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Why You Might Feel Like You’re Always the Victim in Relationships

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Your relationship to yourself is and always will be directly reflected in all your relationships with others.” ~Vironika Tugaleva

Have you ever heard someone say, “I don’t know why this is happening to me?” or, “My ex is really crazy”? I have said myself, “It’s not my fault he’s a jerk.”

It can be so easy to play the victim. Surely some of us are indeed victimized, but being a victim is a whole new ball game. Pointing the finger was an art for me. Thing is, one finger was pointing at you and three were pointing back at …

Fear Can Only Hurt Us If We Let It

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I lay in bed staring into the darkness feeling physically ill with an acute sense of anxiety the like of which I hadn’t experienced in quite some time.

It felt like I had a soccer ball sized, black, …

4 Powerful Mantras to Help You Deal with Fear and Anxiety

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Trust that, when you are not holding yourself together so tightly, you will not fall apart. Trust that it is more important to fulfill your authentic desires than listen to your fears. Trust that your intuition is leading you somewhere. Trust that the flow of life contains you, is bigger than you, and will take care of you—if you let it.” ~Vironika Tugaleva

Anxiety has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. But a year ago marked my first full-blown panic attack.

As is common with first-time panic attacks, I had no idea …

How Meditation Can Help Us Heal from Trauma, Pain, and Loss

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“In the midst of conscious suffering, there is already the transmutation. The fire of suffering becomes the light of consciousness.” ~Eckhart Tolle

I still remember the first day I met her.

I was running a bodywork clinic from home at the time, and she came to me one day for a treatment. Let’s call her Miranda.

Miranda had something about her that I noticed immediately, a palpable sense of peace and clarity that shone through her eyes and radiated out from her very core.

She seemed to be the most spiritually grounded person I had ever come across. I conveyed …

Be Fully Present with Your Loved Ones While You Have the Chance

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Before someone’s tomorrow has been taken away, cherish those you love, appreciate them today.” ~Michelle C. Ustaszeski

One day after being on a spiritual path for many years, I stood in my art studio, happy to be creating a new painting. Content in my life, I was married to a great guy and raising two young boys that brought me so much joy.

My life was perfect. Well, not exactly, but I definitely had moments of thinking it was, and this happened to be one of those moments.

I had come a long way. Gone were the …

You Have a Choice: Your Future Can Be Better Than Your Past

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.” ~Mary Oliver

On the January 17, 2000, I was in a car crash. I was living in France at the time. I don’t remember much about the crash. I know that we all walked out of the car relatively unscathed. Shocked, scared, and confused, yes. Injured, no.

I remember thinking that I should probably call my mum and dad back in England. Tell them what happened. What I didn’t know in that moment was that back in …

“Toxic” People Often Need Compassion the Most

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Plato

By all standard definitions, I used to be an energy vampire. I lived in my own self-created drama, prone to rages, complaints, and self-pity. I exhausted the people around me and played games of control, superiority, and victimhood.

I’ve heard this bundle of behaviors called a “personality type,” and I think that is as obscene as saying that a hungry person has a “Hungry Personality Type.”

An energy vampire, by definition, is someone who cannot create or sustain their own positive energy, so they take it from …

In a Rut? Your Second-Grade Self Knows What to Do

By in Blog, meaning & passion

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.” ~Pablo Picasso

It amazes me how often our personalities, habits, and interests as adults resemble the same ones that we had as elementary-aged kids. In fact, I’m convinced that when we are feeling lost, in a rut, or at a crossroads, we should consider the wisdom we had as eight-year-olds.

I first became aware of my love for writing when I was in second grade. When my teacher created a class newspaper, giving each student an individual piece of paper on which to …

Bounce Back and Thrive: The Secret to Turning Adversity into Opportunity

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Sweet are the uses of adversity which, like the toad, ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in his head.” ~William Shakespeare                                                                        

It’s hard for me to write about this. I suppose it stems from being a mutt of Italian and Irish ancestry, two cultures famous for intense pride and keeping personal things “in the family.”

I wonder if my parents ever loved each other.

By the time I was eight years old, it was clear they did not get along. I never witnessed them getting along, or even being affectionate toward one another. But I always felt …

Having Too Much to Do Isn’t the Problem

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care and love—even the most simple action.” ~Eckhart Tolle

As a young girl I danced a lot. I really loved it and so learned every style of dancing available at my dance school (and took up more and more of my mom’s time driving me back and forth to class and making untold numbers of dance costumes for me).

Around my …

A Powerful Guide for People-Pleasers (and a Giveaway!)

By in Blog, love & relationships

Update: The winners for this giveaway are Galit Erez and Granny Nate.

I’ve often wondered if I suppressed my tears when I was born, in fear of upsetting the doctor and my parents.

I wouldn’t be surprised to learn this about myself, as many of my childhood memories involve a fear of causing trouble, and an even greater fear of the consequences.

