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Category “love & relationships”

The Most Important Thing to Ask Yourself After a Breakup

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“The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.” ~Ralph Blum

Divorce. Not an activity that I ever had on my to-do list and not something I contemplated when I got engaged in Paris. Who does?

We’ve all heard the statistics that one in three marriages ends in divorce. Yet this is something that happens to someone else and certainly not a possibility to focus on while skipping down the aisle.

People change or they don’t, as the case may be. Unless both parties are exceptional communicators, it can be challenging to stay on the …

How Painful Relationships Can Be The Best Teachers

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“Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.” ~Unknown

“This is it,” I thought. I finally found the man I had been waiting for.

Of course, it had taken me thirty-nine years and a painful divorce from my husband of ten years. But that was all worth it, I told myself, because it had led me to the man who seemed to see, understand, and love me the way I had always hoped someone would.

Things were blissful in beginning. We made breakfasts together, took romantic vacations to exotic locations, we fantasized about buying vacation houses. Our developing …

3 Signs It’s Time to Break Up

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“Celebrate endings, for they precede new beginnings.” ~Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There was an incessant doubt deep inside that wouldn’t subside. It followed me everywhere—through the good times and the rough times.

By “good,” I mean things were okay. They were never great, ecstatic, wildly passionate, and deeply connected.

I tried to escape it, block it out, ignore it, and pretend this nagging feeling would eventually disappear.

But my heart wasn’t skipping a beat. The spark had long disappeared. I never had butterflies thinking about him. I felt myself slowly withdrawing.

And I couldn’t figure out why was this happening.

He …

How To Respond When Someone Takes Advantage of You

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“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~Maya Angelou

Several months ago, I moved into a new house. During the inspection of my old house, I was expecting to receive my whole security deposit back.

I didn’t. The landlady took advantage of the situation and withheld part of my deposit.

She charged me the price of cleaning the whole house even though I was only renting a room in the house. And she charged for me something that was already damaged when I moved in, falsely …

How to Let Go of Guilt and Regret and Forgive Yourself

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“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~Paul Boes

In October of 2010 I was engaged after only three weeks of dating. I was scared to tell my family, but I was terrified to tell my father. My parents divorced when I was five, and I couldn’t spend weekends at Dad’s because he lived thousands of miles away. I saved him for last and decided to take the cowardly way out by emailing him.

It was not the best decision I’ve ever made. Not only did it infuriate and hurt him, it ended up producing …

Healing from Heartbreak: How to Lessen the Pain

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“To get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over. No matter how many times you revisit it, analyze it, regret it, or sweat it…it’s over.” ~Mandy Hale

Heartbreak. It’s a hard thing to go through. And the pain—it’s real, isn’t it? Like tangible pain. Almost as if that person, throughout the time we were with them, emblazoned our hearts with tiny little hooks and, one by one, they’re being wrenched out. Sounds dramatic, but that’s how it felt to me!

This recent breakup has been the most significant in my life so far. …

How to Use Your Anger to Help Yourself

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“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.” ~Carl Jung

I’ve experienced many degrees of anger throughout my life.

There’s the fleeting and mild kind of anger that hit me when I realized I forgot to pack my toothbrush, or when a friend was tardy again for our morning hike.

Then, there’s the corroding and strong kind of anger that I felt when I discovered that my husband had been lying to me for months.

Half-truths about his after-work activities and the people he met during those activities led to an affair, and …

How Understanding Can Lead to Forgiveness and Fulfillment

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“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.” ~John Green

I remember growing up in a lonely home. My parents were distant, and it seemed they didn’t care much about me. Their lives were all about them, so I didn’t care much about them.

My sister and I hated Christmas and New Year’s Eve because we never got any gifts or toys during that period.

We used to be so lonely at home, and we couldn’t play with the neighbors’ kids because our parents didn’t allow it. I grew up having no friends, up until …

6 Mindful Habits to Help You Stop Worrying and Start Loving Yourself

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“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow. It only saps today of its joy.” ~Leo Buscaglia

We all want to be happy, but sometimes we hold ourselves back from that possibility. It can be a sad but liberating truth. We all have that voice inside our head. You know the one I’m talking about. Sometimes we listen even when we know we shouldn’t.

That voice is most often the source of our own self-sabotage. That voice can be the cause of our own misery.

I know because I used to listen to this voice—every single day, all the time. …

Be Part of the Next Tiny Buddha Book: 365 Tiny Love Challenges

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*The deadline to submit a story has now passed. Thank you to everyone who submitted one! You will receive an email by the end of November if I’d like to include your story in the book.

When I started this site in 2009, after struggling for over a decade with depression, bulimia, and shame-induced isolation, I hoped it would be a place where we could all feel less alone with our struggles and more empowered to overcome them. I’m beyond thrilled to see that’s just what Tiny Buddha has become.

