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When Struggles Keep Reappearing: How to Learn the Lesson and Move On

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” ~Pema Chodron

I’ve been self-employed for many years now. This is no accident. I’ve always liked to do things my own way. I like to arrange my diary in exactly the way I want to and make my own mind up about how I do things. I like to work without having to justify anything to a manager.

I’m not always comfortable in working relationships where the other person is “higher up” than me—when they’re in authority. You could say that I’m a teensy bit of …

Tiny Wisdom: Let Your Light Shine Bright

By in Confidence, Greatness, Leadership, Quotes

“As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” ~Marianne Williamson

We all have it: a little voice inside that tries to hold us back.

It tells us not to say what we feel so we won’t make any waves. It tells us not to define what we want so that things can stay predictably easy. It tells us not to go for our dreams because we may not be good enough.

It may also tell us that it’s selfish to focus on our own desires and goals–that good people are more …

The Power of Change: How Leaving Home Can Bring You Home

By in Blog, change & challenges, happiness & fun

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” -Pema Chodron

Seven years ago, I packed everything I owned into my little red Honda Civic and sold, gave away, or tossed whatever didn’t fit. I was 24 years old and I was on my way from Florida to Los Angeles to pursue the American Dream.

I was consumed with swirls of intense emotions—anxieties, excitement, fear, and joy, all mixing together in one little body. I was crossing the country on a new adventure, filled with hopes and dreams, seeking something I …

Tiny Wisdom: Letting Other People Hurt

By in Love, Quotes

“The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.” -Henry David Thoreau

Yesterday I helped a friend with a project that he’d spent a lot of time, money, and energy planning as a surprise for someone he loves. I knew it meant a lot to him to do this–and do it well.

Things didn’t work out as he had planned, partly due to some misguided advice I gave him. Since he’d been working on it for days, it was an incredible disappointment. I could see the sadness in his face as he saw the final product …

4 Simple Tips for Confronting Someone Who Hurt You

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.” -Unknown

For many years I maintained a relationship that I was not happy with. I’m sure a lot of people have been there, or are there right now. I didn’t feel there was equality in the relationship; I always seemed to be the one giving, yet I consistently felt I was getting nothing out of it.

A close friend of mine asked me why I tolerated the behavior of the person in question.

As usual, a few excuses passed through my mind: the other person was …

Tiny Wisdom: Open Your Eyes and See

By in Mindfulness, Quotes

“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” ~Unknown

This weekend, I devoted an extensive amount of time to writing something I’ve been struggling to complete. I wrote and rewrote so many times that it felt like more like destruction than creation, but I’ve come to realize that chaos is often the path to clarity.

There were times when I knew it could be beneficial to do something else, clear my head, and come back to it with fresh eyes, but a part of me felt this drive to push …

Why Happiness Will Never Come To You

By in Blog, happiness & fun

“The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.” ~James Openheim

December 19, 2001: this will forever be written in history as the day I was pitied by a 90 year-old.

I was holiday shopping at the mall, grimacing in pain with each step I took. “One… two… three…” I counted my steps, hoping to distract myself from the painful task before me: reaching the Bath and Body Works store roughly 300 yards ahead.

After several torturous minutes, I looked up. The store was still an oasis in the distance—perhaps a mirage in this …

Tiny Wisdom: Receiving without a Sense of Obligation

By in Gratitude, Quotes

“The best things in life are unexpected, because there were no expectations.” -Eli Khamarov

There was a time when I hesitated to accept unsolicited offers of support. If someone suggested a way they could help me, I assumed they were looking for something specific in return. This made me somewhat defensive, because there were and are a lot of things I don’t want to do.

I don’t want to personally recommend products I haven’t tried myself. I don’t want to tweet promotional links of any kind. I don’t want to send dedicated email blasts about books, or seminars, or teleconferences.…

When (and When Not) to Take Advice

By in Blog, change & challenges

 

“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.” ~Erica Jong

I’ve received all kinds of advice in my life, both welcome and unwelcome. Most of this advice is easy to divide into two piles: “good” or “bad.”

“Good” advice: when somebody makes a suggestion and I think, “Oh, of course!” It might be advice about how to improve a poem, or how to peel a mango. This kind of advice is easy to take.

“Bad” advice: when somebody makes a suggestion and I have a clear sense that I don’t agree …

Book Giveaway and Review: A Lamp in the Darkness

By in Blog, Giveaway, letting go, mindfulness & peace

Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

The 5 winners:

“Sometimes we have to go right into the fire in order to find our true healing.” ~Jack Kornfield

No matter who you are, no matter what you’ve accomplished, no matter how well you’ve planned, you will deal with challenges in life. We all will. And many times, they will hit us unexpectedly.

We will all lose things and people we love. We will all make mistakes and …

4 Key Questions to Feel Fully Fulfilled and Content

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“The person who lives life fully, glowing with life’s energy, is the person who lives a successful life.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

More often than not when we want to create something new or different in our lives, our true yearning is not about what we want to do on the outside that will make us feel fulfilled and content, but a certain way we want to feel in ourselves.

