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5 Ways to Create Amazing Friendships

By in Blog, love & relationships

“To have a friend and be a friend is what makes life worthwhile.” ~Unknown

Studies show that perhaps the most important component of psychological well-being is not family, material possessions, or career successes, but rather our friendships.

For someone like me, that is terrifying news.

I have few friends. There are several reasons for that: I’ve moved often throughout my life, I’m an introvert, and I was always deeply afraid of rejection. But the root cause was that I never learned how to be a friend.

Books and movies became my source of information about friendship and, as a …

How to Reclaim Your Energy So You Can Follow Your Dreams

By in Blog, happiness & fun, meaning & passion

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” ~Dan Millman

I don’t care who you are or where you live, we all have one thing in common: We like to dream—to close our eyes and imagine that we’re living the life we were meant to lead. It’s a desire that’s imbedded in our DNA. To want more. Achieve more. Become more.

It’s why we start new businesses, write novels, learn to play the guitar, get our MBA, change careers, learn to cook, sew, or speak Swahili.

We’re …

How Your Expectations Can Hold You Back and Keep You Unhappy

By in Blog, happiness & fun, letting go

“My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportions to my expectations.” ~Anonymous

I used to be quite the model student. I thrived at university and seemed to be meeting all the expectations of our milestone-society.

Having chosen a Business Masters at a well-established university in the Netherlands, I was being schooled for a corporate career in a multinational firm, which I thought was what I wanted for myself.

I was led to believe that a shiny-bright future was waiting for me as soon as I acquired this magical piece of paper, and who doesn’t want …

How to Cultivate Hope When the World Feels Dark and Scary

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Everything you can imagine is real.” ~Pablo Picasso

The world is so broken. We are broken. We all need healing.

Recent events worldwide are terrifying and sad. This cold and dark time of year is a challenge for many.

Some of us feel every little thing. We feel everyone’s pain. We are empaths who care for every person, every animal, and the whole world.

Many of my loved ones and friends are like this. My partner’s father recalls that on a trip to a large city nearby (my partner was eight), they saw people living on the street and asking …

8 Simple Ways to Brighten Someone’s Day

By in Blog, love & relationships

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a tent with a mosquito.” ~African Proverb

I have a love-hate relationship with airports.

On the one hand, it’s the perfect place to people-watch. I mean, how can you not tear up when you see a kid running to give a returning parent a giant hug? Or two lovers reuniting and smiling from ear to ear when they lay eyes on each other? You are witness to perfect snippets of pure, genuine emotional connection.

On the other hand, airports can be a drag. Long line-ups, having …

What to Do When You Love Someone Who Hurts You

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” ~Pema Chödrön

There is a person in my life who I love with all my heart, but in this relationship I struggle to keep a full cup myself. They are family, the situation is complicated and tender. But learning to have compassion for this other person begins with having compassion for myself.

A nasty divorce spanning most of my childhood set the stage for our current situation. My mother was deeply emotionally wounded by my father, and carried that pain into her parenting of my …

Why Silence Is Often the Best Response to a Verbal Attack

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Have the maturity to sometimes know that silence is more powerful than having the last word.” ~Thema Davis

It all started with the forks.

“You need to return my forks,” my roommate demanded one morning as I sat in the kitchen attempting to get some work done.

“I have already said that I don’t have them. We told you that the other roommate has been hiding them,” I replied.

She began raising her voice at me, “I can’t believe you would accuse her. You’re just a mean, nasty person!”

I slowly turned around and said calmly, “Today is my birthday, …

How to Make Peace with the Past and Stop Being a Victim

By in Blog, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” ~Harvey Fienstein

Do you usually feel as if everything bad that can happen will happen, and it will happen to you?

You must be the unluckiest person on the face of the planet. Opportunities never work out. Doors that should open close in your face. Friends let you down. Bosses don’t see your value. There seems to be a universal conspiracy to keep you stuck right where you are now.

You feel like your life is always going to be like this.…

How to Get the Excitement of a Fresh Start Every Day

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.” ~Nikos Kazantzakis

One minute I was a young warrior in a guild of travelers, the next, a middle-aged aristocrat in a strange Victorian world.

A pretty standard day. Oh, did I forget to mention where I was?

I was at a role-playing convention. That was over twenty years ago. Here’s how the fun worked.

Every three to four hours, I would play a different session. That means I would become a new character and go on new adventures in another world, with different people. It was …

Why We Don’t Need to Try So Hard to Be Better

By in Blog, change & challenges

“To heal a wound, you need to stop touching it.” ~Unknown

I’ve always been an overachiever. In sixth grade, I spent weeks memorizing over five pages of the poem “Horatius at the Bridge” for extra credit, even though I already had an A in the class.

When I started therapy in my mid-twenties to deal with depression and panic attacks, I turned my overachieving tactics to self-improvement. I spent hours journaling, going to meetings, talking to mentors, reading books, and beating myself up when I fell into old habits.

