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Developing Self-Compassion When You Don’t Think You’re Enough

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“He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.” ~Lao Tzu

I’m at war with enoughness.

My stomach isn’t flat enough; I’m not extroverted enough; I don’t have enough money in my wallet; I’m not creative enough; I’m not getting enough work done.

There are times when the Jaws of Life cannot free me from my expectations and negative self-talk. The battle with enoughness is a vicious cycle. 

Here’s an example: I’m both shy and introverted, so I’m afraid of being judged and I prefer quiet environments.

I was easily overlooked in school because I was reluctant …

The Greatest Lesson We Learn When Someone Is Unkind

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“I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind.” ~Khalil Gibran

I recently travelled to Malaysia for a friend’s wedding where I spent four delicious days communing with wild monkeys and feasting on sticky rice. The people were kind and warm, the culture rich, the trip magical.

On my last day in Kuala Lumpur, I was headed out to buy souvenirs for family and friends when I stumbled across the most beautiful temple—filled with ornate gold and red statues, air thick with sweet-smelling smoke.

I wandered around, overcome with majesty, trying to breathe …

When You Compromise Yourself to Help Other People

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“The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

When I entered into a relationship with my ex-boyfriend four years ago, I felt I had found a kindred spirit. We met at a meditation retreat where we both volunteered in the kitchen.

I found myself touched by the sincerity of his smile and the kindness and compassion he showed to everyone as Kitchen Manager.

He had lost his leg in childhood but was never bitter, self-conscious, or self-defeated. He amazed me with his ability to …

Letting Go of Stubbornness: Appreciate Your Loved Ones While You Can

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“Before someone’s tomorrow has been taken away, cherish those you love, appreciate them today. “ ~Michelle C. Ustaszeski

My brother Greg and I were the closest of friends growing up, even if you weigh in the occasional tiff or disagreement we sometimes had.

We discovered our favorite toys together as kids, rode bikes side by side, and conquered video games as a two-man team. Even well into our teenage years, we were an inseparable pair, always looking out for one another.

The fact that our father died of a brain tumor when we were young had forged a deep understanding …

7 Ways to Form Deep, Meaningful Friendships

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“To have a friend and be a friend is what makes life worthwhile.” ~Unknown

I am fascinated by friendships.

Not the acquaintances you see occasionally or the Facebook friends who wouldn’t recognize you on the street.

I’m talking about your real people. The people who know and love the deepest parts of you. Their soul sees yours.

They’re the kind of people you can talk to about how hard it’s been to meditate lately or what’s really going on in your marriage. They’re the kind of people you call for a ride when you get a flat tire and they’re …

Finding the Courage to Let Go of the Familiar and Make a Change

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“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.” ~Raymond Lindquist

I’ve been processing my beliefs on courage since I turned 31.

When I was in my 20s and teens, my idea of courage was that you fight until the death, never give up, be the one to say the last word, and always, always prove your point. And yet, I spent most of those years feeling unseen and unheard by my family and friends.

I felt completely isolated and exhausted, yet I wasn’t expressing these feelings. (Not to say I hold regret; in my journey I had …

4 Questions to Help You Know When to Say No

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“It is not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: what are we busy about?” ~Henry David Thoreau

A couple of years ago my friends and I went on a weekend retreat to honor our dear friend’s fortieth birthday. It was supposed to be a relaxing weekend filled with yoga and meditation at an ashram in the mountains.

But I had a serious problem with the retreat: I actually brought work with me! As an educator, it seems I am perpetually behind with my grading. And so I brought a whole stack of midterm exams with …

When Your Friend’s Happy News Fills You with Envy Instead of Joy

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“It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered.” ~Aeschylus

It’s crazy, isn’t it?

Your best friend enthusiastically shares some big news. You say all the right things and display the right emotions. But inside you’re burning up. Instead for feeling truly happy, you’re filled with uncontrollable envy.

It’s not that you’re a bad person. You really want to feel happy for your friend. You really want to get rid of these feeling of envy. But in the moment, you just can’t.

When the Green-Eyed Monster Took Me Over

A …

You are Enough: A Tiny Manual for Being Your True Self

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“Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be.” ~Alan Watts

When I was in third grade, I loved to hang upside down on the monkey bars on the playground of my all-girls school in Philadelphia.

I would lock my little pale knees over the gray steel rods and then carefully let my hands go to swing upside down, like a pendulum in a pleated skirt.

This meant I had to bravely trust that my normally feeble strength would be sufficient to suspend me.

It was always a victorious feeling when the backs …

Why We Lie to Ourselves and How It Creates Tension

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“That I feed the hungry, forgive an insult, and love my enemy…. these are great virtues.
But what if I should discover that the poorest of the beggars and the most impudent of offenders are all within me, and that I stand in need of the alms of my own kindness; that I myself am the enemy who must be loved? What then?” ~Carl Jung

Mornings are delicious in the desert. In a summer climate that pushes above 100 degrees day after day, you learn to appreciate lingering cool gifts of pre-dawn hours.

