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How the Word No Can Help You Achieve Your Goals

By in Blog, change & challenges

“If you lose today, win tomorrow.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

From the moment we learn to walk and touch things, we hear the word no far more than we will ever hear the word yes.

“No, don’t touch that.” “No, that’s not for you.” “No, you shouldn’t eat paint chips.” OK, maybe that last one was just me, but you get the picture.

We are told no so much more than we are ever told yes during the course of growing up, so why is it as adults that hearing the word no can be so devastating? Shouldn’t we be used to …

Tiny Wisdom: On Creating Happiness

By in Happiness, Quotes, Responsibility

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” -Dalai Lama

I’d be happy if I had a boyfriend. I’d be happy if my boss promoted me. I’d be happy if I had a larger house. It’s not uncommon for people to make these assumptions–to believe happiness exists in some alternate reality where people and conditions are different.

In a way that’s comforting. It absolves you of responsibility, and puts the blame neatly on other people’s shoulders. But it also gives them the power.

You create your own happiness through the choices you make day to day. …

The Surprisingly Simple Secret to High Self-Esteem

By in Blog, healthy habits

“Concern yourself not with what is right and what is wrong but with what is important.” ~Unknown

I personally do not know anyone who, after all is said and done, is not after high self-esteem.

It may not be blatant or obvious to the eye, yet once you break down the motives and emotions surrounding the things people choose to do and why they choose to do them, you will find that what they really want is to feel good about themselves.

They want to have high self-esteem. So the big question is: How do we raise our self-esteem and …

Tiny Wisdom: On Conflict

By in Attitude, Courage, Fear, Happiness, Pain, Peace, Quotes, Strength

“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” -Unknown

There are some days when I want everything to stop.

I want the calls to stop, the emails to stop, the requests to stop, the expectations to stop, the confrontations to stop, and the struggles to stop. Essentially, I want everything to feel quiet and easy.

Then I realize that if everything stopped, life would be boring, uneventful, and static.

If everything stopped, I wouldn’t have any opportunities to create, grow, learn from other people, or share what I’ve learned with …

Interview and Book Giveaway: And I Shall Have Some Peace There, Margaret Roach

By in Blog, Giveaway, mindfulness & peace

Update: The winners have been chosen! If you didn’t win, you can purchase a copy of And I Shall Have Some Peace There: Trading in the Fast Lane for My Own Dirt Road on Amazon.

I recently received a copy of Margaret Roach’sbook And I Shall Have Some Peace There.

I was not previously familiar with Margaret’s wildly popular garden blog, A Way to Garden, but I was fascinated to learn about her transition from editorial director of Martha Stewart Omnimedia to full-time gardener at her country house in upstate New York.

I know a lot of people …

Tiny Wisdom: On Strength

By in Anger, Attitude, Challenges, Courage, Forgiveness, Happiness, Possibilities, Quotes, Sorrow, Stress, Worry

“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” -Unknown

Sometimes admitting that something is over can feel like defeat. After all, we hear a lot of messages that tell us to never give up–to hold on and keep fighting at all costs.

But if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know when it’s time to move on.

You’ll know when a relationship no longer serves you, and you’re just staying because you’re too scared to leave. You’ll know when a job no longer makes you happy, but you’re staying because you think it will be hard to …

10 Places to Find Hope When Life Knocks You Down

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“He who has health has hope, and he who has hope has everything.” ~Proverb

In the spring of 2006, I was training for the MS 150, a cycling event to raise funds for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. I was hopeful that I could contribute to MS research and support. Someone close to me has MS and I wanted to help.

About a month into my spin classes and outdoor training, I started to feel bad. I was tired, weak, and having some balance issues.

I never got to participate in the ride. In fact, shortly after the event date, …

Tiny Wisdom: On Getting

By in Greatness, Happiness, Quotes, Success

“In the long run we get no more than we have been willing to risk giving.” -Sheldon Kopp

Fear tells us to hold on for dear life or else something bad might happen.

Fear tells us to cling to the people we love so that we will not lose them. Fear tells us not to share what we have or else we might not have enough. Fear tells us not to spend any money because we might need what we give up.

Fear is the voice that says, “Don’t let go,” but it’s only when we release and free our …

How Being Vulnerable Can Expand Your World

By in Blog, love & relationships

“What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” ~Brene Brown

Vulnerability has never been my strong suit. It’s no wonder. In order to be vulnerable, you have to be okay with all of you. That’s the thing about vulnerability that no one tells you about.

Being vulnerable is not just about showing the parts of you that are shiny and pretty and fun. It’s about revealing what you deny or keep hidden from other people. We all do this to some extent. I bet you’ve never said to a friend, “Oh my god, I just love that I’m insecure.”

But …

2 Things You Need to Form a Strong Friendship

By in Blog, love & relationships

“To have a friend and be a friend is what makes life worthwhile.” ~Unknown

Extreme Makeover: Friendship Edition! That would be the best phrase to describe a year in the life of a cross-cultural friendship with my best friend Marisa.

This is the first deep and meaningful relationship I’ve ever had with someone who doesn’t speak a word in my own language.

My relationship with her has exposed and challenged many of my cultural beliefs and ideas about friendship.