I always worried: Was I doing it right? Was I …

Increase Your Self-Love: 8 Ways to Be Good to Yourself

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.” ~Buddha

Someone asked me a couple of years ago out of ten, how much did I love myself? I said four. I had to give my immediate, intuitive answer, as this was the honest truth.

Four! That came as a shock to me. It’s low. I thought I was pretty good with myself. I’m smart, multitalented, not bad looking, generally happy, I have lots of friends and enjoy life.

But now the truth began to shine. With introspection I could see why the …

Why Advice Doesn’t Help When We’re Hurting (and What Does)

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we’re listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” ~Karl A. Menninger

I remember my first call like it was yesterday.

I answered the phone, heart beating out of my chest, hand firm on a sheet of local emergency phone numbers.

The voice on the other end was full of… meek embarrassment.

Not exactly what I was expecting.

“Uhh, I’m really sorry… I’m not, uhh… I’m not suicidal…. I just… I just had a …

Coping with Loss and Heartbreak: How to Get Through the Pain

By in Blog

“The unendurable is the beginning of the curve of joy.” ~Djuna Barnes

November, 2014. A story you’ve heard a million times. The person I believed with all my heart to be “the one” ceased to feel the same way about me.

My heart and soul shattered, I had no desire to live, the whole works.

Having your heart broken, especially by someone you truly loved is, from my perspective, the worst kind of pain there is. It makes you lose all sense of self, reality, purpose, and faith. To me, it felt like my soul was being severed …

How to Let Go of the Stuff That Keeps You Emotionally Stuck

By in Blog, letting go

“The totality of my possessions reflects the totality of my being. I am what I have … What is mine is myself.” ~Jean Paul Sartre

What kind of relationship do you have with your stuff?

Embracing who we are naturally requires a letting go of who we aren’t, but perhaps want to be. That ties directly to our physical belongings, which can renew and inspire us in the direction we’re headed—or hold us back.

Over the years, I’ve found that the objects with the most powerful grip on us are not necessarily those we use frequently and with ease, but …

You Don’t Have to Adjust Who You Are to Please Others

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“If you are busy pleasing everyone, you are not being true to yourself.” ~Jocelyn Murray

Do you say yes to things only to keep people happy?

Do you fear saying and doing what you actually want?

I know how that feels.

From a young age, I was the polite, good girl. I rarely rebelled. I wanted to keep everyone happy. I thought that if I was honest I’d be rejected. That those closest to me wouldn’t love me. I thought I’d end up alone.

At friends’ houses, asked what I’d like to drink or eat, I would always respond with …

Are You Being Too Supportive? (Yes, There is Such a Thing)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“We cripple people who are capable of walking because we choose to carry them.” ~Christie Williams

Years ago, I had a dear friend who needed a lot of support for various reasons. She was working hard to find her way out of a dark period. She had suffered traumas and tragedies—things I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Her life really did resemble a roller coaster ride. It was heartbreaking to watch her struggle, exciting when things would be on the upswing, and upsetting again when things would spiral downhill.

Because I had known her almost my whole life and because I …

Why Strong, Brave People Aren’t Afraid to Quit

By in Blog, letting go

“Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

Throughout my life I’ve quit many things.

I quit a reasonably ‘sexy’ job title and steady paycheck.

I quit a six-year relationship with an essentially giving and loving person.

I quit being a yoga teacher after investing heavily in getting qualified.

I’ve quit many courses halfway through like calligraphy (of all things), ‘life design map’ courses, and online courses for all sorts of random things.

I quit therapy once, before they told me we were ‘done.’

I’ve quit several crappy part-time jobs when I first started …

When You’ve Lost Your Job: How to Start Moving Forward

By in Blog, work fulfillment

“If you can’t fly then run. If you can’t run then walk. If you can’t walk then crawl. But whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.

For five years, I worked for an incredible little company that makes creative products for creative people.

I first joined the company as the marketing director and over time, moved into a top executive role. It was a wonderful adventure with passionate people and incredible learnings, challenges, and joys. And then it wasn’t. I was laid off.

Suddenly I, among other top executives, managers, and team members, found …

How Technology Makes It Easy to Flake Out (And How to Stop It)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.” ~Unknown

How many times have you made plans with friends, only to receive the dreaded, “Sorry, need to reschedule” text just minutes before you were meant to meet?

Is it any wonder that you get tired of trying, that you struggle to feel secure in relationships?

But before we get carried away castigating others, let’s take a look at ourselves. We hate it when other people bail at the last minute, but do we do it too?

As humans, we have an astonishing …

How I Used My Phone as a Crutch and What I Know Now

By in Blog, love & relationships

“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” ~Joseph F Newton

Can you imagine your life without a cell phone?

It’s hard, right?

For most of us, we use our phones every day, whether it’s for talking with others, looking up information, or entertaining ourselves during those lulls in the day.

A short while back, my phone contract expired and I was left without a cell phone. It felt strange at first, since my phone was something that was beside me almost every second of the day.

But a thought came up: What would my life be like …