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Search Results for "comparison" — 228 posts

How I’m Learning to Feel Confident Without Approval

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“Children need to feel seen. Adults do, too.” ~Unknown

As a teenager, I played the flute for about nine years. I never practiced—apart from that guilt-ridden last half hour prior to my weekly lessons. It was important for my parents that their children learned a musical instrument, and so I was given the flute, while my brother played the clarinet (bizarrely, because our grandmother had wanted someone to play Mozart’s clarinet concerto at her funeral).

Truth be told, I think my brother would have much rather learned the guitar, while I was very envious of his clarinet (he got around …

How I Stopped Feeling Like There Was Something Wrong with Me

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“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” – Zen Shin

In the past, I often felt like I didn’t belong in groups of women.

Sometimes I felt like something was wrong with me, like I was othered in one way or another: too sporty, too quiet, too serious, too emotional, too dumb, too smart, too wild, too normal, too sexual, too prude.

Other times, I felt like something was wrong with all of them. Girls’ nights and bachelorette parties? The screeching voices, the loud laughs, the mundane conversations about makeup, …

Meditation Simplified: How to Find Calm in Our Chaotic World

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“Be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior. You are beneath the thinker. You are the stillness beneath the mental noise. You are the love and joy beneath the pain.” ~Eckhart Tolle

I completed my meditation teacher training in 2022 and continue to practice two to three times each day.

I was initially skeptical of what this practice could possibly offer me. But, as someone who had been riddled with daily anxiety, periodic bouts of depression, and an exhausting inability to maintain focus that left me depleted energetically, I was keen to learn more and discover for myself …

How I Learned That My Pain is Valid and Worthy of My Own Empathy and Love

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“Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Even though you want to run. Even when it’s heavy and difficult. Even though you’re not quite sure of the way through. Healing happens by feeling.” ~Dr. Rebecca Ray

It’s July 2022 and I’m in the middle of a red tent at Shambala Music Festival in British Columbia.

I sit elbow to elbow, knee to knee, heart to heart with a group of women who I am meeting for the first time.

It’s hot and we’re sweaty.

A teacher is leading a healing womb meditation, and she prompts …

When People Are Mean and Refuse to Admit It or Apologize

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“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.” ~Robert Brault

I’ve always tried to distance myself from people who are rude, overly aggressive, and mean. But sometimes we become tied to people who might not have our best interests at heart.

One summer I became involved with a coworker who was at a bad spot in his life. I thought I could help him through this tough time, but just like a swimmer drowning in a pool, he grabbed on and ended up drowning me when I reached out and tried to save him.

After …

My Deepest, Darkest Secret: Why I Never Felt Good Enough

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“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” ~Brené Brown

Lunge, turn, reverse, jump, land and rebound, push, pull, cut, run, double turn, fling, pause…

Not good enough! Smooth the transitions, make it cleaner, find more ease!

Heart pounds, ragged breath, muscles burn…

You need more weight on the lunge and point your damn feet when you jump. Do it again.

Repeat. Lunge, turn, reverse, jump, land and rebound, push, pull, cut, run, double turn, fling, pause…

What is your problem? Why is it so sloppy? Clean it up! Do it again.…

When Positive Messages Feel Bad: Why I’m Changing How I Use Social Media

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“How wonderful that we have met with a paradox. Now we have some hope of making progress.” ~Niels Bohr

Social media is indeed a paradox in that it has the power to be both good and evil simultaneously. Ironically, one of the most harmful things about social media is the abundance of “positive” messages.

You’re probably wondering how something that creates so much comparison, self-doubt, and anxiety can be “too positive.” What I mean is that social media messaging is starting to put a lot of pressure on us to be grateful and optimistic about our life no matter what …

How Befriending My Anxiety and Depression Helped Ease My Pain

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“‘What should I do?’ I asked myself. ‘Spend another two miserable years like this? Or should I truly welcome my panic?’ I decided to really let go of wanting to block, get rid of, or fight it. I would finally learn how to live with it, and to use it as support for my meditation and awareness. I welcomed it for real. What began to happen was that the panic was suspended in awareness. On the surface level was panic, but beneath it was awareness, holding it. This is because the vital first step to breaking the cycle of the …

How I Stopped Procrastinating and Started Creating the Life of My Dreams

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“Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly.” ~Robert H. Schuller

Here’s a confession: I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was thirteen years old when I first discovered the magic of words.

Here’s another: It was only at the ripe old age of twenty-six that I could truthfully call myself a writer.

Why did it take me so long?

I often think about that. Even today, when people ask me about my writing, I struggle to say that I am a writer. I am both proud and horrified, and I constantly wonder, what will I …

Why I’d Rather Be Vulnerable with People Than Pretend I’m Perfect

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“Give up being perfect, for being authentic. Give up the need to be perfect, for the opportunity to be authentic. Be who you are. Love who you are. Others will too.” ~Hal Elrod

I’m not perfect. Not that this would come as any kind of surprise to anyone who knows me. But I often feel pushed in the direction of trying to represent myself as someone who has it all together. Especially because of the nature of my work as a coach and facilitator. What about you? Do you ever feel like you’re putting on a show for others?