As I grew older, I began to shape-shift to please the people around me. It was exhausting, but I frequently tried to control their perception of me so I could feel confident I was likely to receive …

Escaping the Trap of “Shoulds” and Doing What You Want to Do

By in Blog, meaning & passion

“If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.” ~Maya Angelou

I’ve never done things the “normal” way. Yes, I graduated from high school and went on to college, but then I didn’t go the job-marriage-house-baby route.

After I had my degree in hand, I moved to Vermont to work at a ski lodge. After a few months of that I packed up all of my belongings and traveled around the country, landing in Montana. I spent a few months there, sleeping on a mattress laid on the bare floor in an …

How To Stop Giving Up On Yourself And Reach Your Full Potential

By in Blog, meaning & passion, work fulfillment

“Live up to your potential, not down to other people’s expectations.” 

“Are you okay?” asked one of my editors.

“Yeah,” I said. But I wasn’t.

It was 11.30pm and I had just returned from a lengthy press conference where a major political announcement had just been made. My article was due in the next twenty minutes.

A panic attack was quietly tightening its grip on me.

Although I didn’t want to admit it, work was beginning to feel like Groundhog Day.

I wanted to write, but in the fast-paced newsroom where I worked as a junior reporter close to fourteen …

We Have to Love Ourselves Enough to Say No Sometimes

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

I’m a people pleaser. I know so many of us are. We want to see everyone around us happy and do our best to make this happen. This can mean anything from being kind, to offering favors, to lending a helping hand, or simply just being there, being supportive.

But, it can also mean not knowing how to say no, apologizing incessantly, spending money when we’d rather not, reaching beyond our emotional means, and stretching ourselves so thin we barely have any energy …

When You’ve Fallen for Someone Who Isn’t Right for You Right Now

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You have to learn to get up from the table when love is not being served.” ~Nina Simone

I completely fell for someone.

It was one of those instantaneous connections, the kind that movies are made of. That’s how it was in my head, at least.

But it didn’t matter, as I was moving to another city, traveling, and exploring by this point. There was no way anything was going to happen, because there was no space in either of our lives for it.

Almost a year later, we found our way back to each other. It was fireworks. Long …

Thanking the Thankless: A Little Praise Can Go a Long Way

By in Blog, love & relationships

“The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.” ~Dalai Lama

The school bus driver that I had throughout elementary and middle school was invariably grouchy. She was gruff and intimidating; she had a look affixed to her face that could best be described as a perma-scowl. As far as I could tell, all of the kids on the bus were afraid of her.

And so it perplexed me each year on the last day before Christmas break when my mom handed me a box of chocolates for me to give to my bus driver as …

How to Show Your Friends You Appreciate Them

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Life without friendship is like the sky without the sun.” ~Unknown

You love your friends. They’ve been with you through good times and bad. They are the rare breed of humans that accept your weirdness, accept your authentic self, and even love you for it.

You wholeheartedly appreciate them. When you’re with them, you get an overwhelming sense of thankfulness that you have this wonderful human being in your life.

Sometimes, however, you get a sense that you wish you could let that person know just how much they truly mean to you.

Offering to buy a cup of …

5 Limiting Beliefs That Sabotage Your Dreams

By in Blog, meaning & passion

“Remember your dreams and fight for them.” ~Paulo Coelho

You have a dream. Something that you’ve wanted for a long time. But that dream continues to elude you.

You blame circumstances—your daily responsibilities, lack of time, finances—or perhaps your family for holding you back.

What if none of the above is to blame for your dreams not coming true?

What if it’s something else?

Madison Square Garden, New York, 18,000 people 

Four of us performing. Our band’s name—Oracle. Thousands of fans singing along with us.

That was my dream. Our dream. And it never happened!

In the year 2000, we …

Come ALIVE: Appreciate, Love, Imagine, Validate, and Enjoy Yourself

By in Blog, change & challenges

“To be awake is to be alive.” ~Henry David Thoreau

I am back to reality and civilization after a ten-day silent meditation in nature.

No talking. No cell phones. No technology of any kind. It was so peaceful. Exactly what I needed.

Last year was one of the hardest years I’ve ever experienced. I lost everything, including myself.

I take full responsibility for my actions and decisions during that difficult time of my life. I chose to stay in a relationship fully knowing that it no longer served me. In fact, it had become toxic.

I didn’t leave sooner because …

Letting Go of Anger: Forgiveness Is a Choice and a Process

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“Forgiving someone doesn’t mean condoning their behavior. It doesn’t mean forgetting how they hurt you or giving that person room to hurt you again. Forgiving someone means making peace with what happened. It means acknowledging your wound, giving yourself permission to feel the pain, and recognizing why that pain no longer serves you. It means letting go of the hurt and resentment so that you can heal and move on. ~Daniell Koepke

My father leaned back in his overstuffed recliner, eating the double-chocolate raspberry gelato I had just bought for him as he stared entranced at the television.

His feeble …