There is nothing wrong with being influenced by culture. We all are.

But it’s good to recognize where some of our …

Tiny Wisdom: On Enjoying the Light

By in Attitude, Happiness, Quotes, Worry

“If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.” -Morris West

Today I watched Finding Nemo, one of my absolute favorite Disney movies. When Dory and Marlin are searching for his lost son Nemo and it seems like they’re doomed to fail, Marlin says, “I promised I’d never let anything happen to him.”

Dory responds, “Hmm. That’s a funny thing to promise. You can’t never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo.”

As someone who has often worried about people I love, …

Tiny Wisdom: On Turning the Dark into Light

By in Courage, Patience, Quotes

“We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.” -Helen Keller

This is the kind of statement that I used to find incredibly annoying. I thought it was an overly simplified way of condoning a lot of the hurtful things other people had done. If someone suggested that a hardship was a gift, I assumed they were saying it because they couldn’t relate to my pain.

Then I realized that my stubborn commitment to being right and bitter was causing me just as much pain as I felt other people caused. I …

How to Be a Leader without Really Trying

By in Blog, meaning & passion

“A leader leads by example whether he intends to or not.” ~Unknown

Ever since I can remember, I have always wanted to “be somebody.” For the majority of my life, I worked very hard at being whatever I thought I needed to be in order to be a great leader amongst my peers.

I wanted so deeply to inspire and move others, and to make a difference in a way that was unforgettable. I thought being a leader meant that I had to constantly prove that I was good enough to win the acknowledgment and appreciation of others.

For the …

Tiny Wisdom: On Moving Forward

By in Confidence, Courage, Determination, Quotes

“Doing your best means never stop trying.” -Unknown

For years, I stressed over the possibility that my best was not good enough. I realized that I couldn’t possibly do better than my best, but as a type-A overachiever, this logic wasn’t sufficient permission to feel proud when I put all my heart into something.

I didn’t want to do my best–I wanted to do the best that anyone could do. I wanted to achieve greatness, as recognized by lots of people. I wanted it to be undeniably true that I was someone worth admiring and respecting.

What I have since …

How to Start a Gratitude Practice and Change Your Life

By in Blog, happiness & fun

“When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” ~Lao Tzu

Somewhere in the distant past, out here in New Zealand, I recall someone saying to me “Be grateful for small mercies.”

Back in the 1950s, when I was a small girl, that meant being grateful for the simple things that made up the better part of my life.

As I grew, I forgot that piece of advice that someone, probably my beautiful grandmother, gave me way back then. But in 2010, I remembered it again.

Like so many people in the world in 2010, troubles …

Tiny Wisdom: On Insurmountable Obstacles

By in Challenges, Determination, Quotes

“A hard fall means a high bounce…if you’re made of the right material.” -Unknown

I recently saw the movie Soul Surfer about Bethany Hamilton, the professional surfer who lost an arm in a shark attack in 2003 when she was just 13 years old. This would be difficult for anyone, but especially someone so young.

Bethany lost 60% of her blood that day, and after turning down a lifelike but non-functional prosthetic arm, soon realized she had to relearn almost everything.

What kept her going was knowing she didn’t lose everything. Lots of things were different, but lots of things …

3 Steps to Make a Bad Day Good

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“To a mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.” ~Chuang-Tzu

The beauty of life is that we constantly have the opportunity to change it.

We always have the power to recreate it. We can change our thoughts, remember how to live instead of planning each moment, forgive the past, be present for the now, slow down the speed, and push the reset button on a day that has escaped us.

I recently had one of those days.

This past Saturday was wonderful, or so I thought it would be when I woke up.

I’d been invited to a traditional …

Tiny Wisdom: On Being Kind

By in Kindness, Quotes

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” -Plato

Sometimes it can seem like everyone’s out to get you. There’s the person in traffic who refuses to let you into his lane. The customer service representative who rushes you off the phone without helping even a little. The friend who didn’t tell you the whole story, which left you feeling hurt.

We’ve all met these people. We’ve also been these people. We all have days when we’re not as considerate, helpful, or honest as we’d like to be.

Sometimes it’s because we’re rushed. Other times it’s because …

5 Ways for Parents to Manage Anxiety

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“I vow to let go of all worries and anxiety in order to be light and free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I thought I had relinquished anxiety after a few years of mindfulness and meditation. Then I had a baby. It is incredibly easy for us mothers to slide into permanent guilt and anxiety.

After a few minutes of watching my thoughts, I noticed they ran something like this:

“My baby is sleeping too much. Should I wake her? Oh no, she hasn’t slept enough and I woke her. I shouldn’t have woken her, I’ve ruined the day. How am I …

Zen Your Commute: How to Get Started with Bicycling

By in Blog, healthy habits, mindfulness & peace

“I cannot make my days longer so I strive to make them better.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Every weekday morning, I set off from my back gate on my bicycle, pushing away from the safe shore of home and entering the unpredictable current of urban life. Every morning, I look forward to the adventure.

Over the course of the ride to work, I watch the city wake up. I feel the particular nuances of the day’s weather—perhaps humid, with a storm building over the mountains, or maybe a faintly warm breeze crosscuts the morning chill, carrying a hint of spring.

I …