The …

5 Tips to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other People

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“No matter what you do, someone won’t be pleased. Someone will think your choices are wrong. And someone will tell you what you should do instead. No matter which path you take, someone will seem to be doing better. Someone will have more than you. And someone else’s life may look more impressive on paper. If you’re being true to yourself, none of that will matter because you’ll have something more satisfying than approval and the illusion of “success”: a life that feels right for you, based on your own wants, needs, values, and priorities.” ~Lori Deschene

Have you ever …

Measuring the Quality of Your Day with a To-Be List (Not Just a To-Do List)

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“Don’t equate your self-worth with how well you do in life.  You aren’t what you do. If you are what you do, then when you don’t…you aren’t.” ~Wayne Dyer

As you crawl into bed, thump your pillow to make the perfect little cave for your head to rest in, pull the covers up tight under your chin, and let go of that big sigh that indicates the day is finished, how do you look back on the waking hours you just experienced? How do you measure the quality of your day?

Measuring Your Day by What You Do

Most of …

6 Mistakes We Make When Depressed or Having a Panic Attack

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“You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.” ~James Allen

When I was eighteen I went through a very stressful period, which led to the onset of panic attacks. I often remember how in bed one night I was suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling of terror. I’d never experienced such fear before. Sure, I was scared of lots of things, but this new feeling was unique.

The most accurate way I can describe it is a kind of animal-like horror. It seemed to have come from the deepest, darkest recesses …

How Singles Can Come Out Stronger After the Pandemic

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“Resilience is all about being able to overcome the unexpected. Sustainability is about survival. The goal of resilience is to thrive.” ~Jamais Cascio

The pandemic has forced us to avoid people, self-isolate, and keep to ourselves.

It might seem like you’re in a position where you don’t have many options. You can’t freely hang out with your friends. You can’t have fun like you used to. Your dating and socializing opportunities are limited. These setbacks can bring to the fore feelings of loneliness, deepen the longing for relationships, and highlight your innate desire for connection.

I know how easy …

How to Motivate Yourself with Kindness Instead of Criticism

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“I don’t always make the best choices, but today I choose compassion over intolerance, sympathy over hatred, and love over fear.” ~LJ Vanier

It’s crazy to me now, to look back and realize how freaking hard I was on myself for decades.

Had I ever talked to anyone else the way I talked to myself, it would surely have left me friendless and jobless, and I definitely would have been kicked out of school.

Basically, I was a bully. Just to myself.

If I said something awkward, I called myself an idiot.

When I couldn’t find the motivation to …

What If Your “Overthinking” Is Actually Good for You?

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“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” ~Marcus Aurelius

Overthinking is common. And everyone is asking us to stop it. Articles like these are abundant:

“7 Signs You Are an Overthinker”

“13 Strategies to Stop Overthinking”

“9 Tips to Overcome Overthinking”

The overthinker in me is starting to question the effectiveness of all this well-meaning advice. If it were that easy to stop, there can’t be so much of it still.

I can’t help but wonder if we are looking at overthinking too negatively. Could overthinking be a part of human nature that actually has …

14 Daily Happiness Habits to Adopt Right Now

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“The biggest lie we’re told is ‘Be with someone who makes you happy.’ The truth is, happiness is something you create on your own. Be with someone who adds to it.” ~Unknown

That’s what we all strive for, right?

Happiness, I mean.

I used to think that happiness was about my external world. If things were going well for me (in my career, social life, relationships, etc.), then I was happy. If things weren’t going well, which things often weren’t in one area or another, I felt frustrated, angry, or defeated.

Later, I realized that long-term happiness isn’t about …

Healing from Abuse and Reclaiming My Dreams

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post mentions sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“Along the way I stopped into a coffee shop. All around me normal, everyday city types were going about their normal, everyday affairs…In spite of which—or, rather, all the more because— here I was, sitting in this coffee shop, drinking my coffee, feeling a desperate loneliness. I alone was the outsider. I had no place here… Here I had no ties to anyone. Fact is, I’d come to reclaim myself.” ~Haruki Murakami

“You don’t have any goals.”

“I wondered why someone your age and …

When You Dance with Discomfort, Surprising Things Can Happen

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“I wish for a world where everyone understands that discomfort is the price of legendary. And fear is just growth coming to get you.” ~Robin S. Sharma

For years, I felt like the most incredible dancer. Whenever I heard music, no matter where I was, I would start moving, at first slowly and then, as the music started to infuse my soul, with increasing abandon. In that moment, I was filled with passion, and I completely let go. It was me and the music—no-one and nothing else. I was in another world.

When I danced in front of …

How to Enjoy Social Media and Stop Comparing Your Life to Others

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“You never know what someone is going through. Be kind, always.” ~Unknown

A few months back I was at the park and passed a family taking what looked like holiday photos.

The mom’s hair was perfectly coifed, dad was nicely shaven and looking quite dapper, and four kids stood smiling between them—all wearing matching khaki and surprisingly clean white shirts.

I watched the khaki family out of the corner of my eye as I pushed a stroller along the gravel trail, thinking of what their holiday post might say as my baby yodeled her displeasure at facing the sun.

“Kayden …