I’m typically awake by 5am these days. …

Free Yourself from Regret and Transform Your Life

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“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.” ~Marianne Williamson

I always had a hard time accepting all of me. As early as I can remember others defined me by saying “You are so weird.” Not in a malicious way but more in a “you don’t fit into our familiar box” sort of way.

I spent most of my teens and twenties attempting to conform to others or numbing myself to a point of not caring what they thought. If someone would have told me that forgiveness and compassion would lead me to …

7 Ways to Cope With the Grief of Heartbreak

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“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” ~C.S. Lewis

Shock. That was the first feeling. Shock and disbelief.

This isn’t really happening. Denial.

Look into her eyes. Slow realization. I’m not dreaming. Fear.

Wave upon wave of torrential sadness. Messy.

We’d been in a long-distance relationship, and as far as I was aware, everything was inutterably perfect. I was as happy as I’d ever been; I was in love.

For months, I’d been planning to travel across the country to see her. …

Win a Free Copy of Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself

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UPDATE: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. 

The winners:

  • Antwanette Miller
  • Rebecca

This may seem like Déjà vu, because I published an almost identical post last Friday. It’s now a new week (soon to be weekend) and a new chance to win a copy of Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself!

For those of you who already bought a copy, I hope you’re enjoying it!

And I have a special request for you: Since it’s brand new, there are currently only four reviews on Amazon. (Thank you so much to those of you who responded to …

Why Accepting Your Imperfections Is a Gift to the World

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“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~Anna Quindlen

Being yourself seems like it would be an easy thing, right? Just be! But when you’re someone who has lived their life seeking the approval of others constantly, it’s not such an easy thing.

You have to attempt to move past years of trying to appear this way, wondering if people will judge you if do that, or doing your best not to cause waves and avoid conflict.

When you don’t fully understand who your “self” …

Are You in Love with the Idea of Being in Love?

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“When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~Viktor Frankl

“But no. We can give it another chance; I know we can. We just have to try harder…” were my desperate words to him as he was breaking up with me for the second time.

As I am reading those words out loud, I feel a little sting in my heart. It’s been a while since I revisited this experience and for some reason, it feels bittersweet.

It’s been about nine months since he told me that he didn’t see a future for us, …

Book Giveaway: Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself

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UPDATE: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. They are:

  • Sunny Kharbanda
  • UnicaPoet

It’s been 10 days since the launch of Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, and I’m excited to share that the book has been a bestseller in Amazon’s self-esteem category since then.

For those of you who already bought a copy, I hope you’re enjoying it!

And I have a special request for you: Since it’s brand new, there’s currently only one review on Amazon. Those reviews go a long way in influencing people who may benefit from the book.

If you’ve found the …

Forgiving In a Situation That Feels Unjust

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“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” ~Unknown

There I was: numb from a conclusion of a dismissal based on a finding that there was “no reasonable prospect of success.”

Harassed, bullied, victimized, stalked both in-person and online, the Human Rights Tribunal tossed me into another discarded pile of victims to be ignored by the courts because a group of goons were cleaver enough to hide the body of proof.

My assailants comprised of four individuals. One was a divorced teacher …

Patience Is a Virtue but Don’t Wait to Be Happy

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“Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don’t have to live forever; you just have to live.” ~Natalie Babbitt

And don’t wait to say what you need to say. And don’t wait to live the life you want to live.

Yesterday we lost a dear friend to cancer. Ken was sixty-eight. Five months ago he and I hung out on the beach drinking out of coconuts with a straw. We were at a personal growth retreat that my husband and I conduct every winter in Mexico.

He was the happiest I had ever seen him …

Lessons from a Former Liar: The Power of Owning Our Stories

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“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” ~Brené Brown

I don’t know about you, but I used to lie. I used to lie a lot. I remember one particular instance when I lied about being a passenger in a drive-by.

I lied about my age, my weight, and the reason for the injuries on my body. Sure, I’d just bruised myself by walking into a table, but it made a much more seductive story if I told people that I’d fallen from the rooftop of …

Book Giveaway: Guide to Loving Yourself and In the Garden of Thoughts

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UPDATE: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. They are:

  • Vanessa Fisher
  • ljchern
  • kbennett10486
  • Jon

Today I’m excited to run a giveaway for two books that I believe complement each other nicely—the site’s latest collaborative project, Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself and In the Garden of Thoughts, a New York Times bestselling inspirational book, written by my new friend Dodinsky.

About In the Garden of Thoughts

I was fortunate to connect with Dodinsky on Facebook, where he runs a popular page called “Positive Outlooks” that’s followed by over two million people.

Though his heartening images and …