That fancy car might give us a feeling of power, or esteem, or pride. That successful business might make us feel like we “arrived” or we are recognized. That trip to Nepal …

Tiny Wisdom: We Get to Decide if Today Counts

By in Change, Hope, Perspective, Possibilities, Quotes

“The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.” -Pema Chodron

A while back, a reader commented that it’s easy for me to suggest tomorrow is full of possibilities, since I am relatively young. An older woman, she believed her options were far more limited, and that even if she could do the things she wanted to do, they wouldn’t count–not at her age.

My first instinct was to start a conversation about mindfulness, since no one is ever guaranteed more than the present. Even young people don’t know for certain that they have decades more …

Being Patient through Transformation: Trust, Change, Believe

By in Blog, change & challenges, work fulfillment

“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.” ~Charles R. Swindoll

Ever noticed a chrysalis hidden within its cocoon? The final few moments before it emerges as a butterfly compose what science terms as metamorphosis, a transformation.

If you have been lucky enough to observe this process, which I highly recommend watching, you’d notice it has to struggle quite a bit before it gets all the attention for being the magnificent creature it is.

It’s long and painful. However, while watching it, you may be tempted to clip off the outer covering of …

Tiny Wisdom: Are You Afraid of Success?

By in Confidence, Courage, Greatness, Quotes, Success

“Success will never be a big step in the future; success is a small step taken just now.”  ~Jonatan Mårtensson

We often talk about releasing the fear of failure to create motivation and momentum, but I’ve found that there’s another obstacle that can keep us from taking risks: the fear of success.

Success in any pursuit requires responsibility. At one point, I decided this was one thing I didn’t want. I didn’t want people to depend on me. I didn’t want to create conditions in my life that I needed to maintain with consistency, both in effort and earning.

I …

What You Need to Live a Life of Purpose

By in Blog, meaning & passion

“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” ~Robin Sharma

I can remember the feelings so vividly—the emptiness, the yearning, the confusion, the lacking, and the depression. They all merged together, and they always seemed to present themselves at the worst possible times.

The simplest things, like getting out of bed in the morning, felt so heavy. The best joys in life, like being with family and creating new connections, felt unsatisfying. Things were  hard and almost unbearable.

I didn’t understand what was creating these feelings, or what I needed to do to change them.

It sounds like such …

Tiny Wisdom: You Make a Difference

By in Greatness, Meaning, Motivation, Possibilities, Quotes

“Act as if what you do makes a difference.  It does.”  -William James

Last year, someone emailed me Seth Godin’s inspiring blog post You Matter. That one act made a huge difference in my day, so I’d like to build on that now.

  • When you show up for the people in your life, even though you’re having a hard day, you make a difference.
  • When you share what you’re dealing with, even though it makes you feel vulnerable, and help other people through your honesty, you make a difference.
  • When you practice what you preach, you make a
…

How to Maintain a Relationship with a Loved One Who’s Hurt You

By in Blog, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~Paul Boese

In a previous post about forgiveness, I mentioned that I spent years holding onto anger toward someone who hurt me repeatedly years ago.

I eventually realized that forgiving this person was the only way to set myself free. The resentment, bitterness, and sometimes pure rage were slowly killing me. They manifested in emotional and physical illness, constricting my life so that I was little more than the sum of my grievances and pains.

At many points I strongly believed my emotions would consume me, bit …

Tiny Wisdom: What Is Truly Great

By in Greatness, Leadership, Quotes

“To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.” -Charles de Montesquieu

There is a very specific type of post I look for when reading guest contributions. It’s not expert advice, though clearly it helps to have a thorough knowledge of a topic. It’s not beautiful prose, though obviously it’s enjoyable to receive a post that reads like poetry.

What I look for is bravery in honesty. You can clarify the wording and expand on the advice, but you can’t create authenticity through editing.

I’d far prefer to read a post about depression from someone …

Changing Your Reality: Turning Hurts into Lessons

By in Blog, change & challenges, meaning & passion

“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~Mary Engelbreit

I wrote a letter to my dad on his 70th birthday this past May. Since it was a milestone of a year, I wanted to really give him something that would be meaningful; however, my ideas weren’t actual items. I sat at my computer and poured my heart into a letter.

Suddenly my mind flashed to a time when writing and creating were constants in my life. I had been honored and recognized for my writing beginning …

Tiny Wisdom: Not Taking No for an Answer

By in Challenges, Confidence, Determination, Quotes, Success

“Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn’t have the power to say yes.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

Many times in life we ask questions of people and then put way too much weight on their answers.

We ask people we admire if they think we have what it takes, and then consider their opinions fact. We ask people we respect if they think we should take a chance, and then follow their advice as law. We ask people if they’ll take a chance on us, and then interpret their response to be a reflection of our potential.

Other people …