Over the past five years, I’ve been honored to help …

Releasing Comparisons: No One Is Perfect and We All Deserve Love

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“Comparison is the thief of joy.” ~Theodore Roosevelt

I spent my teenage years and early twenties believing that my weight was my worth; that I had to look and be a particular way to be accepted or loved.

I lived in a negative cycle of comparing myself to everyone. I remember sitting in on one of my lectures in university, trying to work out if my lecturer was fatter or thinner than me.

I look back now and wonder how many times I missed the fun and parties I was too scared to go to because I felt too …

How to Stop Saying Yes When You Want to Say No

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“Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself” ~Sonya Parker

I am a sucker for saying yes.

Sometimes I even find myself thinking “no, no, no, no” and then I blurt out “yes.”

Why is it so difficult to say the word “no”? It’s just a word, right?

After feeling trapped for some time by my excessive urge to be agreeable, it got me thinking.

I asked myself why it was so important for me to please everyone, to the point that I …

Marrying Joy: You’re the One You’ve Been Waiting For

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“Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be.” ~Alan Watts

There had been other voices asking such questions as “How can this be happening?” and “When will this end?” that I understood: My partner was planning his honeymoon before our divorce was final.

After the divorce, a voice asked a question I didn’t understand, “Will you marry me?”

“Marry me” popped into my head at what seemed to me the least likely times: talking zip codes with my new mailman at my new home, passing strangers on the street, visiting old friends, …

5 Simple Ways to Quickly Resolve Conflict with Your Partner

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“Don’t make a permanent decision for your temporary emotion.” ~Unknown

You have a small disagreement with your partner, and before you know it, it escalates into a big fight. Sound familiar?

You then get dreadfully grumpy. You stick your head in the ground like an ostrich and ignore your partner. You think that you have the right to be grumpy or even angry.

You’re in “war” mode now, and you want to win the battle. You dig a trench, jump into it, and arm yourself with weapons.

You barely listen to a word your partner says, and all you want …

Why Walking Away Is Sometimes the Most Compassionate Choice

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“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals.” ~Pema Chodron

In May 2012, I was appointed guardian and conservator of my father, and my brother was appointed co-guardian. Our father was declared mentally incompetent by the county court.

My father was, and is, an alcoholic. When I was growing up, he was an abusive alcoholic. He gave out wounds like gifts. He used words to cut us open, and then he threatened us with salt.

I lived in hypervigilance, and I learned that being alone, quiet, and invisible was the safest state …

Making Love Last, Even When It’s Long-Distance

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“Love as much as you can from wherever you are.” ~Thaddeus Golas

At the time I’m writing this article, I have been in a relationship for 1,369 days out of which 716 have been long-distance.

Yes, I keep track of the days, not just the months or the years, because I live every day, not every month.

I will not pretend the long-distance part has been an easy journey; and anyone who has dabbled even for a little bit in the idea of long-distance relationships can tell you that it takes a lot of love, but more importantly it takes …

What Happens When We Don’t Say What We Think and Feel

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“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” ~George Bernard Shaw

Can we just talk?

Those words can be a buzzkill on dates, and yet talking is the most profound interaction we will ever have with another human being.

A while back, my husband walked into the kitchen where I was reading an article on my phone and asked me if I had a chance to get a Father’s Day card for his dad (who lives in Canada). I said no I didn’t, and, since it was eight in the evening, I’d get it …

7 Ways to Put Life Back into Your Relationship

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“Eventually you will come to realize that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” ~Gary Zukav

I was always a hopeless romantic. Since I was a little girl, I craved love and the fairy tale romance.

Growing up in a two-parent home, I was very fortunate to see that it was, in fact, possible. In my teen years, I remember fantasizing about the cute boy with the dimples and how he would take me to prom and eventually carry me over the threshold after our wedding night.

I thought that all relationships were unicorns and rainbows, but after …

Can You Make Your Brain Fall Out of Love?

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“Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter.” ~Unknown

A long time ago now, but once I was in a relationship that was full of great passion and hot desire, but it was also addictive, distracting, and destructive.

When I noticed that it was ultimately bad for me, I knew I had to “get out.” So, I went cold turkey, as they say, and broke up, thinking I would be able to handle it.

Unfortunately, it was much harder than I thought it would be. Every morning I woke up and found myself in the …

Dealing with a Relationship Crisis: How a Little Distance Can Bring You Closer

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“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to go forward.” ~C.S. Lewis

When you’re in the middle of any sort of relationship crisis, the very last thing you want to do is let go. Conflict with someone you love often makes you want to do the very opposite, especially when the other person is already doubting the future of the relationship.

When we’re feeling threated by the loss of someone we love, we act from a place of fear. Our stress hormones sky rocket as …