Lama

One of the beautiful things about being an intuitive reader is that people are willing to go very deep very quickly. Vulnerability, shame, fear, and hope are all active players at a table set with Tarot cards. Often people start out their first session with me warning that “You might get bored, this is just another love drama.”

Of course I never do get bored—everyone has a unique and precious story and I feel honored to share in them, period.

Besides, underneath every question that’s …

3 Unconventional Tips for Forgiving and Letting Go

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“The greatest obstacle to connecting with our joy is resentment.” ~Pema Chodron

Forgiveness is good, right? I don’t mean in a heal the planet kind of way—I mean in a selfish, me me me kind of way.

We want to let go of our resentments and connect with people genuinely. We want to feel happy and contented, full of love for ourselves and those around us. We want to run, carefree, through the fields in a pretty cotton dress, not sit around in our pajamas, twisted with bitterness.

But how do you experience genuine forgiveness and stop feeling resentful? Because …

Believing in Our Goodness: Do You Have Faith in Humanity?

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“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

When we hear someone speak about faith, we usually expect to hear about some kind of subjective encounter with supernatural forces. In our skeptical age, we tend to look at faith as “believing in something you know not to be true,” as Mark Twain expressed.

Before we dismiss any talk of faith, however, we should remember that there are many ways to understand the word. You can have faith in a benevolent, loving deity guiding your every move. But you can also …